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Maintaining chastity in a sex-obsessed society is not easy. You will find that setting healthy and firm personal limits is important for self-control with your body, and for what you find pleasant or unpleasant doing things with your partner. mine.
Steps
Define your own boundaries
- Personal or religious beliefs that require waiting or abstinence.
- You don’t feel ready or excited. [3] X Research Sources
- You are asexual (meaning you do not feel sexual desire, sexual disgust). [4] X Research Sources
- You want to spend your first time with someone special.
- You do not have access to birth control, or sexual health facilities.
- You are underage or feel too young.
- You worry about safety: fear of pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases etc.., or your family is strict, your feelings and safety will be affected if they find out. [5] X Research Sources
- Deciding not to have sex for years can be overwhelming for some people. Make a limited-time contract with yourself (e.g., “I’m abstaining from sex this month”), and then review or renew it until the end of each month.
- If you believe you shouldn’t have premarital sex, wait until you’re old enough to get married and find someone who means a lot to you. If you’re pondering whether or not to keep your chastity, you’re probably at an age when it’s common to have sex between unmarried people. If you are ready for a relationship, find your true love and get married.
- Most people will have sex at some point in their lives. If at any point you think you’re ready, you shouldn’t feel guilty.
- How do you define “sex”? What kind of intimate contact do you feel okay with, and which goes too far? How do you define “chasteness”? Is it mental, mental, or physical chastity, or a combination of those?
- You need to set parameters for yourself to know what is acceptable to you, and be able to communicate that to others.
- If you know your boundaries, express them confidently, and expect others to respect them, you will have the strength to stand up for your point of view and do what you think is right. [12] X Research Source
- If you don’t plan to have a partner right now, what will you spend your time on?
- If you want to hold yourself to a certain deadline, pursue that goal. For example, if you want to wait until you feel more confident and assertive, try taking an assertiveness and confidence building class.
- Define emotional boundaries. What kind of affection makes you feel comfortable and uncomfortable? What kind of behavior makes you emotionally uncomfortable? Understand that other people’s feelings are not more important than your own. [15] X Research Source
- Consider mental boundaries. To what extent can you let other people’s views and opinions influence you? To what extent do you feel they no longer respect your thoughts or opinions? To what extent do you still feel comfortable explaining or defending your beliefs to others? [16] X Research Source
- Think about physical boundaries. How, where and when do you feel comfortable being touched? What kind of physical contact crosses your personal boundaries? Define your boundaries for yourself and for others.
- There are several lists online to help you figure out what’s acceptable and unacceptable. [17] X Research Source
- Don’t sacrifice yourself or your body because of pressure from others. If someone doesn’t acknowledge your beauty and purity or your body, get them out of your life. Remember that your parents can be a big motivator in your decision – they will be so proud of you. Draw a line between what is acceptable and unacceptable, and ask them to respect it. [19] X Research Source
- Exercise: walk, play sports or run around with family members.
- Some chaste people are still comfortable with masturbation.
- Take a shower or apply hot or cold compresses to dilate blood vessels. [20] X Research Sources
- Find a focus outside of sex, [21] X Sources of research can be art, writing, friends, volunteer work, or study.
Talk to your lover about your boundaries
- While it’s tempting to delay telling your plan to keep your virginity to your crush, it’s not advisable. They’ll find out sooner or later, and if they find out late then both of you will have to go through the pain and trouble that could have been avoided.
- If they don’t agree with you and can’t be in a non-sexual relationship, that’s also normal and simply their choice. You shouldn’t be pressured for their decisions, respect each other’s decisions. If the two of you are not on the same page, it is best to break up happily. [23] X Research Sources
- If your partner tries to negotiate boundaries with you, make it clear that these are very serious boundaries, and that they must respect.
- If you don’t want to explain why you have to stay chaste, just say you do. Say something like, “I don’t want to talk about it,” and that’s enough.
- Say “no” or say you want to slow down as soon as you feel uncomfortable. A simple sentence like “I don’t like that”, “I’m not ready”, or “Not now” is enough to make it clear to the other person.
- Clarify how to express consent. Your partner should always know what you want when you’re together. Agree verbally, smile, make eye contact, or take the initiative.
- If you’re not sure, say so. A basic but effective sentence like “I’m not sure”, or you can just say “I don’t know. Can you convince me?”
- Ask your partner questions: “Do you like this?”, “If I…how about it?”, “Can we cuddle?”
