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This article was co-written by Jacqueline Hellyer. Jacqueline Hellyer is a psychotherapist and founder of The Love Life Blog and The LoveLife Clinic. With over 20 years of experience, Jacqueline specializes in counseling and advice on sex and emotional issues. In addition to working as a psychosexual therapist for the Australian Association of Sexologists, Jacqueline is also a professional coach for the International Federation of Coaches (ICF). Jacqueline holds a bachelor’s degree in biochemistry and humanities from the Australian National University, a postgraduate degree in applied sciences from the University of Canberra, a bachelor’s degree in linguistics and literature from the University of New England, and a master’s degree. in sexual health from the University of Sydney and a master’s degree in cognitive science, spirituality & transpersonal psychology from the Alef Trust. Her work and knowledge have been featured in the magazines Australian Men’s Health, Cosmoppitan, Australian Women’s Health, Marie Claire and 60 Minutes.
There are 10 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 415,482 times.
Oral sex (or dirty talk, obscene talk) is a fun way to better connect with your partner in the bedroom. To practice this skill, you just need to get into the habit of talking more openly every time you go to bed. Talk provocatively about your movements while you’re having sex. By practicing oral sex with your lover, you will soon be able to increase the intimacy and emotion between the two of you in the bedroom.
Steps
Start lewd
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Adjust voice. Before you practice, think about how to adjust your voice a little to better suit the type of conversation that elicits. Try to speak a little slower and softer. Don’t use the same tone of voice as when asking your lover to take out the trash, but look for a seductive tone in the bedroom. [1] X Research Source
- According to a study by Albright University, trying to adjust the voice to be more attractive seems to be more suitable for women than men. [2] X Research Source So for men, it’s better to speak naturally.
- Do not expect to be able to perform oral sex perfectly the first time you practice. Experiment with this type of talk. The more you practice, the more comfortable and easier you will feel.
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Start with soft sounds. Before practicing full-blown oral sex, practice emitting moans or sighs of pleasure to express your feelings of euphoria. You’ve probably done these actions before, if so, great. If not, get used to using your voice as well as your body in the bedroom. [3] X Research Sources
- Encourage your partner to also make a sound if they haven’t already; You shouldn’t be the only one making a whine or pleasure sound.
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Compliment your partner a little. Start in moderation. You just have to say that he looks hot or that his bed skills are great. Say something like, “You look so hot without your shirt on” or “It would be nice to be with you tonight.” You can compliment a certain part of his body like “Your arms are so toned” or “Your legs are so muscular”. Make your partner feel attractive and desirable. [4] X Research Sources
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Start with a gentle oral sex. Take it a step further with gentle oral sex, but that doesn’t mean you have to say something too lewd. You just have to say how comfortable and euphoric you feel in a relatively gentle way. [5] X Research Source Here are some sentences you could try saying:
- “I want you so much.”
- “All day I just want to have sex with you.”
- “Your body odor is so appealing.”
- “I’ve been waiting for this moment for a long time.”
- “You look so sexy now.”
- “You always know how to get me excited.”
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Don’t think it’s a show. It’s easy to feel pressured and embarrassed to engage in oral sex if it’s a performance. There is no wrong way to say sex, but it must be the expression of your own true feelings. Don’t say anything you don’t want to say, don’t say anything that upsets you, and don’t use words you don’t feel comfortable with. [6] X Research Source
Practice oral sex more specifically
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Say “I really like you [verb] [my body part]”. This is the perfect recipe to arouse desire. There are many verbs and body parts that you can put into this sentence structure to make your partner want. [7] X Sources of Research Here are some light examples, but you can imagine others that are more perverse:
- “I’d love for you to kiss my neck.”
- “I’d love for you to touch my thighs.”
- “I’d love for you to lick my ears.”
- “I love that you stroke my back.”
- Of course, you can always change the way you say it to your liking. For example, these sentences could be easily expressed in a different way like “I like you [verb] in [body part]”.
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Live commentary. Describe what’s going on when the two of you are having sex. Imagine you are a commentator on a bed sport in which only you and your lover are participating. Say “I like you (doing something)” or “You (doing something) make me really like” to increase the pleasure of what comes next. Talking about what’s going on while the two of you are in action will double the pleasure. [8] X Research Source Here are some sentences you could say:
- “I like to sit on you.”
- “I love watching you take off your shirt.”
- “I like to kiss your neck.”
- “I like to undress in front of you.”
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Ask if your partner likes what you’re doing. While stroking and cuddling your partner, ask him if he likes what you do. Don’t just ask over and over, “Do you like it?” Instead, change your sentences and be more specific, asking if he/she likes exactly what you’re doing for them. Here are some sentences you can say: [9] X Research Source
- “Do you like me touching there?”
- “Do you like me kissing there?”
- “Do you like the feeling when I swipe there?”
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Speak out how you feel. Don’t be afraid to let your partner know how much they’re doing for you. Just a simple sentence “I’m so happy” can have a huge impact. Your lover will be excited just by hearing you say that. You can be more specific about how you feel, even mentioning certain private parts for emphasis. [10] X Research Source
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Constantly change the sayings. For effective oral sex, remember to refresh things with fresh sayings to arouse your lover. Don’t just use one technique – try to use every speaking technique if it excites you. Try to be as specific as possible when you want to refresh your speech.
