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This article was co-written by Erin Conlon, PCC, JD. Erin Conlon is an executive life coach, founder of Erin Conlon Coaching, and host of the podcast “This Is Not Advice”. She specializes in helping leaders and executives grow in their careers and personal lives. In addition to her work as a personal trainer, she teaches and trains other coaches, developing and revising training materials to make them more diverse, streamlined, and inclusive. She holds a bachelor’s degree in communications and history and a doctorate in jurisprudence from the University of Michigan. Erin is a professional coach with the International Federation of Coaches.
There are 20 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
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We make decisions every day; Everything we say and do is the result of a decision, whether we do it intentionally or not. With every choice, big or small, there is no easy formula for making the right decision. The best you can do is to approach from as many angles as possible and choose an action plan that seems appropriate and balanced at the time. You may be worried if the decision you need to make is very important. However, there are some simple things you can do to make decision making less intimidating, like identifying the worst-case scenario, creating a spreadsheet, and following your intuition. Read on to learn how to make a decision.
Steps
Understand the source of your fear
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Write down your fear. Documenting your fears can help you understand them and ultimately make better decisions. Start by writing down the decision you need to make. Describe or list all of your concerns regarding the decision. Allow yourself to fully express your fears without judging yourself. [1] X Research Source
- For example, you could start taking notes by asking yourself, “What decision do I need to make and what am I afraid might happen if I make the wrong choice?”
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Determine the worst case scenario. Once you’ve written down the decision and the reasons you fear related to it, take the next step. Try to determine the worst-case scenario for each possible choice. Pushing the decision to the limit of what could go wrong if things don’t go as planned makes the process less intimidating. [2] X Research Source
- For example, if you need to decide between a full-time job versus a part-time job to spend more time with your kids, think about the worst-case scenario of each possible decision.
- If you choose a full-time job, the worst-case scenario is that you’ll miss important moments in your kids’ development and they’ll blame you for it when they grow up.
- If you choose a part-time job, the worst-case scenario could be that you can’t afford to pay your monthly bills.
- Decide which worst-case scenario will actually happen. It’s easy to “exaggerate the problem,” or attach things to the worst that could happen without taking the time to think. Let’s examine the worst-case scenario you just came up with, and see what would lead to it. Is this likely to happen? [3] X Research Sources
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Think about whether the decision you make will last forever. When you think all the bad things could happen, think about if you can reverse the decision. Most decisions are reversible, so you need to understand that if you don’t like the decision, you can always make changes to handle the situation later. [4] X Research Sources
- For example, suppose you decide to take up a part-time job to spend time with your children. If you’re having trouble paying your bills as a result, you can reverse the decision by finding a full-time job.
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Talk to friends or family members. Don’t assume you have to make difficult decisions alone. Get the help of a trusted friend or family member to support you or at least listen to your problems. Share details about your decision as well as your fear of what could go wrong. This makes it easier to voice concerns about the decision, so a friend or loved one can offer helpful advice and/or encouragement to help keep you safe. [5] X Research Sources
- You might also consider talking to someone who isn’t in that situation and who has a neutral opinion. Usually a therapist is a very helpful person in this situation.
- You might even consider searching online for people who have experience in similar situations. If you’re trying to decide between a full-time job versus a part-time job to spend more time with your kids, you can post your issue on an online parent forum. You’ll see the views of people who have had to make similar decisions as well as some who tell you what they would do in your case.
Consider decisions
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Calm mind. Emotional upliftment, positive or negative, can affect your ability to make the right decisions. When you need to make a decision, the first step is often to be as calm as possible. If you don’t calm down, don’t make a decision until you think it through. [6] X Research Sources
- Try taking a few deep breaths to calm your mind. If you have more time, go to a quiet room and practice for about 10 minutes of deep breathing.
- To do the deep breathing exercise, start by placing one hand on your abdomen just below your ribs and the other on your chest. As you inhale, you will notice your abdomen and chest rise. [7] X Research Sources
- Inhale slowly through the nose. Count to 4 as you inhale. Focus on feeling your breath as your lungs expand.
- Hold your breath for 1-2 seconds.
- Gently exhale through your nose or mouth. Count to 4 as you exhale.
- Repeat this process 6-10 times per minute for 10 minutes.
