How to Know Between True Love and Ordinary Lust

Both love and sexual attraction can cause strong reactions, but sometimes it can be quite difficult to tell the difference. Sometimes, one person feels love, while the other is with that person just for his own physical lust. Understanding the difference can help you decide where your relationship with your partner is headed.

Table of Contents

Distinguish between love and physical lust

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Determine if what you feel for your partner is just sexual attraction. Signs of sexual desire include focusing on the other person’s looks, forming a relationship centered around sex, and not being interested in honest conversation and getting to know each other. A relationship based purely on sexual attraction can be fine for a short time, but things slowly become more complicated as one person begins to truly fall in love with the other. while the person feels only physical desire. ^{[1] X Research Source}

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Ask yourself if you or your partner have genuine feelings for each other. Love is often accompanied by sexual attraction, but love is a deeper type of affection. Think about whether you’ve ever had a deep conversation to really get to know each other and whether you both value each other’s happiness. Analyze whether you want to be a part of that person’s life by meeting his or her friends and family, and whether you feel an emotional attachment to that person . Do the two share similar values and interests? Do you feel a deep connection with that person? ^{[2] X Source of Research} Some qualities you can look for in a suitable mate include: ^{[3] X Source of Research}

Commit to personal growth and becoming a better person.
Conscious of one’s own annoyance or weakness.
Emotionally open.
Be responsible and respectful.
Integrity; that person is always honest with you, with himself, and with others.
Love because the person feels good about himself, not because he can feel better about himself.

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Be aware that biology also plays a specific role in this. Sexual desire and love are two or three systems in the brain that help explain common human attitudes toward mating and reproduction. Sexual attraction, love, and lasting feelings of attachment combine in varying proportions to form feelings of love in a romantic relationship. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

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Do a variety of activities with that person. You should try to find an event that you both enjoy. If it’s fairly easy for you to find things you both enjoy doing together, you could be on your way to building true love. If you’re having trouble finding other activity that isn’t sexually related or will lead to sex, you’re just experiencing physical attraction. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

Talk about your own expectations

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Talk to your partner about what they expect to get out of the relationship. If the person only talks about looks or sex life, this is a sign of physical attraction. Even if you have feelings for that person, you should consider their feelings and thoughts about the connection you share. This type of discussion can be quite uncomfortable, but it will help you clarify how you both feel. ^{[6] X Research Source}

“I enjoyed hanging out with you and I hope you do too. What do you think is the funnest activity we can do together?”
“I don’t want to get too serious, but I want to know if you want to keep things like this or if you’d like to get more out of our relationship.”
“I know we haven’t worked out everything yet and that’s okay, but I wanted to know how you view our relationship.”

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Ask yourself if you would want to stay in this relationship if it became clear to you that both of you are pursuing different goals. Even if physical lust can turn into true love, it will often only stagnate at the level of sexual attraction and will not develop further. No matter how seriously you want to form a romantic relationship with that person, you won’t be able to have the connection you want if they don’t reciprocate you. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

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Pause the relationship if both of you can’t come to an agreement. Sometimes, you both need time to think about what you want. If the two of you have different thoughts about the future of your relationship, you won’t be able to come to an agreement on what you are. If you can form a shared vision of your future, that’s great. But the process can often be quite difficult, if not impossible, when you and the other person have vastly different expectations about your current relationship. At this point, you’ll probably want to break up. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

Chat about relationship

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Share your wishes about the relationship. You should be honest with your partner. If you want to be in a monogamous relationship, you should let that person know. If you just want to form a relationship that’s primarily sexual and you both have complete freedom in seeing the other person, you should let that person know as well. Don’t just assume they know what you want – you need to tell them. ^{[9] X Research Source}

“I want to continue to be with you, but I hope that the two of us can agree on not dating other people. I really like you and want to find out if our relationship will work. How far can you go?”
“I think we had a pretty hot time and I want to continue this. Now I’m not planning to go any further than that. What do you think?”
“I’m not sure where our bond will lead us, but I think there’s something quite special between us and I’d like to take the time to explore it. What do you think? about us taking a break from having sex for a while?”

