How to React When Criticized

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This article was co-written by Klare Heston, LCSW. Klare Heston is a licensed independent clinical social worker in Ohio. She received her Master of Social Work degree from Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983.

There are 11 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.

This article has been viewed 17,121 times.

If someone criticizes you badly, you will probably start questioning the truth. However, the most important thing is how you feel about yourself, regardless of what others say or think. If someone calls you ugly, don’t get angry or upset, but find a way to calmly respond. Then begin the journey of acceptance and confidence building. You can find your own beauty without focusing on looks. Also, don’t be afraid to seek support from friends, adults, or a psychologist if you find it difficult to love yourself.

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Suppress anger. If bad criticism hits you, you’ll probably feel upset and hurt. Try not to get stressed right away. Instead, manage your emotions in a mature way. ^{[1] X Research Source} Try to control your emotions before responding. If you find yourself getting angry or frustrated, take a deep breath. Slowly extend each breath, breathing each long, full breath.

Breathe from your belly, not your chest.
Count breaths. For example, inhale for 4 seconds, then exhale for 4 seconds.

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Ignore them. Not letting other people’s words affect you shows your ability to control the situation. When a person’s words affect and hurt you, they have imposed power on you. Don’t give that power to others. Ignore any comments and don’t react emotionally. Your qualities say more than your appearance. ^{[2] X Research Source}

Even though it sounds easier said than done, it will take a bit of practice.
Repeat to yourself, “This person’s words and opinions can’t change how I feel about myself.”

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Protect yourself. Stand up for yourself and don’t back down. If you have decided to speak up, you should speak confidently. ^{[3] X Research Sources} You can defend yourself by saying that their comments are mean and don’t reflect who you are.

For example, say, “I know why you call me ugly. But your opinion doesn’t change who I am.”
You could also say, “You are not a judge of aesthetics. I know myself that I am beautiful because I have been kind to everyone.”

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Turn their judgments into affirmations. Maybe they call you ugly because of your big nose, curly hair, and big feet. These are natural traits and are not inherently negative. Perhaps you have these traits and people find you unattractive. Nothing. Remember it’s a judgmental person and you don’t need to absorb that negative energy.

For example, “Yeah, my nose is big. Your eyes are so sharp.”
You could also say, “Looks are so important. Yes, my hands are hairy.”

Accept yourself and build confidence

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Value your own opinion more than anyone else’s. In the end, how you feel about yourself is still more important than how others see you. Nine people have opinions, but the most important opinion is your own opinion about yourself. Learn to prioritize your own opinion over the gossip of others. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

If someone calls you ugly, remind yourself that your opinion is more important than theirs and they can’t make you feel ugly.

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Look for the good, not just the cons. Many people judge themselves with harsh eyes. If you can easily write down a list of your “wrongs” or dislikes, try changing that back to a list of what you “like” about yourself. Look in the mirror and instead of focusing on what you don’t like, find what you like about yourself. It could be eye color, skin tone, lips, hands, anything!

Make a list of the things you like about yourself and remind yourself of these whenever you feel low on confidence.
You can also include things your body can do. For example, “I like my flexible body and I can dance well”.

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Accept yourself. No one can define what is beautiful, normal or lovely. It is often said, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” and this applies to attraction. If you feel self-conscious about how you look or what others say about you, learn to accept yourself. Be tolerant with yourself. See yourself as an imperfect being and tolerate your imperfections. ^{[6] X Research Sources}

For example, you might say to yourself, “I’m not perfect physically or physically. I accept myself despite my flaws.”
What if someone doesn’t think you’re beautiful? That doesn’t mean everyone will see it that way. Accept who you are and remember that you can’t please everyone.

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Positive affirmation. If being criticized is affecting the way you see yourself, it’s time to change that. Focus on talking about yourself with things that can lift you up or help plant the seeds of positivity in your mind. Think of affirmations for the present and repeat them every day. You may not believe those words at first, but keep going to see how you feel. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

For example, say (or write down) “I am beautiful” or “My worth is more than I look”.
Write affirmations on the bathroom mirror so you can see them every morning. You can attach sticky notes in your favorite color or use a marker.

Get support from others

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Talk to an adult. Whether you need support or someone to talk to, talking to an adult is always a good way. It can be teachers, parents, coaches, spiritual guides. They can listen and give you advice on how to handle the situation, when someone wants to hurt you. They can even help you intervene or confront your bully. ^{[11] X Research Source}

Adults have experience from a young age and can give advice based on that. You will be amazed at how understanding and helpful they are.

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Be with real friends. If those ‘friends’ make fun of you and call you ugly, consider who you consider friends. A true friend will support and care for you, while a friend will just want to put you down or mock you. Surround yourself with people who make you feel positive about yourself. After all, even defeating those supposedly ‘cool’ but mean people won’t make you any happier. ^{[12] X Research Source}

Even if you spend time with less ‘cool’ people, choose people who are nice, respectful, and don’t make you feel bad about yourself.
Surround yourself with people who respect you for who you really are, not because you’re ‘cool’ or pretty. They should be the ones supporting and liking you for who you are, not for your looks.

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See a psychologist. If you are suffering from bullying, self-esteem issues, a psychologist can help you. ^{[13] X Research Resources} You can learn to deal with emotions and build self-esteem. If you’re experiencing anxiety or depression because of bullying and insults, a psychologist can help you feel better about yourself.

Find a psychologist by calling (or asking your parents to call) a mental health clinic or insurance provider. You can also seek recommendations from your doctor or friends.

Advice

Always consider the source. If you see your bully acting like that with everyone or they’re always rude like that, don’t waste your time and energy with them. Such people never say anything constructive or affect your personal image.
If those negative comments are coming from you and not from others, then you are having a negative view of yourself. Find someone you trust to talk to and help you rebuild your confidence.

Steps

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Accept yourself and build confidence

Get support from others

Advice

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