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Friendships are an essential part of our lives, offering support, comfort, and companionship. However, even in the strongest of friendships, conflicts and misunderstandings can arise. When we find ourselves in a situation where we need to make up with our best friend, it can be a challenging and emotionally charged experience. The process of reconciling and rebuilding trust requires patience, understanding, and open communication. In this article, we will explore various strategies and tips on how to make up with a best friend, fostering a stronger, more resilient friendship. Whether it’s a small disagreement or a major conflict, these techniques will help you navigate through the healing process and emerge with a renewed bond that will stand the test of time.
This article was co-written by Klare Heston, LCSW. Klare Heston is a licensed independent clinical social worker in Ohio. She received her Master of Social Work degree from Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983.
This article has been viewed 116,520 times.
We all have disagreements with our best friends and sometimes it seems like we will lose them forever. Fortunately, good friends often make up in the end because they genuinely care about each other. Things can be tough, but stay positive. Whether you have an argument, or your friend has a new best friend or moves somewhere else, you can still make up with them.
Steps
Talk to resolve conflicts
- You can say: “You are like my sister, without you by my side I feel like I am missing a family member”.
- If your friend has been spending a lot of time with a lover or new friend recently, let them know that you want them to be able to spend time with you too. Explain that you understand how important the new person is to them, and emphasize that you don’t mean to break their feelings. Say, “I’m glad you found someone who can make you happy. But I miss the times when we used to hang out together.”
- Even if you’re shy, be honest with your friend. You might say, “It’s been really hard for me lately because you’re my best friend. I’m used to talking to you every day, but it seems you’ve been quite busy lately so there’s no time for me.”
- Understand that your friend may have other concerns in her life that have nothing to do with you or any of their other friends.
- If your friend spends most of their time with someone else, think that in some ways, this person is a better fit for their life than you are. For example, your friend and your new friend are both divorced, culturally similar, or both have to take care of a sick family member.
- Let them know what you did and why it went wrong.
- Say, “I’m sorry I forgot your birthday. I know it hurts you a lot because if you forgot my birthday, I’d be just as sad.”
- Avoid saying things like “You never listen to me!”. Instead, say, “I think you haven’t really listened to what I have to say, so I’m frustrated.”
- For example, don’t say, “I’m sorry I forgot your birthday. I was so busy last week that I didn’t remember anything.” Even if the reason you give is real, it will make the apology less sincere when you think you have a good reason.
- Say, “I know I was wrong.”
- Avoid saying things like, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” because you’re blaming someone else. You’re telling them that there’s nothing wrong with your actions, it’s all their fault.
- If you feel yourself being unfairly blamed, you can say, “I heard you think this is all my fault, is that true?”. If the answer is correct then you can explain everything now.
- You can invite your friend to go see a famous movie. This way you can spend time together without necessarily talking, then you will have a common topic to discuss and this will take the pressure off you to find something to talk about. .
Give your friend some space
- Maintain communication on a social level. If you meet them at school or work, greet them with a smile, wave, or nod.
- Don’t confuse this with being cold to your friend. Be open and ready to help them if needed.
- Don’t try to find out about your friend from mutual friends, and don’t ask which side these mutual friends choose to take.
- If your friend is busier than usual, find something you can do to keep yourself busy so you’re less likely to stick with them.
- If you are jealous of your friend’s new relationship, remember that you will eventually find a lover or new friends just like that.
- Let’s join a club
- Hanging out with other friends
- Organize a party
- Allow yourself to cry. The fact that you grieve over a lost friendship like something is dead forever is very important to get through this phase. It’s not unusual to shed tears, so just cry to make things easier. [11] X Research Source
- Even if your friend doesn’t end it explicitly, say goodbye to yourself by writing them a goodbye letter you never sent or by saying goodbye to them on your own. [12] X Research Source
Rebuilding friendship
- Say, “I’m not interested in hearing that.”
- Let’s focus on the future.
- If you have the same problem again in the future, think about it, but don’t jump to conclusions.
- You can invite the whole group out to dinner.
- Find out about local or school events then pick one that interests you.
- Don’t see yourself as the outcast. Your friend is not trying to replace you with someone new. They simply find someone else who is just right for them.
- Your relationship may change slightly, but it’s not over.
- Get to know newcomers. Keep an open mind and learn more about this person. If it’s your best friend’s new boyfriend or girlfriend, celebrate their happiness and show them you’re a trustworthy person.
- Come visit them at lunchtime.
- Join an activity that you know your best friend attends regularly, like taking a gym class together.
- If your best friend is in a new relationship, let them know that you sometimes want to go on a private date. Say, “Your new boyfriend is great, but can we just go to lunch together this weekend?”
Advice
- Let your best friend know that you really love them.
- Calm down before you talk to your best friend again.
- Stay in touch and always make them remember that to you they are your best friend.
- Make sure your best friend knows that you’re still thinking about them even when you’re trying to give them space.
- If you’re the one causing the conflict, talk to your best friend, tell them the truth, and explain that you didn’t mean to hurt them.
- Try to see things from their point of view.
- If you’ve tried and they still don’t want to be your friend, let go. This is difficult, but it will be better for you.
- If you think a friend is mad at you, have a frank talk with them once. You may need to be apart for a while for things to return to normal.
- You can ask a trusted person for advice, such as a parent or sibling.
- If your best friend has a new best friend, don’t treat that new person badly. Let them know how you feel and find an activity you can all do together.
- If you don’t want to talk in person, you can call or text.
- If your friend is angry, talk to them at another time and let them know how you feel. If they are still angry, give them more time and talk to other friends.
- If you’ve done something rude or unkind to your friend, give them time and space to think about the friendship.
Warning
- Never be irritable or jealous when talking to your best friend.
- Don’t try to make your best friend jealous.
- Treating your new friend or your best friend’s new boyfriend/girlfriend badly will only make matters worse. You should think that your friend is also your friend.
- Don’t apologize to your best friend and then ignore them.
This article was co-written by Klare Heston, LCSW. Klare Heston is a licensed independent clinical social worker in Ohio. She received her Master of Social Work degree from Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983.
This article has been viewed 116,520 times.
We all have disagreements with our best friends and sometimes it seems like we will lose them forever. Fortunately, good friends often make up in the end because they genuinely care about each other. Things can be tough, but stay positive. Whether you have an argument, or your friend has a new best friend or moves somewhere else, you can still make up with them.
In conclusion, making up with a best friend requires understanding, empathy, and effort from both parties involved. It is crucial to communicate openly and honestly, addressing the issues that caused the rift in the first place. Active listening, acknowledging each other’s feelings, and apologizing sincerely are essential for reconciliation. Additionally, showing appreciation for the friendship and finding compromises or common ground can help rebuild trust and strengthen the bond. Making up with a best friend may take time, but with patience and a genuine desire to mend the relationship, it is possible to restore the friendship to its former glory and create a stronger, more resilient connection. Remember, strong friendships weather storms and can emerge even stronger on the other side.
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