How to Know Who You Really Are

You may have countless friends, Facebook contacts, and social connections that you can’t remember, but do you feel truly connected to those “friends”? How are you so sure? Continue reading this article if you want to take the friendship test and find good friends.

Table of Contents

Friendship challenge

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Ask that friend for help. When you need help, is that friend there for you? Or does that person make excuses all the time and disappear whenever it’s inconvenient? True friends will always be there when you need a helping hand, and when you’re done they’ll celebrate with you. ^{[1] X Research Source}

Those friends will help you pack up, drive you to the airport, and do your homework with you.
Avoid asking too much. If you need help all the time, it will be difficult for people to be around you and see you as a friend.

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Change the plan agreed with the person. If you are already good friends, no matter what the plan, you will still be friends. Gatherings with friends are an opportunity for us to have a good time, and just seeing each other is fun enough. How will that person react if you decide to change plans? If you guys have a date for a night out, see if they’d rather stay home and watch TV alone than agree with you.

Even if your offer is rejected, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you will lose your friendship, but you can learn a lot about the person from the way they react. Does the person react as if your opinion is silly? That’s not good. Or does that friend just want to either go to the movies or stay home alone? This is another matter.

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Open up to a friend and tell a personal story. Friends from the same school or acquaintances often do not pay attention to help you in difficult times. They just want to have friends to hang out with on the weekend. But even so, that doesn’t mean you can’t find true friendship in it. If you want to know who your good friends are, you need to open up and see how they react. ^{[2] X Research Source}

Talk to the person about your date or about a family problem that is giving you a headache. Don’t expect an answer, but if you’re not being heard and empathized, or the other person seems annoyed, that’s not a good sign.
Gossip stories are another matter. Many people love to gossip, but that doesn’t mean they’re good friends.

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Invite that friend over to your house to play with your loved one. While a good friend doesn’t necessarily get along with your parents and siblings, if they get along with your family that’s a good sign. If that person likes to come over to your house and your family likes them too, it means they feel comfortable around you, and you can trust that your friend’s words are sincere.

Inviting a friend over for dinner is a quick and easy test. Remember to ask your parents first.

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Be on the lookout for “exploit” signs. Just bought a car, suddenly how many “friends” do you have at school who weren’t interested in you before? Usually people will act friendly when they want to gain something from you. It is best to avoid these types of relationships. Extortionists will flatter you and delight you with their care, but they will never be there for you when things don’t go your way.

If you have a friend that often hitchhikes in your car, plays your game, or comes to your house just for a swim, ask them out for another time, or tell them your car is in the process of being repaired. If they cancel, that’s a bad sign.

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Watch for signs of jealousy. Jealousy can sometimes creep into a friendship, especially if the two are in different positions. If you and your friend are playing on the same football team, but you get into the same school, but the other doesn’t, the friendship between the two may begin to break down. But good friends can learn to get over their initial feelings of jealousy and put the friendship first. Signs of jealousy include:

The other person never compliments you on your successes, or often criticizes you instead of congratulating you.
The person starts to distance himself from you.
You feel a source of “negative” energy around that person.
The other person disappears when you are in trouble and need help.

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Watch out for the signs of a double-faced person. Anyone who badmouths you to others is not a good friend. If someone talks to you from time to time, or they talk about you in front of you unlike when they talk to other people, that person cannot be friends. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

You can talk to other friends if you are curious to know what people say behind your back. Good friends will tell you the truth. ^{[4] X Research Sources}
People who often say mean things to you are clearly not friends. It’s one thing to make fun of someone, but if someone puts you down and doesn’t mind that their actions hurt you, that person isn’t worth considering as a friend.

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Confront the person who you think is trolling you. If you suspect a friend is jealous of you, takes advantage of you, or lives in a negative relationship with you but can’t figure it out, ask them to talk to you face-to-face and ask, “What can we do?” Isn’t that you?”

