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This article was co-written by Catherine Boswell, PhD. Catherine Boswell is a psychologist and co-founder of Psynergy Psychpogical Associates, a private therapy facility in Houston, Texas. With over 15 years of experience, Dr. Boswell specializes in treating individuals, groups of patients, couples and families with trauma, relationship problems, and trauma. in life. She holds a doctorate in counseling psychology from the University of Houston. Dr. Bowell teaches master’s degree students at the University of Houston. She is also an author, speaker, and coach.
There are 11 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 4,636 times.
The concept of passive aggression first appeared after World War II to describe soldiers’ mild resistance to leadership. [1] X Research Source Hopwood, CJ, & Wright, AGC (2012). A comparison of passive-aggressive and negativistic personality disorders. Journal of Personality Assessment, 94(3), pp. 296-303. Passive-aggressive behavior is an indirect way of resisting or expressing resentment towards an individual. People with passive-aggressive habits often find ways to avoid conflict, they hide their frustrations with an unrecognizable surface, but that behavior can be subtly destructive. Eventually that anger will flare up when things reach their climax. If you understand and know how to change the passive-aggressive tendencies that are taking place within yourself, then you will have active resistance measures to make your work and social life happier.
Steps
Recognizing the Signs of Passive Aggression
- Stage one of the conflict cycle is the development of passive-aggressive behaviors. At this point, the person often thinks that expressing anger could be dangerous and should therefore be avoided [3] X Research Source Whitson, S. (2013). The passive aggressive conflict cycle. Reclaiming Children & Youth, 22(93), pp. 24-27. . They then use negative behaviors to cover up to resolve this frustration [4] X Research source Whitson, S. (2013). The passive aggressive conflict cycle. Reclaiming Children & Youth, 22(93), pp. 24-27. .
- Stage two is a state of stress that stirs irrational thoughts, rooted in experiences that often arise early in life. [5] X Research Resources Whitson, S. (2013). The passive aggressive conflict cycle. Reclaiming Children & Youth, 22(93), pp. 24-27.
- For example, if a teacher asks a student to hand out homework to the class that the student has previously been asked to do but was not thanked, then the boy might think about this memory. Instead of feeling honored to have been asked, the student was angered by the teacher’s request that provoked an earlier negative response.
- Stage three occurs when the person denies his or her frustration, directs negative emotions toward others, and represses frustration toward them. [6] X Research Source Whitson, S. (2013). The passive aggressive conflict cycle. Reclaiming Children & Youth, 22(93), pp. 24-27.
- Stage four of the cycle involves passive-aggressive behavior. This behavior includes (but is not limited to what is to be listed): anger denial, lack of communication, coldness, irritability, indecision, inefficiencies or unacceptable performance, and underground revenge. [7] X Research Resources Whitson, S. (2013). The passive aggressive conflict cycle. Reclaiming Children & Youth, 22(93), pp. 24-27
- Stage five is the reaction of those around. People often react negatively to passive-aggressive behavior, and this is exactly what the aggressor wants. [8] X Research Resources Whitson, S. (2013). The passive aggressive conflict cycle. Reclaiming Children & Youth, 22(93), pp. 24-27. But this response only reinforces the aggressive behavior that continues to recur.
- There is one place where you must have fallen into this situation, and that is the workplace [9] X Research Source Whitson, S. (June 2010). Checking passive aggression. HR Magazine . There are four behaviors that characterize passive-aggressive behavior in the workplace: temporary obedience, intentional inefficiency, escalation, and intentional retaliation.
- When it comes to identifying your passive-aggressive behaviors, there’s a very relevant and important place to start, and that’s in your life at work.
- Who are the other stakeholders involved? What is their relationship to you (e.g., boss, co-worker, friend, parent, roommate, teacher)? Do they have power over you? Are they just equal to you or are you the decision maker?
- Where does everything happen? For example, at work, home, school, party, competition, or club?
- When did it happen? Sometimes time is also a factor, such as at the beginning of the school year or during a busy holiday.
- How did the incident arise? Is there a specific cause or is it related to multiple events? What is your series of actions and reactions?
- What happened in the end? Are the results what you expected from your negative behavior? What is the opponent’s reaction?
- assisting people but indirectly resisting, delaying or undermining achievement in common or work tasks
- agree to do something but leave the work process unfinished or pretend to forget
- silent, do not interact or answer but do not tell the other party the reason
- please them in front of everyone but despise them behind their back
- do not clearly express feelings and desires but expect others to realize for themselves
- overlapping compliments with profound sarcasm, or negative body language
- complain about being misunderstood and not being respected by others
- appear moody and argumentative without giving constructive opinions
- blame others for everything and push the blame
- unreasonable criticism and contempt of leadership in front of colleagues
- reacting to superiors with mysterious and dishonest actions
- suppressing emotions because of fear of conflict, failure, or disappointment
- Express jealousy and anger towards those who are luckier
- constantly complaining or complaining excessively about your bad luck
- frequently alternates between overt hostility and remorse
- predict bad results before starting work
Limit Passive Aggressive Tendencies
- “Whatever”
- “I’m fine”
- “Why do you look so disappointed?”
