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This article was co-written by Donna Novak, Psy.D. Donna Novak is a licensed clinical psychologist in Simi Valley, California. With over ten years of experience, Dr. Novak specializes in the treatment of anxiety, emotional and sexual problems. She holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) and a doctorate in clinical psychology from Alliant-Los Angeles International University. Novak uses a differentiated model of treatment that focuses on personal growth by increasing self-awareness, personal motivation and self-confidence.
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You want to meet people, make friends, and share yourself with the world, but social interactions can be especially stressful for people with social anxiety. While many people feel stressed before giving a presentation or public speaking, social anxiety can interfere with your normal routine and cause a lot of stress on even ordinary backgrounds. You may constantly doubt your social compatibility and worry about what might happen if you receive negative reviews. While therapy can be helpful for people with social anxiety disorder, there are ways you can try to combat anxiety without professional intervention.
Steps
Be aware of Social Anxiety
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Know the symptoms of social anxiety. There are several common symptoms or experiences of social anxiety. Common signs of an anxiety disorder include: [1] X Research Source
- Excessive restlessness and anxiety in all social situations when normally others do not feel too much pressure.
- Extreme anxiety about social situations days, weeks, or even months before they occur.
- Extreme fear of being observed or judged by others, especially by strangers.
- Avoid social situations to the extent that they limit your activities or disrupt or even negatively affect your life.
- Fear of being humiliated.
- Fear that others will realize that you are stressed and react negatively.
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Know the physical symptoms. Although having anxiety affects how you feel emotionally, your body still makes spots that only show you how you feel physically. People with social anxiety may experience: [2] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
- Blush
- Shortness of breath or difficulty breathing
- Nausea, or “hangover”
- Shaky hands or voice
- Heart rate increases
- Sweat
- Feeling dizzy or sluggish
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Learn to recognize these signs. Different people with social anxiety will show different signs, even though they still have a lot in common. Once you know what causes you to react this way with anxiety, you can begin to deal with these symptoms in a positive way. These signs can be obvious or sometimes quite random. Sometimes journaling can help pinpoint common symptoms. For example:
- Do you feel nervous when entering class? Is the feeling when entering math class different from entering art class?
- Are there certain people, like your boss or a co-worker, that make you feel nervous about communicating with them?
- Do you feel anxious in social situations? Does being at a restaurant feel the same as being at a concert? Does it feel different in a group of close friends than in a group of strangers?
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Pay attention to situations you tend to avoid.
- Do you always sit alone at lunchtime rather than offering to sit with others?
- Do you always decline party invitations?
- Do you avoid family gatherings?
- Do you avoid using public restrooms?
- Some of the triggers include: [3] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
- Meet new people
- Be the center of attention
- Being observed while doing something
- Chat
- Being called out in class
- Call
- Eat or drink in public
- Speaking in the meeting
- Attend parties
Addressing Fears with the List Method
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Face your fears. Many people with social anxiety tend to avoid their fear rather than confront it. While avoidance may help alleviate social anxiety in the short term, it can actually make it worse in the long run. Facing your fears is always difficult and requires a lot of courage and determination, but if you want to cure your fear then that’s what you have to do. [4] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
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Make a list of situations that cause you to experience social anxiety. Once you’ve identified those situations, write them down. Then, look at the list and order it from the mildest to the scariest. At the bottom of the list could add eye contact while speaking, in the middle could be asking a stranger for directions; At the top, you can book a dinner date with someone or invite you to karaoke. [5] X Research Sources
- If you have trouble organizing your fears, number them. Number 1 for the situation “fearful”, number 2 for “very scared,” and number 3 for “terrible”.
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Start processing this list. Set a goal to tackle one issue per week on that list. Start with the situations numbered “1”, and continue along the list. You’ll want to start with manageable situations first and build confidence as you work your way up to more and more challenging situations.
- Remember that you get rewarded only for what you try – you may have to try more than once to achieve success. Each ‘failure’ is a step closer to success .
- People with anxiety tend to have a “all-or-nothing” approach – either you muster up the courage to ask to sit at a table with someone at a coffee shop, or you’ll fail forever. If you didn’t make it today, try again tomorrow or next week.
- You may have to break big goals into smaller ones. For example, if you find it difficult to ask to sit with someone at a coffee shop, you may need a smaller and more involved goal. Maybe like smiling at a stranger at a coffee shop? Or sit a little close to a stranger? For some, this might just mean getting to a coffee shop!
- Start with small, achievable goals. Even starting with situations numbered “1” can sometimes be quite difficult. It’s better to gain confidence in small steps than to try to achieve too much in one go.
