How to Overcome Shyness

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Do you often feel awkward when you have to speak in front of a crowd? If yes, you are not alone. Many people around the world are also affected by mild to severe shyness and they are also having a hard time dealing with it. Remember that you can’t come out of your shell overnight. Everything takes time, effort, and of course the desire to change yourself. By reading this article, you are on the right track to getting rid of shyness – for now keep learning.

Table of Contents

Understanding the Nature of Shyness

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Think about the source of shyness. Shyness is not necessarily caused by introversion or self-love. It simply means that for some reason, you feel awkward when all the attention is focused on you. What is the source of your shyness? It could just be a symptom of bigger problems. Here are three possibilities:

Your self-perception is quite poor . This happens when we listen to the negative voices in our heads when evaluating ourselves. It’s hard to stop listening to this voice, but ultimately it’s your voice and you can tell it what to say.
You have trouble trusting the compliments others give you. Whether you feel that you are beautiful or not, other people can perceive this, and that is why they compliment you. You don’t want to call them liars, do you? Lift your chin up, say “thank you,” and accept the compliment. Don’t try to tell the person who gave you the compliment that they were wrong.
You are too focused on how you present yourself. This happens when we focus too much on ourselves. Because we spend the whole day trying to adjust our actions to make sure we don’t screw things up, we also assume that other people do the same. We’ll discuss how to turn attention to others if this sounds better to you.
Others know you as a shy person. Sometimes, when we were kids, we were pretty shy. Unfortunately, everyone relies on this image to treat us similarly to when we were children, even though our personalities have changed radically. Maybe it’s because people put you on this list and you’re just trying to adapt to their mindset. You know, you just have to adapt yourself.
- Whatever your reason, you can get over it. They only exist in your thoughts and thoughts are something you can completely control! That’s right!

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Accept your shyness. One of the first steps to overcoming shyness is to try to accept it and try to become more comfortable with it. The more you resist it, whether intentionally or unintentionally, it will not cease to prevail. If you are a shy person, accept this personality and cherish it. One method that you can do is to constantly say to yourself, ‘Yes, I am a shy person and I accept who I am’.

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Identify triggers for shyness. Do you often become shy in front of new audiences? When learning a new skill? When faced with a new situation? When you surround yourself with people you know well and admire? When you don’t know someone at some point? Try to identify your fleeting thoughts before allowing shyness to take over you completely.

Not every situation makes you shy. You feel pretty good around your family, don’t you? What’s the difference between your family and a stranger? They really aren’t that different – you simply know them better and neither do they. This problem does not arise from you, but from the situation you are facing. This proves that your shyness is not a universal problem, nor is it a problem that happens all the time. Too good.

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Make a list of situations that make you feel anxious. Arrange them in such a way that the least anxiety-provoking agent is first and the most anxiety-provoking agent is last. When you put things in a specific order, you turn them into tasks that you can successfully tackle and tackle.

Make the list as detailed as possible. “Public speaking” can be a trigger for shyness, but you can talk more about them. Talking to people more powerful than you? Talking to people that you find quite attractive? The more detailed you are, the easier it will be to identify situations and resolve them.

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Complete the entire list. Once you’ve created a list of 10-15 stressful situations, start addressing them, one at a time (after you finish reading this article, of course). The easy-to-handle situations at the top of the list can help you build your confidence to move on to more challenging situations.

Don’t worry if you have to step back from time to time; You can work things out slowly, but remember to make an effort to push yourself.

