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This article was co-written by Tami Claytor. Tami Claytor is an etiquette teacher, image consultant, and owner of Always Appropriate Image and Etiquette Consulting in New York City, New York. With over 20 years of experience, Tami specializes in organizing etiquette classes for individuals, students, companies and community organizations. Tami has spent decades studying culture through travels across five continents and organizes cultural diversity seminars to promote social justice and cross-cultural awareness. She holds a bachelor’s degree in economics with a major in international relations from Clark University. Tami attended Ophelia DeVore School and the Fashion Institute of Technology, where she earned her certification as an image consultant.
There are 16 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 13,148 times.
A rude person is someone who does not show care or respect for the rights and feelings of others. Rudeness often happens unexpectedly in a way that upsets or shocks the other party [1] X Research Source . Learning how to react calmly and sympathetically to rudeness is a valuable skill, especially if you have to deal with these people on a regular basis. Turning rudeness is difficult, but fortunately, there are techniques you can use to calm the rude person, protect yourself, and even save a damaged relationship. malfunction. Tolerating rudeness can have a huge impact on your health, so it’s a good idea to explore your different options when dealing with this to build a happier and less stressful life. . [2] X Research Source
Steps
Set boundaries
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Choose whether you should react. Not everyone who is rude to you deserves a response from you. If the person is clearly embroiling you in a fight by getting angry, don’t let yourself get dragged into a pointless fight. Resisting the momentary self-defense reflex is the most powerful way to protect yourself. [3] X Research Source You’ll find it easier to do this with acquaintances than colleagues or family members, but you still have the right to ignore the person being rude to you.
- If someone interrupts you while you’re waiting in line, this is rude. You can ignore it, or be assertive, depending on how much trouble you see in it. However, if someone doesn’t apologize when they burp, there’s no need for you to react, although this can also be seen as rude.
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Speak decisively . Assertiveness lies between aggressive and passive. While an aggressive response is often expressed through bullying, and passivity invites bullying, an assertive response will help you maintain the firmness of your response while still allowing the other person to has its own space [4] X Research source .
- One of the ways to practice being assertive is to practice speaking clearly and carefully. Maintain a firm and calm but sincere tone [5] X Research Source .
- If someone interrupts in front of you while waiting in line and you want to speak up, you can say: “Sorry, Mr./Ms. You probably didn’t see me, but I’m standing in line before you. /grandma”.
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Express your feelings. In addition to assertive communication techniques, expressing feelings clearly can be quite helpful if the other person does not understand that they are doing something wrong due to many factors, such as mental illness such as social anxiety disorder, or autistic. [6] X Research Source You never know when other people realize what they’re doing, so it’s helpful to be clear about how you feel.
- Try to say something like, “I feel hurt when you call me a nuisance because it makes me feel like I’m being looked down upon.”
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Be clear about acceptable behavior. In addition to being clear about how you’re feeling, you’ll also need to state the behavior that is acceptable to you and vice versa. The person won’t know about your standard of acceptable behavior in a social situation. Perhaps they grew up in a family where insults were often spoken at the dinner table. If you are not willing to tolerate similar rude behavior, you should let the other person know. [7] X Research Sources
- You could say, “I feel hurt when you call me a nuisance because it makes me feel like I’m being looked down upon. Please pay attention to the way you talk to me.”
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Protect yourself. It’s important to separate yourself from rude and toxic behavior. Unfortunately, some of the most vulgar people often attack the most sensitive. [8] X Research Sources Remember that it’s not your fault when others act rudely, even if they say it’s your fault. Each person will be responsible for their own behavior, and you are not responsible for the rude behavior of others. However, there are ways to protect yourself from the effects of rudeness such as:
- Share with friends and family. If someone says something hurtful to you, you should talk to your loved one about it so they can get through it with you.
- Listen to your own voice. Don’t allow yourself to accept that what others say about you or about you is always right. Instead, you should step back and examine yourself. [9] X Research Source
Understanding rudeness
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Learn to define what is rude behavior. [10] X Research Source Similar to its meaning, it can sometimes be difficult to tell when someone is acting rude, teasing with a friendly attitude, or something else. Finding ways to recognize rudeness will help you deal with it in a way that minimizes the emotional damage. A few factors that you should consider include:
- Yelling and other violent behavior, like smashing things.
- Doesn’t care or show care or respect for your rights and feelings.
- Mention sex or bodily functions in a way that is offensive to others.
- Performing behavior that exceeds the limit is considered rude. In this case, you should consider whether you are experiencing verbal abuse. Do you feel as though you must constantly be careful not to offend others? Are you the target of jokes that make you feel bad? Is your self-esteem constantly low? [11] X Research source . If so, you should consider writing a complaint to human resources if the person is a colleague or leaving the person if they are your lover.
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Find out what causes rude behavior. [12] X Research Sources There are countless reasons why others might be rude to you, other than revenge for something you’ve done. Understanding why people behave rudely will help you understand the problem at hand, and respond more consciously and with less force.
- Others can “compare downwards” to feel themselves superior. This is a social position adjustment strategy, if they feel like they can bully you with rudeness and insults, they will feel like they are in a higher position. Of course it comes from insecurity rather than confidence.
