How to Love Yourself

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This article was co-written by Kamal Ravikant. Kamal Ravikant is the author of the best-selling book Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It. He meditated with monks in the Himalayas, served in the US infantry, and co-founded several companies, including a venture capital firm in Silicon Valley. However, the most outstanding work he ever did was learning to love himself.

There are 17 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.

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Almost everyone understands what it means to love another person. The burning desire, admiration, and emotional investment in others can be the same in all cases. We put a lot of effort into cultivating love for others. What about loving yourself? It seems like a foreign concept to many of us. Self-love is a mixture of self-acceptance, composure (as opposed to self-obsession), self-awareness, kindness, and self-respect. Loving yourself is both an awareness that you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, as well as an act of self-love and care. Simply put, self-love is a positive attitude about yourself that is put into action.

Table of Contents

Improve Your Inner Thinking

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Overcome negative thoughts about yourself. Many people find it difficult to ignore negative thoughts about themselves. That kind of thinking often comes from other people whose opinions are appreciated by us and from people whose love and approval are needed. ^{[1] X Research Source}

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Avoid perfectionism. Some people have trouble accepting their imperfections. ^{[2] X Research Source} If you find yourself a perfectionist and think negatively about yourself for being imperfect, take these three simple steps. Immediately stop the current train of thought, focus the effort necessary to work towards the goal, and apply that effort often. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

Shifting your focus from the end result (measured by “perfection”) to the effort required to perform the task (which is harder to quantify as “perfect”) can help you understand the value. work you did well.

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Quit filtering information in a negative way. Focusing only on the negative in life is a bad habit. Excessive focus on an unhappy or unlucky event in your life can make the event unnecessarily serious. ^{[4] X Research Sources} If you find yourself complaining that everything that happens to you is bad, find some evidence to the contrary; things aren’t always really that bad.

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Never insult yourself. Self-indulgence is lowering yourself into something you don’t want. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

Saying “I’m a failure” after being fired is not right and unfair to you. Instead, make a positive comment like, “I lost my job, but I will use it as an experience to find and keep a new job.”
Saying “I’m stupid” is also incorrect and demeaning. If you feel stupid, then most likely you lack knowledge about something. Instead, think, “I don’t know how to simply clean the house. Maybe I should take a course to learn how to do that in the future.”

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Don’t assume the worst can happen. It is often easy to assume that the worst will happen in all situations. ^{[6] X Research Sources} , however, changing your inner thoughts to be realistic and authentic can help you avoid the complacency or exaggeration that often accompanies making assumptions. the worst.

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Rewrite your thoughts. When you find yourself thinking negatively about yourself, acknowledge it, identify the source of the feeling, and consciously rewrite the thought in a more positive direction. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

For example, if you forget to send an important email about work, you might think, “What a fool I am! How could I forget?”
Stop, and think, “I feel silly because I forgot to send an email. When I was a kid, every time I forgot to do something, my dad used to tell me I was stupid. Those were his words in my head, not mine.” And think: “I am a competent employee, who does not make mistakes from time to time. I’ll try to remind myself to do this. I will now send an email with an apology for forgetting to send it earlier.”

Practice Loving Yourself

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List your good qualities and reflect on them daily. This can be difficult for someone who has a habit of thinking negatively about themselves, but try to find one good thing about yourself to put on the list once a week. At the end of each day, take some time to reflect on that list. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

Please list specifically. Instead of using generic adjectives to describe yourself, list actions or personalities that describe who you are and what you do.
For example, instead of simply saying, “I’m generous,” you could write, “Anytime I know my friend is struggling, I give her a small, meaningful gift to show her off. showing interest. It makes me feel so generous.”
As you read and think about the list, remember that each personality on the list, no matter how unimportant, is the reason why you are worthy of respect and love.

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Give yourself the gift of time. Don’t feel guilty about taking time to reflect on yourself and your life. ^{[9] X Research Source} Giving yourself time and allowing yourself to love yourself is very important. You will find that by doing so, you will spend more of your precious time helping others.

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Celebrate and reward yourself. Here’s the fun part of loving yourself: reward yourself! ^{[10] X Research Source} If you’ve made a significant achievement, celebrate with a sumptuous dinner at your favorite fancy restaurant. Think about the hard work you do every day and find a reason to reward yourself with something nice. Buy a new book or video game you’ve been keeping an eye on. Relax in the shower or bath. Go fishing alone or get a massage.

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Make a plan to deal with the negative or negative situation. Notice what causes you to deviate from your current self-love state, and work out how to deal with it. ^{[11] X Research Source} Remember that you do not control the words and actions of others, but you can control your words and reactions.

You may find that someone’s negative comment, like your mother or boss, pushes you into a spiral of negativity. If it happens often, try to find out why.
Decide how to handle your negative thoughts. You may need a break to meditate or breathe. Acknowledge your feelings and moderate negative reactions with positive reminders of your worth.