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Collect as much information as possible. Most decisions are better made when you have enough information to make a clear decision. Decision making, especially on important topics, should be based on logic. Do a search to find as much information about the decision as possible. [8] X Research Sources
- For example, if you’re trying to decide between keeping a full-time job or switching to a part-time job to spend more time with your kids, you need to know how much income you’ll lose each month when you switch jobs. You also need to take into account how much time you will spend with your child. Record this information, as well as any relevant information that helps you make a decision. [9] X Research Source
- You need to consider other options as well and gather information about them. For example, you might ask your boss if you can work remotely at least a few days a week.
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Use the “five whys” technique to get the point across. Ask yourself “why?” Five times can help you uncover the root of the problem and see if you’re making a decision with good reason. [10] X Sources of Research For example, if you are trying to decide between keeping a full-time job or switching to a part-time job to spend more time with your family, five questions could be:
- “Why should I consider a part-time job?” Because I never get to see the kids. “Why can’t I see the kids?” Because I work late most evenings. “Why do I come home late most evenings?” Because the company has a new customer and this takes up a lot of its time. “Why does that take up so much of my time?” Because I try to do good work and hope to be compensated by promotion. “Why do I want to advance?” To earn more money to support the family.
- In this case, the five whys indicate that you are considering reducing your hours even though you hope to get a promotion. Here there is a conflict that needs further research to make the right decision.
- The five whys also suggest that the problem may be temporary, you work a lot because you have a new client. Consider: is there a lot of work time left when you get used to the new client?
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Think who is affected. First and foremost, you need to consider how your decision affects you. Specifically, how does that decision affect the way you see yourself as someone? What are your values and goals? Making decisions that aren’t capable of “value-adjusting” (that is, they don’t align with the core beliefs that guide you) can make you unhappy and discontented. [11] X Research Source[12] X Research Source
- For example, if ambition is your core value, a deep part of your personality, then switching to a part-time job may not be appropriate, as you will no longer pursue ambition. was promoted and became the head of the company.
- Sometimes your core values can conflict with other values. For example, you have both ambition and family orientations that are both core values. You need to prioritize one value over the other to make decisions. By understanding which values will be affected by the decision, you will be able to make the right decision.
- You should also consider the impact of your problem or decision on others. Could the consequences have a negative effect on the people you care about? Consider other values in the decision-making process, especially if you are married or have children.
- For example, the decision to switch to a part-time job might positively affect your children because it means they’ll have more time with you, but it could hurt you because you have to give up. ambition to be promoted. It also has a negative impact on your family by reducing your income.
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List all your options. At first glance, it may seem like you have only one course of action, but that’s often not the case. Even in a situation where there are not many options, try to make a list of alternatives. Don’t judge them until you have a complete list. Do it meticulously. If it’s hard for you to come up with alternatives, brainstorm with a few family members or friends. [13] X Research Source
- Of course, you don’t have to put the list down on paper. Maybe that list just needs to be in your head!
- You can always remove items from the list later, but crazy ideas can lead to creative solutions you haven’t considered anywhere else.
- For example, you can find another full-time job at the company that doesn’t require much overtime. You can hire people to do housework, to have free time for your family. You can even create a “family work” evening where everyone works together in the same room to help you feel more connected.
- Studies also show that too many choices can lead to clutter and make decisions harder. [14] X Research Sources Once you have your list, cross out options that are completely unrealistic. Try to keep about five choices on the list.
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Create a spreadsheet to compare the expected benefits and losses of the decision. If your problem is complex and you feel overwhelmed by too many possible outcomes, consider creating a spreadsheet to track the decision-making process. You can use Microsoft excel software to create spreadsheets or simply create spreadsheets on paper. [15] X Research Source
- To create a spreadsheet, create columns for each of the options under consideration. Create two sub-columns in each column to compare the benefits and losses of each possible outcome. Use + and – signs to define what is positive and what is negative.
- You can also give a value score for each issue on the list. For example, you might rate +5 for “will eat dinner with the kids every night” in the “Switch to Part-Time Job” list. On the other hand, you can score -20 for the content “will reduce income by 10 million VND per month” in the same list.
- After completing the spreadsheet, you can add up the value points and determine which decision has the highest score. Remember that you may not be able to make a decision just by doing this.
