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Tears are a natural and inevitable response to emotions such as sadness, grief, frustration, or even overwhelming joy. While shedding tears can be a healthy way of expressing our emotions, there are situations where holding back tears may be necessary or preferred. Whether it’s to maintain composure in a professional setting, avoid potential embarrassment, or simply in moments when we are unable or unwilling to let our emotions show, learning how to hold tears can be a useful skill to possess. In this guide, we will explore various techniques and strategies that can help you control and manage your tears, allowing you to navigate these situations with poise and grace.
This article was co-written by Sandra Possing. Sandra Possing is a life coach, speaker, and entrepreneur based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Sandra specializes in one-on-one coaching with a focus on transforming mindsets and leadership. Sandra is coach trained from the Coach Training Institute and has seven years of life coaching experience. She holds a bachelor’s degree in anthropology from the University of California, Los Angeles.
There are 15 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 179,112 times.
It’s perfectly normal to cry when you’re stressed or sad, but if you don’t want to cry or don’t want anyone to see you cry, there are a few ways you can keep your tears in check. To do so, you need to make some physical or mental changes to stop focusing on what’s making you sad and focus on more positive things. However, if this doesn’t work, you can also hide your tears for a moment to give yourself more time and reassurance before focusing on something else. Either way, remember that it’s completely normal now and you’ll feel better.
Steps
Holding back tears with physical activity
- When you feel like you’re about to cry, inhale slowly and deeply through your nose, then exhale slowly through your mouth. This action relieves the feeling of tightness in your throat when you want to cry, and helps to stabilize your thoughts and emotions.
- Try counting to 10. Inhale through your nose as you count one beat. Exhale through your mouth before counting the next beat. Counting is a way to help you focus fully on your breath instead of the event that makes you cry.
- Just one deep breath can help calm you down when faced with something that makes you want to cry. Take a deep breath, hold the breath for a moment, and exhale. At this point, you just focus on the air going in and out of your lungs. Deep breathing also gives you a pause before confronting the cause of your sadness.
- Move your eyes back and forth or roll your eyes a few times. Only do this when you know no one is looking at you. Besides being a distraction (because you have to focus on moving your eyes), it also helps keep the tears from running down.
- Close eyes. This is the act of giving you a little more time to process what’s going on. Closing your eyes and taking deep breaths will help you regain your composure and focus on holding back the tears.
- Squeeze thighs or squeeze hands. Just squeeze hard enough that you stop thinking about the event that made you want to cry.
- You can also squeeze something, such as a stress reliever, a pillow, a part of a shirt, or a loved one’s hand.
- Bring your tongue to the roof of your mouth or teeth.
- If you can get out of the situation for a few minutes, try smiling to stop crying. Some studies show that smiling can change your mood in a positive way even when you don’t want to smile. [4] X Research Sources
- Take a sip of water to relieve the tension that occurs when the glottis is opened. Drinking water relaxes the muscles in the throat (and calms the nervous system).
- If water is not available, you can take slow breaths and swallow slowly several times. Breathing is your way of relaxing, and swallowing slowly signals your body that you don’t need to open your glottis.
- Yawn. This is a way to relax the throat muscles, contributing to the loss of the feeling of choking in the throat when the glottis opens.
Stop crying by distracting attention
- Or, you can think of favorite lyrics. Memorizing the lyrics and singing them in your head is a way to help you stop thinking about sad things. Try to think of cheerful lyrics to lift the mood.
- Try to smile when you think about something funny.
- Remember that you are a wonderful person loved by friends and family. Think about what you have accomplished in life, along with what you hope to achieve in the future. However, this may make you cry even more!
- Research shows that saying positive words of encouragement to yourself has many health benefits in addition to its ability to ease sadness. This is about bringing many benefits to your life, such as increased immunity to the common cold, reduced risk of depression, improved ability to cope with difficult situations. and reduce the risk of dying from a heart attack. [7] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- Open the movie you want to watch (or your favorite classic). If you don’t like watching movies, you can read your favorite book or watch an episode of your favorite TV show.
- Take a walk to clear your mind. Often going out for a breath of fresh air is a great distraction – focus on the beauty of your surroundings and try to avoid thinking about what makes you sad.
- Do exercise. The endorphins produced by exercise will help you feel better when you are sad. Exercise also makes you focus on what you’re doing instead of how you feel. [8] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source
Crying without anyone knowing
- Say you are having a severe allergic reaction. This is a familiar justification for crying, as allergies often cause red and watery eyes.
- Yawn and say “every time I yawn, tears flow.”
- Say you’re probably sick. Usually, when someone is sick, their eyes look blurry. Making excuses for being sick is also a way to get you out of your current situation.