- Research has shown that people sometimes impose things they don’t want to admit about themselves to others. For example, if a person thinks that his or her appearance is unattractive, he or she will call others ugly. This is the act of temporarily passing the matter on to someone else.
- Someone can also react with rudeness when they feel threatened. It doesn’t matter if you actually threaten them or not; They may have this feeling simply because of your presence, if you are confident or possess desirable qualities.
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Discover hidden motives. You should ask yourself what factors are forcing the person to approach you the way they are. Perhaps they have never been taught manners? Or maybe they feel threatened, scared, or upset about something completely unrelated to you? You should think about your recent interaction and find out if you can come up with a possible reason, as this will help you respond appropriately.
- If the person is a co-worker, do you forget to perform certain tasks that are then reassigned to them?
- If that person is a relative, have you sided with someone in an argument?
- The person may even try to help in a roundabout way, or want to connect but don’t know how. [13] X Research Source
- Maybe they accidentally upset you without knowing that they are being rude.
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Learn about the impact of rudeness. If you want to know whether to stay away from rude people or defuse rudeness, you should observe the impact of rudeness on yourself. Accepting rudeness from others undermines everything from our creativity and intellectual capacity to the extent to which we want to help others. Rudeness may seem like a trivial matter that can be overlooked with no harm, but research shows that’s not the case. [14] X Research Source
Respond sympathetically
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Apologies when appropriate. Did the rudeness stem from another problem? Did you help shape it or even start a feud over something you did? If so, a sincere apology will make all the difference or appease the angry person. If the person doesn’t accept your apology, at least you’ll have peace of mind knowing that you’ve admitted your mistake and tried to fix the situation. [15] X Research Source If you’re not sure what you’ve done, you can still apologize in a general way:
- For example: “I’m sorry if I’ve offended you. I didn’t mean it.”
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Use non-judgmental, non-violent language. It can be easy to get engulfed in a spiral of rudeness and angry insults, but if you want to respond more effectively and empathically, you should take a deep breath and change the way you complain.
- Bad example: “You were really rude to me!”
- Good example: “I feel hurt because of what you said”.
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Ask about the person’s needs. You can’t always respond to rude people, but you can ask if you can help them. This kind gesture will bring you success. [16] X Research Source
- For example: “I’m so sorry to see you upset. Is there anything I can do to help or what can we do together to make you feel better?”.
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State your own request. One way to end a situation where someone is being rude to you is to help them understand your point of view and needs, in a firm but polite way. There are several steps to this process:
- Determine how you feel. Try to determine what is going on in your heart and what factors will make you feel better.
- Explain to your partner why you feel this way. Express words based on your needs rather than based on the wrong actions of the other party. For example: “Sorry, but I’ve had a rough day and I’m being very sensitive. Can we reschedule this conversation?”.
- Ask to do something different. There is nothing to be embarrassed about when you ask others to perform a particular behavior or action, after explaining your point of view.
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Cultivate compassion. Compassion means “compassion plus suffering”. [17] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source If you can let others know that you care about their feelings of pain, that you want to help them, you can easily cultivate compassion more effective love and understanding with others, thereby ending discord. We all suffer and feel pain, so it’s not hard to put yourself in someone else’s shoes to try to understand why they’ve been so rude. Empathic understanding and behavior is very helpful, because empathy has many benefits, such as increasing a sense of peace of mind, increasing creativity and building healthy interactions. . [18] X Research Sources
- Sometimes, rude behavior happens because the person is simply having a bad day. You’ll probably find that after voicing their needs and venting their frustrations, they’ll apologize to you for the bad behavior.
Advice
- Take a deep breath and count to 10 before reacting in anger. This method activates the rest-and-take part of your nervous system, helping you relax and respond in a less forced way. [19] X Research Source
Recommendation
- If the person becomes violent, remember to protect yourself, whether by staying away from them or calling the police.
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This article was co-written by Tami Claytor. Tami Claytor is an etiquette teacher, image consultant, and owner of Always Appropriate Image and Etiquette Consulting in New York City, New York. With over 20 years of experience, Tami specializes in organizing etiquette classes for individuals, students, companies and community organizations. Tami has spent decades studying culture through travels across five continents and organizes cultural diversity seminars to promote social justice and cross-cultural awareness. She holds a bachelor’s degree in economics with a major in international relations from Clark University. Tami attended Ophelia DeVore School and the Fashion Institute of Technology, where she earned her certification as an image consultant.
There are 16 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 13,148 times.
A rude person is someone who does not show care or respect for the rights and feelings of others. Rudeness often happens unexpectedly in a way that upsets or shocks the other party [1] X Research Source . Learning how to react calmly and sympathetically to rudeness is a valuable skill, especially if you have to deal with these people on a regular basis. Turning rudeness is difficult, but fortunately, there are techniques you can use to calm the rude person, protect yourself, and even save a damaged relationship. malfunction. Tolerating rudeness can have a huge impact on your health, so it’s a good idea to explore your different options when dealing with this to build a happier and less stressful life. . [2] X Research Source
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