How to Make Someone Reply to Your Messages

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You keep glancing at your phone because 20 minutes have passed and the person you texted still hasn’t responded. You text a flirty emoji to a cute girl/boy you just met but it’s been an hour and they haven’t replied. It’s been more than a week, and your mom hasn’t been contacted since you texted her about your cousin’s wedding. In such situations, there are ways to stop impatiently waiting and get the response you want. Let’s start with step 1 below to get people to reply to your messages under any circumstances.

Table of Contents

Compose the most appropriate message

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Consider the audience you’re messaging. Depending on the relationship between two people, there will be different boundaries based on social status, family ties, gender and cultural norms, and so on. Are you close to that person, or are you just getting to know them? When you determine the nature of the relationship, you will find the foundation for good communication.

Between close friends and family there is usually more space to be tactless and less likely to get into awkward situations. However, if we are texting with a potential lover, colleague, partner or someone in a formal relationship, different rules apply. Keep this in mind when wording your message.

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Determine what you want to say. A strong start and meaningful message will help you avoid problems in the first place. Many people are busy, so they choose not to respond to ambiguous messages, unclear purposes or requests. Answer yourself the following questions:

What do you want to say?
Does your message have a purpose?
How do you think they will react when they receive the message?

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Write a clear, purposeful message. You did your best to understand the audience, the purpose of the message, and how you should/need to present it. Now you will at least know if the other person is responding based on the actual message rather than their circumstances or the nature of the relationship.

Attract attention

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Ask straight questions that make sense. It seems that when someone texts: “Hello” or even “Mister?”, we don’t find it important enough to break our focus and want to reply. But by clearly stating your intent to the recipient, you have a much better chance of getting a response. ^{[1] X Research Source}

Live chat

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Tell the recipient what you texted at the next meeting. Maybe they don’t answer for a good reason. Bring the story in casually and give them a chance to explain.

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Use a sense of humor to find out what’s going on. First, put your trust in them and ask in a gentle way:

So you’ve been so busy grooming your cat lately that you forgot to reply to your texts?
Are you slow to reply to messages? I thought you used your phone to “smash rocks”.

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Ask them directly why they don’t reply to your messages. If the other side keeps evading or doesn’t give a satisfactory answer, you may need to hit it head-on. However, this can make the other person feel uncomfortable and put a strain on the relationship. So you need to assess the ongoing seriousness of the communication, the distance between the two of you, and whether it is appropriate to ask directly. If you have been overwhelmed by disappointment, ask directly to give yourself a chance to understand the problem. You can ask more directly as follows:

Why don’t you reply to my messages?
Why are you replying to my messages so late?

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Pay attention to your body language and tone of voice. When faced with conflict, it is important to approach the problem with a positive attitude. That’s why it’s so important to show your sympathy through your posture, tone of voice, and words. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

Equally important is understanding the other person’s communication style. For example, a teacher might say, “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” and a surfer might say, “I don’t know.” The ability to properly judge the meaning of a sentence rather than just relying on the words will help you understand others better.
Sometimes we will encounter criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and other emotions that get in the way of real communication. When you find yourself doing this, take a deep breath, try to relax and be open to understanding.

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Solve the problem at hand. When limited by technology, we tend to view texting as outside other forms of communication. After all, texting is also an activity where two or more people share thoughts, feelings, actions, and attention. And so when there are problems in communication between you and others, texting will have its own difficulties.

Listen to the other person’s point of view and try to put yourself in their shoes to feel and act. Maybe they harbor some legitimate frustration, and you’ll find the cause if you change your behavior. On the other hand, de-escalating the situation will direct both of you back to healthy communication.
If either side needs to apologize, speak kindly or listen sincerely.

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Laugh. Anyway, it’s just texting so we don’t need to take it too seriously.

Understand why others don’t respond

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Think about your relationship with that person. Do they secretly like you (or vice versa)? Depending on the feelings one of them has for each other, they may not immediately respond to hide their excitement.

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Think for the recipient’s life. Maybe they’re busy at work, in conversation, still sleeping, or even watching a movie. Many people choose to leave their phones at home or put them away so they don’t depend on electronic devices. With your imagination, you will come up with many reasons why someone didn’t respond. We often ignore the fact that other people do not reply to messages when it is often due to circumstances.

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Know that texting reduces privacy and social boundaries. When you text someone in the middle of the night or when they’re on vacation, they rarely respond. The important thing is that everyone has the right to choose the level of access allowed. While we all get impatient and frustrated from time to time (especially when texting), it’s important to understand that other people are not obligated to respond to you right away.

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Consider technical issues. Since most of us use phones and laptops with rechargeable batteries, the possibility of battery drain/damage is always present. The person may also drop the device in water or be unable to use it because the screen is broken. Or if you want someone you don’t know (such as a salesperson) to text you, remember that not everyone has a cell phone and some people only use it in an emergency.

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Consider the recipient object. Depending on the nature of the relationship with the recipient, there are many social reasons why they might not respond. If this is the person you’re talking to, they may be nervous or uninterested. If the audience is friends, it’s likely they’re focusing on creative endeavors and think you’ll understand. With family, they may be angry with you about some issue that cannot find common ground and do not want to talk to you yet.

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Consider the subject’s skill level in using technology. If you’re texting with an older person, it’s common for them to be unfamiliar with smartphones and texting. They may need to get used to the medium first before they can meet your expectations of replying to messages.

One way to talk to novices is to add them to a chat group of people who know how to text and reply on a regular basis. For example, you can create a chat group of parents and siblings so they can learn how most people text.

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Please be patient. When we don’t stress whether someone answers or not, we often do something more purposeful. Sooner or later, the message you’ve been waiting for will arrive.

Advice

You need to make sure your message is clear and purposeful.
The recipient must have your phone number. Sometimes people won’t reply to messages from unknown numbers.
Just like on social media platforms, it’s better to be concise.
Compose your message in a confident tone.
You need to make sure you’re texting the correct phone number. After double-checking, let them know who you are because many people won’t answer strange numbers.

Warning

Don’t text in a rush. If someone doesn’t reply after 1 or 2 messages, even sending 5 to 10 messages will only annoy them.
Do not use vulgar words.
Do not send any content that is too violent or threatening for the recipient to respond. They may be angry or scared and the situation will only get worse.

Steps