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Create silence in between thoughts. Creative people may not know this, but ideas, decisions, and solutions come up when they don’t think or think slowly. That means clever and creative solutions or ideas can appear in a thoughtless state of consciousness. That’s why people meditate.
- It’s important to ask questions and gather information or knowledge before making a decision, but if you want to make really smart and creative decisions, you need to stop thinking or at least think slowly. again. Breathing meditation is one of the unstructured methods to create silence between thoughts to allow the creativity and wisdom of the universe to seep into you. This unstructured method does not require you to spend a lot of time as you can be aware of your breath while doing everyday tasks like cooking, brushing teeth, going for a walk, etc. For more details and For other methods, read articles in the same category.
- Consider the following example: A musician has the knowledge and information (tools) to write music such as playing an instrument, singing, writing songs, etc., but the creative intelligence is conveyed through the main new instrument. is what drives those tools. Yes, knowledge of musical instruments, singing, etc. is important, but it is the creative intelligence that makes up the essence of the song.
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Learn to distinguish between impulsive decisions and intelligent decisions. Usually the impulse goes away at some point. For example, deciding to eat, shop, travel, etc. However, smart decisions will persist in consciousness for some time, which can be days, weeks or months.
- A smart decision may appear impulsive, but notice if you still feel the same way after a while. And that’s why you need a pause after gathering information, asking questions to make informed decisions.
- Experiment: Notice the quality of the action after you take a deep breath compared to the action that occurs at first impulsively.
Give decision
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See yourself as a friend. Sometimes being temporarily undecided can help you determine the right choice. Think of it as if you were going to advise a good friend trying to make the same decision. What decision would you advise them to make? Why do you recommend that? [16] X Research Source
- Try role-playing when using this method. Sit next to an empty chair and pretend you’re talking to someone.
- If you don’t want to sit and talk alone, you can try writing a letter to yourself asking for advice. Begin the letter by writing: “Dear X, I have looked at your situation. In my opinion, the best thing you should do is ____”. Continue writing your letter by stating your point of view (from an outsider’s perspective).
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Play counter. This game can help you to know how you really feel about that decision because you are forced to take opposing views and argue to defend it as if it were your point of view. If the argument you use against what you want to do makes sense, you’ll have more information to consider. [17] X Research Source
- To play counter-argument, try to argue against any good reason to make the preferred choice. If giving feedback is easy, you need to make another choice.
- For example, if you’re inclined to work part-time to spend more time with your kids, counter that by pointing out that you’ve spent a lot of time with your kids on weekends and vacations. You could also argue that the money and advancement opportunities you lose are worth skipping a few family dinners because they’re better for the kids than spending a few extra hours with the kids in the morning. dark. That also benefits your promotion, worth your consideration.
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Think See if you feel guilty. It’s common to make decisions to escape guilt, but guilt isn’t a positive motivator to make healthy decisions. Feelings of guilt often distort our view of events and outcomes so that we don’t see them (or our role in them) clearly. [18] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source Feelings of guilt are particularly common among working women, who face societal pressures to strike a perfect balance between work and life family living. [19] X Research Source
- Doing things out of guilt can also be dangerous because it causes us to make decisions that don’t align with our values. [20] X Research Sources[21] X Research Sources
- One way to identify the motivations of guilt is to look for statements in the form of “need” or “must”. [22] X Research Source For example, you might feel like “Good parents need to spend all their time with their children” or “Mr A who works for X now is definitely a bad dad”. Such statements are based on external judgment, not on your worth.
- So, to determine if your decisions are driven by guilt, take a step back and examine the real situation, as well as your personal values (core beliefs that shape your life). your life) tells you what is true. Are the kids really affected because you work full time? Or do you think so because that’s how others tell you to “need” to feel that way?
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Thinking about the future. In the end, the best way to make a decision is to think about how you’ll feel after a few years. Think about what you would think when you looked in the mirror. How would you explain it to your grandchild? If you don’t want to know what the long-term results are, you should rethink your approach. [23] X Research Sources
- For example, do you think in 10 years you will regret your decision to switch to a part-time job? If so then why? What will you get in 10 years of full-time work that you don’t get when working part-time?
