How to Learn to Date a Good Guy

If you fall in love with a “bad boy” over and over again, it may feel a little strange to switch to dating a “good guy”. True good guys are kind, respectful, and affectionate, which is a great foundation for a couple’s relationship. Many times, you’ll get used to dating a good guy just by sticking with him! Give yourself time to adjust and fight negative thoughts whenever they arise. Do you want how to break past habits and learn how to date a good guy? Read on!

Table of Contents

Tell yourself that you deserve a healthy relationship.

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Sometimes we think we can’t find love. In fact, everyone deserves to be paired with someone who brings a sense of peace, happiness, and self-control. If you’ve only dated people who have always made you feel bad about yourself, you may need some time to get rid of that negative mindset. ^{[1] X Research Source}

A mantra like “I deserve love and happiness” that you often say in your head can also help.
You can also find support by talking to a mental health professional.

List his good qualities.

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What do you like about the guy you’re dating? Is he cheerful, polite, kind, attractive or erudite? Sit down and make a list of all the good things about him to remind yourself why you like him. ^{[2] X Research Source}

Compare the contrasting characteristics of guys you’ve dated in the past. For example, maybe your ex-boyfriend was grumpy or arrogant. Because you disliked that trait in your ex-boyfriend, you’ll probably appreciate the politeness and modesty of your current boyfriend.

Compliment the good things he does for you.

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Nice guys like to take care of the people they love. Don’t indulge in self-indulgence and take it for granted. Appreciate what he does for you. Thank him for the good things he does or write it down so you remember how good your boyfriend is. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

He might pick you up after work, buy you flowers, invite you to dinner, or comfort you when you cry.
Avoid taking advantage of him. Don’t see him do something for you once that you expect him to do every day.

Get to know him on a deeper level.

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Ask about his life to deepen the relationship between the two. Good guys are no different than you – they have hopes, dreams, fears and goals in life. When you get to know him, you will find him to be a man. Ask about things like: ^{[4] X Trusted Source New York State Government Go to source}

“Who in your family are you closest to?”
“What was your happiest moment as a child?”
“What do you want to be like in 5 years?”

Stop being shy and open up to him.

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Nice guys are kind, so you can trust him. If you’ve been through relationships with guys who aren’t quite right, you may be afraid to open up to the guy who’s with you. Remember that he is a kind and loving person – he just wants to bring you good. ^{[5] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source}

Maybe you are like a bird afraid of bent branches, or in your head there is a constant fear that something bad will happen again. If you find yourself having that thought, remind yourself not to let the feeling of fear take hold.

Allow yourself to be comfortable.

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You can relax and enjoy love if all goes well. Remember that not every relationship is a bumpy ride – you’ll have a great time with your new lover. You may also experience moments of anger or sadness, but you can still take a step back and find happiness where you are. ^{[6] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source}

Sometimes, the experience of dating unworthy people in the past makes you think negatively that every relationship has to go through ups and downs, but that’s not necessarily the case.

Do something scary together to increase attraction.

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Increase adrenaline levels in your body to discover a new side of him. Ask him to watch a horror movie, go paragliding, or visit a haunted house. Look for exciting experiences to increase the attraction between you and the guy. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

Couples in unhealthy relationships often mistake fear for attraction. If you can experience the fear of being safe with your new lover, you may feel more connected to him.

Try bringing new things into the bedroom to increase excitement.

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If your sex life is a bit boring, add some spice to it! No need to do anything crazy – a simple toy or a little role-playing can help both of you get excited. You will find him more attractive and closer to him. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

You can also ask him if he’s got any new tricks up his sleeve, even though he might be a little shy at first.

Maintain your own life to create healthy boundaries.

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You can keep your pastimes separate in a healthy relationship. Keep going out with your friends and pursuing your hobbies. It may feel new to you if you’ve been bogged down in a bad relationship before, but understand that it’s much better if you have your own things to do instead of being with him all the time. It looks like a ball. ^{[9] X Research Source}

Of course, you should try to see him a few times a week, but don’t forget to make time for yourself, too.

Tell him you need some space if you feel claustrophobic.

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Good guys sometimes show signs of being clingy. If you feel suffocated because he’s always following you around, sit down and talk to him. There’s nothing wrong with saying that he cares about you, but you need your freedom, too. The two of you can agree on limits for both of you to be comfortable with. ^{[10] X Research Source}

You could say, “I appreciate how much you care about me, but every day you call and text, I get a little tired. I want to see you and be by your side, but not every day.”

Advice

If you have experienced abuse in the past, consider seeing a mental health professional. ^{[11] X Research Source}

Steps