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This article was co-written by Sandra Possing. Sandra Possing is a life coach, speaker, and entrepreneur based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Sandra specializes in one-on-one coaching with a focus on transforming mindsets and leadership. Sandra is coach trained from the Coach Training Institute and has seven years of life coaching experience. She holds a bachelor’s degree in anthropology from the University of California, Los Angeles.
There are 12 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 4,508 times.
Is there a pessimist in your life – someone who thinks about the negatives of a situation more than the positives? If you are a cheerful optimist, it may be difficult for you to understand and face the view of a pessimist. The method to help you not be discouraged by a person with a “half-empty” mindset is to reduce the impact of pessimism on yourself, communicate effectively with people who have a negative view, and learn about pessimism.
Steps
Reduce the impact of pessimism on yourself
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Focus on yourself. Sometimes we spend so much time worrying about other people and how they feel that we lose sight of ourselves. Take responsibility for your feelings and reactions to pessimism. [1] X Source of Research By focusing on your own happiness rather than on others, you take away the power of negativity.
- Remind yourself that you are in control. You have the right to allow the feelings and thoughts of others to influence you to any extent. [2] X Research Source
- For example, although it can be difficult to empathize with pessimism, you should understand that other people’s pessimism is their own thinking, and that you can only control how you feel. You have the right to decide what affects how you feel.
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Change your way of thinking. The use of logic as a countermeasure is always associated with strong willpower. [3] X Source of Research You should stay positive. Research shows that optimism can help boost energy. [4] X Research Source This means that your own optimism can help you beat pessimism and the effects of negativity.
- Find the good in everything and remind yourself that digging is possible for anyone. What’s much harder is finding solutions and taking positive action. Instead of trying to convince the pessimist with words with valid explanations, you just need to continue to be positive in your life, using your actions and deeds instead of words.
- If you feel sad around a pessimist, mentally mentally (even write it down if you like) five good things in your life. Think of these as a “shield” against the negativity you find yourself reacting to.
- Actively cultivate friendships with optimists. Spending more time with upbeat people will improve your mood and reassure you that the feeling is right for you.
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Focus on the person’s good qualities. The way things look is not the only personality of a person, but there are many other complex qualities that make up a person’s character. So, look at their good points instead of just focusing on the negative. Is that person smart? Are they helpful to you? Are they so unique that they don’t have to worry about what others think of them? Are they easy people to work with? Focus on the positive aspects of the person and find a way to balance the negatives. [5] X Research Sources
- When you list five good points in your life, try to list at least three positives about the pessimist and think of them when dealing with them becomes difficult. You can also use this list to remind pessimists of their good points if they have forgotten.
- Find empathy for pessimists by remembering that their pessimism can be traced back to unhappiness or low self-esteem. When you hear them say something negative, tell yourself that perhaps they went through something very difficult that made them more pessimistic.
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Give up control. You need to understand that you cannot control the thoughts and behavior of others. Let the pessimist take responsibility for their pessimism. They can see the negative, so let them interpret their events and life in general. Accept that they have the right to choose how they think. [6] X Research Sources
- Let the pessimist decide which option they feel most comfortable with. Avoid advising or forcing them to see things or do things your way.
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Don’t try to be a hero. You should resist your instinct to please the pessimist. What you should avoid is reinforcing the person’s negative thoughts with rewards for their pessimistic thoughts (attention, abilities, etc.). [7] X Trusted Source Simply Psychpogy Go to Source
- Do not try to convince the pessimist that everything will turn out well. Remember that you cannot control how they interpret the situation.
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Practice acceptance. Don’t rush to dismiss people because of their pessimism. Learning how to get along with people who are not like you is an important part of self-growth and socializing. [8] X Research Sources
- Pessimism is not always a bad thing. Some philosophers and researchers argue that pessimism actually makes people happier and closer to reality because they are better prepared and less likely to be disappointed if they have anticipated the worst. worst that could happen. [9] X Research Source[10] X Research Source Thus, when the unfortunate happens, they will handle it better.
