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This article was co-written by Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT. Samantha Fox is a marriage & family therapist in private practice in New York, New York. With over ten years of experience, Samantha specializes in counseling on relationship, gender, identity and family conflict issues. She also advises on life transitions for individuals, couples, and families. She has a master’s degree and a license in marriage and family therapy. Samantha is trained in Internal Family Systems (IFS), Accelerated Psychodynamic Therapy (AEDP), Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), and Narrative Therapy.
This article has been viewed 18,778 times.
Human sexual orientation is determined by a complex mixture of biological, psychological, and environmental factors. Medical experts believe that you cannot choose your sexual orientation – it is already part of who you are. While many people clearly understand their own sexual identity early on, defining one’s sexuality can still go a long way for others. So it’s very normal to question one’s own sexual orientation. If you’re not sure if you’re straight (straight) or not, it’s best to explore your feelings, talk to someone you trust (like a teacher, counselor, family member, or friend). friends), and educate yourself about differences in sexual orientations and identities.
Steps
Exploring emotions
- If most or all of the people you are attracted to are of the opposite sex, chances are you are heterosexual.
- Do you feel emotionally or physically attracted to friends of the opposite sex? If so, ask yourself how it would feel to date one of those people.
- How do you feel about your emotional and physical experiences with people of the opposite sex, or of the same sex, if any? Do you find satisfaction and enjoyment with them? Make a note of which relationships you find most positive, and ask yourself how gender issues relate to your feelings.
- Think back to your friendship. Are your relationships with people of the opposite sex “complicated” emotionally and physically? Do you feel more comfortable being friends or hanging out with people of the same sex? If so, you are probably heterosexual.
- Having a lot of friends leaning towards one gender has nothing to do with your sexuality. Consider friendships with other factors, like dating history or sexual situations you’ve fantasized about.
- If you enjoy imagining being with the opposite sex, chances are you are heterosexual.
- If you find it fun and exciting to imagine yourself in a heterosexual monogamous relationship. Chances are you are heterosexual.
- Try writing it down, or saying aloud to yourself, “I’m heterosexual,” or “I’m straight.” How do you feel when you refer to yourself like that? Do you feel comfortable?
Talk about that
- If you know your friend is comfortable talking about sex, try asking them something like, “When did you find out you’re straight/gay/bisexual? How did you know?”
Educate yourself
- 100 Questions You Can’t Ask Parents: A Teen’s Straightforward Answers to Gender, Sexuality and Health , by medical doctors Elisabeth Henderson and Nancy Armstrong.
- SEX: The All You Need To Know About Sex Guide, To Get Through Your Teens and 20s , by Heather Corinna.
- Kinsey Confidential. This site is in partnership with the Kinsey Institute, an organization dedicated to the study of human sexuality. You can read expert answers to the gender question, or submit your own anonymously: https://kinseyconfidential.org/
- Planned Parenthood. In addition to providing reproductive and reproductive health-related care and education, Planned Parenthood also provides information on gender and gender identity: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/sexual -orientation-gender
- American Psychical Association. The APA website provides a wealth of in-depth information on sexual orientation and gender identity: http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/sexual-orientation.aspx
Advice
- Don’t worry too much if you haven’t discovered it yet. Understanding your sexuality can be a lifelong journey.
- Remember that only you can determine your gender identity. Don’t let anyone else label you or force you into a framework you’re not comfortable with.
This article was co-written by Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT. Samantha Fox is a marriage & family therapist in private practice in New York, New York. With over ten years of experience, Samantha specializes in counseling on relationship, gender, identity and family conflict issues. She also advises on life transitions for individuals, couples, and families. She has a master’s degree and a license in marriage and family therapy. Samantha is trained in Internal Family Systems (IFS), Accelerated Psychodynamic Therapy (AEDP), Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), and Narrative Therapy.
This article has been viewed 18,778 times.
Human sexual orientation is determined by a complex mixture of biological, psychological, and environmental factors. Medical experts believe that you cannot choose your sexual orientation – it is already part of who you are. While many people clearly understand their own sexual identity early on, defining one’s sexuality can still go a long way for others. So it’s very normal to question one’s own sexual orientation. If you’re not sure if you’re straight (straight) or not, it’s best to explore your feelings, talk to someone you trust (like a teacher, counselor, family member, or friend). friends), and educate yourself about differences in sexual orientations and identities.
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