- Treat this list as a cumulative. If you start to feel stressed and anxious, rest for a while before continuing. You can completely re-evaluate your goals and proceed at your own pace.
Practice Social Anxiety Skills
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Practice relaxation techniques. If you have trouble achieving comfort in unfamiliar social situations, you should learn ways to relax yourself. Meditation and yoga and tai chi exercises are methods you can use to calm down and prepare yourself to face challenges calmly. [6] X Research Source
- If you feel a stretch, contract your torso for about three seconds (including hands, legs, jaw, neck, etc.), then release. Do it twice and you’ll feel the stretch disappear.
- Learn to recognize when you’re overreacting to anxieties and immediately practice calming yourself down in those situations.
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Use the breathing method. People with social anxiety often find themselves overwhelmed by panic attacks and find it difficult to breathe. In this situation, one of the best ways to regain control and calm your mind is to simply focus on your breath. [7] X Research Sources
- Inhale deeply through your nose for about six seconds. Feel the breath go down your chest, into where you find yourself nervous, tense.
- As you breathe, focus solely on the movement of the stream as you enter and exit your body.
- Exhale slowly through your mouth for another six seconds. Repeat this exercise until you feel calm.
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Choose a spell or a “cheer” song. Repeat a comforting prayer, a line of poetry, a famous quote, or anything that inspires you and that you can recall when feeling anxious. Find a confidence-boosting song you can listen to when you’re on your way to a social gathering or before an important presentation.
- Even a simple sentence like “I can do it” will help you focus on yourself and feel confident.
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Change your diet. Stimulants like caffeine and nicotine can increase anxiety symptoms. Alcohol can also trigger anxiety, so be very careful when you drink alcohol. Know the difference between drinking to calm yourself down and drinking too much. [8] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source
Change mind
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Capture negative thoughts. When you have social anxiety, your thoughts are the main source of negative experiences, so start observing your thoughts, then start challenging them. There are several types of thinking such as: [9] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
- Reading other people’s minds – You think you know other people’s thoughts, and they think negative things about you.
- Predicting the Future – You try to predict the future by assuming bad outcomes. You “know” something bad is going to happen so you feel anxious even before it happens.
- Tragedy – You assume the worst possible and will happen to you.
- It’s all directed at you – You assume that others are negatively targeting you or that others are doing or saying something directed at you.
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Challenge your negative thoughts. Once you have learned to capture your negative thoughts, you must begin to analyze and challenge them. [10] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to the source Ask yourself questions about the mindset you’re having and see if it’s really true. Use logic and evidence to disprove these negative, automatically generated thoughts. [11] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
- For example, if you’re afraid to go to a party because people will notice you’re nervous and sweaty, try this, “Wait a minute. I was invited to this party because everyone is my friend and they want to meet me and spend time with me There are so many people there, do I really think I will be the center of their attention Will my friends care even if they notice am I really stressed out?”
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Positive confirmation. [12] X Research Sources Instead of wallowing in negative thoughts, replace thoughts with positive ones. When a negative thought comes up, use the same approach as the first challenge: challenge the thought with contradictory evidence, then give yourself a positive message.
- For example, if you think, “No one wants me to go to the party,” you can challenge that thought with: “They invited me over, so they obviously want me to be at the party. The host even She texted me yesterday saying she really hopes I can attend.” Then look at yourself in the mirror and say to yourself, “I’m funny and everyone around me will be happy, and anyone is lucky to have a friend like me.”
- Other positive affirmations for dealing with social anxiety might be: “I’m trying to feel comfortable in social situations every day. I know that practice and patience will make it easier for me. more tolerant in situations like this.” [13] X Research Source
- You can also write positive messages on sticky notes and place them around your house or in front of your mirror.
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Less focus on yourself. To reduce focus on yourself, you should blend in with your surroundings. Observe the people around you and your environment. Focus on listening to what is being said, and stay away from indulging in negative thoughts. [14] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
- When you notice yourself focusing on thoughts or what others think of you, direct your attention away from yourself.
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Pay less attention to the feedback of others. Anxiety arises mainly from feelings of being judged. Others may not always agree or respond to you, but that is not a reflection of yourself or your abilities. Everyone has social interactions, where they communicate with others very effectively and there are times when they can’t get along right away. It’s just part of life, and it doesn’t matter how nice you are. You’re trying to gain inner confidence, so the most important thing is that you’re working through your list of worries. You are trying! [15] X Research Source
Apply Social Skills Effectively
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Make a question. One of the easiest ways to feel comfortable in two-person conversations or in group discussions is to ask questions. You’ll make it easier for others if you ask honest questions and leave your questions open. Start with general questions, like “How are you today?” or “How was your presentation?” [16] X Research Source
- Open-ended questions allow respondents to say whatever they want to say, without being restricted to a simple yes or no answer. If you ask “Do you want to see that movie?” won’t get as much information as asking “What do you think about that movie?”
