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This article was co-written by Rebecca Kason, PsyD. Rebecca Kason is a licensed clinical psychologist practicing in New York and New Jersey. She specializes in adolescent mental health, dialectical behavior therapy, and cognitive behavioral therapy. Kason treats patients with mood disorders, behavioral disorders, communication difficulties, family conflicts, anxiety, depression, and phobias. She holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology from the University of Delaware, a master’s degree in applied psychology, and a doctorate in clinical psychology from Long Island University. Kason completed an APA-certified internship at the Mount Sinai Services health system. She is a member of the American Psychological Association and the Association for Cognitive and Behavioral Therapy.
There are 14 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 20,586 times.
Are stubborn, stubborn and stubborn the words used to describe you? It’s important to stand your ground, but it’s also important to know how to compromise, compromise, and cooperate. Stubbornness can cause you to not be invited to events, lose friendships, and even your dream job. If you’ve always wanted to do your own thing and refuse to give in, it’s time for a change. To transform stubbornness, you need to apply practical methods, develop negotiation skills, and analyze the causes of your stubbornness.
Steps
Take a practical approach
- If you keep thinking of reasons to say “no” while the other person is talking, you are not listening attentively. If you have difficulty listening, you can say to the other person, “Yes, I am listening to what you have to say”. This is a way to force you to pause your thoughts and focus on their words.
- Look the other person in the eye so you can focus and listen attentively to what they are saying.
- Do not interrupt the speaker. Instead, you’ll wait until the other person has finished speaking before pointing out the problem. Repeat what you hear using similar words. Every time you do this, you will gradually become a good listener. [2] X Research Source
- If the speaker is unhappy, happy, or expressing passion in his words, you can respond with, “It sounds like you’re really excited about this opportunity. I can feel why that’s important to you.” People often like to be heard and understood. When you can repeat exactly what you hear, the speaker will know that you are listening.
- You are entitled to your opinion, but you cannot expect others to always agree with you. Repeating your opinion by raising your voice, repeating it over and over, or with judgment won’t help you convince others to agree with you. Everyone has their own thoughts.
- No one likes “know-it-all”. If you value maintaining relationships with family, friends, and business associates, you must consider your ability to get along. [3] X Research Sources
- There are many ways to help you build trust with others. Start with small steps and move on to bigger steps. For example, if you think someone is irresponsible, allow them to help you pick up dry cleaning at the store. This is a low-risk activity, but still helps you build trust. When you find the person trustworthy, give them a chance to do more important things. Every time that person completes a task, your trust in them also increases.
- Even if someone forgets to do something for you, that doesn’t mean they’re untrustworthy. Give them a second chance to gain your trust. Surely you will also appreciate receiving a similar concession.
- Avoid drawing negative conclusions by using visualization. [4] X Research Source For example, close your eyes and picture before you a box full of negative things that you have for a person or event you are about to attend. Imagine you are closing that box, locking it, and setting it aside. Open your eyes and take a step forward to symbolize moving away from your bigotry. Here’s how to start an open conversation.
- Focus on the positive emotions from an event with a good outcome to have more motivation to overcome the current situation.
- To be humble, you need to accept each situation with gratitude for what you have. Don’t brag about your achievements. Be grateful for what you have and the people in your life. If you appreciate this and care about others, you will find your stubbornness gradually diminishes.
- Humility requires you to have a humble view of yourself instead of being complacent. For example, if you graduated from college with an excellent degree, don’t think that very few people achieve this feat. There are countless reasons why people don’t want to go to college, and many of them have far more success than you.
- If you or an attorney are fighting for your rights, tenacity is essential now.
- If your medical treatment needs approval and your insurance claim is denied, being assertive will help you protect yourself.
Develop negotiation skills
- Find common ground with the other person by noticing a picture or picture that is hung on the wall or placed on the person’s desk and says, “This is a beautiful picture. It seems to be the scene that I saw in Nha Trang. Where did you take the picture?”
- Another way to find common ground between you and others is to talk about weather, animals, and children. People are generally welcoming to those with whom they feel close. Find topics related to that person so they can easily talk to you. Bringing up a general topic before you leave is an effective way to end a conversation.
- You will be asked questions that make you “ruffled”. However, stay calm and say, “With the desire to solve the problem, I will try to answer this question in good faith.” Saying this is a reminder to focus on building the relationship.
- You may feel competitive with that person, but remember that every competitive situation has room for positive teamwork. [5] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source
- Always maintain a professional yet friendly tone throughout the conversation.
- When you don’t understand something, you can say, “I still don’t seem to understand why you need the car next week. Do you have no car to go to work or will you be fired for not having a car?”
- You also need to apologize for the misunderstanding, such as “I apologize for creating this misunderstanding. Let me repeat it.”
- Saying “Because I said so” while negotiating is unacceptable and prevents you from reaching an agreement. You will need convincing evidence to make your point clear. For example, if your partner wants you to go to the office party but you don’t want to, try saying, “I know I’m a bit stubborn, but the reason I don’t want to go to the party is because I don’t know you. Nobody’s there, and I think you’d be happier with your friends. You don’t have to worry about whether I’m happy or not. I didn’t participate because I really wanted you to have fun.”
