How to Practice Discipline in Children

Discipline is a way to teach your child to behave properly, instead of punishing him. ^{[1] X Source of Research} Depending on your child’s age, you will offer appropriate discipline training. As you discipline your child, start by making some rules that are easy to understand. When applying discipline, you need to be consistent and set rules that will help your child succeed. Also, don’t forget to acknowledge when your child does something well and always encourage him to do it well.

Table of Contents

Set rules and build consistency

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Set up family rules. No matter what age a child is, it’s important for children to know the difference between appropriate and inappropriate behavior. Let your child know what to expect by establishing family rules. Children should know what behavior is out of line and what happens when they break the rules. ^{[2] X Research Source}

Rules and punishments will vary depending on the age and maturity of the child. Younger children need a rule that doesn’t spank, and older children need a rule regarding “curfew”. Be flexible in adjusting rules as your child understands the situation better or needs new boundaries.

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Build a schedule. Children thrive when they have a schedule because it helps them feel safe, secure, and can anticipate what’s coming. If you notice your child is uncooperative at the same time every day or becomes out of control when tired, take note of that and build a schedule that works for your child’s needs. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

Make morning and evening routines familiar so your child knows in advance what will happen during the day.
If your child’s schedule changes (such as going to the dentist or visiting relatives on the weekend), let them know in advance.
Some children find it difficult to switch between activities. If your child needs adjustment time, add that to his schedule.

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Let children know the inevitable consequences of behaviors. Letting the inevitable effect happen will help children recognize the relationship between cause and effect, and learn to take responsibility for their own behavior. When you let consequences happen, give them choices and let them know the consequences of each choice. You are the one who decides what happens and experiences the consequences. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

Make sure it’s the right consequence and help your child learn from his mistake. ^{[5] X Research Sources}
For example, if children take a long time to get ready before going to the park, they will have less time playing at the park.

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Always be consistent when applying penalties. Many parents have a habit of making exceptions or allowing their children to perform certain behaviors without punishment. Children need to know that you will always apply punishment and that they cannot avoid it. Show your child that you’re serious by giving him a punishment every time he doesn’t follow the rules. ^{[6] X Research Source}

Don’t be surprised when your child makes excuses or excuses for his behavior. You just need to sternly say “You didn’t follow the rules, so you have to receive punishment”.
If you have a lot of kids (or a family with a lot of children), it’s important to be consistent with each child. Otherwise, the child will feel as though he has been treated unfairly.

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Set realistic expectations. Setting high expectations for your child’s behavior can make them feel pressured; On the other hand, expectations that are too low can cause children to become spoiled or not reach their full potential. Every child develops differently with different strengths and weaknesses. So don’t expect younger children to act or behave like older children. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

Learn and familiarize yourself with age-appropriate behavior.

Discipline for toddlers or young children

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Redirect the child’s attention. Toddlers (aged 1, 2 or 3) can make a lot of messes in a snap! If your toddler does something inappropriate or doesn’t want to share it with another child, you’ll guide him or her to do something else. Shift your child’s focus to the new activity. Remember to praise your child when he accepts the alternative activity. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

However, if your child is engaged in behavior that endangers the safety of himself or another child, you need to intervene immediately. Prioritize safety before redirecting attention.

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Issue a warning. Young children need to be reminded. If your child is about to break the rules or behave inappropriately, issue a warning. When your child hears a warning, he will know the consequences of doing the behavior. You should use “If…then” statements when giving warnings so that your child is aware of the consequences. ^{[9] X Research Source}

For example, you would say “Hitting is not good. If I still hit, I will be punished to stand/sit still.”

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Apply standing/sitting penalties. This is the right solution for young children and helps them regain their composure. Children who become uncontrollable or disobedient need standing/still punishment. Often this punishment works with young children because it helps them calm down and have time to hear feedback about their behavior. ^{[10] X Research Source}

Most parents punish children to stand/sit still according to the number of minutes calculated by the child’s age. You can also have your child stand/sit until he calms down.

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Brief and gentle explanation. Your child is still building a vocabulary, so don’t rambling about his behavior and punishment. Be brief with a few words your toddler can understand. You need to tell your child what he did wrong and why he should be punished. Besides, don’t forget to instruct your child what to do in the future. ^{[11] X Research Source}

For example, you could say, “Because I hit An, I was punished for not/sitting. We don’t hit other people. Next time if you’re not happy, come see me.”

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Give your child some basic options. Toddlers love the feeling of being in control as they begin to form their independence. If your child disobeys because he doesn’t want to do something, you should give him a choice. This is a way to help your child limit his thoughts and control what happens next. ^{[12] X Research Source}

For example, you can let your toddler choose their own clothes or listen to a bedtime story. If your child refuses to wear shoes, suggest that he choose between blue or red shoes.
Options could also be to wear a coat or be punished by standing/sitting. For example, you might say, “It’s your choice. How do you want?”

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Suggest alternative behavior. Instead of saying what your child is doing isn’t right, tell him what he should do. Maybe they don’t know how to do it right, so they need guidance. ^{[13] X Research Source}

For example, if your child keeps messing with the dog, you might say, “We should pet him like this.”