- “I’m just joking”
- If there is a temporary act of obedience, you need to determine if it is because you are not appreciated that you do it.
- This type of behavior can also run in families. For example, you tell your spouse that you are going to wash the dishes, but then procrastinate in order to intentionally irritate them.
- By identifying this behavior, you can reduce the negative attitude that causes inefficiency at work, which will certainly help your career.
- In the family, ineffectiveness manifests itself in the form of deliberately prolonging the washing time, or not washing the dishes so that the spouse has to wash them again.
- For example, at work, you procrastinate, or intentionally misuse sick or leave days. [19] X Research Source Whitson, S. (June 2010). Checking passive aggression. HR Magazine
- In a family context, you refuse to wash the dishes until they pile up in the sink, to the point where the whole family has to eat rice from paper plates when there are no clean dishes left. (In this situation, your spouse is very likely to get mad.)
- You can spread rumors in your office about someone you hate, trading your professionalism for her reputation.
- When you’re at home, you try to win your children’s favor and subtly incite them against either parent.
- In a work environment, this attitude is intentionally losing customers or losing projects in order to “retaliate” the company, even though it also hurts you.
Avoid putting yourself down. Self-deprecation is when a person acts harmful to himself in order to get revenge on the person who made him angry. [21] X Source of Research For example, when a student intentionally fails a test to get revenge on a teacher, or an athlete intentionally loses to get revenge on a coach.
Building Healthy Thinking Habits
- Do you know the reason why I’m going backwards?
- Do you need to stop and take a different approach to changing that behavior?
- Are there any feelings or emotional reactions that you have not yet recognized or overcome?
- For example, you might feel annoyed with someone at work because he often takes the last cup of coffee without making a new one for someone else. You should speak your mind directly instead of sitting there annoyed and trying to keep quiet until the problem grows. Try saying, “I see that’s the last cup of coffee. Can you make a new shift when you get the last cup so everyone has coffee for the break? Thank you!”.
- At home, you should make your wishes clear to your husband or wife. If your husband is supposed to wash the dishes after dinner but doesn’t, say, “I know you’re tired after a day’s work, but we agreed that if you cook dinner, I’ll wash the dishes. If you like. cook and I wash dishes then we will do the same, I think we have to share the responsibility in the housework.”
- At work you disagree with someone about how to approach a project. In your opinion, you should sit down and develop a plan together, while the colleague just wants to jump straight in and fantasize about the end result without considering how to achieve this. Don’t get angry or upset, just tell him that you have a different opinion on how to handle the problem. It is possible that you may not agree on how to approach the project, but at least you can divide the labor to take advantage of the strengths of both of you: your plan and his fiction.
- At home you should talk to your spouse and you will probably find out that you have given him a task that he or she hates to do. Both of you need to find a solution so that he can do other errands more comfortably, and you have to take on that job. For example, he might sweep the house, cook, and take out the trash instead of washing the dishes.
Get Help When You Need It
Advice
- If your passive-aggressive behavior is so deeply ingrained that you can’t resolve it on your own, it’s best to seek professional advice for scientific treatment.
- Often there are always other issues contributing to that aggressive attitude, be it perfectionism, fear of failure, desire for success, or fear of rejection. These issues also need to be considered as part of the process of learning about the inner motivations that drive your actions and words.
This article was co-written by Catherine Boswell, PhD. Catherine Boswell is a psychologist and co-founder of Psynergy Psychpogical Associates, a private therapy facility in Houston, Texas. With over 15 years of experience, Dr. Boswell specializes in treating individuals, groups of patients, couples and families with trauma, relationship problems, and trauma. in life. She holds a doctorate in counseling psychology from the University of Houston. Dr. Bowell teaches master’s degree students at the University of Houston. She is also an author, speaker, and coach.
There are 11 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 4,636 times.
The concept of passive aggression first appeared after World War II to describe soldiers’ mild resistance to leadership. [1] X Research Source Hopwood, CJ, & Wright, AGC (2012). A comparison of passive-aggressive and negativistic personality disorders. Journal of Personality Assessment, 94(3), pp. 296-303. Passive-aggressive behavior is an indirect way of resisting or expressing resentment towards an individual. People with passive-aggressive habits often find ways to avoid conflict, they hide their frustrations with an unrecognizable surface, but that behavior can be subtly destructive. Eventually that anger will flare up when things reach their climax. If you understand and know how to change the passive-aggressive tendencies that are taking place within yourself, then you will have active resistance measures to make your work and social life happier.
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