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This article was co-written by John Keegan. John Keegan is a New York-based marriage and love expert and motivational speaker. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his knowledge of marriage and love, attraction and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and gives seminars on marriage and love internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York and Men’s Health.
There are 22 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 6,083 times.
If you’ve been in love with someone who hasn’t been very nice in the past, finding someone who’s nice to you should be a priority. You can find and fall in love with nice people if you really want to. Just remember that you can’t force someone to love you. Some of the things you can do to find a good partner include: assessing what you want in that person, choosing the right timing, taking it slow, and asking questions to gain a better understanding of your interests. Surname.
Steps
Self appraisal
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Understand yourself. Before you can find the right person for your needs, you need to get to know yourself. Take a few minutes to review your core values and assess your emotional needs. Write them down on paper so you can review the list during your search for a future mate.
- Which factor is most important to you? Family? Career? Friend? Honesty? Loyalty? Or is it something else? You should list your values and then arrange them in order of importance.
- What do you want to look for from the person you love? Sympathy? Sense of humor? The kindness? Strong? Courage? Write down a list of all the elements that you hope your future lover will possess in order of importance to you.
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Think about what you want. Before you start looking for a nice person to fall in love with, you should think about what you really want from the person you love. Make a list of everything you want in your lover before embarking on a quest for love.
- What characteristics would you like your future lover to possess? Do you want to meet someone who loves to read? Love to cook? Close to family? Sense of humor? Treat you like a king/queen?
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Take care of yourself. Physical attractiveness isn’t everything, but it’s important to look and feel your best in order to attract others. Self-care will help you feel more confident, and confidence in general is attractive. [1] X Research Resources You must remember to take care of your basic needs, such as diet, exercise, rest, and grooming, before proceeding with your search. [2] X Research Source
- Go to the hairdresser for a haircut if you haven’t done this in a while.
- Buy yourself some new clothes if your clothes are worn out or out of date.
- Try to stay healthy by eating healthy and doing moderate-intensity aerobic exercise for at least 150 hours per week. [3] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- Remember to give yourself enough time to rest and relax each day.
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Commit to fulfilling your own needs. Sometimes, you will want to be loved so desperately that you are willing to accept anything from your partner. Truly kind people respect the needs and boundaries of others. Before looking for love, you should commit to yourself that you will respect your own needs and desires.
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Stay away from aggressive or mean people. If you’ve dated someone who hasn’t treated you well in the past, you should stay away from someone who might do the same for you. As you’re getting to know a potential lover, it’s a good idea to take note of how that person treats you as well as others. Is the person aggressive? Coarse? Brag? Like to criticize? Like control? Or simply mean? If so, you should think twice before dating them. [4] X Research Sources
- Identify positive qualities in the person you choose to date. You should try to find someone who is kind, polite, bold, understanding, and above all, kind to you!
Attract kind people
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Find the right person in the right place. To find decent people, you should start somewhere other than the pub in your area. This isn’t to say that nice people won’t go to the pub, just that it’s easier to find someone who matches your interests and values if you look elsewhere. You should consider finding nice people in a place where people like the person you’re looking for usually congregate.
- For example, you will increase your chances of meeting nice people at a charity event, volunteering at a hospital, or at the library. You should also consider asking a friend to “match” you with someone nice or introduce you to someone you often see reading at the neighborhood coffee shop. [5] X Research Sources
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Flirting a bit. To let the other person know that you care about them, you need to show that you care by flirting a little. You need to use facial expressions, body language, and flirting. Using things like body language, eye contact, and flirting will help you show your partner that you care. In fact, research has shown that the way you show your interest is more effective in attracting a mate than your physical appearance. [6] X Research Sources
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Look for signs of a response. When you show interest in others, you should look for signs that they are also interested in you. You should watch to see if the person is smiling, making eye contact, and standing with their body facing you. Other positive signs include touching your hair, adjusting your clothes, raising or lowering your eyebrows, or occasionally touching your arms. [7] X Research Sources[8] X Research Sources
- Some other signs include biological reactions that humans cannot control. For example, many people may blush when they are excited. Their lips will become fuller and redder. [9] X Research Source
- If someone isn’t interested in you, don’t waste your time. Just keep looking for nice people to love.
