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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 7 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 56,640 times.
Your relationship with your ex-boyfriend is over, and you want to make sure he knows exactly what he’s been missing. Whether you want the two of you back together or not, you want to remind him that you’re a great person and that he missed his chance. You should consider who he is, who you are, and let him know clearly that he’s missing out on a lot. The best way for him to know this is to focus on yourself, not him. Therefore, you should keep your distance from him, make positive changes in your life, and seize the opportunity for new experiences.
Steps
Set boundaries
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Keep distance. It’s not up to him to decide when and if you want to talk to him again. Of course you need to respect his boundaries and requests, but if you don’t, it’s up to you to choose when and how to chat, whether it’s via phone, text, or email. This can be difficult at first, but with practice, keeping your distance will become easier. [1] X Research Source
- Your discretion over first communication will let him know that he no longer has unlimited access to you.
- You should wait at least a month after the breakup to start talking to him again.
- For example, if you’re used to texting during the day to remind him of a medical appointment he has to come, don’t do it. He needs to rely on his schedule, not you.
- Or, don’t call to let him know that your favorite movie is on TV. Instead, make some popcorn and enjoy your show.
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Appreciate the positive change. After a breakup, it’s time to reinvent yourself a bit. Not for your ex or for anyone else but for you. You deserve a fresh start. Perhaps you are interested in joining a club or pursuing a hobby – now is the perfect time. Whatever you choose, you should allow yourself the power to change to be better than you were yesterday, and do it for yourself, not someone else. [2] X Research Source
- Your ex-boyfriend will notice a positive change in you and be well aware that you’re moving forward and growing without him. Hopefully he’ll be happy for you and regret he wasn’t a part of it.
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Definition of your relationship. It is important for both of you to understand the nature of this relationship. Are you two still together? It can be hard to keep your word, but you need to let him know that you’re still together or that it’s over. There are no “sometimes not” options and you won’t wait for him to come back when he wants to. [3] X Research Sources
- What matters is being in control of yourself and your emotional health.
- You could say to him, “Now that we’ve broken up, we need to define the nature of our relationship and how we’ll interact with each other, if at all. We can’t be vague and I need clarity.”
Boost your confidence
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Do exercise. Exercise will help nourish the body, mind, and heart. Whether you like exercise at first or not, you should keep it up. Make exercise a new habit. Your body will become healthier, your brain will function better, and you will nourish your heart. [4] X Research Sources
- Quite a few gyms offer monthly memberships, meaning you can enjoy all the perks of the gym without being tied down by a lengthy contract.
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Social. Get out, socialize and enjoy your life. Seize this opportunity to reconnect with people and with activities that bring you joy. This is also an opportunity to discover new social activities that you want to learn about. Maybe he’ll hear about your new social life, or even see some photos online, and notice that you’re living your life without him. [5] X Research Sources
- Friend meeting
- Go to dinner
- Go to the cinema
- Go to the festival – set aside a day for this activity
- Join a group of friends
- Join a hobby club
- Don’t go overboard with pictures of you hanging out, it can make you look like you’ve lost control over the breakup.
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Practice thinking positively. It is said that you will absorb what you think, and that if you think positive things, you will attract positive energy into your life. Furthermore, by practicing positive thinking, you will learn how to eliminate the negative, self-doubting thoughts that tend to rekindle when we least expect it. Positive thinking is a habit that takes effort, but your efforts will be well worth it. [6] X Research Sources
- Start with the little things. Think about a negative thought you often have and how you can turn it into a positive one. Then, the next time you have a negative thought, you should get rid of it and replace it with a positive one.
- For example, maybe you often have the mindset that you are not as talented as everyone else and that you will never be able to succeed. Let’s fight them. You are merely expressing anxiety and fear, not the truth. Instead of allowing fear and anxiety to develop, you should regulate your fearful thinking. For example, you could say, “Everybody has talent. I just need to discover my talent.” And “There are quite a few ways to be successful. I have been successful in many aspects of my life. I will find a way to become successful every day, and will continue to find ways to improve.”
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Focus on your own strengths. You have your own strengths, and you need to focus on them. Focusing on what you do well will encourage you to thrive and succeed. Success is yours, and it is something that no one can take away from you. You build it by tapping into your talents and, like everything, the more you do, the better you will become. And your continued growth will only open more opportunities for personal growth and advancement. [7] X Research Sources
- You might consider your strengths at work, your personal talents, or even your artistic abilities. Combine multiple strengths to develop something truly unique about yourself.
- For example, say you have been a baker for many years. You absolutely love making your own candies and sharing them with your loved ones. You should consider creating a blog to highlight your baking skills and recipes.
