How to Hold Tears

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This article was co-written by Sandra Possing. Sandra Possing is a life coach, speaker, and entrepreneur based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Sandra specializes in one-on-one coaching with a focus on transforming mindsets and leadership. Sandra is coach trained from the Coach Training Institute and has seven years of life coaching experience. She holds a bachelor’s degree in anthropology from the University of California, Los Angeles.

There are 15 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.

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It’s perfectly normal to cry when you’re stressed or sad, but if you don’t want to cry or don’t want anyone to see you cry, there are a few ways you can keep your tears in check. To do so, you need to make some physical or mental changes to stop focusing on what’s making you sad and focus on more positive things. However, if this doesn’t work, you can also hide your tears for a moment to give yourself more time and reassurance before focusing on something else. Either way, remember that it’s completely normal now and you’ll feel better.

Table of Contents

Holding back tears with physical activity

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Focus on the breath. Crying is a response caused by an emotional surge; and the relief you get from breathing will help you hold back the tears. ^{[1] X Research Source} Perhaps you have just thought of a sad memory, you just ended a romantic relationship, or some event just happened in your life. Staying calm is important to help you stop crying. Focusing on the breath as in meditation is a way of controlling emotions and regaining a sense of inner peace.

When you feel like you’re about to cry, inhale slowly and deeply through your nose, then exhale slowly through your mouth. This action relieves the feeling of tightness in your throat when you want to cry, and helps to stabilize your thoughts and emotions.
Try counting to 10. Inhale through your nose as you count one beat. Exhale through your mouth before counting the next beat. Counting is a way to help you focus fully on your breath instead of the event that makes you cry.
Just one deep breath can help calm you down when faced with something that makes you want to cry. Take a deep breath, hold the breath for a moment, and exhale. At this point, you just focus on the air going in and out of your lungs. Deep breathing also gives you a pause before confronting the cause of your sadness.

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Move your eyes to swallow the tears. When you want to cry but don’t want others to know how you feel, moving your eyes can help you hold back the tears. Some studies show that blinking also stops tears from falling. ^{[2] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to source} Blink a few times so your eyes are no longer blurred with tears.

Move your eyes back and forth or roll your eyes a few times. Only do this when you know no one is looking at you. Besides being a distraction (because you have to focus on moving your eyes), it also helps keep the tears from running down.
Close eyes. This is the act of giving you a little more time to process what’s going on. Closing your eyes and taking deep breaths will help you regain your composure and focus on holding back the tears.

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Move your body so you don’t focus on the sad story. When you’re about to cry, turn your attention to something else. Distracting yourself with body movements is one way to help you stop crying. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

Squeeze thighs or squeeze hands. Just squeeze hard enough that you stop thinking about the event that made you want to cry.
You can also squeeze something, such as a stress reliever, a pillow, a part of a shirt, or a loved one’s hand.
Bring your tongue to the roof of your mouth or teeth.

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Relax your facial muscles. Frowning or frowning can make you look like you’re about to cry because facial expressions can affect emotions. To hold back tears, you need to keep a calm facial expression in any situation that makes you want to cry. Relax your eyebrows and the muscles around your mouth so you don’t look worried or upset.

If you can get out of the situation for a few minutes, try smiling to stop crying. Some studies show that smiling can change your mood in a positive way even when you don’t want to smile. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

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Relieve the feeling of choking in the throat. One of the hardest parts of holding back tears is getting rid of the choking feeling in your throat at what makes you want to cry. When the body feels stressed, the autonomic nervous system responds by opening the glottis – the muscle that controls the opening from the back of the throat to the larynx. The opening of the glottis is what causes a choking sensation in your throat when you try to swallow. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

Take a sip of water to relieve the tension that occurs when the glottis is opened. Drinking water relaxes the muscles in the throat (and calms the nervous system).
If water is not available, you can take slow breaths and swallow slowly several times. Breathing is your way of relaxing, and swallowing slowly signals your body that you don’t need to open your glottis.
Yawn. This is a way to relax the throat muscles, contributing to the loss of the feeling of choking in the throat when the glottis opens.

Stop crying by distracting attention

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Focus on something else. Sometimes you can hold back the tears by turning your attention to something else. For example, you distract attention by doing simple calculations in your head. Adding a few small numbers or reading the multiplication table in your head will distract you from the sad event and help you regain your composure.

Or, you can think of favorite lyrics. Memorizing the lyrics and singing them in your head is a way to help you stop thinking about sad things. Try to think of cheerful lyrics to lift the mood.

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Think about fun. While this may seem difficult when you’re dealing with something that makes you want to cry, thinking about something funny can actually help you stop crying. Think of something that has made you laugh out loud in the past, such as a happy memory, a movie, or a funny story you heard. ^{[6] X Research Sources}

Try to smile when you think about something funny.

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Tell yourself that you are a strong person. Encouraging yourself when you’re about to cry can help you get through it. Tell yourself that you’re allowed to be sad, but you can’t be sad right now. Reiterate why you can’t cry right now – you don’t want to cry in front of strangers, or you want to be someone’s support, etc. You still allow yourself to feel your sadness, but you need stability. gold at the moment.

Remember that you are a wonderful person loved by friends and family. Think about what you have accomplished in life, along with what you hope to achieve in the future. However, this may make you cry even more!
Research shows that saying positive words of encouragement to yourself has many health benefits in addition to its ability to ease sadness. This is about bringing many benefits to your life, such as increased immunity to the common cold, reduced risk of depression, improved ability to cope with difficult situations. and reduce the risk of dying from a heart attack. ^{[7] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source}

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Do something that distracts you. When you want to hold back your tears, don’t keep thinking about what made you cry. Distracting yourself is a way to help you forget about sad things for a while – but you still need to deal with it another time.

