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This article was co-written by Catherine Boswell, PhD. Catherine Boswell is a psychologist and co-founder of Psynergy Psychpogical Associates, a private therapy facility in Houston, Texas. With over 15 years of experience, Dr. Boswell specializes in treating individuals, groups of patients, couples and families with trauma, relationship problems, and trauma. in life. She holds a doctorate in counseling psychology from the University of Houston. Dr. Bowell teaches master’s degree students at the University of Houston. She is also an author, speaker, and coach.
There are 25 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 7,094 times.
Shame is one of the most negative and destructive emotions for humans. We are ashamed to feel bad about ourselves compared to the standards we set and the standards of everyone in society. [1] X Source Lewis Research , Michael. Shame: the exposed self. New York: Free Press, 1992. Feelings of shame can cause people to engage in some dangerous and self-destructive behaviors, such as alcohol and drug abuse, and can also cause a variety of physical problems. and long-term emotional well-being such as physical pain, depression, low self-esteem, and anxiety. [2] X Research Sources However, you can completely avoid falling down this path by making a concerted effort to remove the shame and instead appreciate your self-worth and contribution to the world. society. It is important to remember that you are more than capable of doing something better than you did, said, or felt.
Steps
Remove the shame
- We all have ideas that society and the media have guided us towards what “should” do and what kind of person “should” be. You need to let go of these beliefs, and you need to try to avoid putting everything in the word “should”. [5] X Research Sources Sentences beginning with “should” suggest that there is something you should do or think about, and that if you don’t do it, you’ve done it wrong. [6] X Research Sources
- Wanting to achieve goals that are too high and unrealistic will only create a vicious cycle of shame and low self-esteem. [7] X Research Sources
- In general, people tend to reflect on what happened to them in a social context, such as a presentation or performance, rather than thinking about personal experiences, such as life. quarrel with husband/wife. Part of that is because we care deeply about the opinions of others and especially because we fear shame or self-criticism based on other people’s opinions. This leaves us tormented and stuck in shame and negative thinking. [9] X Research Source
- But remember, while it’s easy to fall into a rut, it doesn’t actually solve anything or make the situation better. In fact, it makes things worse. [10] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source
- Try journaling. When you feel the urge to reflect on things, instead of meditating, write a compassionate paragraph about yourself, show emotional awareness, and realize that you are just a person. a normal human being and you deserve love and support. Even just taking 10 minutes to show compassion to yourself can create a positive change. [13] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source
- Create a spell or habit that you can use when you feel trouble coming. Try placing your hand over your heart and say, “Will I be at peace and be kind to myself?” “Can I have both peace of mind and soul?” By doing this, you are showing genuine care and concern for yourself. [14] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source
- Change and transformation is always possible. This is one of the great elements for humans. Don’t hold onto the past for the rest of your life.
- Remember that life is long, and you can always recover from a difficult period.
- Be more open, generous, and flexible about the world around you and try not to be too judgmental of others. Cultivate a more open attitude in the way we see society and people. This will affect the way we regularly think about ourselves. Over time, you will be able to be ready to let go of the rigid judgments that have resulted in low self-esteem and feelings of shame about yourself. [17] X Research Source
- See other people’s negative comments as 5 kg of weight. This weight will pull you down and it becomes harder for you to stand back up. Release yourself from that burden and remember that other people can’t decide who you are. Only you can define who you are.
- The principle of mindfulness is that you need to perceive and experience shame before you can let go of it. Mindfulness is not easy because it means being aware of the negative things you say to yourself. It is often accompanied by shame, like you condemn yourself, compare yourself with others, etc. However, it is your duty to understand and recognize the shame without creating an incentive. or cause negative emotions. [19] X Research Source
- Try to find a quiet space to practice mindfulness meditation. Sit in a comfortable position and focus on your breath. Count the inhalations and exhalations. Sure, your mind will wander. When this happens, don’t blame yourself but take note of what you’re feeling. Do not judge; you just need to be aware of it. Try to bring your attention back to the breath, for this is the real task of mindfulness. [20] X Research Sources
- By acknowledging but distracting your thoughts and not letting them slip away, you’re learning how to deal with negative emotions without having to push yourself to change them. In other words, you are changing the relationship between thoughts and feelings. Some people have found that in this way the content of thoughts and feelings will eventually change (for the better). [21] X Research Source
- You will have to accept that you cannot change the past or go back in time. You need to accept who you are today, at this moment.
- Acceptance also means acknowledging the difficulty and expressing an awareness that you can tolerate the painful feeling in the present moment. For example, say, “I know I’m not feeling well right now, but I can accept it because I know emotions come and go, and I can work to deal with my feelings.” [24] X Research Sources
Build self-esteem
- Consider writing down your accomplishments, positives, or things about yourself, and how you’ve helped others. [26] X Research Sources You can write freely or create lists of various items. See it as a never-ending exercise. Keep adding to the list as you do new things, like graduating from high school, rescuing a puppy, or winning a prize. Also, focus your attention on the things that make you happy to be who you are. Maybe you like your smile or your personality that is always working towards a goal. [27] X Research Source
- Return to the list whenever you have doubts or feel you are not meeting the standards. Recalling all the things you’ve been doing will help build a more positive self-image.
