How to Overcome Jealousy

No matter how hard you try to cover it up with a smile, the envy is always there, in you. It can even spiral out of control and turn into jealousy or even depression. So before it gets swallowed up, what can we do to get rid of it? Learning to stop comparing yourself to others, appreciating what you have, and practicing these tips to change your perspective can help you deal with jealousy in time. Learn more about how to overcome your jealousy.

Table of Contents

Understanding What is Envy

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Know the difference between envy and jealousy. They are not the same but are often confused when used. Distinguishing between envy and jealousy is important in determining your emotions. Jealousy is your own reaction to the risk of losing something that belongs to you. Envy is a reaction to something you think you lack. ^{[1] X Research Source}

For example, jealousy is when you find out that your girlfriend is flirting with another guy. Jealousy is when you see a friend in a brand new sports car.

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Think about the harmful effects of jealousy. How has envy negatively impacted your life? Maybe a long-term relationship is in danger of falling apart because you can’t seem happy for your best friend anymore, and so you’ve been avoiding her calls. Maybe you obsess over checking your ex’s Facebook just to stare at pictures of him and his fiancée. Maybe you envied reading a classmate’s photo blog, wishing you were as artistically gifted as he is. Those are all examples of how the envy that makes you waste your energy could be better spent on more positive things. It can harm you in the following ways: ^{[2] X Trusted Source Harvard Business Review Go to source}

Wasting your time
Makes you can’t think of anything else
Destroying personal and professional relationships
Subjugate your character
Create negativity in you

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Identify the reason why you feel jealous. Before you can constructively deal with jealousy, you need to figure out what’s behind it. If you’re jealous of your friend’s new sports car, take the time to question yourself to determine the cause. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

For example, do you also want the same car? Or is it because his ability to buy really expensive things makes you jealous?

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Rewrite your feelings. Writing is a great way to express feelings and deal with negative emotions. Writing can help you begin to understand your jealousy better and, in turn, deal with it. Start by making a note of why you feel jealous. Describe the source of envy in as much detail as possible. Try to identify the cause of your jealousy towards someone. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

For example, you could write about your friend using a new sports car and how that makes you feel. What was your mood at that time? When he applied the brakes and stopped, how did you feel? What did you want to do/say? What did you really do/say? When he left, how did you feel? Come to think of it, how are you feeling now? What do you want your feeling to be?

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Consider talking to a friend about your feelings of jealousy. Talking to a supportive friend or family member can help you express your feelings and feel better. Choose someone who has little to do with the person you envy. Also, make sure the person is supportive and listens to you. Choosing someone who isn’t as caring or supportive can make you feel worse.

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If you can’t get rid of jealousy on your own, consider getting help from your doctor. For some people, envy can affect happiness and daily life. Without help, understanding and determining how best to deal with these feelings can be difficult. A licensed psychologist can help you understand and work through them.

Turn Jealousy into a Positive

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Stop judging yourself harshly. Jealousy often stems from dissatisfaction with oneself. You are always interested in how others get what you want, career, life partner, career or intellect. These desires stem from your sense of inadequacy. Try not to be so harsh with yourself and you won’t be tempted to unfairly compare your condition with others. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

For example, maybe you envy your friend’s flourishing career while you’re still in the early stages. Be more patient with yourself – keep working hard and your turn will come.
In general, envy comes from hasty judgment – thinking that one thing is better than another and making decisions based on what you don’t have. Try to be more open-minded instead of having stereotypes about which qualities are good and which are not.

Avoid Compare

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Live by your own definition of success. Do you judge yourself and others based on superficial thoughts about the definition of success? Success doesn’t have to be a mansion, a car, and a position of power, or being so beautiful that others can’t help but stare. Success is about finding out what life is best for you and enjoying it to the fullest. If you care less about society’s standards of success and focus instead on what makes you happy every day, you won’t be comparing yourself to others so often. ^{[8] X Harvard Business Review Trusted Source Go to Source}

Remember that it’s okay to be on the ladder of life unlike everyone else. For example, just because you may not have found the right job or life partner, doesn’t mean you’re any worse than the person you envy. Life is not a list of things we need to accomplish to achieve happiness. Everyone has their own path, and no path is more important or better than another.

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Realize that you don’t see the whole story. Seems someone has it all – the perfect boyfriend, the amazing hair, just like you name it. However, the story is always more than that, because no one can have a perfect life. If someone seems to have everything you want, you probably have a few things they want, too. Don’t put others on high and feel angry that they must be guided by lucky stars. You may not know what their weaknesses are – after all, most people are used to hiding their flaws – but know that they always exist.

Knowing that everyone has struggles, needs or wants is enough to remind everyone that everyone is the same. It’s completely unnecessary to dig deep to find other people’s weaknesses! Rest assured that there are always things you can’t see, try to get rid of envious thoughts and focus on yourself.

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Remember that the success of others does not affect your success. For example, an acquaintance started an exercise program, lost 10 kg, and completed his first marathon. Of course she’s achieved a great feat but that shouldn’t stop you from doing the same! Your success in life does not depend on the success of others. Whether it’s finding love, getting a good job, or anything else, you can get there no matter how successful someone may be.