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Trust your instincts. You probably have a feeling which decision is the right one, so if all else fails, trust your intuition. Make decisions based on what you feel is right while a spreadsheet suggests otherwise. Research shows that people who make emotional decisions tend to be more satisfied with their decisions than those who are more calculating. [24] X Research Resources Timothy D. Wilson et al., “Introspecting about Reasons Can Reduce Post-Choice Satisfaction,”Personality and Social Psychpogy Bulletin, 19 (1993): 331–339.[25] X Research Sources
- Ask yourself what to do. If you have good intuition and know which decision will give you the greatest satisfaction, lean toward that decision. It’s change and being uncomfortable with what we don’t know that makes making decisions difficult.
- Taking a moment to reflect can help you feel your intuition.
- The more decisions you make, the better you hone and sharpen your intuition. [26] X Research Sources
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Have a backup plan. Planning can save you from worrying about possible negative outcomes. Build a contingency plan to handle the worst-case scenario. While you may not need this plan, having a backup plan simply helps you feel better equipped to handle the worst-case scenario. People in leadership positions are often expected to have a backup plan because bad things can always happen. This is also useful when making unimportant decisions. [27] X Research Source
- Having a contingency plan also allows you to deal with unprecedented challenges or obstacles with flexibility. The ability to adapt to unforeseen situations can directly affect the success of the decision.
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Make a choice. Whatever decision you make, be prepared to accept responsibility for any outcome. If things don’t work out, it’s always better to make a conscious decision than to be careless. At least you can say you did your best. Make a decision and be ready to do it. [28] X Research Sources
Advice
- No scenario is perfect. When you make a decision, do it with all your heart as best you can so you don’t regret it and don’t worry because other decisions aren’t chosen.
- Treat all options equally well if you’ve been thinking about the decision for a long time. In that case, every option has major pros and cons. You will make a decision if one of the options proves to be superior to the previous options.
- Remember that you may not have enough information to make the right decision. Do some more research if it’s hard for you to narrow down the options. You also need to understand that the information you need may not be available. After reviewing the information you have, you may have to go ahead and make a decision.
- After the decision is made, important new information emerges indicating the need to revise or radically change your original decision. Be ready to go through the decision-making process again if that happens. Flexibility is a great skill.
- Limit time if a decision has to be made early or if the decision is not very important. The risk of “analysis deadlock” is real. If you’re trying to decide which movie to rent for the weekend, don’t spend an hour jotting down the titles.
- If you try too hard, you may overlook the obvious. Avoid thinking too much.
- Avoid giving too many options. Researchers have found that our unwillingness to limit our choices leads to unsuccessful decisions. [29] X Research Sources
- List advantages and disadvantages! You can also list the options, and reduce them down to only two possibilities. Talk to everyone about them to make a final decision.
- Remember that at some point, no decision becomes a decision to do nothing, which can be the worst decision ever.
- Treat every experience as a lesson. By making important decisions, you will always learn to face the consequences and even use obstacles as lessons to grow and adapt.
Warning
- Avoid stressing yourself too much. That only makes things worse.
- Stay away from people who act like they want the best for you but assume they know it and you don’t. Their suggestions may be right, but if they don’t consider your feelings and concerns, they may well be very, very wrong. You should also avoid people who distrust you.
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This article was co-written by Erin Conlon, PCC, JD. Erin Conlon is an executive life coach, founder of Erin Conlon Coaching, and host of the “This Is Not Advice” podcast. She specializes in helping leaders and executives grow in their careers and personal lives. In addition to her work as a personal trainer, she teaches and trains other coaches, developing and revising training materials to make them more diverse, streamlined, and inclusive. She holds a bachelor’s degree in communications and history and a doctorate in jurisprudence from the University of Michigan. Erin is a professional coach with the International Federation of Coaches.
There are 20 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
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We make decisions every day; Everything we say and do is the result of a decision, whether we do it intentionally or not. With every choice, big or small, there is no easy formula for making the right decision. The best you can do is to approach from as many angles as possible and choose an action plan that seems appropriate and balanced at the time. You may be worried if the decision you need to make is very important. However, there are some simple things you can do to make decision-making less intimidating, like identifying the worst-case scenario, creating a spreadsheet, and following your intuition. Read on to learn how to make a decision.
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