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This article was co-written by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC. Moshe Ratson is the CEO of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a training and therapy clinic in New York City. He received his Master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona University and has been in therapy for over 10 years.
This article has been viewed 55,687 times.
Shy guys are extremely reserved and often don’t let others guess what they’re thinking. In general, such guys often behave by a very different set of rules, mainly because they don’t know the rules or are too shy.
Steps
Start
- There’s always a downside to asking his friends: You’ll probably get the wrong information. Because he’s shy and often doesn’t show his affection, you might get the idea that he’s not interested in you, even though the opposite is true.
- Another downside of asking through friends is that you are seemingly “kicking the ball into the opponent’s field”. When he knows – or guesses – that you like him, he’ll think you’re looking forward to being asked out, and he’ll feel pressured. This is probably going to be annoying for you, because you’ll have a lot of work to do to help relieve his stress.
- Does he rarely talk when he’s around you? He’s having a hard time talking, probably because he’s nervous: He’s in love with you and is so afraid to say something weird or stupid that he tells himself that it’s better not to say anything when you’re around.
- Does he keep rubbing his hands together, fiddling with his clothes, or stroking his hair while talking to you? These signs indicate that he is nervous. The conversation with you confuses him so much that he can’t stay still.
- Does he sweat when he’s around you? This is another sign of nervousness. Sweating is a natural reflex of the body; If only he could control it, he would have done it. But because he couldn’t control it, sweat drops on his forehead and under his arms.
- Does he blush or swallow when he’s around you? It can be hard to tell when someone is blushing, but some guys have a clear expression: His face lights up and he looks like he’s just run miles. Swallowing is also a sign that he knows he has to say something but can’t find the right words or can’t find the words to say.
- He’s always by your side, but never really gets close to you? Maybe he’s happy to be with you, but doesn’t want to show it by getting really close to you. If he’s always around but never close enough, then he’s probably just too attracted to you.
- At the same time, notice if he always avoids looking at you? Even shy guys sometimes look at girls. If he constantly avoids looking at you, he probably doesn’t want you to know his secret. Notice if he looks at other girls to see if he usually does or just with you.
- Does he usually answer you with “yes” or “no” and say nothing more? It’s not that he doesn’t like to talk, it’s that he’s too interested in the conversation and doesn’t want to say anything that might reveal his feelings.
- Is he usually more confident around his friends? He will find some emotional support from his friends. He’s still afraid of messing things up in front of you, but he’ll be more willing to talk.
- In this situation, you need to make sure he’s not flirting with your friends. If he does, he’s probably really into one of the girls, not you. However, it’s also possible that he’s flirting to show you that he can impress other girls.
Find out the truth
- Gently and sweetly ask him to carry a stack of books or a backpack to the classroom for you. If you need an excuse (if you don’t, just ask normally) you can say that you have back pain and that you are afraid of making it worse.
- Ask him to teach you difficult exercises. Don’t ask him to help you with geometry if he’s not great at math – that will scare him even more. Find out what he’s good at and ask him to teach you.
- Ask him to buy something appealing that you see him bring to school for lunch. Maybe he brought you the candied fruit you see in the canteen. You can ask him to buy some candy and exchange it for a cake or a snack. If he doesn’t hesitate to accept, that’s a good sign.
- Your reaction when he likes you :
- He stammers, is silent or visibly embarrassed, even more shy
- He compliments you back, even if it’s a bit clumsy
- How to react when he doesn’t like you :
- He doesn’t seem emotional or compliments don’t affect him
- He reacts with obvious discomfort and boredom
- If he sends you a friend request on Facebook, great. Don’t send him a friend request if you just met him. Just wait and see if he does. Guys can do things online that they can’t do in real life. And he definitely wants to get to know you if he sends you a friend request.
- If he also enjoys chatting online and enjoys sharing with you, he’s probably enjoying the opportunity to chat with you but still wants to be in control of the situation. Now he feels more in control without having to worry about tripping as in real life.
- Ask a few questions and see if he asks again. Shy guys are pretty good at asking questions (they don’t want to have to talk all the time). If he keeps asking about your past, your goals, or simply asking about your day, take that as a good sign.
- Don’t just limit your conversations online. You can totally start the conversation online or over text, but ultimately you still need to reach out to him and try to help him open up more in real life. Otherwise, he’ll just be comfortable talking online and need more courage to move forward in reality.
Acceleration
- Where is that special place? This depends on the guy! For some guys it’s the football field, for others it might be the library. Find out what he enjoys doing the most and find a way into his comfort zone.
- Don’t get discouraged, and don’t believe someone who says you won’t be able to date once you’re friends. That is clearly not true. You are the master of your own world.
- Show openness by smiling, taking off your headphones, talking to people, smiling at strangers, and laughing out loud when you feel happy. This implies to him – “It’s okay, I won’t eat you!”
- If you just sit in the corner and plug your head into your laptop, plug in your headphones, and ignore everyone else, he’ll freak out at the thought of approaching you. Avoid aloof body language at all costs!
Warning
- The line between a shy guy who doesn’t want to talk to you and a guy who doesn’t like you is very thin. If he shows more negative signs (looking bored when talking to you, avoiding you, etc.) than positive signs (staring, shyness, etc.) bother or dislike you.
This article was co-written by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC. Moshe Ratson is the CEO of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a training and therapy clinic in New York City. He received his Master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona University and has been in therapy for over 10 years.
This article has been viewed 55,687 times.
Shy guys are extremely reserved and often don’t let others guess what they’re thinking. In general, such guys often behave by a very different set of rules, mainly because they don’t know the rules or are too shy.
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