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This article was co-written by Tala Johartchi, PsyD. Dr. Tala Johartchi is a clinical psychologist living in downtown Los Angeles, California. With knowledge and training in empiric treatments, along with principles of therapy/behavior, Johartchi specializes in helping individuals, couples and families with substance use disorders, love addiction syndrome, emotional dependence, post-traumatic stress disorder, as well as other common disorders such as depression, anxiety, relationship/attachment difficulties. She holds master’s and doctoral degrees in clinical psychology from the American School of Psychology at Argosy University, San Francisco.
This article has been viewed 11,094 times.
Sometimes friends let jealousy control them. There are many ways to help you recognize a friend who is jealous of you. You can observe your interactions and see if they are putting you down or being unapproachable. Pay attention to their actions. Pessimists will easily become jealous. If a friend is jealous of you, have a frank conversation and work out a solution together. A beautiful friendship can overcome jealous feelings.
Steps
Watch your interactions
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Watch out for sarcastic compliments. A jealous friend will try to show you care by complimenting you. However, you can recognize their jealousy because the compliments are not well-intentioned. If you pay attention to a few specific compliments, you’ll be able to spot signs of passive-aggressive behavior. These compliments convey envy. [1] X Research Source
- For example, a friend might pretend like they’re complimenting you, but be sarcastic. Suppose you find a new job, a sarcastic compliment might be something like, “That’s great. Usually they don’t take someone with so little experience, but that’s good for you.”
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Notice if your friend belittles your accomplishments. A jealous friend often feels that they are not good at themselves. Therefore, they always want to downplay the achievements of everyone around them. If you have some good news, that friend will always say something negative or make you feel unworthy. [2] X Research Source
- For example, you get an “A” on a test. At that point, the jealous friend might say something like, “Don’t get too confident. We still have half a semester to go, so I’m not overconfident”.
- Besides downplaying your achievements, some jealous friends even go so far as to make comments that outshine any achievements you have. They may say things that emphasize that they have achieved something far greater than you. For example, “I remember my differential math class. That class was much harder than this class and I got an “A” on every assignment and test. To have the highest grade point average.
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Notice if they don’t say encouraging words. True friends always congratulate each other on their achievements. While other friends will say encouraging words when you succeed, a jealous friend reacts differently. They might say curtly like, “Ok. That’s great”. It was not a sincere or enthusiastic congratulation. [3] X Research Sources
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See if your friend avoids you. Someone who is jealous of you may start avoiding you. If they feel jealous, they will see your success as a representation of what they don’t have. You may find that a jealous friend will gradually avoid you. [4] X Research Sources
- A friend you used to see often but now seems “very busy” and constantly makes excuses to avoid you.
- Perhaps you realize that that friend always has time for other people you know, but rarely makes time for you.
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Notice if your friend is listening to you. A jealous friend will not want to hear about your success. You may find that they are not interested when you talk about work, school, or a new relationship. Maybe they look away, play on their phones, or don’t comment or ask any questions about your life. [5] X Research Sources
Notice your friend’s actions
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Observing action shows pessimism. Jealous people often have negative views. They feel everyone succeeds easily while they have a hard time getting everything. If a friend feels jealous, you’ll likely notice pessimism in their everyday interactions. [6] X Research Sources
- A pessimistic friend will often downplay your efforts. Suppose you want to learn a new skill, the jealous person will list the reasons why you are discouraged.
- The jealous friend is also pessimistic about themselves. If you try to suggest a solution to their problem, they will immediately find a reason to look down on the solution.
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Watch to see if they are imitating you. Envy is often expressed by imitation. If a friend is jealous of you, they may want to copy some of the things you are doing in order to have the same life as you. You may notice that they dress like you, imitate your taste and style, and chat and joke about topics similar to yours. [7] X Research Sources
- You may also find that they are trying to outdo you while still copying you. For example, you start running for 20 minutes a day while the person you envy runs for 30 minutes a day.
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Listen to comments about injustice. Jealous people may comment on events or situations that they feel are unfair. For example, they say something like, “It’s not fair that everything is easy for you. You always have high paying jobs and I am stuck in this boring job.” You need to watch out for statements that refer to injustice often, because in many cases they are blaming circumstances as the reason they can’t get what you have.
