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This article was co-written by Paul Chernyak, LPC. Paul Chernyak is a licensed professional counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
There are 11 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 46,960 times.
Do you often argue with colleagues, relatives, or even lovers because they say you are arrogant? Do you have difficulty working in groups? Is asking for help rather ridiculous and unnecessary to you? You have too much ego. Of course, a big ego will be quite helpful in helping you go further in your work. However, being conceited also means that you cannot get along with others. You can improve your relationship by learning how to control your ego.
Steps
Changing attitudes
- You will stop comparing when you start to appreciate more. Instead of comparing yourself to high standards in your mind, simply respect and appreciate all the good that others themselves can offer. [2] X Research Source
- Remind yourself that no one is perfect, including you. If you have to compare, you should compare yourself to who you were yesterday.
- Pay attention to your current response to failure. Do you torment yourself? Cancel all your big plans?
- Decide how you want to react and go for it. Perhaps you want to take a closer look at what happened and change your plans to account for the information you just learned.
- Self motivated. You should look for inspirational quotes and display them around your living space or office. Repeat the powerful statement to yourself after each setback.
- Another measure of success is to see it as a journey. There has been a saying that success is the process of realizing a worthwhile goal for yourself. In other words, as long as you’re steadily moving toward your goal (even if it’s one small step toward the goal), you’ve succeeded—even if your boss or teacher isn’t aware of it and you don’t. rewarded afterwards.
- In the meantime, try not to brag about your success. Congratulate yourself in silence on a job well done, and remember to do the same for others. The surest way to get rid of your ego is to be able to share your successes and victories with others.
- Look for absurd illusions as the source that guides your actions. Perhaps as a child, you were taught that if you act like you own the room, people will think of you the same way. This method can work, but at the same time, it will also alienate others from you. You should cancel the “If, Then” principle and define success in your own way.
- Practice mindfulness. You should make an effort to live every moment of your life to the fullest. This way, you won’t be limited by thoughts of the past or future that might interfere with your present.
- Use a beginner’s mind. Believing that we know everything about the situation at hand will keep us from seeing the big picture. To combat the trap of expectation, you should face the situation as if it were your first time. This way, you will be open to new ideas and perspectives.
Change the way you interact
- Rethink your motives. Again, when you feel like you’re being cornered by someone, you should ask yourself if you disagree with them because you feel like you’re superior or inferior to them. You should try to minimize this if certain factors are causing you conflict. You need to find the range of compromises that can benefit everyone involved.
- Decide on the important factor. You should remember that there will never be an “I” in team spirit. What is your overall goal? Are you willing to humble yourself a little so that everyone can achieve a common goal?
- You should be well aware that compromise does not mean surrender. Working with others to achieve a goal while giving up on something small (like being the right one or being superior, for example) is totally worth it. You just have to make sure that you never compromise on something as valuable as your personal beliefs or values.
- This doesn’t mean you should go out and argue with your spouse or co-worker. The advice here is that you should not forcefully protest or stop communicating every time you feel a little threatened. Sometimes, hearing a different point of view can challenge you to see the world in a whole new way.
- Eye contact. Look at the speaker. Do not cross your arms and legs. Practice active listening by listening to understand rather than respond. Before sharing anything, you should paraphrase the other person’s words and ask clarifying questions such as “Are you saying that…?”.
- Use someone else’s name. You should ask questions about areas that you know are important to the person, like their children or hobbies. You should say something like “Hi Mai! Have you been going to the gym recently?”.
- Compliment your opponent. This can be quite a difficult action, but you should give it a go. Instead of just focusing on yourself, you should redirect your energy outward. Look for what you really appreciate in others — their neat looks, their effort, and their personality. Take the time to let them know that you appreciate this quality. For example, you could say, “Dude, the energy you put into this project is truly contagious. Thank you!”.
Get to know the me in front of you
- “Am I feeling better than others?”
- “Am I feeling inferior to others?”
- If your answer is “yes” to either of these questions, your ego is controlling you. Perhaps it is easy for you to understand that feeling superior to others is a sign of an oversized ego. However, you won’t know that feeling inferior is also a problem with the ego. [10] X Research Source
- If you feel angry after encountering a similar situation as above, your ego is controlling you. You get angry when someone gives you advice on an aspect you think you know well. You will refuse to accept help. When someone else comes up with some better ideas than you do, you will ignore them so your opinion won’t be dismissed.
- You may also have trouble perceiving signs that you are easily offended. You should observe your interactions for a few days. Do people around you often apologize for upsetting you? Do you always feel that you need to calm down after someone pisses you off? You are having problems with your ego.
This article was co-written by Paul Chernyak, LPC. Paul Chernyak is a licensed professional counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
There are 11 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 46,960 times.
Do you often argue with colleagues, relatives, or even lovers because they say you are arrogant? Do you have difficulty working in groups? Is asking for help rather ridiculous and unnecessary to you? You have too much ego. Of course, a big ego will be quite helpful in helping you go further in your work. However, being conceited also means that you cannot get along with others. You can improve your relationship by learning how to control your ego.
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