Conquering the Mind

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Use shyness as Hint . Anything that can affect your shyness is because you see it as a trigger for shyness. Just like programming a computer, when a ‘program’ gets certain errors , it reacts the way we programmed it to deal with the error. Our minds are similarly programmed. We are programmed from childhood to be able to deal with certain dangers such as staying away from strangers, heights, dangerous animals, etc. Our files return to their default state, which means we are aware of them and react to them the way we normally would (by default) and this response may still be flawed. For example, when we see a lizard , some of us will see it as an ugly reptile, while others will consider it to be a beautiful pet. is because they are influenced by their natural response (in the default state) to the stimulus (the lizard). Similarly when shy people meet other people (triggers), their natural reaction will be shyness . The truth is you can change the way you react by reprogramming your mind. You can do this by…

Ask yourself questions and check the suitability of your reasons.
You need to practice your public speaking skills to overcome your shyness. Try to see shyness as a cue so you can push yourself to do the opposite of what you normally do when you’re feeling shy. When the crowd makes you feel awkward, you may want to find some quiet place because this has been your default response for a long time but now, whenever you feel shy, When shy, push yourself to do the opposite, for example, talk to people. Of course you will feel completely uncomfortable and negative, but use these emotions as triggers so you can push yourself to try harder. The greater the negative emotion, the more motivating it can be. After you have done this method many times, you will find that these negative emotions are actually your good friends because they will motivate you to push yourself to try harder. more.

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Pay attention to others. 99% of us often become shy when we think that if we speak up or stand out from the crowd, we will embarrass ourselves. This is why you need to redirect your attention to someone else, to get our attention (in the mind) focused elsewhere. When we stop paying attention to ourselves, we stop worrying about how we present ourselves.

The easiest way to do this is to focus on compassion. ^{[1] X Sources of Research} When we feel compassion, empathy, or even empathy for others, we stop focusing on ourselves and start directing all our mental resources to trying to find understand others. Keeping in mind that everyone has to fight some kind of war – big or small (to them they are still pretty big!) – helps us to remember that everyone is worth our attention.
If this method doesn’t work, think in terms of how you imagine other people think the same way. If you’re worried about your appearance, you’d assume that other people are also paying attention to how you look (hint: they really don’t). Stereotypical thinking is contagious; Once you start, you won’t be able to stop.

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Visualize success. Close your eyes and visualize a situation that makes you feel shy. Now, in your mind, think about becoming confident. You should do this method often and do it in many different situations. This method is quite effective if you practice every day, especially in the morning. It sounds silly, but athletes often use this method to develop their skills, so why can’t you?

Focus all your senses to visualize things as realistically as possible. Think about being happy and relaxed. How do you feel? What are you doing? This way, when the time comes, you’ll always be ready.

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Practice good posture. Standing up straight will make the world think you are a confident and approachable person. Often, our emotions will determine how others treat us – so if we are open and approachable, our bodies will emulate that feeling too. Your body will help you overcome difficulties!

This method also helps trick your brain . Scientific research has shown that good posture (head up, shoulders back, and arms outstretched) makes us feel empowered, confident, and – most of all – relieves stress. straight. ^{[2] X Research Sources} And you don’t even need to know more reasons!

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Practice talking to yourself. This method will help you avoid the embarrassment of having to repeat what you say just because you stammered or spoke too softly. You need to learn to get used to listening to your own voice! Even love it.

Record your voice as you talk to yourself. It may sound silly, but it’s easy to spot patterns, when and why you stop talking, the moment when you think you’re talking too loud but you’re actually speaking quite softly, etc. At the beginning , you will feel like an actor (and do the things that an actor needs to do to get into the role), but over time it will become your habit. You know, practice will help you form a habit!

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Do not compare yourself with others. The more you compare yourself to others, the more you feel that you are not equal to them and threatened, and this will make you more shy. Comparing yourself to others won’t do you any good – but if you really want to compare yourself, do it more realistically. Other people have the same confidence problems as you!

Seriously, if your relatives or friends are pretty confident and outgoing people, consult them on this article. They might say things like, “Yeah, yeah, I’ve completely made myself aware of having to be more open-minded” or “I used to be pretty bad myself. I really did. it takes a lot of effort to change it.” You are just in a different stage of transformation than they are.