- Pretend you’re trying to get the dust out of your eye sockets, and then wipe the tears from the bottom edge of your eyelids. Gently pressing your index finger into the eye socket is also a way to wipe away tears.
- Pretend to sneeze and cover your face with your elbow (so you can wipe your tears with your arm). If you can’t pretend to sneeze, say “I want to sneeze but I can’t”.
- When you can get out, take a deep breath. That way, you won’t want to cry anymore.
Cry and get over what makes you cry
- Crying is also beneficial for mental and physical health. Your body will have a chance to flush out toxins when you cry. After crying, you also feel happier and less stressed. [10] X Research Source
- Note, crying is a sign of mental strength, not weakness.
- If you can’t figure out what’s causing you to cry, you can talk to a psychotherapist for help. If you cry a lot or want to cry often, you may be suffering from depression and need treatment. [12] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- If someone makes you want to cry, try writing a letter to them. It can be easier to put everything on paper than it is to put it in words. Even if you don’t send the person a letter, you still feel better after expressing your feelings and thoughts.
- Talking to other people also helps you to feel that you are not alone in the situation. If you feel like you have the world on your shoulders, talk to someone and let them help you sort through your thoughts and feelings.
- Talking to a psychotherapist is helpful for people experiencing depression, anxiety, loss, health problems, emotional problems, etc. Consider seeing a psychotherapist. if you keep crying or if you want to talk to someone in a safe and private environment. [14] X Trusted Source National Health Service (UK) Go to Source
- Surround yourself with people who make you happy. Do things you enjoy like picnicking, painting, etc. Go to a party and meet new people, or dress up and host your own party with friends. Indulging yourself in activities that keep you busy is a great way to let go of your sadness.
Advice
- A hug from a friend or loved one will help you feel soothed.
- Grinding your teeth can help you hold back your tears if you’re in public. As you regain your composure, think about why and who made you cry.
- Calmly talk about what’s bothering you to the person who did it.
- Breathe deeply, close your eyes, lie down and relax.
- Think of something soothing and joyful in your childhood.
- Read or talk to someone about ways to help you manage your emotions and try to apply them.
- Go to a quiet place you like to be alone and organize your thoughts. You can invite a friend who can help/support you mentally.
- Sitting or standing up straight helps you feel more confident and strong enough not to burst into tears.
- Pray, if you have religious beliefs.
- Remind yourself that everything happens for a reason and that all of this will help your future.
- Eat some chocolate or mood-boosting foods.
- Talk to a close friend or parent; Tell them everything. Maybe they will help you feel better.
Warning
- If you think of harming yourself or others, get help right away.
- If you have underlying symptoms of depression and/or you are suicidal, talk about your feelings to a trusted adult for support and treatment. In the US, you can call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) immediately for help with suicidal thoughts; Do whatever you can to protect yourself!
- If you don’t want to confide in anyone, seek professional help. You should see a counselor at your school or a psychotherapist. There will always be someone willing to listen to you. Even talking to a trusted adult (even if they’re not a relative) can help.
- Holding back tears is not healthy, and can even cause some digestive and blood pressure problems. This act also causes more emotional problems, and if you don’t cry to release your emotions for a long time, you could experience a serious emotional breakdown. [16] X Research Source
This article was co-written by Sandra Possing. Sandra Possing is a life coach, speaker, and entrepreneur based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Sandra specializes in one-on-one coaching with a focus on transforming mindsets and leadership. Sandra is coach trained from the Coach Training Institute and has seven years of life coaching experience. She holds a bachelor’s degree in anthropology from the University of California, Los Angeles.
There are 15 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 179,112 times.
It’s perfectly normal to cry when you’re stressed or sad, but if you don’t want to cry or don’t want anyone to see you cry, there are a few ways you can keep your tears in check. To do so, you need to make some physical or mental changes to stop focusing on what’s making you sad and focus on more positive things. However, if this doesn’t work, you can also hide your tears for a moment to give yourself more time and reassurance before focusing on something else. Either way, remember that it’s completely normal now and you’ll feel better.
In conclusion, holding back tears is a skill that can be learned and practiced over time. While it is important to allow ourselves to express our emotions and not suppress them indefinitely, there are situations where it may be necessary to hold back tears temporarily. By understanding the triggers and causes of our tears, developing coping strategies, and practicing techniques such as deep breathing or distraction, we can effectively manage our emotions in these situations. However, it is crucial to remember that holding back tears should not become a long-term solution, as it may lead to emotional imbalance or other negative effects on mental health. It is essential to find healthy outlets for our emotions and seek support from loved ones or professionals when needed. Ultimately, the ability to hold tears is an individual choice, and each person should assess their own emotional well-being and needs before deciding whether to allow the tears to flow or restrain them temporarily.
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