How to Know Your Ex Still Loves You

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This article was co-written by Julia McCurley. Julia McCurley is a matchmaker, romance consultant, and CEO of Something More, an Austin-based premium matchmaking company. She has helped connect many couples in Austin for over 12 years and helped hundreds of singles find love. Her blog posts have been published in the Huffington Post, Good Men Project, SheKnows, Emlovz and The Dating Truth. She published her first book titled “A Matchmaker’s Advice on How to Win in Love”. Julia holds a bachelor’s degree in business and communications from the University of Puget Sound and received a matchmaker certification from the Matchmaking Training Institute.

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When you’ve broken up, but you still love your ex, it’s painful. Perhaps you want to know if you have any chance of getting back together with your ex. To find out if your ex still has feelings for you, you can observe their behavior to see how they treat you. Also, notice how often they contact you and through what means. Another option is to talk to family and friends to see if people think they still love you.

Table of Contents

Observe their behavior

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Notice if your ex seems to be near you all the time. If he’s still interested in you, your ex will probably find every excuse to be with you. He or she may show up where you work, go to places you like to go, and attend events they know you’re interested in. Track how many times you see your ex to figure out if they’re looking for a way to “accidentally” meet you. ^{[1] X Research Source}

If you both like a coffee shop, they’re probably not there to see you. However, if they were never interested in art before they parted and now show up at all the openings of art exhibitions, then maybe they went there hoping to meet you. .

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See what they post on social media. If you’re still following your ex on social media, scroll through their recent posts to see how their life is going. Does your ex look happy or sad? Do they seem to have forgotten about you or are they still stuck in the past? ^{[2] X Research Source}

For example, a status line like “I miss the good days when I was with someone” or “The last few days have been difficult” could imply that the person is thinking about you. If you post a photo with someone new, it could mean that they’ve decided to let go of their ex.

Tip: If you often feel sad or jealous every time you see your ex’s profile, unfollow them and click ignore suggestions. Emotions are very important, so don’t make yourself miserable.

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Check if they like your posts or photos on your profile. It’s normal if your ex sometimes responds to a post from you. However, if that person likes most of your posts or comes back to like old posts, then they are probably still interested in you. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

For example, maybe your ex didn’t mean to like a picture of you showing off your new car, but if he liked all of your portraits, he’s probably still in love with you. .
If your ex likes all of your old photos, they’re probably still hooked on you.

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Notice how the person reacts when he meets you. When you run into your ex by chance, notice whether their reaction is positive, normal, or negative. Observe the person’s facial expressions and body language to gauge how they’re feeling. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

For example, if he smiles his best and eagerly walks up to him and asks, “Hi, how are you?” This is a sign that he still likes you.
If the person just waved and said, “Ah, hi,” it’s likely that their feelings toward you are normal. In this case, maybe they just want to be friends with you.
On the other hand, your partner may have already decided on you if they frown, pass by without saying no, or cross their arms over their chest when they see you.

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Notice if your ex touches you often. When you like someone, it’s hard to resist the urge to touch that person. In fact, this is also common flirting! Think about whether your partner often touches your arms, shoulders, back, or legs. It’s a sign that they still like you. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

You may also notice your ex coming up to hug you every time you two meet or at the end of a conversation. Maybe they still love you.

Tip: If you’re uncomfortable with touching, tell them not to. You can say, “Stop touching me like that. I ask you to respect my personal space.”

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Think about whether they are willing to help you. Your ex may be willing to do something for you if they still have feelings for you. Tell the person about your problem and see if he or she is willing to help. You can also ask them to do something that you know they’re good at. If your ex agrees, they probably still love you. ^{[6] X Research Sources}

For example, you could ask your ex to guide you with your homework or help you organize a party for a mutual friend.
If your ex was originally friendly and chivalrous, they may still be able to help you even if they no longer have romantic feelings for you.

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Notice if they still have some of your items. Couples who break up often return personal items, but if your partner still has some of yours, it’s a sign that they haven’t forgotten about you. Please check that you have received all of your items. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

For example, he or she keeps a shirt from you because of a familiar scent, or they still have an old movie that you both watched together many times.
If it’s an expensive item, maybe your ex is just trying to keep it for its value. For example, don’t let them keep your music player.

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Find out if they’re dating or flirting with anyone. Check your partner’s social media profiles to see if they’ve posted any new love stories or pictures of their new crush. Alternatively, you can dig through mutual friends to see if someone shows up next to them. If your ex is dating someone new, they’re probably focused on their future and new love affair. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

There are times when your ex just posts pictures of themselves with someone to make you jealous, but if they’re in a new relationship then they probably don’t have a problem with you anymore.