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Think about your awesomeness. Any person has a unique talent or trait that can help the world. It sounds cheesy, but it’s true. Think about what you know, what you can do, and what you’ve done instead of focusing on how you look, how you talk, or how you dress. Remember that everyone, even “pretty” people, has things that make them unhappy with themselves or with their lives. There is no one specific reason that can explain why your “problem” makes you shy, while their “problem” doesn’t make them shy.

When you focus on this issue, you will realize that you can be of great help to any group of people or any situation. Your knowledge and skills are essential to improving any problem, conversation, or situation. Recognizing this will help you to want to speak for yourself.

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Determine your own social worth and strength. Just because you’re not the standout person in the room, or the most vocal, or the one who can start a party doesn’t mean you lack social power. Are you a good listener? Are you capable of paying attention to detail? Maybe it’s a quality you didn’t even realize you possessed, so relax a bit. Are you more observant than others? Maybe.

Your strength can give you an advantage. If you are a good listener, you will be able to easily tell when someone is having a problem and needs to express their feelings. In this situation, they are the ones who need you . This situation does not contain any threat element. So ask them out! You will notice that they are “fuming” with anger – can you listen to them?
In social groups, all roles need to be filled. Even if you don’t notice, you have a role to play in the team. No position is better than another – knowing your own worth, no matter what, helps to motivate the whole team.

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Don’t “label” yourself. You need to know that celebrities are often unhappy. Extroverts don’t have to be famous or happy, and shy people don’t have to be introverted, unhappy, or cold or aloof. You don’t want others to think of you in a certain way, so you shouldn’t label others either.

Day after day, the famous students in the school are trying their best to maintain their popularity. They are trying to adapt and become relevant and successful. Good for them, but that doesn’t mean they’ll be happy or that their popularity will last forever. Trying to compete for ephemeral things won’t get you very far. You shouldn’t brag about your accomplishments – high school will end, college will end, and what will you get in the end? A few rants and a funny crown.

Conquering Social Situations

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Ready. If you’re planning to attend a party next week, it’s a good idea to prepare a few interesting topics to talk about in advance. The state continues to stagnate? The final round of a popular TV show? An international event? Learn more about them. This way, you’ll be able to join any conversation when a topic comes up.

It’s not like you’re trying to impress people with your comprehensive and deep understanding. You are just participating in the story. People aren’t looking for judgment or opinion from you, so keep things light and friendly. A simple statement such as “God, I wouldn’t want to have to wear Boehner shoes” can stop the conversation from reaching a dead end.

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Think about the conversation in stages. Social interaction can be simplified to an extent. When you direct your attention to the basic steps and absorb them subjectively, you will be able to automatically join every story, and this will make you less stressed. Think of every conversation in terms of four stages:

The first stage is the one that opens with simple statements. Often appropriate social stories.
The second stage is the introduction. Introduce yourself.
The third stage is to find commonalities, some topics that both of you can discuss.
The fourth stage is concluding, one person will notify the other person that they will have to end the conversation, and then sum things up, or possibly exchange information. “It’s been a pleasure talking to you – I never thought of Walt in such a way. Here’s my business card – we’ll see you soon!”

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Start the story. Do you remember the project you completed? The mountain you conquered? The disease that you overcame? If you can talk about these things, you will be able to easily converse. A random comment about something you both share can help start a conversation – “The bus is always late” or “They must be finishing their coffee!” or “Did you see the tie that Mr. Hai was wearing today? Oh my god. Your conversation will start from these things.

Add details to basic sentences. If someone asks for your home address, it’s easy for you to respond in a way that brings the conversation to a standstill in a state of utter embarrassment, feeling like you’ve completely failed. Instead of answering “On Nguyen Thai Hoc Street”, say “On Nguyen Thai Hoc Street, next to the delicious bakery”. ^{[3] X Source of Research} This way, the other party can further discuss the issue, helping to keep the story going. Instead of them replying with “Ah, I see,” they’ll say, “Oh my god, have you tried their chocolate croissants?!”

