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Siblings can make the perfect best friend for life, but sometimes you and your brother get along. It’s important to address the problem with your sibling in a calm and rational way, because being rude will only add to the tension. Learning how to get your brother to stop bothering you can help you and your brother get along better and have a closer relationship.
Steps
Relieve stress with brother/sister
- Not responding is not a sign of weakness. You’ll need more courage and willpower to keep from getting mad at your brother or losing yourself to their antics.
- Remember that you have to choose how to confront. Don’t argue every time your brother annoys you, especially if they’re not very open to talking.
- If you don’t respond to their liking (upset or angry), they will eventually get frustrated and give up.
- Take a deep breath and exhale slowly. Focus on breathing so you can calm down quickly. [3] X Research Sources
- Try counting to 10 before reacting. Breathe deeply for 10 seconds, and try to think about how to react calmly and rationally.
- Go for a short walk or leave the room for a few minutes if you need more than 10 seconds to calm down. You can let your brother know you’ll be right back, and think about what you want to say and how best to say it.
- Ask your brother directly what they want to talk to you about.
- Let your brother feel that they are heard and understood, and try to repeat what they say. You could say something like, “I think I understand why you’re doing this. You say you feel ____ when I _____, that’s the cause of the problem”.
- Try to find a mutually beneficial solution. Ask for your brother’s opinion and try to compromise.
- Realize that you can’t always do it your way. The goal is that you need to accept a solution that both you and your brother are happy with, even if it’s not the solution you want.
- Having fun together will help your brother quickly stop the behavior that upsets you, and give the two brothers a bonding experience.
- Try going for a walk or bike ride together (if you’re young, and make sure your parents allow it first), or play something around the house, such as watching a movie, solving puzzles, or playing video games ( although gaming can cause more battles).
- Maybe your brother didn’t mean to hurt you. Some people (especially younger ones) don’t know their actions are wrong.
- Maybe after a while, your brother doesn’t remember the things they did that upset or hurt you, so don’t waste time resenting them.
- Remember, when you’re upset about your brother’s annoying behavior, you’re letting them control you. If they know that they are making you angry, there is a good chance that they will continue to engage in behavior that upsets or hurts you.
Facing Envy
- Think about your life and times when your brother has attacked you. Are they jealous of your grades, possessions, or lifestyle?
- Perhaps your brother is simply motivated by the urge to vent their jealousy.
- If your brother is jealous because you’re doing something that takes up the time you used to enjoy together, the best way to ease their feelings is to spend more time with them. . However, it’s important to set your own limits and boundaries, and ask them to respect them.
- Even if you can’t give them the same that they envy you, help them find joy in something else. That may at least temporarily curb their disruptive behavior.
- Praise your brother’s strengths. If they envy your achievements on the team, remind them that they are also good at other activities, or praise their good academic performance.
- If your brother is jealous of your good grades, offer to help them study.
- If they’re jealous because you’re actually better at sports than them, spend time playing catch or training to help them get better.
- If they’re jealous because you have a boyfriend and they’re still single, suggest helping them ask someone out (if your brother is old enough to date).
- No matter what your brother is jealous of, you need to encourage him that he can always be more successful than he is now. If you offer to help them get what they want, they will be more open to improving their current situation.
Get your parents to intervene
- It’s normal to annoy your brother/sister. However, if they keep pestering you about the same thing for a few days or weeks, it could be bullying.
- If your brother doesn’t apologize or try to make up with you after an argument, or shows hostility all the time, that’s a sign of intimidation.
- Having an advantage, such as being bigger/older/more popular, can quickly turn sibling rivalry into a bullying situation.
- If you think your brother is really bullying you, talk to your parents right away.
- Have your parents sit down next to you two, then have a family discussion.
- Encourage parents to find a solution that makes everyone happy. It is best to accept a win-win situation.
- If you fail to come to terms with your brother, your parents’ final conclusion will resolve the conflict.
- Perhaps your parents didn’t know about the situation, or didn’t realize the extent of it.
- Parents are often easily distracted between work and family. You need to let them know about the problem when you can’t solve it on your own.
- Sometimes leaving the house and having fun together can help you bond with your siblings.