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See a therapist. Exploring negative thoughts and identifying emotional triggers that may be recalling memories or feelings from the past can be very difficult. ^{[12] X Research Source}

A therapist, who has a lot of experience dealing with a traumatic past, can help you recover without having to recall the painful past. ^{[13] X Research Source}
A therapist’s office can be a great place to learn how to effectively control negative thinking and realize your positive worth.

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Repeat positive affirmations every day. Find a few positive thoughts that make you feel better and repeat them every day. This may seem a bit sentimental or weird at first, but when it becomes a habit, positive thoughts will gradually seep into you, you will believe them even though you didn’t at first.

One of the positive affirmations to promote self-love is: “I am a complete individual who deserves respect. I respect, trust and love myself.”
If you find such affirmations do not work, see a therapist for varying degrees of treatment with other approaches. ^{[14] X Research Source}

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Do things that make you feel good. Think about feeling happy physically, emotionally, and mentally. Do things that energize you in different ways, like exercising, meditating, dancing, and journaling positive things. Find something you enjoy doing and do it regularly.

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Reflect on the impact of loving yourself. When you take the time to love and reward yourself, you will find its benefits pervasive in other aspects of your life. Notice if you get more energy, or if you have more contact with people. You will feel more responsible for the choices you make and have more control over your life.

Practice Loving Kindness Meditation

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Learn about Loving-Kindness Meditation. Loving-kindness meditation is a form of meditation that develops feelings of benevolence towards oneself and others. Loving-kindness meditation can provide you with the tools you need to effectively love yourself. ^{[15] X Research Resources Kearney DJ1, McManus C, Malte CA, Martinez ME, Felleman B, Simpson TL (2014) Loving-kindness meditation and the broaden-and-build theory of positive emotions among veterans with posttraumatic stress disorder. Med Care, Dec;52(12 Suppl 5):S32-8}

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Grasp the principles of loving-kindness meditation. Loving-kindness meditation is love without expectations, without conditions. It encourages you to love without judgment (whether it’s yourself or someone else). ^{[16] X Research Sources Kearney DJ1, McManus C, Malte CA, Martinez ME, Felleman B, Simpson TL (2014) Loving-kindness meditation and the broaden-and-build theory of positive emotions among veterans with posttraumatic stress disorder. Med Care, Dec;52(12 Suppl 5):S32-8}

Judging ourselves and others often hurts our relationships with others or our own souls. Learning to love without judgment is learning to love selflessly.

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Deep breath. Start by breathing deeply and slowly. Sit comfortably in a chair and inhale deeply to fill your chest with air, expanding your diaphragm. Then, exhale slowly, then exhale completely. ^{[17] X Research Sources Kearney DJ1, McManus C, Malte CA, Martinez ME, Felleman B, Simpson TL (2014) Loving-kindness meditation and the broaden-and-build theory of positive emotions among veterans with posttraumatic stress disorder. Med Care, Dec;52(12 Suppl 5):S32-8}

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Support it with positive affirmations. While taking a deep breath, repeat the following affirmations ^{over and over again: [18] X Research Source Kearney DJ1, McManus C, Malte CA, Martinez ME, Felleman B, Simpson TL (2014) Loving-kindness meditation and the expand-and-build theory of positive emotions among veterans with posttraumatic stress disorder. Med Care, Dec;52(12 Suppl 5):S32-8}

Will I be able to fulfill my dreams, live happily and peacefully?
Can I love others with all my heart?
I pray that my family and myself are always at peace.
I pray that my family, friends and myself are always healthy.
Will I learn to forgive myself and others?

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Identify your negative reaction to those positive affirmations. If you find yourself thinking negatively while repeating the above affirmations, think about what caused you to have such negative thoughts. Identify the person who makes it difficult for you to love unconditionally. Repeat the affirmations above and think about the person. ^{[19] X Research Sources Kearney DJ1, McManus C, Malte CA, Martinez ME, Felleman B, Simpson TL (2014) Loving-kindness meditation and the broaden-and-build theory of positive emotions among veterans with posttraumatic stress disorder. Med Care, Dec;52(12 Suppl 5):S32-8}

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Think of someone you feel dear to. Repeat the affirmations and think about the person.

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Think about someone you have no feelings for. Repeat the affirmations and think about the person.