- Or perhaps you are very good at organizing and dealing with complex tasks. You are the person people in the company often turn to to fix problems, especially when they seem too big to deal with. You can use this skill and build your own career as a personal assistant or even a life coach.
- Maybe you love animals and want to spend more time with them. Maybe you have a sympathetic association with them. You should use this special talent and volunteer at a sanctuary to rehabilitate animals or a zoo.
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Get to know yourself. You may be asking yourself “what now?” after breaking up. You are so used to sharing experiences with others that you lose touch with yourself. Getting to know and define who you are, your likes and dislikes, and even your feelings about religion and politics are essential to moving forward. As you move forward, he will see clearly what he missed. [8] X Research Sources
- Start simple and set up the list. Make a list of activities you want to do for fun, adventures you want to take, your dream vacation, and your hobbies. Set up as many lists as needed. The act of pondering yourself and writing about your thoughts will help you get to know yourself better.
- Or you can meditate, formally or informally, by closing your eyes, breathing calmly, and allowing yourself to sit in silence. Acknowledge and remove your thoughts so that you are alone with yourself and without any distractions.
Enjoy yourself
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Make a new friend. Whether you lost a few friends during the breakup or not, it’s always a good idea to make new friends after a breakup. That’s not to say that you should get rid of your current friends, but that you need to expand your social circle. Making new friends will open the door to new experiences and will also help you keep your distance from your ex. If you both don’t share the same social circle, he won’t be able to watch you, and this will allow you to recover. [9] X Research Source
- The digital age has really opened up new options when it comes to meeting other people. You can join the forum. These groups can be about shared interests (books, movies, or even music), or geography (city, state, neighborhood), or even shared experiences (working together). parents, divorce, veteran).
- In addition, bookstores and coffee shops in your area will regularly host groups with similar interests or goals.
- If you’re still in school, your high school or university will have social, sports and academic clubs that you can join.
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Treat yourself. You yourself deserve to be treated to something you don’t usually get. Go ahead – pamper yourself a bit, or go exploring, go on a date with yourself, or perhaps buy that handbag you’ve been admiring for a long time. Think of an element or two that you really like and treat yourself to a gift. [10] X Research Source
- Try to travel or vacation alone. You should take the time to explore new places or experience new things on your own.
- Pamper yourself with the gift of personal care. Maybe it’s time to buy the massage package or the pot and pan you’ve always wanted.
- Go out with yourself – you can go to the bookstore, or go out to dinner, or even go to the movies.
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Be kind to yourself. You know that being kind to others is important because it helps others and also makes you feel better. But don’t forget to be kind to yourself, especially at this time. You take care of others and now is the time to take care of yourself. He will regret missing out on your kindness. [11] X Research Source
- Stop and buy yourself a cup of coffee on your way to work.
- Spend money on new clothes, games, or sports equipment.
- Compliment yourself – every day, find one thing to praise yourself for.
- You need to be patient with yourself.
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Be happy. You’ll want him to regret losing you, but the most important thing you need to focus on is your own happiness. Let’s go out and have fun! Don’t worry about his regrets. You can’t control how he feels. But you can have fun – hang out with friends, play mini gpf, go swimming, go camping – just go out and have fun. [12] X Research Source
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Establish new habits. It’s a bit different from changing habits. Establishing new habits means developing new positive behaviors that can become second nature if done regularly. The new habit you develop needs to be formed with a single focus on improving your life or making yourself happier. After all, your happiness is something that is wonderful to you and appealing to others. [13] X Research Source
- Your routine can be based on learning, like learning two new language words every morning or spending 20 minutes reading the news.
- Or they can be physically based, like push-ups or sit-ups for two minutes every morning.
- Or they can be spiritually based, like reading the bible for half an hour every night.
Advice
- Be friendly with him. Don’t intentionally ignore him, but at the same time remember to keep your distance.
- Losing someone as unique and special as you is his loss. So don’t pity yourself. The world is full of other boys.
- Just smile, and always show that you are happy. This could be one of the reasons why he wants you back.
- Show him you’re better off without him.
- If he really wants you, he’ll do his best to win you back. He needs to work hard to win your love back so he can appreciate the value of having you in his life.
- If all else fails, enjoy being single.
X
This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 7 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 56,640 times.
Your relationship with your ex-boyfriend is over, and you want to make sure he knows exactly what he’s been missing. Whether you want the two of you back together or not, you want to remind him that you’re a great person and that he missed his chance. You should consider who he is, who you are, and let him know clearly that he’s missing out on a lot. The best way for him to know this is to focus on yourself, not him. Therefore, you should keep your distance from him, make positive changes in your life, and seize the opportunity for new experiences.
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