Discipline training for elementary school children

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Apply reasonable penalties. Even if your child has accepted the inevitable consequences, you can still give a reasonable punishment. The logical connection between behavior and punishment can help children understand the consequences of their actions. ^{[14] X Research Source}

For example, if your child lies about completing the chores, you will delegate extra chores to him.

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Talk about your child’s behavior. School-age children are old enough to understand their actions. Use this opportunity to show empathy and let your child know why some behaviors are inappropriate and negative. It’s time for children to know how their actions affect others and themselves. ^{[15] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source}

For example, many school-age children begin to lie to get attention or to cross boundaries. If your child begins to lie, let them know that lying hurts others, makes them untrustworthy, and affects friendships.

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Allow your child to choose his or her responsibilities. School-age children like to have the option to feel in control and therefore be enthusiastic about getting things done. If you’re having trouble getting your child to do chores (or homework), try asking them what they would like to choose to do. For assignments, you can let your child arrange the order in which they are completed or they will decide what to do in a certain amount of time. ^{[16] X Research Source}

With housework, you will give 6 options for your child to choose 4 things he wants to do.
Some parents give gifts or money when their children do extra chores. If they want something, let them work hard to get it by choosing to do housework by lottery. The more work required, the bigger the reward or more money!

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Help a clumsy or irresponsible child succeed. Some children have difficulty fulfilling responsibilities at home or school. Although the cause may be laziness, you can create the best environment for your child to succeed. Pay attention to your child’s shortcomings and find ways to support them. ^{[17] X Research Source}

If your child often struggles with homework every night, schedule a separate time for her to do it.
If your child often takes a long time to get out of bed and get ready for school on time, set up a schedule so that she can take a break in the morning. You can ask your child to pack his notebook and uniform the night before.

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Praise your child when he does well. When your child accomplishes something well, let her know you’re proud! Being praised and recognized is very meaningful to children. It lets them know that you keep an eye on their actions and that you’re proud of them. Most children want parental approval and attention; So don’t be afraid to give it to your child! ^{[18] X Research Sources}

For example, you could say, “I know you don’t want to clean your room, but I’m proud you did. Now you can go to my friend’s house to play.”

Discipline for pre-teens and teens

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Get your child involved in setting limits. It can be helpful to listen to your child share their views on rationality and fairness. When your child is in control of his behavior and the limits involved, it will be easier for him to follow through on what is set out for him. Even though you make the final decision, your child will still feel valued and welcomed. ^{[19] X Research Source}

Let your child know that you are comfortable with opinions regarding family rules. If your child wants to change something, allow him or her to offer an alternative argument or solution.

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Stripping privileges. When your child resists, you can take away what is supposed to be a privilege. It could be TV, phone or computer time. Your child still has a chance to get those privileges back with positive behavior. ^{[20] X Research Sources}

For example, if your 13-year-old has a hangover behavior, you can keep his phone for a day. If your child continues to pay when the phone is due, you will keep the phone for one more day. Let your child know that he or she can get privileges back for positive behavior.

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Ask your child to stop arguing and behaving disrespectfully. Teenagers often argue with their parents. Teach your children to respect their parents even when there are disagreements. You still give your child a chance to change the tone. If your child doesn’t change, you’ll stop the conversation. ^{[21] X Research Source}

You need to teach your child how to show respect and speak up when he crosses the line. For example, ask your child not to raise his voice or use profanity at home.

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Listen to your child’s opinion. Although children need to respect their parents, parents also need to respect their children. Listen when your child has something to say to you. Perhaps there really is a reason or an exception behind your child’s behavior, if you’ll listen to what your child explains. You should show your child that you care about his words and feelings. ^{[22] X Research Source}

For example, you could say, “You came home late last night and I want to know why.”

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Agreement with your child. Teenagers often break the rules or rebel. If you set a lot of strict rules, be prepared to see the rules broken. If your child often “breaks the rules,” you can try to come to an agreement with your child so that both sides’ wishes are recognized. ^{[23] X Research Sources}

For example, if you want your child to keep up to date with where and with whom, you can agree to buy your child a cell phone on the condition that they use it to contact you, and if not, you get it back. phone.

Advice

Don’t threaten me. When your child makes you angry, you may say things you don’t want. However, this causes you to lose the authority of your parents and disciplinarians.
Avoid giving harsh punishments.
Avoid spanking or hitting your children. Using force is not an effective way to correct a child’s behavior, as it shows the child that problems can only be solved by force. Besides, children also form aggressive habits. ^{[24] X Research Source}
Always pay attention to your child. If you think your child is rebellious for attention, set aside some alone time each day, just you and your child.
Disciplining toddlers is a broad topic, especially as it contributes to the formation of good habits for discipline as children get older.
If your child has a disability or problem, you should not discipline him as harshly as you would with other children.

Steps

Set rules and build consistency

Discipline for toddlers or young children

Discipline training for elementary school children

Discipline for pre-teens and teens

Advice

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