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Many people have gone through breakups with their loved ones, but breaking up with a friend is much more difficult. When the two of you have had an irreconcilable argument, or you just no longer feel like you have nothing in common, it’s time for the two of you to break up. You can let that friendship fade naturally, or talk frankly with that friend, or coldly cut things off. Either way, you should be prepared to deal with the emotions after it’s over.
Steps
Straight Talk
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Arrange a time and place to meet. Don’t let the other person speculate on the reason for ending the friendship, a frank conversation would be much more helpful. Parks or coffee shops are both great places to say goodbye, as they are neutral public places. It’s possible that during a conversation, emotions will run high, so if you’re in a public place, the two of you will be better at keeping your emotions in check.
- Avoid eating and drinking together for too long, because you may want to leave before the food is served.
- If you don’t want to see the person in person, give them a call. Don’t break up over text, it will be harder for you to express your feelings and it’s harder for you to have a frank conversation.
- Don’t share that friend in front of mutual acquaintances. That can be very embarrassing and hurtful.
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Tell me why you want to break up. Be honest about why you don’t want to be friends with them anymore. Is it because that person has been sneaking around with your boyfriend? Or does that person often frustrate you? Whatever the reason, it’s time to speak up. When you tell them exactly what’s going on, it’s an act of bravery. Later, that person will feel reassured because he understands.
- There are also cases where speaking directly is not the best way to break up. If the problem is that you just don’t like the friend anymore and they didn’t do anything wrong, you can’t say that. In this case, use the second method: let the friendship fade on its own.
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Give that friend a chance to speak. Your friend will probably feel angry, or they will apologize, or both, after you have spoken out loud. You might want to listen to what they have to say, there’s still a slim chance the two of you will keep your friendship. There may have been a misunderstanding, and you should be aware of it. If there is no hope left, just keep breaking up.
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Set limits. Maybe you want to sever the friendship altogether, or maybe you feel it’s okay to see each other in group meetings every now and then. Either way, make it clear to them that this is the end time. From now on, things will be different. Set limits so you don’t have to be submissive later.
- If you no longer want to see the person, tell them that from now on, you will no longer contact them and do not want to hear anything about them.
- If the two of you are still in the same group but you don’t want to have to deal with them alone, say so. It’s okay if you say you might reconsider this friendship, but be honest. Otherwise, the person may continue to contact you even if you just want to be left alone. Always make your wishes clear so that old friend doesn’t get awkward.
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Please keep the limit. If the person tries to get back in touch with you or tries to win back your feelings, don’t reciprocate. You’ve done your part, you’ve listened to them, and now your responsibility is over. Just like when you break up with your lover, breaking up with a friend means that you don’t have to be responsible for that person anymore.
- It’s always easier said than done. If the friend is really upset, it will be very difficult to avoid answering the phone or replying to text messages. If you really want to end the friendship, don’t let the person cross the line. Doing so will only make them misunderstand and make things more difficult later on.
Let Friendship Fare By itself
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If the two of you are getting further and further apart, don’t try to change. The method to let the friendship fade on its own is the best way in this case. There may be no reason to explain why you don’t like them anymore. It’s just that you like other things and other friends. Take your time, hang out with the people you like, and do the things you want to do. Maybe your friend is doing the same, and because of that, the two of you become more and more distant and that is completely normal.
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Stop calling or texting that friend. To end a friendship, you need to gradually stop communicating. Stop communicating with that friend whether to make plans or just to talk. Stop chatting online, texting, and other forms of communication. You can say a few words if you meet them in person at friends’ gatherings, but avoid unnecessary chatter.
- When you’re both ready for the distance, it’s okay to have less contact with each other. You’ll both probably feel like doing other things together, so it won’t be a big deal to not talk to each other as much.
- However, if that friend doesn’t feel the same way as you about the relationship, becoming distant will hurt them. Unfortunately, it is very difficult to avoid hurting the other person by ending a friendship. You will have to decide how you should end this friendship.
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Talk in moderation. Friends become close to each other and understand each other better through deep and secret confidants. To distance yourself from a friend, stop sharing your feelings with that person. When talking, choose superficial, innocuous topics such as with an acquaintance. And if you continue to talk like close friends, the friendship will be harder to fade.
- If the friend seems to want to talk about private matters, like her relationship with a lover, for example, steer the conversation in a safer direction. Change the subject so that the person doesn’t have a chance to utter his innermost feelings.
- Eventually, that friend will realize that you no longer talk to them the way you used to. The person may confront you or avoid you. You should be mentally prepared for both situations.
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Politely decline invitations. It will take the two of you a little while to get used to the fading friendship. A surefire way to distance yourself from each other is to politely and firmly decline their invitations. If it’s an invitation to participate in group activities, you’ll probably still want to participate, but avoid going out with the person alone. Doing so only makes the person delusional.
