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This article was co-written by Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Michelle Shahbazyan is the founder of The LA Life Coach, a life, family and career coaching company based in Los Angeles, California. She has over 10 years of experience in life coaching, counseling, inspirational speaking and matchmaking. She holds a bachelor’s degree in applied psychology and a master of science in building materials and technology management from Georgia Tech University, and a master’s degree in marriage and family psychology from the following school. Phillips University.
There are 26 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 2,957 times.
Being aware of the factors that influence your behavior and that of others is an essential part of life. People have insecurities (self-doubt, lack of confidence or indecision) that strongly influence their behavior. [1] X Research Resources The skill to recognize your own and other people’s insecurities is sure to benefit you, in all situations and relationships. Awareness is the first step to making a change. This article will help you understand more about your insecurities, and this will inspire your efforts in growing up and understanding people.
Steps
Observe Yourself
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Evaluate your inner monologue. Do you notice the monologue that often goes on in your mind? Inner monologue can be positive and helpful, or negative and detrimental to your well-being. You will always be in a state of insecurity if you focus on your arbitrary negative traits. Judging yourself harshly doesn’t benefit anyone.
- Avoid judging yourself harshly, as it paints a false representation of you. Self-criticism will worsen your mood, motivation, and outlook in life. [2] X Research Source
- Every morning when you wake up, look in the mirror and tell yourself three things you like about yourself. The more you find out about yourself, the more likely you are to build confidence and silence your skeptical monologue.
- Negative monologues can make it hard to speak up for yourself. Positive monologue will encourage you to speak up for yourself. [3] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source
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Handling in social situations. There are certain social situations that make people feel nervous and insecure. [4] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to the source You may have to struggle to fit in at a party, speak in front of people, or walk down the hall at school. There are times when people feel insecure when they do not feel confident or proficient in a certain skill. Fortunately, you can learn to identify and solve problems.
- Social situations can make you think and feel that what you’re doing is clumsy and out of place, which you don’t want to be embarrassed about. You can use visualization to calm down. [5] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to the source Imagine that you are comfortably observing and enjoying the experience.
- Find a professional to help treat social anxiety. This helps you examine and challenge thoughts that distort reality, and builds legitimate self-esteem. [6] X Research Sources
- Your insecurities can manifest as bullying in social situations. [7] X Research Source It’s really just an attempt to control the situation to hide your insecurities. Find other ways to create success in life, such as collaborating with others instead of imposing your will on them.
- Notice if you find yourself feeling uncomfortable expressing your needs and desires, leading to resentment and frustration. If you just passively express your needs, you’re unlikely to get them and you may start to feel angry and needy. [8] X Research Sources
- Practice using assertive language to ask for what you want. You may find it difficult at first, but gradually you will become more comfortable as your needs begin to be known. [9] X Research Source
- Fear of insecurity can trigger negative behaviors. For example, if you’re nervous, nervous, and grumpy as you prepare for your trip, it’s probably because you feel insecure about your safety.
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Consider people’s responses. [10] X Research Sources Sometimes it is beneficial to consult others. You may not always be aware of your behavior, so it is helpful to source information from close friends or family. They may notice you becoming extremely quiet around certain people, or “frozen” and closed off in certain situations.
- Not everyone gives positive feedback, so think of a friend or loved one who can be honest with you without intending to cheat, be rude, or devalue you.
- Ask them if they see any signs of insecurity in you. Ask them to be absolutely honest.
- It may hurt to ask others about you, but your goal is to learn as much about yourself as possible to relieve your insecurities.
- For example, a good response might be: “You really seem to want to mingle with people you consider stylish, and when they’re around you’re often loud and out of control. I think you’re great and have a lot to show everyone, and you can work on building your confidence.”
- An example of negative feedback might be: “You are so weird and clumsy.”
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Observe your reactions in times of conflict. [11] X Research Source When concussions occur, you may find your reaction explosive and a sense of anticipation. You may also shrink back and feel embarrassed and humiliated. Depending on the situation or in front of certain people, your actions may be different. For many people, conflict often brings out the worst.
- For example, you may feel insecure about your studies because you had dyslexia in elementary school. Then, as an adult, every time someone jokes about a defect that pops up in your memory, your reaction will be anger, because that person’s joke rekindled your lack of confidence in your reading ability. .
- Think about some of the major conflicts you’ve had. Try to determine what caused your reaction. That reaction seems disproportionate to what is being said. Hidden feelings of agitation are often associated with insecurity.
Surveying Others
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Observe in individual situations. In private people often behave differently than in public. You may see open, direct, or even intense behaviors in private situations. Perhaps people feel more comfortable without strangers. This helps you identify signs of insecurity, as it helps you to understand others with empathy.