Although the question may sound a bit strange and possibly shocking, immediately follow up with a list of phenomena that you have recently noticed. “I see you only play with me when you want to swim in my pool, and you talk bad about me behind my back. So it’s not you. What happened?”
Let the person explain. If what they say upsets you, or if they try to justify unacceptable behavior, that person is not your friend.

Choose a good friend

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Listen to your intuition. Friendships and friendships are diverse. Your feelings about your friends are largely based on instinct and intuition. If you feel someone really cares about you and are convinced that person is the real you, then it probably is. If you’ve been to your country and you’ve been wondering if they’re good friends, the answer is probably no.

Ask yourself multiple-choice questions even if you’re not sure of the answers, and follow your hunch: Would that friend pick you up at the airport in the middle of the night if you needed to? Do they bother sitting around talking to your grandparents through a boring Sunday dinner just to be good friends and hang out with you afterward? Do they celebrate your success when they’re not like you?

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Play with friends who always support you. As friends, we have to be by each other’s side, sharing the joys of happiness and helping each other in times of trouble. Anyone who doesn’t support you mentally is not a friend. ^{[5] X Research Source} A person is called a friend if they:

Praise you sincerely
Talk well about you to others.
Seems really excited for your success.
Sympathize with you when you are in trouble.

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Surround yourself with people who accept you for who you are. Friendship is not built on external frivolous things. Someone who wants to be friends with you because of your car, because of your swimming pool, or because you are the cool guy or girl at school, that person is not a real friend. Friends need to always be by your side for who you are. ^{[6] X Research Source} A true friend will:

Don’t force yourself to do things you don’t want to do.
Don’t judge you for being outspoken.
Don’t embarrass you and don’t shame you.
Behave consistently in front of and behind your back.
Doesn’t ask you too much.

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Keep friendships with the people who are with you when you make mistakes. Friendship is not always filled with laughter. Good friends always want the best for you, especially when you make mistakes. ^{[7] X Research Sources} This can be a bit complicated, because while you need a friend to accept you, they also have to know when you’re falling and be ready to pick you up. A true friend will:

Disagree with you amicably.
Don’t criticize you personally
Always wish the best for you.
Understand what you want and what you need.

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Stay in touch with people you listen to. If the person is always absent-minded around you, or seems to want to be elsewhere, socializing with other people, then that’s not a good sign. This can happen with old friends, people you’ve known for a long time, but sometimes something suddenly changes, and the relationship isn’t what it used to be. ^{[8] X Research Source} A true friend is someone who:

Stay in touch with you even if both have changed.
Always value friendship.
Want to hear from you about the details of your life.
Remember the conversations you two used to have.

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Play with people who make you feel comfortable around. Friendship isn’t always all rosy, but it shouldn’t be stressful either. If you feel apprehensive at the thought of going out with that person, or if they seem reluctant to go out with you, then perhaps the friendship is no longer good. ^{[9] X Research Source} The person is your friend if they:

Easy to get along with you.
Make you feel comfortable.
Doesn’t make you more stressed.
Don’t exaggerate everything.

Advice

Sometimes a good friend also rejects your last-minute plans. Explore the situation before making a harsh and irreparable decision.
Remember that people who always keep their promises to those around them are honest people. That friend will do the same for you no matter what – keep the promise. As long as they don’t brush off all the plans you’ve prepared for both of you, it’s fine. Be open and generous, but also be careful when judging that friend.
Some of you have plans for something after school. Maybe that friend is about to attend an important swimming competition and has to go to the pool every day to practice, so the best way is to ask their parents or siblings.
Keep friendships with people who stand up for you. If you find yourself in a situation where you have to deal with twice as many people, cherish the friend who stands by you and fights for you. This may sound like an exaggeration, but on a smaller scale it can be very helpful.
Don’t be in a hurry to cut off a friendship just because it doesn’t seem perfect. No friendship is perfect, and every road has its ups and downs.

Warning

If you dump a friend, make sure it’s a fake friendship. If they’re actually good friends, you could lose a hard-to-find friendship.

Steps

Friendship challenge

Choose a good friend

Advice

Warning

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