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Let the positive emotions of the affirmations spread through you. Repeat affirmations without thinking about a particular person. Instead, focus on the positive emotions that come from affirmations. Let that emotion spread completely within you, and spread that feeling to the outside world. ^{[20] X Research Resources Kearney DJ1, McManus C, Malte CA, Martinez ME, Felleman B, Simpson TL (2014) Loving-kindness meditation and the broaden-and-build theory of positive emotions among veterans with posttraumatic stress disorder. Med Care, Dec;52(12 Suppl 5):S32-8}

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Conclude by reciting the love spell. Once you’ve extended your positive emotions outward, repeat the following mantra over and over: “May everyone be happy, healthy, and happy.” Repeat this affirmation five times to feel each word seep into your body and extend that feeling to the outside world. ^{[21] X Research Resources Kearney DJ1, McManus C, Malte CA, Martinez ME, Felleman B, Simpson TL (2014) Loving-kindness meditation and the broaden-and-build theory of positive emotions among veterans with posttraumatic stress disorder. Med Care, Dec;52(12 Suppl 5):S32-8}

Learn about Loving yourself

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Understand the dangers of not loving yourself. You can make disastrous choices when you don’t love yourself. Failure to love yourself is like a lack of self-worth that leads to intentional or unintentional self-destruction, and at the same time keeps you from supporting your essential needs.

Not loving yourself can lead to over-dependence on others to determine your own worth. ^{[22 ] X Research Sources Wiltermuth SS1, Cohen TR2 (2014), “I’d only let you down”: Guilt Proneness and the Avoidance of Harmful Interdependence. Journal of Personal and Social Psychpogy, Nov;107(5):925-42} Relying on others to determine one’s self-worth often causes people to give up their need for the approval of others.
Not loving yourself also hinders healing and emotional growth. Research shows that people with self-blame and indifference to themselves often have worse psychotherapy outcomes. ^{[23] X Research Source Ryum T1, Vogel PA, Walderhaug EP, Stiles TC. (2105) The rpe of self-image as a predictor of psychotherapy outcome. Scandinavian Journal of Psychpogy Feb;56(1):62-8}

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Acknowledge the importance of childhood memories for self-love. The parent-child relationship has a lasting influence on character development; Children who do not have their physical, emotional and mental needs met may experience persistent problems related to low self-esteem. ^{[24] X Research Source Zaleznik, Abraham. Executive’s Guide to Understanding People. Palgrave MacMillian, 2009}

Negative messages received in childhood – especially repetitive ones – often become ingrained in memory and shape later self-concept.
For example, a child who is often called “dumb” or “boring” as an adult will think that they are really stupid and boring, even when the opposite is actually true (e.g., having many friends, or mixing things up). games, or lead an interesting lifestyle). ^{[25] X Efficacy, Agency, and Self-Esteem Research Resources . Kernis, Michael H. Springer Science + Business Media, 1995}

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Learn how parents can support self-esteem. Parents can follow the tips below to improve their child’s self-worth:

Listen to your child; this will increase their self-worth. ^{[26] X Handbook of Positive Psychpogy Research Source . Snyder, CR and SJ Lopez, eds. Oxford UP, 2002.}
- It’s easy to force a talkative child to “shut up” by not really listening to what he’s saying. However, if you listen and interact with your child by asking questions and responding to their words, they will sense that you see the value of their words.
Teach children in a non-violent way (no hitting, yelling, or scolding) to help stabilize their sense of self-worth. ^{[27] X Handbook of Positive Psychpogy Research Source . Snyder, CR and SJ Lopez, eds. Oxford UP, 2002.}
- For example, if your child hits another child, you can pull him aside and calmly tell him not to hit you because it could hurt you. If necessary, give your child a break to calm down and remind her before resuming play.
Give your child unconditional warmth, love, support, and respect so that he or she feels worthy of love and acceptance. ^{[28] X Handbook of Positive Psychpogy Research Source . Snyder, CR and SJ Lopez, eds. Oxford UP, 2002.}
- If your child tells you he’s upset about something that sounds silly to you (like a sunset), don’t ignore his feelings. Agree with your child’s feelings and say, “I know you are sad when the sun goes down”. Next, try your best to explain why this couldn’t be otherwise by saying, “The sun sets in the evening because the earth rotates and people living on the other side of the Earth need sunlight too. And me. also rested to be ready for the next day.” Finally, give your child a hug or cuddle to reassure her and understand that you empathize with her, even if you can’t change it.

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Understand the effect of outside comments on self-love. You will encounter unpleasant things in life. You cannot practice self-love in a vacuum without being influenced by external comments as well as potential negative factors. Therefore, you must learn how to handle negative situations from your spouse, parents or boss, even strangers you meet on the street.

You can arm yourself with the ability to let go of the negative without affecting your sense of self-worth.

Advice

Remind yourself that you deserve to be loved. Many people tend to not believe in themselves when in fact we are all human! Always believe in yourself, be confident and optimistic.
Avoid things that promote model ideas, like beauty magazines.
Be yourself and don’t care what others think. Be the best version of yourself you can be.
There’s nothing wrong with being yourself. We all want to be the best we can be. But remember that if you’re trying to be someone else, or you feel like it’s fake to have to be positive despite trying for a long time, that’s not the way to love YOU. Accept yourself, identify what you don’t have. Try new things and conquer fear. You will be surprised at what you find out!

Steps

Improve Your Inner Thinking

Practice Loving Yourself

Practice Loving Kindness Meditation

Learn about Loving yourself

Advice

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