- If you have a conflict with a roommate and have resolved a persistent problem, say, “I’m glad we’ve settled this issue. Let’s go to coffee to celebrate. I will invite!”
- When you disagree with someone, acknowledge their attempt to solve the problem. For example, you could say, “I appreciate you working with me to solve the problem. I hope we can forget about that for now.”
- Acknowledge your daring to leave your stubbornness behind to make a difference by saying, “I’ve been trying to be softer and I think it works. Do you think so?”. Don’t think you’re admitting your weakness. Making change is a manifestation of power.
- You can always choose to stop acting to allow yourself and the other person to think, calm down, and come up with a solution.
- Sometimes the best way is to understand that you will never understand everything. Here’s how to help your mind let go of your worries.
Analyze your stubbornness
- Everyone’s stubbornness stems from many different reasons. The causes could be: feeling belittled; have some secret to keep; desire to be noticed by others; fear of losing power. [6] X Research Sources
- Here are a few situations that provoke human stubbornness: when playing competitive games; a friend who was expelled from school and doesn’t want anyone to know about it so he refuses to talk about school, a person who argues about something and holds a position against those involved; roommates don’t want to be responsible for money matters.
- The wayward lifestyle you are creating is completely unhealthy. Over time, you will feel isolated, depressed, and face other psychological challenges. [7] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source
- Have you ever felt out of control when a parent abandoned you, lost a spouse, or didn’t get your dream job? Instead of being stubborn, you should learn to cope in a healthier way such as: participating in rewarding activities that require you to open your heart, learning to work through the pain of loss [8] X Research or meditation . [9] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source
- Are you passive-aggressive because someone often asks you to do things you don’t like? Now, when others ask you to do as they please, you still agree but do so reluctantly, making them angry. Making promises as a passive-aggressive behavior can have a negative effect and destroy any relationship. [10] X Research Source
- Admit that you’re wrong when it’s an indisputable fact. You will realize your actions are not the end. In fact, it helps you to become relieved and to begin to understand that stubbornness affects your thoughts, feelings, and relationships.
- Is stubbornness working against you? Do you want stability and attachment, but your actions push others away? The answer is: stubbornness doesn’t help you at all.
- Be honest with yourself and list what you hope to gain from your stubbornness. For example, does this make you more powerful than others, doesn’t mess up your life, or do you want to prove that no one can dictate to you? It is unrealistic to expect these results. Getting to know your distorted thinking is essential to making a change.
- Make a second list of things you can do to say no to stubbornness and build the unfettered life you want.
- If you feel overly isolated, see your doctor or psychologist. If you have just experienced a great loss, bigotry occurring in a short period of time is considered normal. However, this can be a sign that you are still traumatized after the loss; Therefore, post-loss psychotherapy will help. [13] X Research Source
- You can also try art therapy as it is a very effective method. [14] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source
Advice
- Respect the beliefs of others and your own.
- Take advice from others.
- Love others and allow them to love you.
- As you read articles about positive change, your chances of success will also gradually expand.
- When you feel resistance starting to build up in you, stop and say, “I won’t be stubborn anymore. I will be open to everything.”
- When you’re afraid of losing something important, the more you try to hold onto those things so they don’t slip out of your hands. So learn to let go.
- Have the courage to face defiance because this part of your personality makes it difficult to lead a fulfilling life.
- Realize that you are not always right.
- Listen and respect others, but still know how to protect yourself.
- Realize that there will be times when you will hurt others by opposing them with your unruly behavior.
- Think of society, friends and family instead of just thinking about yourself.
- Stubbornness can be the result of selfishness. Find out if selfishness is at the root of the problem.
Warning
- If your personality is somewhat stubborn then that is also the real you. However, you can learn to control it so that it doesn’t become a hindrance.
- Stubbornness can take away your relationships, your job, your opportunities, and even your life if you refuse to get treatment when it’s needed.
- Apologizing is never too late to get yourself out of a dangerous situation caused by your lack of tenderness.
- You have to know what the consequences of your behavior are before you can change it. Your behavior affects others and it is your responsibility to treat them the way you would like to be treated.
This article was co-written by Rebecca Kason, PsyD. Rebecca Kason is a licensed clinical psychologist practicing in New York and New Jersey. She specializes in adolescent mental health, dialectical behavior therapy, and cognitive behavioral therapy. Kason treats patients with mood disorders, behavioral disorders, communication difficulties, family conflicts, anxiety, depression, and phobias. She holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology from the University of Delaware, a master’s degree in applied psychology, and a doctorate in clinical psychology from Long Island University. Kason completed an APA-certified internship at the Mount Sinai Services health system. She is a member of the American Psychological Association and the Association for Cognitive and Behavioral Therapy.
There are 14 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 20,586 times.
Are stubborn, stubborn and stubborn the words used to describe you? It’s important to stand your ground, but it’s also important to know how to compromise, compromise, and cooperate. Stubbornness can cause you to not be invited to events, lose friendships, and even your dream job. If you’ve always wanted to do your own thing and refuse to give in, it’s time for a change. To transform stubbornness, you need to apply practical methods, develop negotiation skills, and analyze the causes of your stubbornness.
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