- Look for traits and behaviors such as: vigilance (watching and suspecting others of wrongdoing); [12] X Selfish Research Sources (too focused on one’s own needs and not paying much attention to others); [13] X Source of sulking (gaining control by throwing tantrums). [14] X Research Source
- If you decide to talk about a person’s insecurities, remember that this is a sensitive topic. The person will likely deny direct questions like, “Do you feel uneasy when my sister comes to hang out with me?” Consider saying something like, “I’m so happy to be with my sister. I feel really supported by her which makes me a happier person, and that benefits us too.”
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Consider situations in crowded places. Whether you’re hanging out with a group of friends, visiting the city from afar, or just joined a running group, you can identify people’s insecurities by observing and interacting with them. It can be difficult to connect with and relate to someone who carries a lot of insecurities. Signs of insecurity in crowded places can take many forms:
- Look for traits and behaviors such as: being overly likable (trying to please people to avoid being hated); [15] X Arrogant Research Source (considers itself as great and brags about all its achievements; [16] X Aggressive Research Source (turns any situation or conversation into a competition and must win); [17] X Research sources are materialistic (wrapping themselves in expensive things to make people believe they’re important). [18] X Research sources
- Observe body language as it is another way to identify insecurities. [19] X Research Source An insecure person will have a sagging posture as if he is trying to escape from this world. Confident people are the opposite. He will stand up straight, shoulders back, and make eye contact with everyone.
- Avoid openly questioning someone about their insecurities. Drag them out to a private place to talk. The person may not be aware that he or she is exhibiting such behaviors. Let him know that his behavior is causing trouble by saying, “Hey, I know this is sensitive, but you seem to be being so competitive that it upsets a lot of people. I don’t know if you realize it.”
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Analyze responses to conflicts. It may be difficult for you to observe a person becoming wary or frustrated. It is also a challenge to fall into such conflicts. When a person is put in a situation where he thinks he needs to defend himself, he will show his insecurity through the way he reacts. Look closely and you will better understand the person and his motives.
- Look for traits and behaviors such as: being extremely domineering (thinking you know it all, bullying and commanding everyone around you); [20] X Defense Research Source (can’t take feedback without taking it as offensive); [21] X Extremely passive research source (doesn’t respond or stand up for defense). [22] X Research Source
- Ask yourself the following questions when considering a conflict:
- During the protest, does the person use physical violence (always report this to the authorities).
- Does the person say nothing or agree, but then engage in passive-aggressive behavior (indirectly resisting your request, such as trying to delay)? [23] X Research Sources
- If he doesn’t feel good about himself because he lost his job, does he suddenly become angry, irritable, and seem indifferent to everything?
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Analyze linguistic responses in conflicts. There are several examples of language reactions stemming from underlying insecurities. However, understanding this concept does not justify negative behavior. Instead, learn about this behavior to keep yourself safe, get out of the situation, and resolve the conflict.
- Ask yourself the following questions when considering the language conflict:
- When challenged, does the person attack your weakness or curse you?
- Does the person react like, “Are you calling me stupid?” even though you didn’t mention anything about the person’s intelligence?
- Did he hear something inaccurate and twist the words into attacks aimed at him?
Review Relationships
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Decode mounting insecurities. A person’s type of emotional attachment to others is strongly influenced by their relationship with their nurturer during childhood. [24] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source If a relationship suffers from insecurity, it’s more likely that their adult relationship will also struggle with that pain. The exact expression may vary, but in general adult attachment patterns fall into four groups. Determine which category you might fall into: [25] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source
- Strong: the person attaches to others easily.
- Anxiety: the person wants to be intimately attached to the other person, but they are afraid that the other person does not want to reciprocate the feelings.
- Avoidant: this person is independent and doesn’t want to depend on anyone or someone who depends on them.
- Fear avoidance: the person wants to be attached but is afraid of being hurt.
- If you find yourself in one of these groups, there are a few things you can do to take control: self-study based on attachment theory; find a therapist who specializes in attachment theory; find a partner or lover who belongs to a strong bond group; attend couples counseling sessions; Talk about your relationship.
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Research on family dynamics. The lessons your family teaches you from childhood will follow you into adulthood. Some of them are wonderful and bring happiness in life, others are challenging. Many times those insecurities stem from the interactions you have had and continue to experience in your family, and even affect the types of relationships you pursue as an adult. [26] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source
- List all immediate family members. Next to each person’s name, write down the positive aspects of that person that have made you more mature. Then, list their traits that you think contributed to your negative feelings and behaviors.