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Start the story. There are many ways to start a conversation with someone you just met and fall in love with them. These are called “first flag steps”. In addition, they are also known as “acquaintance flirting”, or “talking suggestion”. However, you don’t have to be scary to start a conversation. Research suggests a few ways to help you start a story: [10] X Research Sources
- Direct. This type of narrative will often state your intentions honestly and clearly. For example, “I think you are very cute. Would you buy me a cup of coffee?”. In general, men tend to like receiving suggestions in this way.
- No reward, no penalty. This type of statement will be quite roundabout, but friendly and polite. For example, “I’m new here. Can you suggest me if a cappuccino or latte is better?”. Usually, women will like this kind of story.
- Cute/casual. These are “flirting to get to know each other”. They can be funny, cheesy, or even vulgar. For example: “Are you okay this morning? Last night wandering in my dream, you must be very tired, right?”. Usually, both sexes don’t like this kind of opening sentence.
- Since you’re looking for nice people to fall in love with, research suggests that you should use words that are sincere, friendly, and encouraging. They will help build a longer lasting relationship. [11] X Research Source
Love
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Slow progress. When you first get to know each other, it’s important to avoid sharing too much information about yourself too soon. It’s common to talk about yourself too much in the early stages of a relationship because you’ll want to appear honest and straightforward. But this action will make the opponent feel overwhelmed. At the same time, it also reduces your mystery, and this is part of the joy of falling in love. [12] X Research Source
- For example, you should avoid discussing certain topics like your ex-boyfriend, your bad boss, or your personal financial situation.
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Find out what your loved one’s interests are. You need to find out if you’re a good match for this nice person (and see if they’re really nice). Ask open-ended questions to learn more about them and get a better sense of their personality. [13] X Source of Research The question you ask the other person in the beginning should not be too intrusive or too personal. They should be friendly questions and fun to discuss. For example, a few questions you might ask on your first date include: [14] X Research Sources
- Do you have roommates? If so, how are they?
- What kind of books do you like?
- Do you prefer dogs or cats, or don’t you like both? Why?
- What do you like to do in your spare time?
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Become confident. Confidence and self-esteem are important factors in love. People with low self-esteem will have difficulty in love because they feel that they are not worthy. If you lack confidence, you should take the time to improve yourself before trying to get into a relationship. Or, you can try to fake confidence until you really feel it. [15] X Research Source
- For example, stand up straight, smile, and make eye contact. This method will give the other person the impression that you are confident and from there, you will feel more confident just by acting like that. Nice people will want to date someone who is confident, while mean people won’t like this personality because you seem like someone they can’t control.
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Continue to make time for yourself. It is common to become so immersed in a new relationship that it is common to stop doing activities that are important to yourself. But not taking enough time for yourself and your hobbies won’t be good for you nor for your newly formed love interest. You should remember to make enough time for yourself and for hobbies no matter how much you want to ignore them to spend more time with your new lover. [16] X Research Source
- Maintaining time for yourself won’t be a problem for a decent person. Just remember to be on the lookout when your partner gets upset with you because they want some alone time with you. This could be a sign that the person is not as nice as you think.
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Let the person know that you still want to continue seeing them. You need to make your intentions clear to this person if you want to continue seeing them. If you enjoy spending time with that person, you should let them know. You don’t have to declare your intention to establish a long-term relationship in the early stages of a relationship, but you do need to let them know that you enjoy spending time with them and that you want both of you to continue seeing each other. . [17] X Research Source
- Try to say something like, “You had a great time on your dates and I want us to keep seeing each other if this is what you want too.”