- Plus, helping others makes us happier! At the same time, you are also making a change in someone’s life. Not only will you be happier, but others will also have that happiness.
- There are many opportunities for you to care and join others in working and making a difference. Consider volunteering at a soup kitchen or at home for the homeless. Coaching children’s sports teams during the summer. Reach out when a friend needs help and prepare food and keep it in the fridge to help someone. It is also possible to volunteer at a local animal shelter. [29] X Research Sources
- “I’m a good person. I deserve the best even though I’ve done some controversial things in the past.”
- “I make mistakes and I learn from them.”
- “I have so much to do in this world. I am valuable to myself and to others.”
- For example, “I am 17 years old” is a fact. You were born 17 years ago and have a birth certificate that proves it. There is no doubt about this fact. However, “I’m an idiot for my age” is an opinion. Even if you can provide proof of this, such as you can’t drive or don’t have a job. However, if you think more carefully about this idea, you can evaluate it more thoroughly. Maybe you can’t drive because your parents are too busy working and don’t have time to teach you or you can’t afford a driving course. Maybe you don’t have a job because you spend a lot of time after school taking care of siblings.
- Thinking more carefully about opinions will help you realize that negative opinions can often be reassessed with more insight and specificity.
- Focus on highlighting your personality and the things that make you who you really are, instead of having to hide behind a veil to live socially. Maybe you like to mix quirky clothes and patterns your way. Maybe you have a passion for Europop. Perhaps you are really skilled at building or fixing things with dexterous hands. Focus on your own strengths, don’t hide them. You might be surprised (and impressed!) with the innovations that come from practicing some skills and thinking. Alan Turing, Steve Jobs, and Thomas Edison, are individuals whose uniqueness has helped them foster many exceptional inventions and contributions.
- No book says that you MUST be like everyone else, need to have the same interests, or follow the same life trajectory. For example, not everyone really has to follow current fashion or music trends, or settle down and have a baby at 30. These are just things that the media and society propagate and are not an actual life truth. Do the best things for yourself and the things that bring you joy and happiness. Remember that you are the only one who needs to realize how good you are. You have to live for yourself. So live at your own pace, not anyone else’s.
- Research has consistently shown a correlation between perceived social support and self-esteem, so when people believe they have social support, their self-esteem increases as does their feelings of self-esteem. sense of self-worth. So, if you feel supported by the people around you, you will find yourself feeling better and better able to deal with negative emotions and stress. [33] X Research Sources
- When it comes to social support, you need to understand that there is no one-size-fits-all mentality. Some people prefer to have just a few close friends they can turn to, while others expand their networks and seek support from a neighbor, parish, or religious community. [34] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source
- Find trusted friends and people who can keep information private. Remember, don’t rely on someone who actually makes you feel bad about yourself, even if this person doesn’t really mean it. [35] X Research Source
- Social support can also take on many new forms in our modern society. If you’re nervous about talking to someone face-to-face, you can also connect with family and friends or meet new people through social media, video chat, or email. [36] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source
- In many cases, a therapist can help you develop many helpful strategies to improve your self-image. Remember that sometimes people can’t handle everything on their own. Furthermore, therapy has been shown to have a significant impact on improving self-esteem and quality of life. [37] X Research Sources[38] X Research Sources
- In addition, your doctor can help you deal with any other mental health problems that stem from feelings of shame and low self-esteem, including depression and anxiety.
- Understand that asking for help is a sign of strength, not a sign of failure or weakness in an individual. [39] X Research Sources
This article was co-written by Catherine Boswell, PhD. Catherine Boswell is a psychologist and co-founder of Psynergy Psychpogical Associates, a private therapy facility in Houston, Texas. With over 15 years of experience, Dr. Boswell specializes in treating individuals, groups of patients, couples and families with trauma, relationship problems, and trauma. in life. She holds a doctorate in counseling psychology from the University of Houston. Dr. Bowell teaches master’s degree students at the University of Houston. She is also an author, speaker, and coach.
There are 25 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 7,094 times.
Shame is one of the most negative and destructive emotions for humans. We are ashamed to feel bad about ourselves compared to the standards we set and the standards of everyone in society. [1] X Source Lewis Research , Michael. Shame: the exposed self. New York: Free Press, 1992. Feelings of shame can cause people to engage in some dangerous and self-destructive behaviors, such as alcohol and drug abuse, and can also cause a variety of physical problems. and long-term emotional well-being such as physical pain, depression, low self-esteem, and anxiety. [2] X Research Sources However, you can completely avoid falling down this path by making a concerted effort to remove the shame and instead appreciate your self-worth and contribution to the world. society. It is important to remember that you are more than capable of doing something better than you did, said, or felt.
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