- For example, if your father favored your brother and pushed you away just because you were a girl, you might think you could never be good. Not only will this affect your relationship with your father and brother, but it can also be a running theme in many situations as you grow up.
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Discover friendship. The biggest difference between family and friends is that you get to choose who you play with. Sometimes you are closer to your friends than your family. There are times when insecurity is a test of friendship. Identifying your friend’s insecurities and empathizing with them will help you build a stronger friendship.
- Having friends is a source of insecurity. For example, one of your friends can be extremely attractive, and when he’s out on the street with you, he attracts all eyes. You feel like you are inferior and unattractive. If that happens, take pride in your great qualities and focus on having fun instead of judging yourself.
- Conversely, if one of your friends is acting insecure, use reassurance to help fix the problem. For example, your friend wasn’t cast in an audition for a school play, and she berated herself like, “I’m so useless. I knew I would miss this opportunity. It’s just that my nose is so big.” You answer back, “Don’t do that to yourself. He is beautiful and smart. Don’t forget that people are looking for the right person for the role, it just isn’t you, which doesn’t mean there won’t be any outstanding roles for you in the future.”
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Observe self-destructive behaviors. It can be hard to watch when a friend makes bad decisions that affect themselves and those who care about them. Unfortunately, insecurities can cause people to do things for which you or someone else must step in and help.
- If a friend of yours is living a loose life, it is a sign of serious problems. Someone who uses sex as a way to gain support from others is probably feeling insecure. Your friend may be judging himself based on his physical attractiveness to others rather than being viewed holistically. This type of behavior leads to health risks, being taken advantage of, and low self-esteem.
- Insecurity can also cause people to deal with alcohol and drugs on their own. Perhaps the friend got drunk to feel more confident and relaxed. [27] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source The problem here is the extent of his behavior. Addiction is a serious problem that requires dedication and professional help to solve. Help yourself or your friend by having your doctor and family refer you to a specialist. But if that’s not possible, contact your local mental health clinic for advice.
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Analyze work relationships. Insecurities in the workplace can affect your livelihood. If the person in power is a bully and you have to follow their rules then you need to be careful. [28] X Trusted Source Harvard Business Review Go to the source Identifying your coworkers’ insecurities will help you avoid taking risks in your work. The goal is to identify what those insecurities are so that you can avoid arguments and actions that might trigger and increase those insecurities.
- A person who works with you is not willing to share information with you because he is not sure about his job. Instead of questioning him, find other sources of information. If the situation becomes extremely difficult and threatens your employment, tell your supervisor. Respect the operating system and consult to handle the situation.
- You can work for an online company and never meet your colleagues. This is an extremely limiting thing in developing relationships and building confidence in a stable position. To dispel these insecurities, do your job perfectly and let your achievements speak for themselves. Focus on building confidence through methods such as: exercising, volunteering or joining clubs that encourage group activities.
Advice
- You can reverse insecurities by confronting your fears and engaging in activities that can foster new confident behaviors.
- You can express your insecurities to a close friend or family member. This makes the issue less of a secrecy, a step forward in changing your behavior for the better.
- Beware of those who carry insecurities. If you know someone who is insecure about something, you should avoid focusing on it because it can embarrass the other person.
- Practice empathy for others and treat them the way you want to be treated.
- Many insecurities are also resolved over time just by getting used to different situations. Practice will make things easier.
- It’s never too late to seek help if your insecurities prevent you from living the life you want.
- Change isn’t easy, but it can be done if you’re willing to put in the effort and find a way to deal with the problem.
Warning
- If you let your insecurities take hold, you may regret it, or worse, pay a heavy price for your negative behavior. Stop before you act negatively towards others.
- If you are the victim of physical and emotional abuse from an insecure person, call the authorities for help.
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This article was co-written by Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Michelle Shahbazyan is the founder of The LA Life Coach, a life, family and career coaching company based in Los Angeles, California. She has over 10 years of experience in life coaching, counseling, inspirational speaking and matchmaking. She holds a bachelor’s degree in applied psychology and a master of science in building materials and technology management from Georgia Tech University, and a master’s degree in marriage and family psychology from the following school. Phillips University.
There are 26 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 2,957 times.
Being aware of the factors that influence your behavior and that of others is an essential part of life. People have insecurities (self-doubt, lack of confidence or indecision) that strongly influence their behavior. [1] X Research Resources The skill to recognize your own and other people’s insecurities is sure to benefit you, in all situations and relationships. Awareness is the first step to making a change. This article will help you understand more about your insecurities, and this will inspire your efforts in growing up and understanding people.
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