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Determine if the person has the same goals as you for the relationship. If the person is a good fit, find out about your expectations. Any romantic relationship you choose is legitimate – from a relationship based solely on sex to a relationship focused solely on true love, and any other type of affection between these two types. Think about how you can achieve your relationship goals if both you and the person you love are aiming for the same future. If you both feel only physical lust, how will you make the most of the time you spend together? If you both feel true love, what is the next step you want to take together to develop commitment in the relationship? ^{[10] X Research Source}

“I want us to keep seeing each other like this, but I’d love for you to meet my friends – they’d love to see you too. Would you like to go to the party with me?”
“I know we’re both very busy and I wanted to make this quick. Why don’t we simply contact each other when we want to have sex?”
“Can I call you lover? I know we haven’t talked about this yet, but I hope we can see each other this way.”

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Continue talking to each other about the relationship. You will probably find that your ideas about the future of the relationship will change over time. It could be that the love you thought you felt was just temporary excitement and you just want to keep having sex with that person and end it here. Or perhaps you find that sexual bonding helps the two of you build a deeper bond and form the basis of true love. ^{[11] X Research Source}

“I know we’ve talked about waiting to see where this relationship goes, and I think I’d be happy if we could just be friends and have sex every now and then and that’s it.” .
“It’s wonderful to be so close to you, and I feel that there is a pretty deep connection between us. Would you like us to go on a date sometimes without sex and see if things work out? where or not?”.
“I’m so confused. I thought I wanted to have a _______ relationship with you, but now I’m not so sure. I think I want to build a _______ relationship. What do you think?”.

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Tell me what you think if you don’t like the direction this relationship is going. You’ve made it clear what you want in a relationship, now is the time to make sure your partner knows what you need. In the early stages of a relationship, it’s pretty easy to let things go, but this act can create problems in the future. You should clearly state what you want and need to the other person. ^{[12] X Research Source}

“I’d love to go out for drinks with you, but I’d like to know if we can do something else this weekend?”
“I see that you always want to spend Sunday with your family. I don’t have a problem with this, but I also want to have some alone time to do some other things. You can go. Can I visit my family alone this weekend?”
“I don’t like to admit that we’re constantly doing the same things, either having sex or watching TV. Don’t you think we should plan on doing something else from time to time? ”

End of relationship

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Break up with your partner if you both can’t agree on the general direction of the relationship. ^{[13] X Source of Research} This can happen quite early, when the two are just getting to know each other, or later, when the relationship is gradually becoming stable. No matter how much you want to try to make this relationship work, if you can’t agree on how you spend your time together, it won’t work. Allowing both of you time to think might seem like a pretty good idea, but will often only make things harder as time goes on.

“I don’t think we’re on the same page and we’ll never be able to build on this. I think it’s best that we stop seeing each other.”
“It’s been a lot of fun, but I need to move on. I want something different from what I expect from you.”
“I love you, but you don’t love me, and it would be quite painful for me to continue the relationship knowing all this well. I can’t keep seeing you.”

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Allow yourself time to move forward. While it can be tempting to go back to flirting and finding new lovers, you’re in a state of emotional vulnerability. You should spend time with friends and family, reconnect with your interests, and reflect on the lessons you learned from the relationship that just ended. It’s very important to recharge yourself emotionally before you start looking for someone new. ^{[14] X Research Source}

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Determine what is right for you. Are you looking for true love, or someone with whom you can build a purely physical relationship? Your answer will probably change depending on the time in your life. You should think about places and ways to meet the different types of people you want to date. Whether in person or online, you have endless options for building your next romantic relationship. ^{[15] X Research Source}

Steps

Distinguish between love and physical lust

Talk about your own expectations

Chat about relationship

End of relationship

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