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This article was co-written by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC. Moshe Ratson is the CEO of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a training and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is a certified career coach by the International Federation of Coaches. He received a master’s degree in marriage and family therapy from the University of Iona. Moshe is a member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (AAMFT) and a member of the International Federation of Coaches (ICF).
This article has been viewed 23,138 times.
When you lose someone so important and precious to you, grief can become very intense. Pain, sad memories and unanswered questions can haunt you. You feel like you can’t be the same, you won’t be able to smile or feel whole anymore. While there’s no way to grieve without pain, there are “healthy” ways to grieve that can move you forward. Don’t settle for a life without joy, try to get over the loss and then even if it takes a long time, you will definitely feel better.
Steps
Overcoming Grief
- When the loss is still fresh in your memory, you need to focus your attention on the grieving. However, you should set a limit for lingering mourning. Give yourself some time, maybe a few days to a week, to feel the sadness deeply. But it’s also important to note that the more time you spend wallowing in sadness, the harder it will be to get rid of that loss. Eventually, you will be paralyzed by self-pity and unable to move on.
- Find a way out of your pain. If you feel like doing something while grieving, do it, as long as it doesn’t cause pain to yourself or others. Crying, throwing pillows, running long distances, throwing everything out, driving, screaming as loud as you can in the woods or some lonely place, and visualizing your memories are some of the ways people often choose to release his pain. Either way has the same effect.
- Avoid doing anything that harms yourself or others. Loss is not about causing pain or making things worse. Loss is a time when we learn to find meaning in our feelings and learn to cope with pain.
- If you are worried that others will feel confused or upset by listening to you, a simple warning before you talk will help alleviate this anxiety. Just letting them know that you’re upset or confused and that some of the words you say won’t make any sense, you’ll still appreciate someone who listens to you. A caring friend or helper won’t mind.
- Some people who don’t take your grief seriously can be well-meaning (but somewhat flawed) friends. Get in touch with them again when you feel stronger. Until then, steer clear of their impatience – you can’t rush into an emotional recovery right away.
- If you feel guilty after a loss, talk to someone you know. They will always be able to help you convince yourself that the loss was not your fault.
- Keep mementos that remind you of that person or pet in a box in the corner. Only bring them out when you need a tangible object to recall your memories. Remember that leaving memorabilia around in plain sight is not a good idea as it will constantly remind you of the person who passed away and make it harder for you to move on.
Episode Towards Happiness
- If you lose a pet, remember the wonderful times it was with you, the happy life you gave it, or the special features it alone possessed.
- Whenever you find yourself tending to become more sad, angry, or self-pitying, take a journal and write down the beautiful things you remember about that lost person or pet. In sad moments, you can look to this diary to remind yourself of the happiness you two had together.
- While working or studying can temporarily take your mind off your loss, don’t overdo it to distract yourself, or you’ll find yourself with only work and sadness, and nothing else. Find more joyful pastimes by doing things that make you feel good. There are many options available to you, such as gardening, cooking, fishing, listening to your favorite song, walking, drawing, writing, etc. Choose whichever activity brings you joys. moments of fun, relaxation (something that everyday work or study cannot give you).
- Participate in social activities. See volunteering as an opportunity to divert attention from your problems to the problems of others. If you like children, they are always full of surprises and their laughter can help soothe your soul.
- A few scientific studies have shown that sunlight contains natural anti-depressants. [1] X Research Resources Getting out of the house will help you get out of your emotional mess.
- Many religions have taught that people’s souls still exist after their bodies die. Other religions teach that the essence of man transforms into a different form or will be resurrected back to Earth. If you’re religious, find solace in believing that the person you’ve lost lives on forever in the form of a spirit.
- The first outing after a big loss can be a little reserved and awkward because your friends are nervous about how to approach it. Don’t let this put you off as you still need to get back to your normal social life at some point. Be persistent, even if it takes weeks or months for everything to completely return to “normal”, spending time with good friends will always help you a lot.