Communicating pessimism effectively
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Assertive. Give feedback and help your pessimist friend understand the impact they have on others. Behave maturely when interacting with them. [11] X Trusted Source Harvard Business Review Go to Source[12] X Research Source
- Be respectfully honest. If the pessimist bothers you or affects you in a negative way, let them know. Say you’re sorry they saw it that way, but you have a different perspective.
- Use sentences with the subject in the first person “I”. “I feel ______ when you_____”. Focus on how you feel instead of the person’s actions.
- Avoid labeling. Telling pessimists that they are pessimists is useless and can lead to conflict.
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Correct the negativity. One thing you can do is try to come up with a different perspective on the problem. [13] X Trusted Source Harvard Business Review Go to Source[14] X Research Source Remember, however, that you’re not saving them from pessimism or making them happy. You are merely expressing your opinion and disagreeing with their view of the situation.
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Set boundaries. You may need to separate from or keep your distance from the person. [15] X Research Sources Setting boundaries about what you discuss with the person and how long you are under their influence can be helpful ways to help you overcome discomfort from the person’s presence. Surname. [16] X Research Source
- Don’t simply ignore them; That action is considered passive-aggressive communication.
- Limit interactions if necessary. However, if it’s a family member, co-worker, or friend that you can’t or don’t want to avoid, limiting your time with them can be beneficial to your own feelings.
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Have a gentle attitude. Show empathy when dealing with people who think differently from you. [17] X Research Source
- If the pessimist doesn’t want to do what you do, you should sympathize with their worries or suffering. This is a kind and tactful way to highlight what they are thinking negatively – focus directly on it and show empathy for their anxiety and distress.
- Understand and help without encouraging negativity. [18] X Research Sources
- For example, when a pessimist refuses to join you in an activity and says they can go home/don’t come, that you can go and do what you like, say something like, “I sorry that you find this difficult. You just do whatever makes you feel more comfortable (go home/don’t come/stay here/easier task, etc…)”.
Identify and understand pessimistic thinking
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Recognize pessimistic signs. At first, you may not be alert to the pessimistic tendencies of others because of your optimism. Learning these patterns to spot pessimism yourself can also help. Signs of pessimistic thinking include:
- Thinking things won’t go well. [19] X Source of Research This is also known as tragedy, or thinking that the worst will happen.
- Believing that bad outcomes occur is permanent and inescapable. [20] X Research Source
- You may blame yourself or others for things going wrong. [21] X Research Source
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Understand the potential problem. One possible cause of negative thinking is depression. [22] X Research Source If this is the case, the pessimist may need psychological treatment or medication.
- See Treatment of Depression for symptoms.
- If you are concerned that a family member or friend has a mental health problem, you can talk to them about your concern and offer treatment suggestions. Simply saying, “I’ve noticed you seem sad (or angry, or negative) lately, have you ever thought about talking to a professional? I think this can help.” Be careful not to push them, or you will scare them away.
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Continue learning about pessimism. The more you know, the less likely you are to feel the personal criticism that can arise when pessimistic thoughts arise around you. Learning brings understanding and increases the ability to cope.
- One option is to read Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman. Dr. Seligman is a psychologist and expert in the field of positive psychology. [23] X Research Sources He offers methods to help you determine if you are prone to optimists or pessimists, and teaches how to become more optimistic.
Advice
- When dealing with people who tend to be pessimistic, choose when they seem happy. This increases the likelihood that your words will be received positively.
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This article was co-written by Sandra Possing. Sandra Possing is a life coach, speaker, and entrepreneur based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Sandra specializes in one-on-one coaching with a focus on transforming mindsets and leadership. Sandra is coach trained from the Coach Training Institute and has seven years of life coaching experience. She holds a bachelor’s degree in anthropology from the University of California, Los Angeles.
There are 12 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 4,508 times.
Is there a pessimist in your life – someone who thinks about the negatives of a situation more than the positives? If you are a cheerful optimist, it may be difficult for you to understand and face the view of a pessimist. The method to help you not be discouraged by a person with a “half-empty” mindset is to reduce the impact of pessimism on yourself, communicate effectively with people who have a negative view, and learn about pessimism.
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