Consider your relationship with that person

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Monitor how often your ex is actively chatting or texting you. The person will find a reason to contact you if they are still interested in you. Notice how often they call, text, or chat with you in person. Similarly, recall if your ex started talking to you after the last time you talked. It could be a sign that they still love you. ^{[9] X Research Source}

For example, your ex might text you asking something that they probably know the answer to, too. For example, “Is the submission deadline tomorrow?” “Is Lan Chi’s party still held on Saturday?” or “I hope everything is fine if we go to the volleyball court together tomorrow.”

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Advice: Some situations can be quite negative. For example, your ex might text you with anger about your breakup or something they saw on your profile. It could indicate that they still think about you or are jealous.

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Note if your ex often reminisces about happy times with you when you were still together. If the person starts talking about happy memories between the two of you, it means they are reminiscing about the happy times. It’s a sign that they still like you. Listen as your ex starts talking about the old days to see if they’re focusing on the good sides of your relationship. ^{[10] X Research Source}

Your ex might say, “Remember when we went camping at night under the stars? That night was fun. “ or “I remember the time when we burst out laughing when we went to the improv show. We had a lot of fun times.”

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Think about how much he or she cares about you when you’re having a hard time. When you’re upset, it’s only natural that the person who loves you will want to make sure you’re okay. Notice if that person is always there for you when you need a shoulder. Also, see if they are willing to listen to you talk about your problems. ^{[11] X Research Source}

Let’s say you post on social media about a loved one being hospitalized, your ex could immediately text you “Are you okay?”
Note that this may not mean that they are still interested in you in a romantic sense. Maybe they ask because they still like you as a friend.

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Notice if the person asks for your advice. We often seek advice from those we trust when we need it. Think back to how often your partner asks you for advice when they’re in trouble. If your ex is constantly reaching out to you, they probably still feel close to you, or even still love you. ^{[12] X Research Source}

For example, they talk to you about difficulties at work or school, and then may ask you for advice on what they should do.

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Notice if the person starts talking about their mistakes in the past. Talking about your mistakes also means that your ex is regretting that they could have behaved differently. Perhaps they are trying to find a way to mend the relationship. Pay close attention if your ex starts talking about things they did wrong, things they could have done differently, or how they’ve changed. ^{[13] X Research Source}

The person might say, “Now that I realize I should listen more,” or, “I really regret talking to that girl. I will never make the same mistake again.” or “Since we broke up, you’ve changed a lot. You made me a better person.”

Ask close people around

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Ask your friends if they think your ex still loves you. Friends will see things from a different perspective about your relationship with your ex. They can see things that you don’t realize. Talk to your friends to see what they think about your partner’s feelings. Poll multiple people to guess if your ex still loves you. ^{[14] X Research Source}

You can ask “What do you think about my story with Mr. Duy?” “Do you think we could ever get back together?”, “Do you think he’s done it?” and “Does she still like me?”

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Find out if the person still talks to your loved one. While your ex has many reasons to stay in touch with your family, it can also be a sign that they haven’t completely closed things off. Ask family members if they still talk to your ex. If so, ask if the person mentioned you, as that’s a clue that they still love you. ^{[15] X Research Source}

If you and your ex have children together, it’s normal for them to keep a close relationship with your family members. They can talk to your family as this is essential for the kids.
If the person was friends with a member of your family before you met, they’ll probably still be friends after you break up. Don’t rely on such relationships to guess whether your ex still loves you or not.

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Talk to mutual friends to find out how often they talk about you. If he still misses you, he will probably find a reason to talk about you, and so his friends will hear them talk about you. Ask mutual friends what your ex has to say. ^{[16] X Research Source}

Try asking, “Did Mr. Huy say anything about me?”
If you don’t have any mutual friends, you can try reaching out to your ex’s friend group. If you’re shy, ask a friend of yours to ask a friend of his or hers.

Warning: When you ask about this, you will have to bring up your ex as a topic of conversation. That way people can know that you still love that person.

Advice

Be very careful if you have children with your ex. Sometimes children hope their parents get back together, and you don’t want to give your kids hope and then let them down. Stay private until you’re sure you’ll get back together with your ex.

Warning

Avoid having sex or cuddling with your ex unless you’re sure you’ll get back together. Don’t let them take advantage of your emotions to satisfy their physical desires.
Don’t rush back to your ex. Sometimes people just idealize things that are no longer theirs. Don’t forget why you broke up. If you find yourself still facing the same problems as before, stay away from them.

Steps

Observe their behavior

Consider your relationship with that person

Ask close people around

Advice

Warning

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