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This article was co-written by Elvina Lui, MFT. Elvina Lui is a licensed family and marriage therapist specializing in relationship counseling. She received her Master’s degree in Counseling from Western Seminary in 2007 and has been MFT certified for over 7 years.
This article has been viewed 9,903 times.
The armed forces have the duty to protect the country and be ready to enlist at any time. This can be quite difficult when you are in a relationship. The years apart will test the stability of your relationship. It certainly won’t be easy, but there are ways to help you get through it. Get ready before enlistment and nurture expectations. Communicate with that person as much as you can while they’re away. Try to keep yourself busy, and look for ways to control your emotions in the absence of your partner.
Steps
Set up a plan
- The two of you need to help each other plan how to manage. For someone about to enlist, this means focusing on the mission, seeking help from teammates or senior officers, and managing stress while away. For stayers, this means finding support at home, staying busy, and managing stress or anxiety when communication is limited.
- Try to find opportunities to talk as honestly and openly as possible. The two of you need to feel free to express your feelings, good or bad, about the impending separation. Feelings of jealousy and insecurity are normal when separated for long periods of time. [2] X Research Source
- Set aside some private time to talk to each other. Make time to socialize with each other at home. If you have kids, it’s a good idea to hire a babysitter for the night so you and your partner can talk.
- If you’re a stay-at-home person, you should know the fastest way to contact that person. You also need to be prepared with information about someone you should call, like a friend or relative, who can help you through an emergency when your loved one is away.
- If you are a soldier, you need to know how to contact your spouse in the event of an unfortunate event. Let him or her know how you will support remotely when something goes wrong at home.
- You can choose from many ways to communicate during the army. You won’t be able to use your phone often, but email, instant messaging, video calling, or regular mailing are all options you might consider.
- If possible, spend one day a week trying to talk to each other over the phone or by video chat. If your military schedule is stable, you’ll know when you can use your computer or phone. You can schedule a phone call or video chat with your partner at a specific time during these days.
- You should also discuss what to do when you can’t communicate with each other. There will be times when you won’t be able to use your phone or computer while you’re in the army. You should discuss what to do during this process. For example, you can agree to mail the letter if necessary.
- For the soldier, the support system may include other soldiers or members of the army. You can also chat with someone you can communicate with remotely. In addition to the person you love, you should establish attachments with friends or relatives. You will have to rely on these people for support during your military service.
- If you’re the one staying behind, you and your partner need to figure out who you can rely on. Chat with your loved ones and friends while they are away. You may find that your friend’s friends and family will also be a source of support when you have to enlist.
Communicating during enlistment
- Some people prefer affirmative words to feel loved. Sayings like “I miss you” and “I love you” will be quite helpful. If the person seems to take words very seriously, you can write letters and emails expressing your interest in them.
- For others, actions are more important than words. They feel supported when their partner shows care through thoughtful gestures or gift giving. If your partner likes action, you can send them parcels (including food, money, or other valuables), send a picture message, or periodically send gifts.
- Unfortunately, sometimes the language of love is difficult to express from a distance. Many people enjoy physical contact and quality time together for a sense of security. This will make it difficult to enlist in the army. However, you can try to help by telling your partner how much you miss their hug, and how you wish they could be with you to watch TV on a rainy night.
Elvina Lui, MFT
Marriage and family therapist
Elvina Lui is a licensed family and marriage therapist specializing in relationship counseling. She received her Master’s degree in Counseling from Western Seminary in 2007 and has been MFT certified for over 7 years.
Marriage and family therapist
Strengthen bonds in difficult circumstances. Elvina Lui, marriage and family counselor, explains: “In reality, many long-distance relationships work well if one person is in a stressful and isolated situation like in the military . hardships will help both strengthen their feelings for each other.In my observation, the separation of a couple due to one of them being enlisted in the army is fine until they return, because the time in the army really forced them. must support and love each other.”
- Send more pictures, snacks, and sentimental items. Be creative. If the person has a sense of humor, you can send a funny card or message.
- You can also give a “free service coupon” when the person comes home. Something like “Free one back massage” or “Free luxury dinner”. This will give them something to look forward to when they get home.
- Remember to check military regulations before sending parcels. During the enlistment period, certain items may be prohibited.
- Pause a moment before sending an email or text. Re-read your words and think about how they might be misunderstood. Can you feel the anger in this message? Confused? Jealous? If so, you should find out if there’s a way to rephrase or add emojis to clearly show that this is just a friendly message. For example, “I couldn’t sleep without you last night” could be misinterpreted as resentment such as “I’m really disappointed that you’re not here”. Instead, you could write something like, “I miss you and love you so much that I couldn’t sleep last night without you by my side. <3”
- For your part, you should remember that you can never be 100% certain of the intentions of the person when communicating in writing. If you get a text that sounds like your partner is angry or upset, remind yourself that misunderstandings are common in these situations. You should take the time to calm down, then politely text to clarify if needed. For example, “I also miss sleeping next to you. I want to make sure of one thing, because I know it’s easy to misread an email, you’re not angry that I have to leave right? I just want to know. : )”
- Create a scrapbook for the person when they return, detailing what happened in the person’s absence. Scan the pictures in the notebook and send them to the one you love.
- Email a song or movie clip that makes sense to both of you.
- Use scent to remind. Scent is strongly linked to memories, so send your partner a small bottle of the shampoo you’re using to help them remember you.
- Read the same book together from a distance. This will help the two of you feel close, and provide both of you with topics to discuss when your partner returns.
Stay busy
- If you have to enlist, it will be difficult for you to keep yourself busy. The particularly dynamic enlistment process will make you completely dedicated to it. However, there are also relatively free times. Although taking a cooking class is tough in the military, you can find other independent activities to pursue. For example, you can read books and write. Try to explore an area that interests you by reading books about it in your spare time while away.
- If you are a soldier, don’t hesitate to get close to your teammates. You should openly share your struggles and stress with them and talk about how you nurture your relationship.
- If you are a stay-at-home person, you can reach out to friends and family. You can also find your partner’s friends and family. Spending time with people close to you will help you feel closer to them.
- If you are a soldier, maybe some of your teammates also have lovers waiting for them at home. Try to talk to them about how you’re feeling, and get their advice on how to cope. There are probably many people who have been in the army many times, and they will give you advice on how to look at things.
Emotional control
- Share your insecurities with your partner and others. While you shouldn’t be reprimanding when talking to your partner, you can express your insecurities. Reassurances from that person will be of great help to you.
- Examine your own problems with trust and insecurity. They may stem from your previous relationship. Understand that, while it’s normal to worry when your partner is away, feeling excessively insecure can be completely unfounded.
This article was co-written by Elvina Lui, MFT. Elvina Lui is a licensed family and marriage therapist specializing in relationship counseling. She received her Master’s degree in Counseling from Western Seminary in 2007 and has been MFT certified for over 7 years.
This article has been viewed 9,903 times.
The armed forces have the duty to protect the country and be ready to enlist at any time. This can be quite difficult when you are in a relationship. The years apart will test the stability of your relationship. It certainly won’t be easy, but there are ways to help you get through it. Get ready before enlistment and nurture expectations. Communicate with that person as much as you can while they’re away. Try to keep yourself busy, and look for ways to control your emotions in the absence of your partner.
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