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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 26 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 16,577 times.
Helping others to change bad habits is a good thing, but also very difficult. Sometimes they don’t want your help even if they really need it, or the relationship between the two of you will be damaged. If friends or relatives spend too much time watching pornographic movies and neglecting relationships, neglecting work and study, and not paying attention to important life issues regardless of the consequences. Bad results happen, that’s when you have to step in to help them. By strategizing to spark action in them, shape new ways of thinking, and pursue a healthy lifestyle, you can help them deal with their porn addiction.
Steps
Arouse Action
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Talk about the difficulty of triggering action. People who have a habit of watching depraved movies often try to hide their behavior. The process of talking allows them to free themselves from lying to keep secrets. Talking is a particularly effective method used in many psychotherapy. [1] X Trusted Sources American Psychpogical Association Go to Source
- If they admit to being addicted, you have to let them tell their story, and listen to what they have to say.
- If you notice a change in their behavior, spark the conversation by saying something like, “I noticed you’re online a lot, you seem preoccupied with something. Is there anything you can tell me?”
- Don’t be afraid to ask candid and honest questions. Dealing with a difficult topic that can ruin a relationship can be quite challenging. Falsehood is an incurable cause of pornography, so you must tell the truth. [2] X Research Source You need to ask honest and straightforward questions like “Do you think you are addicted to pornography?”.
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Be a responsible person. People are more likely to push through a challenge when they know someone is interested in the outcome. If you can tell others about your achievements, it shows that you tend to believe in yourself and your personal abilities. Accountability increases the effectiveness and results of actions. [3] X Source of Research You should act as the person who needs to be informed, show interest in the person’s success and will meet with them to talk if they cannot achieve the expected results. This allows them to continue to closely monitor their addiction to unhealthy behaviors.
- You need to instill a sense of responsibility in them by saying something like, “I want to help you with this, so I’ll check in often to see how you’re doing.”
- Suggestions are monitored for their computer usage by checking their search history every day or every week. You must ask them to commit not to delete the search history.
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Avoid feelings of shame and guilt. In most cultures, pornography addiction always brings a sense of shame to the addict. If the person is trying to change his or her behavior, the shame and guilt over the bad habit won’t help the quitting process either. You must help them find other ways of promoting positive change, rather than mocking their negative behavior.
- Encourage thinking to distinguish right from wrong when necessary. To do this you explain to them that their behavior and themselves need to be considered separately. They are not bad people but their behaviors are damaging and need to be changed. [4] X Research Sources
- If the addiction is affecting their relationships, say, “Your social life will change a lot if you change your behavior. Everything will be easier, even if it seems a bit difficult at first.”
- On the contrary, the following expression contains shame and guilt: “Don’t you want to stop messing up your relationships? I don’t understand why you keep doing this. It doesn’t make any sense and it hurts other people.”
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Help them build self-monitoring systems. [5] X Research Source Closing an old behavior means learning new behaviors. The goal of porn addiction treatment is to find other ways to manage and cope with negative emotions. An organized approach is always an effective way to change behavior.
- Identify behaviors that need to be changed. Through discussion find out the behaviors that the person wants to change. For example, if he stays up until 3 a.m. to watch porn and leaves school or work the next morning, the object to change is the bedtime. The goal is to: Go to bed before 11:30 every night.
- Help addicts choose/design a monitoring system for behavior change. That means you have to set a time limit for using the computer, schedule outdoor activities, spend an hour a day journaling your emotions.
- If they are depressed, anxious, stressed, or self-deprecating, show them relaxation techniques such as yoga, meditation, and breathing exercises, which have been shown to be effective in treating depression. [6] X Trusted Source Harvard Medical Schop Go to Source[7] X Research Source
- Choose ways to encourage positive thinking and behavior. If they like going to the movies or going to the stadium to watch football, it can be used as a reward if they achieve their goal for the day or week. This improves their self-esteem and confidence. [8] X Research Sources
- Reduce the intervention gradually when there are signs of improvement. As more and more time the addict exhibits positive behavior, you can reduce your intervention.
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Encourage physical activity. Create healthy activities to keep them away from the computer. The goal is to help them become more physically active and excite them about the health benefits of physical activity. The healthier they feel, the more motivated they are to maintain that positive lifestyle to continue making changes.
- You can suggest activities like walking, jogging, hiking and weight training, which help the brain release endorphins, which increase feelings of euphoria and reduce pain. [9] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source
- You can also suggest taking a dance class. Learning new dances requires intense attention, so it’s definitely an opportunity to stop thinking about porn. [10] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source
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Find a new hobby. Any addiction takes up most of the victim’s time and drives them away from hobbies. It robs them of the opportunity to experience things that they might enjoy if given the time to participate.
- Encourage them to find their interests by answering the following questions: What have you lost in life? Where would you like to travel if given the chance? If money wasn’t an issue, what career would you choose?