- You are allowed to say no at any time: even if you agreed 5 minutes ago, when you agreed to do something last week, or when everyone else did. You can say no anytime and anywhere. [26] X Research Source
- Use repetition techniques to combat pressure: repeatedly saying “No” or “I don’t want to”.
- If you’re shy, practice saying no. Try writing down the phrases in this article and practice speaking to yourself. Saying no is an important life skill.
- Respond succinctly, honestly, and respectfully (in the beginning), and be prepared to repeat if necessary. [29] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source You can use repetition techniques when under pressure (eg, “No” or “I don’t want to”).
- For example, if someone says “If you don’t let me do it, it means you don’t love me”. Answer: “I love you but I don’t want you to touch me now/like this”.
- If someone says “But I let you do that before”, you answer “I have the right to change my mind”. [30] X Research Source
- If someone says, “I’m just showing decency (or apathy, inhibitions or whatever),” you might reply, “I’m happy with myself and my body, and I hope you respect that.” there”. [31] X Research Source
- If a person doesn’t respect your boundaries and makes you uncomfortable, this is a real problem. It’s time to ask yourself whether you should maintain such a relationship.
- If you’re at a party or other gathering, leave them and find a friend to talk to. If you are alone or mostly just you and them, you can go somewhere with a lot of people or get help if you need it (find an emergency phone station, call a taxi, etc.).
- As you walk you imagine crumbling their words and throwing them away.
- After throwing away their words, you tell yourself positive things about yourself. [32] X Research Source
- If you’re at a party, pub, or situation where someone doesn’t accept the answer no, and you don’t want to, you have the right to look them in the eye and say, “I said no. Please go.”
- If you want to make fun of the situation and think they won’t pose any danger (if threatened, get out of the way for help), you can say, “I’m really, really attached to this person. someone if I have sex,” or “I can’t tell you about my genital herpes.” [33] X Research Sources
Resist pressure from friends
- Explicit pressure : This is the strongest form of pressure and often involves direct, unspoken statements from others like “I can’t believe you haven’t had sex. Everyone has sex!”.
- Implicit pressure : This type of pressure is a bit more subtle and often makes you feel like there’s something weird and out of the ordinary about you not following them. Maybe you hear them say, “Never mind, she’s a virgin so she won’t understand” or they call you a “virgin” or “a decent person.”
- Controlling pressure : This type of pressure is like an attempt to coax you into doing something by threatening to isolate or end a friendship if you don’t do what they want. Maybe they say things like, “We can’t be friends if you’re a virgin” or “I don’t hang out with virgins.”
- Although they say convincingly, you should learn to doubt what others claim to have done. You don’t necessarily have to distinguish the truth from the fake right away, but save what they say under the heading “not sure true”.
- If someone tries to test your boundaries with negative comments or statements that you know aren’t true, stand your ground. Repeat the statement “That’s not true!” with yourself and with that person until their message fades. [37] X Research Source
- Don’t accept other people’s judgments about you not having sex. This is especially important if you’re in high school, where peer pressure about sex is hard to avoid. Don’t care about statements like “if you’re not in a relationship, it’s because you’re not attractive” or “because you’re too scared” and so on. Deciding not to have a relationship doesn’t mean that at all, but rather that you’re actively making your choice and not letting others take that right away from you.
- If you have friends who tease or pressure you sexually, ask them to stop confidently and calmly. If not, you should limit going out with them.
- Play with people who accept your point of view and respect your right to make decisions.
- Walk away calmly and confidently. The most important thing is to get up and leave, but if you can, you should leave the situation calm and confident. That’s how you prove they can’t manipulate you.
- As you walk, you imagine crushing their words and throwing them away.
- After throwing away their words, you tell yourself positive things about yourself. [40] X Research Source
Advice
- If someone doesn’t accept the answer “no,” it could be a sign that they don’t really respect you or your autonomy. In the worst case scenario, it could be a sign of an abusive person, and you should find someone you can trust for help. [41] X Research Source
- Remember that it is you who must define your own boundaries. If someone cannot or does not respect this boundary, you have the right to ask, or if necessary, insist that they stay away from you.
- Rape and sex are two different things. Rape is an act of violence and control, while sex is an act of lust. You can get rid of them and keep your virginity.
wikiHow is a “wiki” site, which means that many of the articles here are written by multiple authors. To create this article, 131 people, some of whom are anonymous, have edited and improved the article over time.
There are 29 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 7,937 times.
Maintaining chastity in a sex-obsessed society is not easy. You will find that setting healthy and firm personal limits is important for self-control with your body, and for what you find pleasant or unpleasant doing things with your partner. mine.
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