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Start up. If you’re at a party, you can’t stop using similar conversations . Join a conversation with one or two people at a time and practice making funny and boring comments until you get the hang of them and get pretty tired of them. Then go back to chatting with people you really like. At this point, you will be able to focus on the real story.

Get started quickly, each conversation should last only a few minutes, This way you won’t stress yourself out and it will probably help you feel less anxious – when you know that the conversation The story will be over in 2 minutes, everything will be no longer scary. Then you can spend time and energy with the people you love. Indeed, this is the most valuable time for your efforts! ^{[3] X Research Sources}

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Be approachable and act friendly. Use body language to convey your friendly and open attitude. Make sure you don’t cross your arms, keep your head up, and don’t get too busy doing something. No one likes to chat with you when you’re busy with a game of Candy Crush. They are just trying to be polite to you!

Think about the people you want to reach. What do their bodies and facial expressions say? Now think about the people you don’t want to reach. How do you sit – what position are you in?

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Smile and make eye contact. Smiling at a stranger can make your day as well as theirs! Smiling is a friendly way to show gratitude to others, and it’s a great way to start a conversation with anyone, whether they’re strangers or friends. You are proving to them that you are completely harmless, friendly, and want to join them.

Humans are social animals. People in solitary confinement will attest to this. Any one of us is looking for interaction and self-affirmation. You’re not trying to fool them – you’re just trying to make their day come alive and better.

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Think about your body. When you join a group of people (even if it’s only one person), you can become shy. In the first few moments, this is completely normal. If you feel anxious, ask yourself the following: ^{[4] X Research Source}

Am I breathing or not? If you can breathe slowly, your body will enter a state of relaxation.
Am I relaxing or not? If not, move your body into a position where you can feel more comfortable.
Am I open-minded? You may be using cognitive signals in your own way of thinking. Being open can change how others see your role on the team.

Challenge Yourself

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Set goals for yourself. You can’t just think “I’ll be bolder and not shy anymore!”. This is not a tangible goal – it’s the same as when you say “I want to be great”. How will you do it? You need to set goals that involve specific actions, such as talking to strangers or starting a conversation with a cute guy or girl you know. (We will discuss these actions in the next section.)

Focus on small daily achievements, then gradually become bolder. Even the act of asking a stranger for the time is seen as a daunting task. Don’t think these little opportunities won’t be worth your while – they’re huge! From these little things, you will be able to speak in public easily later on, so slow down!

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Find things that make you comfortable. Honestly, performing a dance or drinking all night isn’t going to work for you – they have nothing to do with shyness. If you’d rather trim your grandma’s toenails than do these things, you’re on the right track. Don’t try to conquer your shyness in an environment where you obviously can’t stand it. It won’t suit you.

You don’t have to take the same actions as others. And if you do, you won’t be able to stick with it and you won’t be able to find people you love and have the same personality as you. Why would you want to waste your time?! If the pub isn’t the right place for you, don’t worry. Practice your social skills at a coffee shop, at a small gathering, or at work. These locations will be more suitable for your life.

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Put yourself in uncomfortable situations. You should remember that we don’t want you to put yourself in a situation where you have to hide in the corner and pinch yourself to relieve the pain you are experiencing, but you need to put yourself in an environment where you take a step or two out of your comfort zone. Otherwise how can you grow?

Starting from the first place on the list, remember? It could be talking to a sales girl, chatting with someone at the bus stop, or chatting with the guy sitting next to you at work. Most people aren’t good at starting a conversation (do you know why? Because they’re just like you), but your chance to start a conversation is still there.

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Introduce yourself to someone new every day. Talking to strangers is usually easier, at least quicker. Either way, you probably won’t see them again, so you don’t have to care what they think of you, right? The guy is going to the bus stop. Make eye contact and smile at him. It only takes you 3 seconds to do this!

The more you practice, the more you will notice that people are quite approachable and friendly. Occasionally you’ll run into rather strange people, who are suspicious and wonder why you’re smiling at them – think of them as interesting people for you to tease a bit. Plus, smiling will make others wonder why you’re smiling – now you’re the one playing with their mind instead of the other way around!