- At the very least, family outings will give the brother a break from their unstable behavior.
- You can use time with your family to think of activities that make everyone happy, and try to incorporate them into your daily life.
Set boundaries between you and your brother
- Increasing a sense of independence and individuality is one of the best reasons for siblings to stop fighting when they have time together.
- Tell your parents that you value time with your family, but that you really need more time for yourself or your friends.
- Remind your parents that you and your brother can still be close when you’re both alone. Maybe, this will make the time that the two brothers spend together more meaningful.
- Recommend hiring a babysitter. If your parents are against this idea, you can at least ask for a little extra pocket money or a bonus for childcare.
- You could try suggesting that you keep holding your brother once or twice a week if you want to spend the weekends to yourself.
- It’s best to discuss this in your brother’s absence, because he may feel hurt or protest. Young people often find it difficult to understand why adults are more responsible or want more freedom.
- Ask your brother to stop. If they don’t listen to you, try asking your parents to intervene.
- Try inviting friends over when you know your brother will be away or busy with their own friends.
- If they don’t stop and the parents can’t intervene, perhaps locking the door is the only way to get them to respect their privacy when your friends come over.
- Ask your parents for permission before you install the lock, or they will be upset or suspicious.
- Depending on your living situation, perhaps a private room is not an easy thing. Maybe the house is limited, there is not enough space for you and your brother to have a separate bedroom.
- If your family’s living space is limited, you can rearrange a room to have your own space. Talk to your parents about converting the office into a bedroom, or using part of the cellar or attic.
- When talking to your parents and making requests, state that you need privacy. It will be easier for your parents to rearrange the house to ensure your privacy, rather than just to settle the dispute temporarily.
- You could say something like, “Mom and Dad, I know we don’t have a lot of space in our house. But I’m getting older, and I’d really like it if you could find a way to give me a room of my own. I have more privacy.”
- If your parents are planning to move, let them know that you really want your own room in case separate rooms are a factor in choosing a new home.
Advice
- Give your brother something to bother them instead of bothering you.
- Don’t argue. All they want is to make you angry, so why bother? If you’re having trouble controlling your mood, take a breath after a few times and gently tell them you want to be alone for a while.
- Try doing things they enjoy and when you’re done, tell your brother that you want some alone time. Hopefully they’ll give you your space.
- Try to be nice to your brother/sister. Remind them that one day you may be their only family.
- Try gently telling your brother or sister that they would be upset if someone did to them what they are doing to you. Maybe they don’t realize how bad their behavior is.
- Become a more mature person and set an example for your younger brother to follow. Don’t lecture them, but act nice and set a good example.
- If all else fails, just ignore them. They will get bored and stop bothering you.
- Get your brother interested in the same hobbies as you. The two brothers will be closer.
- Show that you support them. If they have an important event, join them and congratulate them!
- Whenever they piss you off, it’s probably because they’re jealous of something.
- Don’t follow your brother’s bad temper – talk to a trusted adult about your problem if necessary. If they deny their hurtful behavior, take a picture of them poking fun at you so people will believe what you say.
- Try to put an end to their behavior by entertaining them together. Perhaps your brother is interested in recreational activities.
Warning
- Never swear, because your parents will punish you.
- If they start hitting you, ask them to stop, then let your parents know. Fighting back will only cause more hatred and resentment.
- When they start hitting you, tell your parents but don’t hit back. If you hurt them, chances are they will tell your parents and you will be scolded.
- Don’t have negative behavior. If your brother tries to offend you, tell an adult or leave.
- Never call out all sorts of names and curse your brother or sister or hit them.
- If no one can help you get out of your brother’s torture, call a child helpline or call the police or ask for help through social media sites.
This article is co-authored by a team of editors and trained researchers who confirm the accuracy and completeness of the article.
The wikiHow Content Management team carefully monitors the work of editors to ensure that every article is up to a high standard of quality.
There are 11 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 15,582 times.
Siblings can make the perfect best friend for life, but sometimes you and your brother get along. It’s important to address the problem with your sibling in a calm and rational way, because being rude will only add to the tension. Learning how to get your brother to stop bothering you can help you and your brother get along better and have a closer relationship.
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