- If they’ve played guitar before, suggest taking an online class or joining a guitar club.
- Encourage them to join a group that shares their interests (not porn), which will bring them close friends. [11] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source If they spend most of their time on new activities, they have almost no chance to watch porn.
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Recommend participating in therapy. If their efforts are difficult and self-help strategies aren’t working, then you should suggest seeing a therapist. Many times they are dealing with anxiety, depression and self-esteem issues, too much to handle on their own. A therapist who specializes in such issues can be helpful in this case, whose goal is to provide a safe place for the patient to talk about their feelings, discuss their condition in a private way. openly and honestly. [12] X Trusted Source National Health Service (UK) Go to Source
- Emphasize that they understand that it takes courage to make positive changes in their lives, and that the therapist will be the one to affirm your words.
- Let them know seeing a therapist is the next step in the treatment process. You’ve been there to listen, but now it’s time to see a professional. You need to let them know: “I’m here when you need me, and you need to talk to a professional because they certainly have a better way to help you.”
- Find a suitable therapist. You should ask your doctor, family member or close friend to recommend a therapist. Find a specialist in your area who specializes in addiction counseling.
- Find a therapist who knows about cognitive behavioral therapy. [13] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source This therapy is often used to treat addiction, which is a designed, step-by-step process to help stop compulsive behavior. The specialist will help the patient understand and eliminate deeply ingrained negative thinking behaviors.
- You can ask the person to join a 12-step program designed for people with sex addictions. This program is offered worldwide, you must contact your local agency for information about a meeting near you.
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Intervention organization. [14] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to the source You can help in many different ways, and sometimes a more focused approach is needed. Here intervention means planning for friends and family to meet with the addict to work on the addiction. This is a very difficult but necessary decision because the addiction has spiraled out of control and the addict’s life is in danger. Often addicts refuse and do not cooperate with treatment. Although the intervention might be beyond their tolerance, the aim was not to put them on the defensive.
- Therefore, you must consider the selection of members to participate in the intervention. Loved ones can describe to addicts the ill effects of addiction to pornography.
- You need detailed planning to create treatment options for the patient. For example, there are many inpatient and outpatient treatment programs and all have treatment counseling.
Shaping New Thoughts
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Emotional support. If the person has opened up to you about their addiction, then you should focus on providing support instead of negative behavior towards them. It’s very difficult for someone to admit that you have a problem, so if you want to help you have to be trustworthy and not mock them. If you have the right help plan, the patient will be less stressed. [15] X Research Source
- Speaking up about your problem requires courage, so you should respond like this: “First of all, thanks for letting me know, I know it takes courage to say this. I will help you as much as I can.”
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Show empathy. Being heard and understood are important factors for personal emotional development. [16] X Trusted Source Simply Psychpogy Going to the Source The emotional experiences of dealing with porn addiction force people to grow up emotionally, which is a difficult process. You can share that difficulty by actively listening.
- Put yourself in their place. Learn to empathize and accept them instead of being judgmental. Find resources that teach you how to show compassion and empathy for others. [17] X Research Source This can be a bit difficult to do, but you should give it a try.
- Treat them the way you would like to be treated by others. Surely you’ve been through times of struggle in life and know what works for you then, and what doesn’t.
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Help them recognize emotional problems. When people have unpleasant thoughts or feelings they start to turn to porn to deal with those feelings. Pornography captures the viewer’s attention and repels feelings of frustration, depression, boredom, loneliness and stress. However, this is only a temporary solution and never a permanent way to deal with such emotions.
- Help the person recognize signs of depression. Currently, there are many screening questionnaires online to identify depression. [18] X Sources of Research Many times addicts have been depressed before diving into pornography, or become depressed since becoming addicted to this addiction. Try asking them, “Is there anything that bores you?”.
- You can also use the same question to look for signs of anxiety, loneliness, depression, or other emotions they may be experiencing.
- Addiction to virtual sex and pornography is a condition that makes certain behaviors irresistible to addicts. The disorder presents unique challenges because addicts can keep their identities relatively secret, creating conditions for perpetuating behavior. In addition, the unlimited access to the internet makes it very difficult to resist. [19] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
- Assuming they are using porn to dispel unwanted emotions instead of confronting them, if that’s the case then you should be the one to let them turn to for help, instead of using pornography . If you have to block your internet connection, do it.
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Congratulations on your achievements. Changing behavior is difficult, so if the person shows signs of improvement, acknowledge their efforts. [20] X Research Resources You should have small celebrations first, then larger ones. If they share good news about what’s working, congratulate them.
- For example, if you tell yourself that you haven’t looked at porn all morning, you should respond by saying, “That’s great! You’ve really improved a lot, surely you want that, don’t you? Keep trying.”