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Active listening with curiosity. This is what makes all the difference in the world. When you listen, you show that you are attuned to what the other person is saying, and that what they have to say is important and interesting to you. Listen to their stories and then respond to their comments. Think about what she is saying and let her finish her story without interrupting. [17] X Research Source
- Pay attention to your body language. This is an important element of conversation, even if it’s not said out loud. Instead of just looking at the other person’s head, try making eye contact as well.
- Listening attentively also prepares you to ask relevant, effective questions.
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Straightforward communication. This style of communication means that you can express your feelings, thoughts, beliefs, needs, and opinions while respecting the other person’s rights. When you are confident, you respect yourself and respect others. [18] X Research Sources
- Learn to feel okay with saying “No”. It’s hard for some people to say no, but saying yes or yes to something you can’t or don’t really want to do can be stressful and frustrating. Take care of yourself and say “No” when needed.
- Get straight to the point, keeping your pitch and body language in balance. Be clear about your needs, understanding that being confident doesn’t necessarily mean you get exactly what you want. [19] X Research Source
- If you’re in a group at a meeting or party, try to speak at a relatively louder volume than you normally would. Make eye contact and speak firmly. This action will boost your confidence and will confirm your existence.
Challenge yourself
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Prepare for social situations. Practice relaxation first, read the newspaper to get into conversation topics with people at social events. Prepare a commentary to give at the meeting, or prepare a topic from the radio to discuss during lunch. If you have to stand in front of many people to give a presentation or speech, preparing ahead will give you more confidence. [20] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- Try to memorize your speech. You will avoid forgetting any important points that day.
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Get support from friends or family. Especially as you begin to process larger fears, you should reach out to a support network so they can help you.
- If you must attend a large event, like a party or conference, bring close friends or family for support. Having a loved one by your side can make a big difference in your confidence level. If you’re starting to feel overwhelmed, walk over to your friend and try to rebalance.
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Expand your social network. People with social anxiety may find it difficult to put themselves out in society and meet new people. However, it is an important part of overcoming anxiety and moving your life forward.
- Think about activities you enjoy, whether knitting, horseback riding, or running, and find a group in your area that shares the same interests. You will find it easier to engage in conversations with people who have similar interests as you.
- If you are invited to a party or event, be sure to say yes. People with social anxiety tend to be shy about group gatherings, but doing so can make you feel even more alienated and unhappy. You should try to attend any social gathering (even if it’s only for half an hour). You need to push yourself out of your comfort zone if you want to get better.
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Take classes that train social skills or confidence. Taking a skills class is a great way to learn and practice social skills and confidence. Get to know the people in your class and practice your skills with them. [21] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source
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Make an appointment with a therapist. If, after trying to deal with the causes of anxiety for a while, you still have difficulty dealing with the other causes on the list and are still experiencing severe anxiety, or you are depressed If you’re worried, you should see a specialist.
Advice
- Understand that not everyone you think is confident is actually confident. A lot of people pretend to be confident, when in reality they are also scared.
- Be true to yourself. Remember that it’s up to you how you decide to behave in society. Keep yourself comfortable and set goals you want to accomplish.
Warning
- Having a complete physical panic attack may require professional medical intervention. You should seek medical attention from trained professionals in hospitals and doctor’s offices when you notice symptoms occurring. Some of the symptoms include (but are not limited to): shortness of breath, tremors, dizziness, and/or chest pain.
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This article was co-written by Donna Novak, Psy.D. Donna Novak is a licensed clinical psychologist in Simi Valley, California. With over ten years of experience, Dr. Novak specializes in the treatment of anxiety, emotional and sexual problems. She holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) and a doctorate in clinical psychology from Alliant-Los Angeles International University. Novak uses a differentiated model of treatment that focuses on personal growth by increasing self-awareness, personal motivation and self-confidence.
There are 10 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 8,665 times.
You want to meet people, make friends, and share yourself with the world, but social interactions can be especially stressful for people with social anxiety. While many people feel stressed before giving a presentation or public speaking, social anxiety can interfere with your normal routine and cause a lot of stress on even ordinary backgrounds. You may constantly doubt your social compatibility and worry about what might happen if you receive negative reviews. While therapy can be helpful for people with social anxiety disorder, there are ways you can try to combat anxiety without professional intervention.
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