How to make your lover angry or angry

Living with angry people is not easy—especially when they direct that anger at you. If you do not behave well, gradually their emotions will cause a lot of inhibition. This article will guide you through how to handle your partner’s anger and effectively deal with them so that your relationship develops in a better direction.

Table of Contents

Ignore the little things

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Sometimes, you should not pay attention to the little things. If your lover is angry about things that are not very important, then just let them vent their anger. If everything is controversial, it will be very tiring. ^{[1] X Research Source}

For example, if you really want to eat Pizza for dinner but your lover insists on eating Chinese food, you probably shouldn’t argue. However, if it is a matter of big things like finances or communication, then you should discuss it with each other.

Keep calm

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Use calm and harmony to respond to anger. Speak softly, don’t yell, and try not to get mad. If they take a step forward, take a step back. If they scream, speak softly. If you stay out of their anger, they are more likely to calm down faster. While it’s not easy to stay calm, responding to anger with anger only makes matters worse. ^{[2] X Research Source}

Controlling your emotions in such situations is not easy. If necessary, take a few deep breaths or count to 10 so you don’t get angry or upset.

Sympathy for the other party

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Your partner probably also knows their anger is a problem. When you talk to them, try to put yourself in their shoes and empathize with that feeling. Remember that the person loves you and that their anger is often not just directed at you. Your understanding will make it easier for them to calm down and not get mad again. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

This is also helpful for you if you still think your partner’s anger is directed at you. Remember that they often get angry because of many external factors, not necessarily because of you.

Listen to the other party’s needs

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Anger often masks another emotion. If your partner is angry, chances are they are actually feeling hurt, upset, or confused. If they can talk to you rationally, try to listen to what’s behind the anger. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

For example, if your partner is angry because you come home late, it may actually be because they feel anxious about not being able to contact you for a few hours.
Or if they’re angry because you’ve expressed your desire for them to change something, it’s likely because they’re feeling hurt or worried that you’ll leave them.

Try to chat to solve the problem

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You should try to have a frank conversation with the person. That way, both of you can really open up and make an effort to manage the anger issue. Do not try to ignore his anger or it will eventually become the last straw. If they are calm enough, talk together to find a solution to this. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

Give them space if needed

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Sometimes, we need to calm down first before we can talk. If the other person is really angry and the conversation between you two is not going anywhere, pause for a moment. Give both of you about 15 minutes to calm down and clear your mind before continuing to talk to each other. ^{[6] X Research Sources}

It may take more than 15 minutes for the person to calm down, no problem. The two of you should only talk to each other when you both feel ready.
Giving your partner space will also help you stay calm and in control of your emotions. Dealing with an angry person can be difficult, so take a break if you feel the need.

Be assertive

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Don’t put up with your partner’s anger just because it’s easier to do so than to resist. While you should try to stay calm and rational, you can also stand up for yourself and let your partner know they’re getting overly angry. Express your needs and desires while not forgetting to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

For example, you could say, “I know you’re angry, but if there’s something we should have a frank talk before you make such a fuss.”
Or: “We need to calmly talk to each other, not yell at each other like that.”

Set boundaries for yourself

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Let the other person know they can’t just scream at you. Be so clear when the other person starts to get angry or call you by your name. Respect must come from both sides and it is important for two people to respect each other even when angry. ^{[8] X Trusted Source Mind Go to Source}

Say, “Don’t yell at me like that” or “If you still address me like that, we’ll talk later.”
Sometimes it’s a good idea to end the conversation and leave for a while.

Identify the root cause of the opponent’s anger

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Find the cause of the anger when both of you are calm. Talk to them to see what they’re really angry about and under what specific circumstances. If you can identify these causes, you can help the other person stay calm when they seem to be about to lose control again. ^{[9] X Trusted Source Mind Go to Source}

Don’t judge the cause of their anger so that they don’t justify themselves during the conversation.
For example, he or she may get angry easily when he is late. If so, take the initiative to get up 15 minutes early and help them get ready for work.

Talk to a relationship counselor if needed

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Anger is an issue that can really affect a relationship. If your partner’s anger is causing problems in your life, consider seeing a psychologist. They will help the two of you find ways to communicate effectively with each other and better regulate your emotions. ^{[10] X Research Source}

Your partner may also need to self-teach an anger management course.

Advice

Being with an angry lover is quite difficult. Don’t forget to take the time to take care of yourself. ^{[11] X Trusted Source Mind Go to Source}

Warning

If at any time you feel unsafe around your partner, call someone for support right away. ^{[12] X Trusted Source Mind Go to Source}

Steps