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Breaking up with your husband is a big decision and you will have to consider many things, especially when you two already have children. If you’ve come to that decision, know that you’re not alone – in the US, for example, about 50% of marriages end in divorce. [1] X Source of Research This is not a simple decision, and it is important that you consider your current situation and future financial capabilities before officially getting a divorce. But if you’re determined, you need to know the steps you need to take to stabilize yourself emotionally and financially as soon as you walk out the door.
Steps
Make decision
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Decide that it’s time to end the marriage. This is one of your most important and difficult decisions, so you need to be 100% sure that the marriage is really over before taking any further steps. If you’re reading this, you’ve probably already made up your mind, but here are a few reasons why your marriage may be over:
- If the two of you are basically disconnected. Meaning you have your own friends, your own hobbies, don’t spend time together and don’t really know what’s going on in each other’s lives.
- If your husband no longer wants to try. If you’ve been constantly bringing up problems in your marriage and your husband promises to change and then doesn’t or flatly refuses, it may be time to leave.
- If you are in an abusive relationship, get out now. There’s no reason to stay in the face of abuse – or endure the pain. If the relationship is really abusive, it’s best to get out as soon as possible, and then when it’s safe to do so.
- If either or both of them are constantly cheating on each other. If one of you had an affair and then tried your best to keep it from happening again – but if it happened many times, the marriage might not have been salvageable.
- If you no longer feel the two are a team. If the two of you are no longer making decisions, communicating, or compromising, it may be time to leave.
- If the two of you cannot agree on whether or not to have children. If you really want to have children but your husband doesn’t, or vice versa, then there is no reason for you to stay in this marriage if you can’t agree on such an important matter.
- See if you can decide with a calm mind. You should not decide to leave your husband when you are angry, but take the time to think it through.
- If you have tried all ways and none of them work. If you’ve been through therapy sessions, long talks with your husband, and if both of you have tried to change to no avail, then it might be time to leave. But if you’ve been feeling unsatisfied for a while, and your husband doesn’t seem to have any other ideas, it might be better if the two of you can talk to each other first.
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Consider talking honestly. The steps below can help you plan to leave your husband secretly – just let him know when or after you’ve walked out the door. This can help if you’re not sure about your husband’s reaction, or you think he’ll find a way to stop you from leaving. But if you’re both open to talking, if he’s empathetic, and if you’ve always been honest and open with each other, maybe you should talk to him first and see if you can salvage the relationship. picture no.
- You may be surprised to learn that your husband feels the same way you do – or what he can do to not lose you.
- This doesn’t mean you should let your husband convince you to stay. But if you’re confused and aren’t sure if you can both fix things, talking to him can make a big difference.
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Keep this decision confidential. This may be difficult, but this step is also very important. Leaving a marriage can be a shaky decision, and by keeping quiet, you’ll have more time to prepare and brace yourself before you walk out the door. Only tell a few people who can help and guide you – not to people who don’t know how to keep secrets.
- If you don’t want to tell your husband and want to get out of a bad situation, it’s best to keep it a secret so you have time to think about the details. If your husband knows about your plans and doesn’t want you to leave, he may find a way to get in your way or make it difficult for you to achieve your goals.
- While this may not seem like the best of times, your goal should be to leave your home in the best financial shape possible. You should not let your husband make it difficult for you to do this.
- It can be difficult to do this once you’ve made a decision, but it will take you two to six months to strategize your exit and have a solid financial base. While you may be ready to step out of the house at any time, it’s better in the long run if you take the extra time to get everything organized before you leave.
Plan
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Set up your own bank account. This will be difficult for stay-at-home women with no outside income, but the savings will make you more financially stable. Opening a separate bank account, even if you don’t have a lot of money to put into it, will get you on the right track. It will also be easier for you to arrange money when you actually leave this marriage.
- Withdrawing money from a joint account should be a last resort – you should do it right before you leave.
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Find accommodation. If you move out of the couple’s home together, you need to find a new place to live. In some cases, staying with other people temporarily can help, but in the long run, you’ll have to find an affordable place. This will make you think more carefully about where to live in the future – if you don’t have children, it will be easier for you to move in closer to loved ones. Maybe you just want to try something new and live in a new environment. Whatever you’re going to do, when you have a plan and a temporary place to live, or rent somewhere else, you’ll be closer to your goal.
- If you and your husband have agreed to a divorce and are comfortable enough to talk about it, you can discuss who has to leave the house. If you have children, this question plays an even more important role.
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Collect all kinds of papers. In the process of living together, you will accumulate a lot of important documents related to houses, cars, retirement plans and many other areas. Make sure you keep a copy of those documents, as joint property can become an issue during a divorce.
- If you see a lot of documents and aren’t sure if you need them, it’s a good idea to back up a copy just in case they’re important. When it comes to paperwork, be careful.
- If you really want to back up everything, hire a professional to back up your family’s hard drive, even take pictures of important assets. In the future, this will help you in the event that your assets are “dispersed” during a divorce.
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Plan for your children (if you have children). If you two have children together, it’s best to think about what’s best for them. Do you think your husband is a great (or at least responsible) father to the kids, or do you believe the kids shouldn’t be with him? This will also be one of the biggest decisions you need to make when getting a divorce.
- Note that you can’t decide to ban your kids from seeing your dad again just because you don’t want to see him anymore. If you want to completely separate the children from the father, there must be a good reason (for example, alcoholism).
- You should make a decision after thinking it through, because it will affect a lot of things, such as where you live and the future of your children.
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Contact a lawyer specializing in the field of marriage and family. A divorce is often very expensive, even in terms of time, so it’s a good idea to figure this out, especially if you think it’s going to take a long time to get a divorce. Even if you want to save money and handle it yourself, a good lawyer will actually make the divorce process faster and less heartbreaking. You shouldn’t let things end up in a financial mess because you don’t want to pay a lawyer.
