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This article was co-written by Gene Linetsky, MS. Gene Linetsky is a startup founder and software engineer in the San Francisco Bay Area. He has been in the tech industry for over 30 years and is currently the Technical Director at Poynt, a technology company that makes smart Point-of-Sale devices for businesses.
This article has been viewed 9,786 times.
Conflict is more of a problem than disagreement. It is a deeply rooted problem between two or more people, reflecting their attitudes towards each other. Whether you’re trying to work through a conflict between yourself and another person, or helping two colleagues work through a disagreement, the resolution process has many similarities. You must be determined to meet and speak frankly. The next step is to listen sincerely to understand the other person’s point of view. Ultimately, you need to reach a compromise that both of you can satisfy to some extent. [1] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
Steps
Determine the level of conflict
- For example, getting angry when a friend breaks a disposable plastic cup is an inappropriate response. Think about your relationship with your friend to see if a previous behavior or actions by that person caused you great grief.
- For example, if you see a colleague writing a report that another colleague returns and asks for correction, take a closer look. If they can’t sit down and read the report carefully, you can help them deal with the conflict. Their relationship is distorting their perception of each other’s work.
Resolve conflicts between you and others
- Try to stay calm by remembering that the goal is to handle the conflict, not to prove your point.
- Another way is to ask the other person to help you solve the problem. This will reduce the pressure on you, making you less stressed.
- Trying to resolve the conflict in the heat of the moment is counterproductive. If either of you is angry, offer to pause so you can discuss the matter calmly. [5] X Research Sources
- For example, a good follow-up question might be: “When did you start finding out I didn’t answer your calls?” This question simply seeks to determine the point of conflict.
- An offensive question might be: “Have you tried at least some way of contacting me?” This question is intended to make the other person feel stupid and wrong. That only makes them feel offended and defensive, making it harder to resolve conflicts.
- You may have to give up what you want. For example, the root of the disagreement might be because your friend borrowed the car without asking, and almost ruined the car. They don’t understand why you’re upset about it, lack of understanding turns into anger. The solution here is that you do not refuse if they borrow your car on the condition that they ask first and drive safely.
- For example, don’t say, “I don’t like the way you borrow a car without asking.” While that’s an important aspect of the conflict, at the stage of figuring out how to handle the conflict it shows that you’re too focused on what happened.
- Instead, say, “We need to agree on some rules for how to use my car if you want to continue to borrow it.” This statement offers a more appropriate solution than simply repeating what the problem is.
- For example, you might disagree about whether it’s appropriate for someone to borrow your roommate’s car without asking first. However, let’s start by agreeing that the traffic trouble they cause for your car is a hassle for both parties.
- One concession might be to give one roommate priority access to the laundry room in the evenings on weekends and weekdays, and the other in the evenings on weekdays and weekends. By alternating using the washing machine, you avoid future conflicts regarding both wanting to do laundry at the same time.
Reconciling conflicts between two other people
- Family members are the best mediators for sibling conflicts. Parents, older relatives, or neighbors are the people you can turn to to resolve disagreements.
- Conflict at work is more sensitive because there are policy provisions to control conflicts. Often the manager or the person in charge of human resources is the right person to resolve the conflict. Study your company’s manual before acting as a formal or informal mediator.
- For example, it would be easier if it was a conflict at work. The manager may tell them that work is affected and ask them to discuss the disagreement between the two.
- Asking two people who are arguing to come into the room together to resolve the conflict can be more difficult. The most straightforward way is to tell each person that you want to help them discuss the problem with the other person. If it’s a very sensitive matter, you can invite them to a place to deal with it without revealing it to the other person. However, this is also a risky move.
Gene Linetsky, MS
Startup founder and technical director
Gene Linetsky is a startup founder and software engineer in the San Francisco Bay Area. He has been in the tech industry for over 30 years and is currently the Technical Director at Poynt, a technology company that makes smart Point-of-Sale devices for businesses.
Startup founder and technical director
Try to find the positive side. Gene Linetsky, business founder and software engineer, thinks conflict is sometimes a good thing. “Often people will put two people of equal skill together for the same job, so they can check each other’s work,” he said. Because of this rivalry (hopefully competition). friendly), you get much better solutions than just having one person work on the project.”
- For example, you need to explain more to your children. Try talking to each child individually so they know why conflict is not beneficial or harmful. Remind them of the good times they had.
- If you are dealing with a disagreement between two close friends, you can be more concise and informal. Let them know that their conflict makes those around them upset and uncomfortable. They need to talk to each other.
- With conflict at work, you can list the main points that need to be resolved. If not, it can be done by telling the parties that their conflicts are affecting their performance. Review company policy to see what you need to do.
- For example, you can show your friend that he was wrong to borrow his friend’s car without asking first.
- For example, you can export the solutions below to your friend’s car loan dispute.
- You can stop lending him the car to avoid trouble later.
- You can continue to lend but give clear rules.
- However, remember that you cannot solve the problem for them. You don’t necessarily have to have a solution if the problem is hard to deal with. For example, if one person’s spouse leaves with someone else, you won’t be able to come up with a simple solution. However, helping them to express their feelings outside can be the solution for both. [10] X Research Source
- Try to avoid asking both parties to apologize. Just telling them to make up with each other is enough to make them say sorry on their own. For many people, saying ‘I’m sorry’ is an emotional process and they will do it when they are ready.
This article was co-written by Gene Linetsky, MS. Gene Linetsky is a startup founder and software engineer in the San Francisco Bay Area. He has been in the tech industry for over 30 years and is currently the Technical Director at Poynt, a technology company that makes smart Point-of-Sale devices for businesses.
This article has been viewed 9,786 times.
Conflict is more of a problem than disagreement. It is a deeply rooted problem between two or more people, reflecting their attitudes towards each other. Whether you’re trying to work through a conflict between yourself and someone else, or helping two colleagues work through a disagreement, the resolution process has many similarities. You must be determined to meet and speak frankly. The next step is to listen sincerely to understand the other person’s point of view. Ultimately, you need to reach a compromise that both of you can satisfy to some extent. [1] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
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