- Don’t just say something’s great – say what part of your body feels great. If you feel like your whole body is shaking with pleasure, tell him.
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Reveal your weird thoughts. Confessing strange desires is the best oral sex act. Tell your lover about your strangest sexual desires, and see if he/she can satisfy them. If you and your partner are really comfortable with each other then just say it. Tell them everything you’ve always wanted and see how it excites them. [11] X Research Source
- Proceed with caution. If your thoughts are really outlandish, you should consider to make sure you and your partner are really comfortable with each other before voicing that deep thought.
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Indicates the moment of orgasm is coming. Just letting your partner know that you’re about to have an orgasm or that you feel like you’re about to climax will make both of you even more excited. This will increase the pleasure and help you both feel more excited when it happens. [12] X Research Source
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Order your lover. Don’t be afraid to give orders to your lover in bed. Let her know what you want her to do for you and be the boss so she can satisfy your desires. You can simply say something like: “Take off my shirt” or “Take off my pants” and give more detailed commands when you two start making love. [13] X Research Source
- Don’t be afraid to be a little aggressive. Be the boss and let your lover know exactly what you want them to do.
- The two of you can take turns giving orders. After being the boss for a while, you begin to submit to do what your lover wants.
Spoken in a smart way
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Make sure both of you are comfortable with oral sex. Although oral sex is an attractive part of many couples’ sex lives, not everyone accepts it. If your partner doesn’t like it, don’t force it. If you force them, they will get angry instead of feeling excited. [14] X Research Source
- It’s okay if your partner likes to hear oral sex but doesn’t feel comfortable talking back. Of course, if you only like oral sex when both sides are talking, it’s better to forget about it. However, oral sex in the bedroom is perfectly acceptable even if only one of them speaks.
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Talk about limits. Before you try oral sex, you probably won’t sit down and discuss your expectations in this regard, but you should set limits. Maybe you’ll make your first oral sex casually, but at some point the two of you should make it clear which words make you or her uncomfortable. [15] X Research Source
- If your partner says something too rude or offensive while in love, don’t stop or get angry. You should just say, “Next time don’t say that.” If they don’t understand what you mean, you can stop the fun.
- If you’re afraid to admit a word that makes you uncomfortable during sex, you can say it after it’s over. As long as your lover understands what you mean.
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Don’t confuse sex games with life out of the bedroom. Remember that what you and your partner say to each other in bed is part of the sex game, and cannot be taken seriously in real life. If he/she lets you say something to them in bed or calls them by something, this “no” means they accept that word when they get out of bed. [16] X Research Source
- You and your lover can play some role while performing oral sex in bed. This “no” means that the roles reflect your real role in the relationship.
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Choose words wisely. Use your intuition and avoid using offensive words until the two of you have set boundaries on what you like and don’t like when it comes to oral sex. Start slow and you should follow his/her lead at first to understand what’s right for them. You shouldn’t lose interest by saying something offensive or demeaning to them.
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Watch adult movies for oral sex ideas. If you want oral sex but have no idea, you can watch adult movies to see what people often say to each other in bed. Of course, the film’s oral sexism may be too heavy for what you can think of for your bed moves, but it should give you the idea.
- If the two of you feel good, you can watch adult movies together. It will give you good ideas on the subject and get you both excited. The two of you can comment on the words the actors use.
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Talk your way. Although oral sex is part of the sexual game and doesn’t reflect reality, you should still be yourself. You should speak your own words, like your naughty version. Speaking your own way will help you feel more comfortable, and you will have the opportunity to discover your oral sex potential. [17] X Research Source
Advice
- Prostitution is not difficult. Start simply by thinking of the parts you like about your partner, then tell him exactly what you think. It’s a good start to a hotter ending!
- Remember, oral sex is only effective if you’re both attracted to each other. Using oral sex to flirt will make you look like a pervert.
- You can’t find the words to say or still feel uncomfortable with oral sex? Talking “dirty” does not necessarily have the word “obscene”. Just whine or gasp to let your partner know how you feel, or try saying something simple like, “Oh, I love it!”. Let the emotion in your voice do the rest.
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This article was co-written by Jacqueline Hellyer. Jacqueline Hellyer is a psychotherapist and founder of The Love Life Blog and The LoveLife Clinic. With over 20 years of experience, Jacqueline specializes in counseling and advice on sex and emotional issues. In addition to working as a psychosexual therapist for the Australian Association of Sexologists, Jacqueline is also a professional coach for the International Federation of Coaches (ICF). Jacqueline holds a bachelor’s degree in biochemistry and humanities from the Australian National University, a postgraduate degree in applied sciences from the University of Canberra, a bachelor’s degree in linguistics and literature from the University of New England, and a master’s degree. in sexual health from the University of Sydney and a master’s degree in cognitive science, spirituality & transpersonal psychology from the Alef Trust. Her work and knowledge have been featured in the magazines Australian Men’s Health, Cosmoppitan, Australian Women’s Health, Marie Claire and 60 Minutes.
There are 10 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 415,482 times.
Oral sex (or dirty talk, obscene talk) is a fun way to better connect with your partner in the bedroom. To practice this skill, you just need to get into the habit of talking more openly every time you go to bed. Talk provocatively about your movements while you’re having sex. By practicing oral sex with your lover, you will soon be able to increase the intimacy and emotion between the two of you in the bedroom.
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