- If you really can’t afford a lawyer, you may want to consider hiring a lawyer’s assistant.
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Start planning your finances after the divorce. If the two of you have a good job with a high income, that’s great, but the important thing is how your finances will be after you break up with your husband. Ask yourself the following questions before you leave so you don’t feel defensive. Unfortunately, there are many studies that show that many women’s living standards after divorce have decreased by a quarter, or even a third; However, do not be discouraged by that! If you have a solid plan, you will get through it easily. Here are the things you need to consider:
- What new expenses will you have to cover?
- What will you cut?
- How much will childcare costs add (if you have children)?
- How will you earn the necessary income?
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Do not rely on alimony after divorce. A pension or child support will certainly be an income in your future, but in today’s economy that may not be guaranteed. It is one thing for you to be sure that your husband will regularly send you money, but you need to ask yourself if you can really rely on him.
- This will be even more difficult if you are the breadwinner in the family, because then you will be the one to pay the allowance.
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Prepare your own credit statement. If you don’t already have a separate credit statement from your husband, get one as soon as possible. You can start by asking for a copy; you receive at least one free copy each year from one of the three agencies at AnnoualCreditReport.com. Remember to check where the error is. Then, create your own credit history by shopping sensibly, paying on time, and managing your finances carefully.
- You may think that you need to have a credit history as strong as your husband’s, but this is not possible if you are not heavily involved in the family finances.
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Plan to increase your income. Once you have the money you need to live, you need to think about whether you have to find ways to increase your income to get it. If you have a well-paying job and a large amount of savings, great – but if you need to find a job and have been at home for a long time, or if you need a better paying job then you have to find a way to go in that direction. This doesn’t mean you have to be the CEO of a new company before you leave your husband, but you do need to find a way to increase your income when you’re actually divorced. Here are a few things you can do:
- Take classes to help you master the skills you need for the job you want, whether it’s improving your computer skills or earning some specialized training certification.
- Buy a new suit so you can go to an interview anytime.
- Refine your job application. You don’t have to submit a job application before you leave your husband, but you should be prepared when you need to. When you divorce your husband, it is easy to feel overwhelmed and have no time or mind to update your resume.
Farewell
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Luggage arrangement. You can start by removing small and unobtrusive items, or you can move them all out at once. You must determine what is the safest option for you. If you think your husband will become violent or threaten you when he sees you packing, do this when he’s not at home. However, it’s best to have a friend or relative there to help keep you safe.
- You can clean up while your husband is at work. Even though he won’t stop you from leaving, cleaning up while he’s there can probably hurt you more.
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Leave. You may have told him in advance that you were going, or it would have happened completely out of the blue. Even though you know you’ve made the right choice, this final step can still leave you deeply emotional. Of course, every situation is different. If you and him have been talking about this for months, this shouldn’t be a shock. If you are threatened or abused, leaving unexpectedly is the best option.
- Whatever your reason for leaving, it’s up to you to decide what’s best for you – whether it’s an open and honest conversation, or walking away without saying anything.
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Seek emotional support. This is not the time to be alone with your worries. When you leave your husband, you need to rely on family, friends, or even a therapist. This can be the hardest thing you have to go through, and the pain is much more bearable if you have the support and love of the people who care about you the most. There is no shame in asking others for help.
- While it’s important to be alone to deal with your own feelings, it’s also a good idea to go out, meet friends, and confide.
- Don’t be afraid to call old friends for help or simply chat. They will understand that you are going through a very difficult time and will help you in any way.
- Unfortunately, not everyone will agree with your plan, and you will lose some friends or family support during this time. Don’t let that put you off, and know that this decision can help you build amazing new friendships.
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Steady back. This will not happen overnight. You will have to recover both emotionally and financially, and it may take several years before you feel independent and in control of your life. What’s important is that you know you’ll recover, and that your decision to break up will lead to happiness in the long run, even if you don’t feel it right now. Once you’re strong again, you can admire yourself for having the strength to let go of the marriage and stick with your choices.
- While women often lose out economically in divorce, that doesn’t stop them from discovering new things they never thought they’d enjoy, getting promoted at work, or doing many other amazing things that in their lifetime. that marriage, they have not been able to perform. In the long run, not only will you become stronger on your own two feet, but you will also become stronger, wiser, and more fulfilled.
Advice
- You may need to check in your luggage at a certain warehouse if you are temporarily staying with someone else. You can find consignment warehouses with flexible rental rates and periods.
- If you have children, you should keep things as normal as possible. Changing from a full-parent family to a single parent can be a difficult experience; Remember to let your children talk about how they feel.
- Change the passwords of your online accounts.
Warning
- Do not argue or be aggressive in front of your child.
- Do not act violently towards your partner. The legal consequences will not help you in the divorce process.
- Do not destroy your husband’s property. He will probably force you to pay for the divorce or sue you.
- Do not stay when abused. There are many organizations that will help women and children get out of dangerous situations. They will also help you find a place to live and work and provide basic supplies to help you start over.
- If possible, don’t rush to get someone new until the separation and divorce process is over.
X
wikiHow is a “wiki” site, which means that many of the articles here are written by multiple authors. To create this article, 22 people, some of whom are anonymous, have edited and improved the article over time.
This article has been viewed 51,954 times.
Breaking up with your husband is a big decision and you will have to consider many things, especially when you two already have children. If you’ve come to that decision, know that you’re not alone – in the US, for example, about 50% of marriages end in divorce. [1] X Source of Research This is not a simple decision, and it is important that you consider your current situation and future financial capabilities before officially getting a divorce. But if you’re determined, you need to know the steps you need to take to stabilize yourself emotionally and financially as soon as you walk out the door.
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