Grateful

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Focus on your talent and what you have. Now that you’ve stopped comparing to others, focus on yourself. Focus on your good qualities to become better at what you do and in who you are. When you’re working hard to perfect a cello or write a great essay, there’s no time for you to care about other people’s work. ^{[9] X Research Source}

When you find your mind drifting towards things you don’t have, consciously try to think about what you do have. Always do it every time you feel this sign of jealousy. When you stop yourself from sinking into jealousy and focus instead on the things that make you special and great, you will begin to see a much more positive outlook.
Realize that not everyone gets what you have – in fact, your talents and possessions can even make others jealous.

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Be grateful for the people you love. Think of the people who care and are willing to do anything for you, and think about the things you want to do for them. Caring for the people with whom your life is fulfilled is a positive way to eliminate feelings of envy. Instead of feeling inadequate, be grateful for their presence in your life. This is very close to satisfaction. It is focusing on the present and focusing on the good things that are there instead of thinking about the shortcomings in life.

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Change when you can, accept the things you can’t change. It’s important to know what you can do and what is out of your control. Focus on improving the things you can change and don’t waste time on things that are out of your control, because there’s nothing you can do to change them. If you get too caught up in the things you can’t change, you will eventually become extremely negative and possibly even depressed. Time is limited, and you don’t want to waste it on things that have already been done.

For example, if a friend’s musical talent makes you dream and your greatest desire is to become a singer-songwriter, do your best to achieve it. Put your soul into composing, take vocal courses, perform at open concerts (where audiences can sign up for performances) – give it your all. If you think there’s a chance for you to succeed in music, or you just feel so passionate about it that you want to spend your life singing, don’t let anything stop you.
On the other hand, there are also things in life that hard work and intense desire cannot help. If you have a crush on a friend’s wife and they’re a happy couple, you’ll have to accept that this is something you can’t change. It is very important to accept reality before jealousy becomes extremely negative.

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Spend time with precious people. If you’re hanging out with the type of person who constantly compares jobs, spouses, and kids, complaining about what they don’t get and putting down who gets it, maybe you should start making time for those things. others. If you hang out with people who don’t appreciate what they have, you’ll become like them. Surround yourself with people who know how to be happy with themselves – not in the I-better-than-you, but happy enough not to stab others or constantly compare. Make friends with people who are nonjudgmental, generous, and kind, and you’ll begin to feel the same way about yourself and others.

Change the View

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Start a gratitude journal. If you haven’t thought about the good things in life for a long time, grab a pen and a piece of paper and start writing about them. A gratitude journal is a great way to change the way you see and appreciate what you have. If that’s not your style, you can also try a video blog (such as a vlog) or sketch. Because envy comes from an obsession with your lack, take the time and effort to remind yourself of what you have. ^{[10] X Research Sources} Here are some ideas for journaling:

Your talent
The things that make you most proud of your appearance
Best friend
Your dog
Favorite food
Things that make you laugh
Memories make you happy
What future plans are you looking forward to?
Favorite items
Achievements

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For a day, think only of positive things. If you’re a jealous person and keep it to yourself, you probably don’t need to resort to this trick. However, if it eats away at your personality and makes you more negative than you would like, try to go through the day without complaints. It’s not something you can do forever – after all, it’s perfectly okay to feel annoyed about something at one time or another! – but stopping complaining for a day can help you become aware of how often you speak negatively. If you barely open your mouth all day, the experience is worth pondering.

When you do, stop complaining – even those about yourself. Don’t put yourself down, compare unfairly with others, or wish things were different.
You may find that, when you complain, you are also influencing others. It’s not fun to be with someone who only sees the bad side of things. Adjusting your attitude can help improve your relationships.

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Stay away from negativity for a week. A “negative element” is anything that intensifies jealousy and makes you wish for things you don’t or can’t have. The more haunting it is, the worse your mood will be. So try to stay away from it for a week and see if you feel better. Here are some examples of negative factors:

Advertisement. For example, constantly seeing ads for expensive and unaffordable clothes can make you jealous of people with nice clothes. Ads make your envy worse. You may have to stop watching TV and reading novels instead of fashion magazines for a week.
Social network. If you feel moved by the “humble” sharing when surfing Facebook, you are not alone. In fact, research shows that envy increases when using Facebook. ^{[11] X Research Sources} If you surf Facebook or other social networks regularly, try stopping them for at least a week.

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Remind yourself that you can control everything. If you’re constantly envious of other people’s things, remind yourself that you too can have them, you just choose not to. For example, if you really want a wardrobe, you can use up your credit limit, but you probably don’t want to because you know how to spend wisely. When it comes to making the right choices (like avoiding credit card debt), you should feel proud of those decisions. ^{[12] X Research Source}

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Compliment five people every day. Try to do that with five new people a day, so you don’t compliment someone over and over again. Compliment a person based on the things you really admire about that person – don’t take it easy and give it too shallow a compliment. Taking the time to identify what you really like in others and saying it will help you think positively. You will no longer have to worry about comparing yourself to others like before.

Research shows that praising someone who makes you jealous can benefit you. Find ways to compliment their efforts and contributions that make you feel appreciated. ^{[13] X Research Source}

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Volunteer. If you can’t get your mind off thinking about what you don’t have, spend time helping those who really have nothing. Sometimes our minds get confused and we can’t see how lucky we are. Wake up yourself by volunteering at a charity kitchen, hospital or animal shelter for a day. ^{[14] X Research Sources} Then, reflect on your experience. Helping others helps you see how rich you are and how much you can do for the world.

Advice

Do your best to resist the urge to compare yourself. Focus on improving yourself instead of becoming like everyone else.
See envy as an opportunity for self-improvement, not as a reason to feel bad about yourself.

Steps