How to Motivate a Friend

Take a walk. Sometimes, changing the landscape will help your friend stop thinking about what’s upsetting them. Both can walk around the neighborhood and notice signs of being interesting, unusual, or funny.

• Live in the present. Instead of thinking about the problem, you should pay attention to the color of the sky, or discuss some strange scent. Observe animals and immerse yourself in your surroundings.

Go to the cinema. Movies and TV shows are great ways to help the person stop thinking about the problem, at least for a little while.

• Avoid watching sad movies. For example, if the person’s father recently passed away from cancer, you should steer clear of movies about the death of a parent, or about someone with cancer. Similarly, if the person has just broken up, romantic movies will not be suitable. You should keep it light and interesting.

Act silly with each other. Silly is a great way to distract the person from the pain and encourage them to laugh. As the old saying goes, “smile is the best medicine”. Laughter will also bring health benefits and improve several bodily functions. ^[5]

• Reminisce the past. You can make a hut out of blankets, build a snowman together, talk to each other in quirky voices, or replace the usual walking action with a flute or high jump.
• Make silly artwork, like draw a portrait or write a silly poem.

Do something new together. Doing something new and unusual is a great distraction and can boost happiness. ^[6] This means you need to think about something else instead of focusing on the problem that upsets the person.

• Try taking a fitness class at the gym, doing crafts together, growing plants, or painting.
• It is not advisable to proceed with a novelty test without first consulting with them. This can make them feel overwhelmed and uncomfortable, and this is not what you want.

Working together to help others. Helping others reduces stress, increases empathy, and resilience. ^[7] People going through tough times will need all of these elements.

• Participate in volunteer work. Volunteering is a great way to serve the community, do good in the lives of others, and do something important. You can volunteer to help at a charity restaurant for the poor, or walk your dog to help the orphanage. Become a children’s storyteller or spend time at a nursing home.
• Encourage others. Sometimes, having someone help with a problem will make them feel better, because it will make them stop thinking about the problem in their life.
• Do good for others. You can cook for another friend or make a card for that person with a friend who is sad.

Traveling. Sometimes, the best way to distract your friend from feeling unhappy is to travel. Traveling takes you to new places or sights and keeps the person from wallowing in the grief they’re facing.

• You can choose to go on a long vacation: travel to Europe, or go hiking, or go backpacking around Vietnam.
• You can also opt for the smaller factor: a weekend trip to a place near the beach, backpacking for a few days in the mountains, or a trip to another city to see a band you both love. .

Allow the person to be upset. Avoid saying things like “let’s cheer up”. This is one of the worst statements you can give someone who is suffering, especially if they are struggling with depression or anxiety. When you say this, you are asking the other person not to be sad. Telling someone to “cheer up” means you’re focusing on yourself rather than on that person. You are saying that the discomfort you feel at the person’s unhappiness is more important than their unhappiness. And a friend should never behave like that. You need to experience all kinds of emotions, even if they are not pleasant feelings. ^[8]

• Don’t tell others how they should feel; Everyone has the right to feel and express their feelings.

Don’t avoid that person. Sometimes it can be difficult to find what to say in the face of someone who is suffering. You shouldn’t avoid your friend just because it feels awkward to talk about their problems. Instead, you should focus on using supportive statements. Usually, you just say “I’m sorry. I’ll be there if you need anything”.

Focus on that person. Avoid turning their pain into a problem that revolves around you. This is a mistake that many people often make! You think you’re connecting with that friend and their problem, but instead, you’re turning it into a self-talk phase.

• You can sympathize with your friend, but make sure it doesn’t cause you to start telling stories about how you overcame similar difficulties and that you’re fine now.
• For example, you shouldn’t say, “I know how it feels to break up. Do you remember when Linh rejected me in front of everyone? I felt terrible at the time, but I got over it. Lately, I’ve been a lot better.”
• Instead, say something like, “I know you’re in a lot of pain. I can promise you you’ll get better in the future, but right now, you’re in great pain. I will. always there to help you when you need it.”

Avoid providing a solution unless the other person asks for it. Often, other people won’t want you to come up with a solution, especially when they’re venting about the situation. What many people want is to be heard and they need someone who understands the problem they are going through.

• For example, don’t say, “I know your cat just passed away. Maybe you should visit the orphanage and adopt a new cat. There are so many cats that need a good home.” This statement feels like you’re refuting the person’s feelings about their lost cat.
• Instead, say, “I’m so sorry to hear about your cat. I know you love him. If you need any help, let me know.”

Take care of yourself. If you are feeling confused with your friend’s feelings and problems, you should take a break. It can be quite exhausting to be someone’s constant source of emotional support. You should remember to make sure that you are not their only source of help. Providing help and being someone else’s carer are two completely different concepts. You should understand the difference, and be ready to set limits. ^[9]

• If your friend frequently calls and asks you to do something for them, you should say no. You have every right to make time for your other responsibilities. Say, “I know you’re hurting and want to talk to a friend. I care about you and want to help. I hope you respect my time too and tonight is not the right time for you. We can meet at the weekend.”
• Don’t lose your life. You may be interested in your friend, but remember to go to the gym, and do other usual activity. Don’t let that person take up all of your time.

Know when to encourage the person to seek professional help. Sometimes, people can’t deal with their emotions and problems alone. In this case, as a friend, you should advise them to seek professional help. There’s nothing wrong with needing the help of others, especially when faced with problems like divorce, the death of a loved one, and illness.

• Watch for signs of depression: difficulty concentrating or remembering details, difficulty making decisions, low energy, insomnia or sleeping too much, sadness, anxiety or feelings of emptiness, physical pain and experiencing problems for which treatment is completely ineffective, thoughts and discussions of suicide, feelings of worthlessness or helplessness. ^[10]
• When discussing seeking professional help, you should not tell the person that they are sick and need treatment. Just say something like, “I know you’re grieving and I think it’s best to talk to someone who can help you. Remember that I’m here for you.”