Build deeper relationships
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Ask deeper, more personal questions. Once you’ve both been dating for a while, it’s time to really get to know the person. This means understanding the topics they care about, their hopes and dreams, what they believe in and value. This type of question, especially if it involves the future, will also help the other person think about future life with you. [18] X Research Sources
- Social psychologist Arthur Aron has developed a list of 36 open-ended questions that can help you start an interesting, meaningful conversation with someone you love. For example, “What makes a perfect day for you?”, and “What are you most grateful for in your life?”. [19] X Research Source Nice people need to be open to engaging in this kind of conversation.
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Listen actively. Active listening is the process of building mutual understanding and trust – a key element of love. By developing listening skills, you’ll let the other person know that you really care about what they have to say. This is very important if you want to maintain the excitement of the person who is nice to you. [20] X Research Source
- Try to identify emotions. For example, if your crush says they had a bad day and wants to vent, you should reflect on the feeling you believe they have, like “I feel like you are me.” /I’m very sad”.
- Ask probing questions. Try to form questions like “What do you think would happen if I…?”, or “If I tried….so what?”
- Acknowledge how the person feels. Even if you don’t agree with how they feel, you should acknowledge it. Emotions will not be right or wrong – they simply appear. For example, “You may find that what you said hurt how you felt. I greatly appreciate your willingness to talk to me. about it”.
- Should not be disregarded. While you’ll want to jump right in and reassure the person with “You don’t have to worry about that,” this type of hasty reassurance will often show that you’re not listening. You should slowly make your comments more meaningful.
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Communicate effectively. Clear and effective communication builds trust and interaction between the two of you, which in turn strengthens your emotional attachment and helps you love each other more. You should try some of these techniques: [21] X Research Sources
- Ask a question. Don’t assume you know what’s going on. Ask questions to clarify the other person’s needs, especially if you’re unsure. For example, if the person you love seems upset, you should ask, “You seem upset about this. Do you want to vent, or do you want me to? / can you help me find a solution? No matter what, I will always be by your side.”
- Use sentences that begin with the subject “I” (yourself). This method will help you not look like you are blaming or judging the other person, as this can cause the person to go on the defensive. There will be times when the two of you have to discuss the issue that is causing you sadness or pain, but using statements that begin with the subject “I” will be very effective and show respect. For example, if the person is too nice and they never try to fix the problem, you should talk to them about how you feel: “When we went out to dinner and you didn’t ask the person to service to correct mistakes, I have the feeling that you are not standing up for your needs. Can we talk about how to solve this problem?”.
- Avoid passive aggression. You’ll feel as though the “kindest” thing you can do is raise a suggestion at a time when you’re angry, instead of talking about it. However, it’s best to be clear, direct, and honest about how you feel. Passive aggression destroys trust and leaves the other person hurt or angry. You should say what you mean, and express what you mean. You can still be outspoken and kind at the same time. [22] X Research Source
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Win the love of your loved ones and friends. The family and friends of the person you love will have a pretty big influence on their life. Winning the love of these people will help you both love each other more deeply. [23] X Research Sources
- Be kind and polite. But be yourself! You don’t want to make yourself different when you’re with your partner’s family and friends, and be different around the person you love. You need to be honest.
Advice
- You should remember that you can only love the person who is right for you. You won’t be able to love anyone just because they seem nice.
- Try to be patient. Falling in love is a process that can be fast or slow depending on the circumstances.
Warning
- You cannot force others to love you. If the person is not interested, move on. Don’t waste your time and energy on someone who doesn’t appreciate who you are.
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This article was co-written by John Keegan. John Keegan is a New York-based marriage and love expert and motivational speaker. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his knowledge of marriage and love, attraction and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and gives seminars on marriage and love internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York and Men’s Health.
There are 22 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 6,083 times.
If you’ve been in love with someone who hasn’t been very nice in the past, finding someone who’s nice to you should be a priority. You can find and fall in love with nice people if you really want to. Just remember that you can’t force someone to love you. Some of the things you can do to find a good partner include: assessing what you want in that person, choosing the right timing, taking it slow, and asking questions to gain a better understanding of your interests. Surname.
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