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You can only help within your means. It is very difficult to change your own behavior, but it is even harder to change the behavior of others [21] X Research Sources because there are so many factors you cannot control. So you don’t always get success when you find a way to help someone. Letting go of control and just acting as a guide and facilitator is the way to success.
- You can provide a solid foundation for the sick, always there when they need it.
- There are times when you have to remind the sick person that “I’m here for you, I’m so sad to see you having so many difficulties, I wish I could do more”. This way of saying creates more motivation for them to try.
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Take care of your own physical and mental health. When trying to help others, the helper himself also reaps many benefits such as: a more relaxed mind, less pain, and even a longer life. [22] X Research Source However, helping others also takes a lot of work, so you need to take steps to keep your body and mind healthy. Focus on the following to keep your mental health in balance:
- Get enough sleep to avoid burnout. [23] X Trusted Source National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute Go to Source
- Eat healthy foods to maintain health and energy to fight stress. [24] X Research Sources The diet should include fruits, vegetables, lean protein, complex carbohydrates, and fiber. Avoid consuming caffeine, sugar and foods high in saturated fat.
- Exercise regularly to deal with stress. [25] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source
Establishing a Healthy Balance
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Continued support. You should continue to show interest by texting, calling, or visiting. Maintain a positive attitude when interacting with them, but be honest and straightforward, when necessary you can be strict. They need to know that there is someone out there ready to help them on their way back to a healthy lifestyle, and that includes you.
- You have to be kind and understanding with the person’s difficulties. Treat others the way you want to be treated.
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Encourage social participation. Addiction to pornography leads to an imbalance between time spent surfing the web and time spent in real life. If the person wishes to have more productive real-life relationships, he or she must devote a fair amount of time to person-to-person socializing.
- You should invite them to meetings to get to know new friends. They may not be comfortable at first, but always be there for support when needed.
- Pornography causes a false view of gender relations in people, so addicts need to be re-educated about interactions between men and women in reality. You must do your best to provide them with reliable factual materials.
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Plan healthy activities. Stand out and coordinate fun activities that are both beneficial for you and for that person. You have the right to have fun and if that helps them broaden their understanding of the world, it’s a win-win.
- Organize sporting events, picnics and travel. If you’re going to experience something, invite them to join you.
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The one who reasoned. You must be the one to make sure that reason always prevails. If the patient tries to negotiate with you about complying with a pledge not to watch porn, you must reason with them about the action. For example, maybe he thinks it’s okay to watch just a few minutes, but you know that once you start, you can’t stop.
- Be a reminder of the consequences. You have to remind them every time you see them come out of a dark place, that all the hard work they’ve tried will erode if they start watching movies again. Begin the conversation in a blunt voice explaining, “This is not a matter of shame or guilt, but the fact that you are and are still alive, you must be responsible to yourself and those who care about you. care about you”.
- Observe and discuss changes. If you notice a change in their behavior that leads you to believe they have fallen, now you need to calmly face the problem. You should say, “I feel really tired, is everything okay? Are you abstaining from watching porn? If not, then I’m ready to help you, there’s no reason to lie.”
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There is a possibility of recurrence. [26] X Research Source Many times you find out by accident or the person admits it. Either way, you have to focus on helping them forgive themselves, regain their sanity, and continue on the path to rehab from pornography. The more open and willing you are to help, the safer they will feel to share their thoughts and feelings. They no longer feel the need to keep secrets that could silently sabotage their achievements.
- Help addicts cope with the power of pornography if a particularly difficult situation arises, by suggesting alternative activities to distract or get their attention, such as computer games. remote control flying or mountain climbing. Get them involved in something completely unfamiliar.
- Encourage them to forgive themselves every time they do something wrong, which is very important because every step backward will greatly disappoint the patient. [27] X Source of Research Means you have to keep directing them towards their goal, for example you could say: “You may fall but it’s important to focus on the small steps to turn around. back to an addiction program. Try not to watch a movie for the next hour, then slowly build up your motivation over the hour as planned. You have to find your way back. Don’t give in to yourself.”
Advice
- Be open and honest in every word.
- Use habit monitoring software, filtering software for desktops, laptops and mobile phones.
- If you are the parent of a child addicted to porn, you should bring the child to see a counselor.
- If you know someone who is watching child porn, whether it’s your spouse or children, take them to a counselor.
Warning
- Addiction can ruin a person’s life to the point where there is no chance of repair.
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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 26 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 16,577 times.
Helping others to change bad habits is a good thing, but also very difficult. Sometimes they don’t want your help even if they really need it, or the relationship between the two of you will be damaged. If friends or relatives spend too much time watching pornographic movies and neglecting relationships, neglecting work and study, and not paying attention to important life issues regardless of the consequences. Bad results happen, that’s when you have to step in to help them. By strategizing to spark action in them, shape new ways of thinking, and pursue a healthy lifestyle, you can help them deal with their porn addiction.
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