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Think about whether he or she craves attention. Jealous people are usually those who always want attention. You can observe how they behave in front of people. The jealous friend will always want to be the center of attention. [8] X Research Sources
- A jealous friend might brag on social media. Perhaps they post articles about things that make them happy or their own fulfilling lives. You may also find that they are getting close to your friends because they want to get attention from those close to you.
- The jealous friend may be looking for attention in the group. They will try to tell the boldest jokes or tell the funniest stories. A jealous person often interrupts and tries to drown out the other person’s voice with something more appealing.
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Monitor their social behavior. A jealous person may start avoiding you. You’ll find out that they hang out with other people, not you. Suddenly they don’t ask you out anymore. They are avoiding you. They’ll make an excuse to be busy with homework, but then you find out that they went out with someone else that night. [9] X Research Source
Facing jealous friends
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Put yourself in their shoes. Think about what makes her jealous and where the problem is. If they are in a difficult situation, they will probably be more jealous of you. By not realizing this, you talk too much about yourself and your own achievements, and inadvertently increase your jealousy. In this case, you can try to make small changes to the way you chat with your friends. Even so, it’s important that you identify their problem so that you can discuss it effectively. [10] X Research Source
- Perhaps she is going through a difficult time. Have they had any problems recently? Difficulties at work or in a relationship can make someone feel more jealous.
- Ponder whether you are contributing to their jealousy. Even if the person is happy that things are going well with you, because they are in a difficult situation, it can be difficult for them to openly encourage you. Perhaps you are too focused on yourself and your own achievements.
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Be aware of your friend’s feelings of insecurity. Do your best to show your affection and understanding. Maybe the friend is suffering from feelings of insecurity about himself but is expressing it by acting jealous. It may be because they lack courage, lack confidence, and suffer from sadness. Perhaps they have never had the same opportunities in life as you and others.
- Usually, people who are comfortable with themselves are confident and not jealous. However, for those who are hiding their insecurities, they will often show expressions of jealousy.
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Straight talk. After you’ve put yourself in their shoes, have a frank talk with each other. You should wait until you’re both free and let them know you need to talk. You could say something like, “I get the feeling you’ve been jealous of me lately. I want to work this out because I value your friendship.” [11] X Trusted Source National Health Service (UK) Go to Source
- Discuss the situation with an open mind. Even if you feel that your friend is unreasonably jealous, they may have some criticism from their point of view. Perhaps, by not realizing this, you were not sensitive to their situation.
- After sharing your feelings, you should give your friend time to be honest.
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Let’s find a solution together. If you want to maintain a relationship, you need a two-way solution. Ask them to change, and you need to be ready to change too if necessary. [12] X Research Source
- For example, you can ask if they agree before you share your success. At times, your friend won’t want to hear about your accomplishments.
- That friend may show feelings of jealousy, so don’t talk too much about your own success.
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Stay away from them if necessary. If the friend continues to behave jealously, you should end the relationship with them. You can slowly cut off contact or confront them directly. Say something like, “Since you’re jealous, I think we need some space right now. I hope you understand.” It is painful to lose a friend, however jealousy is a bad trait. When necessary, keep your distance from a jealous friend.
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This article was co-written by Tala Johartchi, PsyD. Dr. Tala Johartchi is a clinical psychologist living in downtown Los Angeles, California. With knowledge and training in empiric treatments, along with principles of therapy/behavior, Johartchi specializes in helping individuals, couples and families with substance use disorders, love addiction syndrome, emotional dependence, post-traumatic stress disorder, as well as other common disorders such as depression, anxiety, relationship/attachment difficulties. She holds master’s and doctoral degrees in clinical psychology from the American School of Psychology at Argosy University, San Francisco.
This article has been viewed 11,094 times.
Sometimes friends let jealousy control them. There are many ways to help you recognize a friend who is jealous of you. You can observe your interactions and see if they are putting you down or being unapproachable. Pay attention to their actions. Pessimists will easily become jealous. If a friend is jealous of you, have a frank conversation and work out a solution together. A beautiful friendship can overcome jealous feelings.
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