Open the movie you want to watch (or your favorite classic). If you don’t like watching movies, you can read your favorite book or watch an episode of your favorite TV show.
Take a walk to clear your mind. Often going out for a breath of fresh air is a great distraction – focus on the beauty of your surroundings and try to avoid thinking about what makes you sad.
Do exercise. The endorphins produced by exercise will help you feel better when you are sad. Exercise also makes you focus on what you’re doing instead of how you feel. ^{[8] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source}

Crying without anyone knowing

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Make up the cause of your tears. Although the people around you may pick up on your harmless lies, this helps you to regain your composure.

Say you are having a severe allergic reaction. This is a familiar justification for crying, as allergies often cause red and watery eyes.
Yawn and say “every time I yawn, tears flow.”
Say you’re probably sick. Usually, when someone is sick, their eyes look blurry. Making excuses for being sick is also a way to get you out of your current situation.

Cry and get over what makes you cry

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Cry. Sometimes you just need to cry and not feel guilty. Crying is a completely natural human action. Even if you try to hold back your tears for a moment, you still need to let yourself be sad another time. Find a quiet place where you can sit alone and allow yourself to cry.

Crying is also beneficial for mental and physical health. Your body will have a chance to flush out toxins when you cry. After crying, you also feel happier and less stressed. ^{[10] X Research Source}
Note, crying is a sign of mental strength, not weakness.

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Find out what makes you cry or want to cry. Spending time thinking about what makes you cry or want to cry is important. Once you find the cause, you can analyze it in more detail and find a solution or a way to improve your mood. Think about something that makes you want to cry. Is there a person or situation that makes you feel this way? Has something happened recently that upset you (such as a breakup with a loved one, death of a loved one)? Or is there another reason why you have to constantly try to hold back your tears? ^{[11] X Research Source}

If you can’t figure out what’s causing you to cry, you can talk to a psychotherapist for help. If you cry a lot or want to cry often, you may be suffering from depression and need treatment. ^{[12] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source}

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Write diary. Writing your thoughts down on paper is a way to help you organize them and feel better. Besides, it also helps you deal with stress, anxiety and depression. For best results, you should take a few minutes each day to write down your thoughts and feelings. You can arrange the layout of the diary to your liking and write what you want. ^{[13] X Trusted Source University of Rochester Medical Center Go to source}

If someone makes you want to cry, try writing a letter to them. It can be easier to put everything on paper than it is to put it in words. Even if you don’t send the person a letter, you still feel better after expressing your feelings and thoughts.

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Talk to someone. After crying, you should confide in someone about what happened. Talk to a close friend, relative, or therapist about what makes you want to cry. As the old saying goes “one tree makes not a young tree, three trees together make a high mountain”, your confidant can help you solve the immediate difficulties.

Talking to other people also helps you to feel that you are not alone in the situation. If you feel like you have the world on your shoulders, talk to someone and let them help you sort through your thoughts and feelings.
Talking to a psychotherapist is helpful for people experiencing depression, anxiety, loss, health problems, emotional problems, etc. Consider seeing a psychotherapist. if you keep crying or if you want to talk to someone in a safe and private environment. ^{[14] X Trusted Source National Health Service (UK) Go to Source}

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Distract your thoughts with things you love. Making time for hobbies is a way to help you gain a new perspective during difficult times. ^{[15] X Research Resources} Spend a little time each week on your hobbies. Even if you feel like you can’t fully integrate into the world around you because of the sadness you’re having, you’ll soon find yourself smiling and laughing.

Surround yourself with people who make you happy. Do things you enjoy like picnicking, painting, etc. Go to a party and meet new people, or dress up and host your own party with friends. Indulging yourself in activities that keep you busy is a great way to let go of your sadness.

Advice

A hug from a friend or loved one will help you feel soothed.
Grinding your teeth can help you hold back your tears if you’re in public. As you regain your composure, think about why and who made you cry.
Calmly talk about what’s bothering you to the person who did it.
Breathe deeply, close your eyes, lie down and relax.
Think of something soothing and joyful in your childhood.
Read or talk to someone about ways to help you manage your emotions and try to apply them.
Go to a quiet place you like to be alone and organize your thoughts. You can invite a friend who can help/support you mentally.
Sitting or standing up straight helps you feel more confident and strong enough not to burst into tears.
Pray, if you have religious beliefs.
Remind yourself that everything happens for a reason and that all of this will help your future.
Eat some chocolate or mood-boosting foods.
Talk to a close friend or parent; Tell them everything. Maybe they will help you feel better.

Warning

If you think of harming yourself or others, get help right away.
If you have underlying symptoms of depression and/or you are suicidal, talk about your feelings to a trusted adult for support and treatment. In the US, you can call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) immediately for help with suicidal thoughts; Do whatever you can to protect yourself!
If you don’t want to confide in anyone, seek professional help. You should see a counselor at your school or a psychotherapist. There will always be someone willing to listen to you. Even talking to a trusted adult (even if they’re not a relative) can help.
Holding back tears is not healthy, and can even cause some digestive and blood pressure problems. This act also causes more emotional problems, and if you don’t cry to release your emotions for a long time, you could experience a serious emotional breakdown. ^{[16] X Research Source}

Steps