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This article was co-written by Tasha Rube, LMSW. Tasha Rube is a licensed social worker in Missouri. She received her MSW degree from the University of Missouri in 2014.
There are 12 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 38,557 times.
It’s hard to ignore someone who has upset you, because it can only make you suffer more. It will be even more difficult when that person is someone you have to deal with every day at school, work or some family event. However, you can keep your distance from negative people, replace them with optimists and help others to maintain happiness and stability in life.
Steps
Keep your distance from that person
- Look for new restaurants, cafes and bars. These must be places outside the area where the person lives or works.
- Go shopping at stores away from the person’s home (if you know where they live).
- If a mutual friend asks you to go somewhere, ask if the person you need to avoid is coming along. Then you can decide.
- Say something like, “I’m fine, but I have to go back to work” or “I have an appointment in a few minutes.” Be polite but firm when you say you have to go.
- Avoid saying impolite or hurtful words. Saying those words will only make things worse. You can vent your anger later with a trusted friend, otherwise, always relax and be polite to the other person.
- No eye contact. Often, keeping eye contact is seen as a friendly sign when wanting to talk. By avoiding eye contact, you can subtly show that you don’t want to interact.
- Ignore hurtful or passive-aggressive comments. If the person is rude or impolite, either overtly or implicitly, avoid reacting. You can think about what you’re doing or distract yourself with something else to show them that they can’t influence you.
- Share your thoughts instead of reacting to theirs. If you must respond to that person now, share your thoughts and feelings instead of directly interacting with them. Say things like “I think…” or “Actually, I think…”
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Let the friend know what you need them to do.
Make sure they feel comfortable performing the role so they don’t feel taken advantage of or confused later.
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Make some gesture signs
so you can both retreat if you’re in a hurry to go somewhere.
- Do what you can to stay calm. Take a deep breath, stand up and stretch, or take a sip of water. Do something to distract yourself and dispel negative mental energy.
- Say something polite, not mean. When you feel like you’re about to say something bad, challenge yourself by saying something polite like, “You did a great presentation this week.” This will ease the tension with them as well as in you.
- Leave if you can’t be polite. Sometimes, you just can’t control yourself. At that time, use the courage to leave quickly and politely to find a place to calm down. You can say “I’m going to have lunch, if you’ll excuse me”.
- Don’t let the negativity knock you down. Stay positive and strong no matter what. Rise above people’s negativity by refusing to interact.
- Even if you don’t feel calm or strong, you still have to believe that you can. This will help create a safe distance between you and the negative people.
- Don’t let other people’s negative words and behaviors affect how you feel about yourself and how you live your life. Always affirm and tell yourself positively to break any negative thoughts that the person causes.
- Remind yourself that you are a good person, and that your friends and family love and care about you. It means that you have good qualities that some people deliberately do not recognize.
Stop communicating through electronic devices
- To block calls on iPhone, find their name in your contacts and select “Block This Caller”. To block messages, go to the message section, select the person you want to block, then select “Details” then “Info”, then “Block Contact”. [6] X Research Source
- To block calls/messages on Android phones, go to Call Settings, select “Call Rejection”, then you will be taken to “Auto Reject List” (Auto-reject list). From there, you can find and select the phone number to block.
- To block calls/messages on Windows phones, go to Settings and select “Call + SMS filer” then turn off “Block Calls”. ). Then, hold down the phone number you want to block, select “Block Number” and press OK.
- If you use a BlackBerry device, you’ll need to have your carrier block the phone number of someone you don’t want to contact.
- If you have friended or followed the person, you can
unfriend or follow them.
You can also block the person so they can no longer see your posts and contact you.
- If two people are not friends or following each other, or you have unfriended that person, change the privacy settings on the social networking site so that only friends can see the post content your.
- To filter messages in Gmail, select a message from that person by checking the small box next to the message. Click the drop-down menu, select “More”, then “Filter messages like these”, on the next page select “Delete it”. [8] X Research Sources
- To block messages in Microsoft Outlook, simply right-click the person’s message, select “Junk”, followed by “Block Sender”. [9] X Research Source
Maintain your own happiness
- Make a list of the people, places, and things that make you unhappy, angry, or confused.
- Consider why those people, places, and objects trigger a negative response.
- Think about how those triggers appear in your daily life, and create strategies to avoid or minimize those situations.
- Instead of complaining about someone you don’t want to be around, try not to mention them when talking to other people.
-
Talk to others about positive things that you enjoy.
Otherwise, the person you don’t like will cost you a lot of time and energy.
What you say or do, even if you do it out of anger, is still your choice and your responsibility. [12] X Research Source
- Change the way you think. Pay attention and recognize negative thoughts in your head. Notice their appearance and let them pass without taking over your thoughts.
- Learn to ignore someone and ignore them. You cannot control others, but you can prevent them from influencing you. Stop wasting time and energy thinking about them, and focus instead on the things that interest you.
- You have the power to create a positive life. You will always run into people you don’t like, but you have the ability to control their influence over you. Take control of your thoughts and actions, and focus on yourself, not them.
Attract optimists
- Think about the things that make you an optimist. Do you compliment others often or always treat others wholeheartedly?
- Always make an effort to engage in a variety of activities, not only to let others recognize you, but to create a positive lifestyle for yourself as well.
- Let your actions express who you are and your life.
- Think of friends, family, and coworkers who have a cheerful, upbeat personality. You can also think of the kindest, most insightful, or most enthusiastic people you know.
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Find those people. Try to spend more time together
and invite them to social events.
- Find new groups of friends in new places. Make new friends at the gym, faith group or outdoor clubs such as hiking groups, and you can also find places where good and optimistic people congregate.
- Do volunteering. Choose a program you like. You will feel happy and meet people who are positive, passionate and share the same interests as you.
- Meet each other. A quick lunch or coffee with the people you meet. Even though the meeting time is not much, you will still feel happier and fresher.
Advice
- If you run into the other person at a certain store, pretend you didn’t see them. Change speed, stop or change direction. If they say something to you, tell them you’re in a hurry and have to hurry. If none of that works, it’s best to keep quiet.
- Just because someone is related to you, doesn’t mean you have to put up with their negative behavior. If someone upsets or hurts you, you have the right to politely and respectfully avoid that person.
- Don’t be mean or petty in response to the person. It won’t fix what they’ve done to you, and in the end, it will make you a bad person.
Warning
- If you’ve decided to ignore someone for an extended period of time, you should be prepared for the possibility that the two of you will never speak to each other again.
- At some point, you may decide to contact them again to resolve the conflict. Remember that it won’t always go smoothly. However, if it’s someone you are forced to see often (like a relative or colleague), you should still try doing so.
- If the person is a spouse/lover and they abuse you, ignoring them will only make them more agitated. You need to seek professional help and get out of the situation right away!
This article was co-written by Tasha Rube, LMSW. Tasha Rube is a licensed social worker in Missouri. She received her MSW degree from the University of Missouri in 2014.
There are 12 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 38,557 times.
It’s hard to ignore someone who has upset you, because it can only make you suffer more. It will be even more difficult when that person is someone you have to deal with every day at school, work or some family event. However, you can keep your distance from negative people, replace them with people who are optimistic and know how to help others so that you can maintain happiness and stability in life.
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