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Be bolder. Talk to people you wouldn’t normally think you would talk to. Find people who share one or more of your interests and plan to talk to them. At some point, you will realize that you are in a certain group of people. Use the simplest phrases to converse (or with the help of others). Let’s join them. This is the only way you can develop yourself.

With time, you will gradually be able to do this more easily. Do you remember how difficult it was when you first learned to drive or ride a bike? Similar to social interaction; You just haven’t practiced enough. After a while, you’ll notice that you’ve “got through it all”. Nothing can stop you. Too great.

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Save your success and keep practicing. In the notebook where you wrote your social agent list, write about your success. Realizing your own progress will form the motivation to keep moving forward. Within a few weeks, you will be completely amazed at your control over your problems, and you will know that anything is possible. It’s great .

There is no set time for you to complete this process. For many people, the problem will not be solved until they suddenly become aware of things. For many others, this is a six-month process. No matter how long it takes, remember to always believe in yourself. You will soon succeed.

Advice

Remember that shyness is an emotional state, not a fixed personality. You have the ability to change your shy feelings through your desires and actions.
“Fake it until you make it” – is a pretty good adage. Pretend to be confident and after a while you will realize that you have actually become confident. However, you need to remember that pushing yourself too hard in situations where you don’t feel comfortable will only add strength to your problem. Shyness and social anxiety are traits that you learn through your attitude and you need to put yourself in more comfortable situations. ^{[5] X Research Sources}
Fear and excitement have the same chemical, adrenaline. If you focus on the positive aspects of the event, speech, activity, etc. and think of your stress as something you look forward to, you will be able to turn fear into a reality. Enthusiasm helps you to enjoy your bold personality. Many bold, persuasive people have the same level of stress as you do in the first few moments when they are faced with social situations but later interpret them as excitement and Share it with everyone around. Stage fright can be a great performance if you can change the way you think about your own emotions.
Frequently say “yes”. This can be quite difficult at first. Let’s start with the little things, like saying hello to a classmate or the like; The point here is that once you accept to do things that you don’t normally do, you can have pretty amazing moments. Plus, you’ll feel better about yourself because you’re pretty daring enough to be able to do that.
Know that everyone becomes shy to some degree. The difference is in their level of shyness. You can boost your confidence by practicing your communication skills and by developing new topics to discuss with others.
Talk slowly. Speaking slowly will help you think about the topic you need to talk about, as well as help you increase the power of your words.
Make a list of the things you love about yourself and stick them on the wall in your room. It can help boost your confidence before you leave the house.
Overcome stage fright by imagining that you are someone else, such as a certain celebrity you admire. Visualize yourself as that person until you feel more comfortable appearing on stage.
Being shy isn’t a bad thing, but neither is being bold!
Do not hesitate to seek help from professionals; Support groups, counselors, and therapies can also help. Sometimes, shyness is the cause of other underlying health problems, and it’s important to be aware of this. Social Anxiety Disorder often begins with “extreme shyness,” so make sure you’re aware of the problem you’re dealing with.
Join clubs or activities that you enjoy such as group work or a sport, but if you don’t like competition, join a more cooperative club such as writing or painting. Do your best, and there’s a good chance you’ll get along well with the other members of the club, too.
Believe in yourself and do your best. Thinking that you will overcome your fear will give you a confidence boost.

Warning

Usually it’s just your way of thinking, you don’t have to be shy, just take a deep breath and hold your head up high.
Sometimes shyness is only temporary – many people develop confidence and become bolder with age. You shouldn’t try to change yourself unless you’re really unhappy with yourself; With time, you will probably get rid of your shy personality.
If you’re the rather shy celebrity in your family or circle of friends, beware of harmless teasing. Some people will be uncomfortable when you change yourself beyond what they normally think of you. Let’s ignore them. They mean well, but don’t let them scare you so much that you have to go back to your own shell!

Steps