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This article was co-written by Paul Chernyak, LPC. Paul Chernyak is a licensed professional counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
This article has been viewed 12,239 times.
Thinking about how to propose to your boyfriend can be a daunting task. But don’t worry! Here are the steps you can take to plan the perfect proposal with your boyfriend.
Steps
Decide on the basics
- You can always say without insinuation. For example: “Do you think we will get married in the future?”
- When you talk to him about marriage, bring up the proposal. For example, “Do you like the formal proposal?” Many couples enjoy being together as an engaged couple.
- Ask a close friend of his if your boyfriend ever talks about getting married.
- You might say, “What do you imagine the engagement scene would be like?” or “Do you know any impressive friends’ engagement stories?”
- If he doesn’t seem to like the traditional surprise engagement, think of ways you can both mark the occasion together. For example, he may want you both to take out an engagement ring and give it to each other.
- For example, maybe your boyfriend has always dreamed of an engagement that took place on a romantic vacation. So, you can ask him out, but don’t propose during the trip. Say it on the plane on the way there.
- Maybe your boyfriend asked you to marry him in the coffee shop where you first met. Instead of simply inviting him over, surprise him by having a group of friends stand ready to greet you both with a sign that says “Shall we get married?”
- Does your lover prefer public or private marriage proposals? If he wants some privacy, you should choose a special place to say it without prying eyes. You can propose at home with a room decorated with candles or pictures of you and the guy. You can also go with him to a secluded spot, like a low-traffic trail you met on a hiking trip.
- If he doesn’t mind proposing in public, think about public areas that you both enjoy. You can propose to him in the coffee shop where you two had your first date. If he’s always dreamed of proposing in front of friends and family, ask him out at a crowded dinner party.
- Try to choose a unique date if you want to leave something memorable. Instead of choosing an anniversary date, choose another meaningful date. For example, propose to him on the anniversary of you both adopting a kitten.
- Instead of an engagement ring, many people choose another object to represent their marriage proposal. You can give him another piece of jewelry, such as a watch or a gift to mark the occasion. If you can think of a meaningful gift he’ll appreciate, all the better – an instrument he’s always dreamed of.
- You can use that gift to ask. For example, stick a piece of paper that says “Marry me?” on the guitar you bought him.
Dealing with complaints
- Many women fear that doing so will sound like they’re taking over their boyfriend’s power or forcing him to make decisions too soon, but if your partner is really ready to get married and doesn’t care much about the Traditionally, this probably doesn’t matter.
- However, if your boyfriend or his family values tradition more, you should talk about it. Ask him what he thinks about women proposing to see how he reacts. You can also look at your boyfriend’s attitudes about gender roles and guess if he has a more traditional view of proposing or is more open-minded.
- There is nothing wrong with buying engagement rings for men. You can pick a ring he likes and follow the tradition of getting on one knee to propose and exchange rings. However, there are also guys who don’t like jewelry. You can choose something else to give him or just ask him out without any engagement.
- One of the benefits of a non-traditional proposal is that it has fewer expectations. See this as a positive instead of a negative. You are telling your own story and can propose however you like.
- If you’re worried about your boyfriend’s family, tell yourself how happy you and him will be after you propose. It is worth mentioning that the two of you have decided to spend the rest of your life together, and when you are alone together enjoying the moment of your engagement, there is no room for judgment or disagreement. [9] X Research Source
- Rehearse several times what you want to say until you know it by heart, and remember not to hold your breath when you say the proposal.
- People often talk more about non-traditional marriage proposals. While there are some positive comments as many people enjoy seeing others break with tradition, there are also comments that are insinuating and judgmental. You need to remember that you have made the right decision for you and the person you love.
- Some comments can be offensive. For example, if the two of you are a same-sex couple, one might think that the suitor is more dominant or more masculine. You can completely edit harsh words. For example: “My boyfriend and I are an equal couple. I just came up with the idea to propose before him.”
- Prepare in advance what you will say when there are hurtful comments. That way, you’ll feel more confident when you hear someone say something that upsets you. Also, don’t forget that you don’t have to explain to anyone. You can ignore rude comments or simply respond briefly.
Successful proposal
- If you’re proposing at home, setting the scene is pretty straightforward. You can dim the lights and light some candles or decorate the room with pictures of you and the guy.
- If you propose in public, it will be harder to control the space, but there are still things you can do to create the scene you want. If you’re planning to propose on a hiking trip, set out at some point of the day to reach your destination by sunset. If you’re planning to propose at a restaurant or coffee shop, you can try to choose a table that’s conveniently located.
- For example, if you buy your boyfriend an elegant watch as a proposal, ask him to close his eyes and put it on his wrist.
- If you’re going to propose with a ring, think of a fun way to give it to your boyfriend. For example, you can leave cue signs around the house to lead him to the ring.
- Many people prefer to propose by letter. You can write a short love letter and give it to him. Write the words “Will you marry me?” at the end of the letter.
- Note that you don’t have to make everything clear right away. You can take some time for yourself to relax, but don’t forget to talk afterwards.
- Remember, he’d rather marry you when he’s ready than nod just to make you happy. It’s best to let your boyfriend think twice to make sure that’s what he wants.
Keep the plan a secret
- Try to encourage him to try new activities. You can even join him, if it doesn’t get in the way of your plans. For example, sign up for a cooking class or start a new exercise program.
- Get your friends to help. Ask those friends to ask your boyfriend out more in the weeks before the big day.
This article was co-written by Paul Chernyak, LPC. Paul Chernyak is a licensed professional counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
This article has been viewed 12,239 times.
Thinking about how to propose to your boyfriend can be a daunting task. But don’t worry! Here are the steps you can take to plan the perfect proposal with your boyfriend.
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