- Don’t worry, you will never forget the people you love. You’ll also use your inner strength to find goals and achievements you’ve missed. What changes is the way you approach life from this moment on – there may be a clearer goal, a new sense of worth, or a completely changed perspective on certain aspects of life. . However, these developments won’t happen if you don’t give yourself time to heal.
- While you should give yourself an appropriate amount of time to heal, remember that your life is precious and it is your responsibility to make the most of this time in your life. Your goal in life is to be happy, not sad. Don’t rush away from grief, but don’t be content with only partial recovery either. Set a recovery goal based on one of those small steps. This is what you need to do for yourself – keep going no matter how long it takes.
Advice
- If someone tells you to “get over it,” don’t argue with them. This only makes you feel worse because it makes you feel less emotionally resilient than other people. In other words, you’ll start to believe that the way you’re dealing with grief isn’t right, when in reality it doesn’t matter. Just your feelings. Don’t listen to them, because they don’t understand the relationship you have with the person you love. Your wound will heal on its own and in a time that you decide for yourself.
- Don’t regret anything. Don’t make yourself miserable because you haven’t had a chance to say sorry, say goodbye, or say goodbye. You can still say these words.
- Remember that everyone’s feelings are different. Don’t worry if you find yourself recovering more difficult than others, even when dealing with the same loss. This often indicates the true level of intimacy between you and that loved one. Some people don’t cry, while others take months to stop crying.
- You have the right to think of other things. There is nothing that requires you to bury your loss over and over to show your sadness and to show others how much the person who passed away means to you. Everyone knows that you are extremely miserable, you don’t need to prove or explain anything.
- Music can help people ease grief and loss. However, try to change from sad songs to fast-paced songs, otherwise you will find yourself down and sad just because you listen to sad music for too long.
- The key lies in patience. Don’t put pressure on yourself when things can happen naturally.
- Life is beautiful and full of wonderful surprises for you. Just walk forward and smile, visit new places and meet new people.
- Grief has a very special way of working, and everyone’s grief is different. Not everyone will be able to recover quickly and not everyone will be in extreme pain.
- Love yourself. If you do fall (and you certainly will) then simply smile, push yourself to get up, and keep going.
- Don’t blame yourself. Blaming won’t explain the problem, and it won’t make you feel better.
- Don’t let regrets control you. “If only I had behaved better.” “I wish I had taken the time to come and play more often.”
- If you need to cry, just let your emotions out. Keeping emotions inside is not good at all.
- Try playing with your pets, they can tell that you’re upset and playing with them can help.
- Don’t be afraid to regret something because you can’t escape this feeling, but don’t let it control you either. Even if you don’t feel the same way about saying you love or sorry to someone who’s passed away, say it until you think they heard. Guilt will always be there. Try shouting out loud what you want to say in a quiet place.
Warning
- Be careful with escapes like drugs and alcohol as they can lead to other problems and addiction.
- Don’t commit suicide, this world is still worth living.
Things you need
- Memorabilia (photos, diaries, movies, etc.)
- A personal diary to record emotions, poems, etc.
- Things that remind you to eat well, exercise, and get outside to enjoy the world.
This article was co-written by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC. Moshe Ratson is the CEO of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a training and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is a certified career coach by the International Federation of Coaches. He received a master’s degree in marriage and family therapy from the University of Iona. Moshe is a member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (AAMFT) and a member of the International Federation of Coaches (ICF).
This article has been viewed 23,138 times.
When you lose someone so important and precious to you, grief can become very intense. Pain, sad memories and unanswered questions can haunt you. You feel like you can’t be the same, you won’t be able to smile or feel whole anymore. While there’s no way to grieve without pain, there are “healthy” ways to grieve that can move you forward. Don’t settle for a life without joy, try to get over the loss and then even if it takes a long time, you will definitely feel better.
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