- If the person isn’t ready for this end, your decline of their invitation will upset them. You’ll have to decide if you should frankly tell them why you’re refusing.
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Make excuses when needed. If you really don’t want to tell the truth, find an excuse to turn down the invitation. Let’s say you are busy, you have relatives coming to visit, you have to do a lot of homework… This is quite simple although it is not a genuine way of dealing with friends. However, if you have a good reason to end the friendship, and you also don’t want to have to tell your friend directly, making excuses to hide can be effective.
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Gradually let the friendship end on its own. In the best case scenario, the person will understand that you’ve really moved away from this friendship, and they’ll move on with their own lives as well. However, if the person asks you what’s wrong, you should explain it to them. Be ready for their reaction, because chances are they love you more than you love them.
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Use silence on manipulative friendships. If the person is emotionally or physically manipulative, you owe them nothing, even politeness. You just need to stop contacting them, unfriend them on social networks, and avoid meeting them in real life when it is not necessary.
- If you have to talk to them about this, the person will probably make you feel like it was “you” who did the wrong thing. Don’t let yourself fall into that tragedy. If you know for sure that the person will make you uncomfortable, cut the relationship.
Facing the Result
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Face your friend’s feelings. Being dumped by someone is an unpleasant feeling, whether you deserve it or not. Be prepared to see your friend cry, beg you not to end your friendship, or even get mad. You are strong enough to say goodbye, you will also be strong enough to face any outcome. Don’t let yourself get caught up in the other person’s feelings. Stick to your limits and cut off contact when necessary.
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Beware of passive-aggressive behaviors. Sometimes, that friend will make your life a little uncomfortable with passive-aggressive behavior – especially if the two of you are in the same class or work at the same company and have to see each other often. That person may find a way against you, spread rumors about you, or badmouth you to others. Be strong and know: You were right to end your friendships with people behaving so badly.
- If their behavior evolves from passive aggression to direct aggression towards you, you need to act in self-defense. Talk to your teacher or administrator if it happens at school/work. If possible, provide evidence that you are being attacked.
- You can also choose from a number of legal actions. If the person won’t leave you alone, or is abusive to you, you have the right to request a restraining order against them only.
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Know that this will affect other friendships. Breaking up with a friend affects mutual friends. If the two of you play together in a large group of friends, things can get a little awkward for a while. If you’re lucky, your mutual friends won’t take sides, but if that happens, you’ll also find out who your true friends are.
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Take care of yourself. You may feel free after breaking up with a bad friend. Even so, every breakup is very difficult. Making others sad is unpleasant, and the consequences can last longer than you think. After the friendship is officially over, spend time with the people who make you feel good. Be with the people you love and try to forget the fading friendship.
- You may feel very sad that you have lost all the good things that this friendship and that friend have brought. After all, the two of you used to have good reasons to be friends, although now, that friendship is no longer there. Sadness is a very normal feeling these days.
Advice
- Don’t feel upset because that friend is not a good friend. It’s not your fault.
- You may feel guilty, but if you know you made the right decision, stick to it.
- Let’s say: friends come together on a voluntary basis. You are not obligated to continue “any” relationship.
- Cut ties with caution. Restarting a friendship can be difficult, so make a wise decision about it.
- Ask for the opinion of family members or other friends, especially those who understand the other friend, and can give you unbiased opinions. They can help you with this.
- Send a letter or e-mail if you don’t feel comfortable talking to them directly.
- The most important element in friendship is the exchange of energy. If someone makes you feel exhausted or uncomfortable, end the relationship immediately. Spend as much energy on yourself as you do on that person, and you’ll feel better.
- Be careful when two people have mutual friends, that person may speak badly about you to others. Be especially careful if you work for the same company as that person. That person may speak badly of you to the boss.
- Don’t say goodbye rudely because the person has feelings too.
- If they come back and offer to reconnect, politely decline. You had a reason to break up with them. You will only be heartbroken if, after resuming the friendship, you have to break up with them again.
- To avoid trouble later, unfriend them on social networking sites. There, their defenders can add salt miles to slander you.
X
wikiHow is a “wiki” site, which means that many of the articles here are written by multiple authors. To create this article, 107 people, some of whom are anonymous, have edited and improved the article over time.
This article has been viewed 7,103 times.
Many people have gone through breakups with their loved ones, but breaking up with a friend is much more difficult. When the two of you have had an irreconcilable argument, or you just no longer feel like you have nothing in common, it’s time for the two of you to break up. You can let that friendship fade naturally, or talk frankly with that friend, or coldly cut things off. Either way, you should be prepared to deal with the emotions after it’s over.
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