How to Grow Up

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This article was co-written by Katie Styzek. Katie Styzek is a consultant for public schools in Chicago. Katie earned her bachelor’s degree in elementary education with a major in math from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign and served as a middle school math, science, and social studies teacher for three years before becoming a consultants. She holds a Master of Education (M.Ed.) degree in school counseling from DePaul University and a master’s degree in educational leadership from Northeastern Illinois University. Katie holds an Illinois school counselor license (Category 73 Service Officer), an Illinois principal license (formerly a Class 75) and an Illinois elementary school license (Category). 03, K – 9). She is also nationally certified in school counseling by the National Council for Professional Standards of Pedagogy.

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Maturity is not just a matter of age. 6 years old can be mature and many people are not mature enough until 80 years old. Maturity is in the way you treat others and yourself. It’s your thoughts and behavior. ^{[1] X Research Source} If you’re tired of childish conversations and arguments, or if you want more respect, try some of the techniques below to become more mature. Regardless of age, once you become mature, you will always be treated like an adult.

Table of Contents

Developing a Mature Behavior

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Nurture your hobby. Lack of dynamism, no hobbies, no passion will make you seem immature. Determining what you want to do and becoming an “expert” at it helps you appear more experienced and mature. You will have more topics to talk about, regardless of whether the person talking has the same interests as you.

Try to maintain positive and enriching hobbies. Constantly poring over TV shows can be fun, but it’s not the best use of time. This doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy movies, TV, or video games. They just shouldn’t be the whole of what you do. ^{[2] X Research Source}
Hobbies can boost self-esteem and promote creative thinking. They also help you feel positive and happy. ^{[3] X Research Sources}
There is no limit to what you want to do! Buy a camera and learn to take pictures. Choose an instrument. Learn a new language. Practice beatboxing. Form a drama group. ^{[4] X Research Source} Just make sure you enjoy doing it, and it will become a hobby rather than a boring task.

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Set a goal and work towards it. Part of becoming an adult is being able to appreciate your strengths, areas you need to improve on, and set goals for the future. Always think about the future and use it to determine if you have made the right choice for your life. Once you have set specific, clear and achievable goals, take action to achieve success. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

Goal setting seems too difficult, don’t worry! With a little time and planning, you can do it. Start by identifying the things you want to improve. For example, you may want to improve your college profile. This will be the basis of your goals.
First, you need to answer the questions: Who, What, When, Where, How and Why.
Who. Who will contribute to your success. Obviously, you are first and foremost. However, this question may also include others such as tutors, volunteer coordinators or counselors.
What. What do you want to achieve? In this step, it is very important to be specific about what you want. “College preparation” is too broad. You won’t be able to jump into action with such a big and vague goal. Instead, choose a few specific things that can help you achieve your larger goal, like “Volunteer” or “Join an extracurricular activity.”
When. This helps you know the deadlines you have to complete each specific task, ensuring the plan is followed closely. For example, if you want to volunteer, you need to know the application deadline, when the activity will take place, and when you can get involved.
Where. Determining where to do it is very helpful. For example, in volunteering, you might choose to work at an animal shelter.
How. In this step, you need to define how to accomplish each stage of the goal. For example, how do I contact the animal care center and apply to volunteer? How to get there? What will you do to balance volunteering with other responsibilities? You need to think about and answer these types of questions.
Why. Believe it or not, this is probably the most important part. It’s easier to achieve a goal when it’s meaningful to you and you can see its role in the “big picture.” ^{[6] X Research Source} Clearly define why this goal is important to you. For example, “I want to volunteer at an animal care center because it makes my profile more attractive for pre-veterinarian programs.”

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Recognize when you can become immature. You don’t have to be serious all the time to appear mature. To really grow up, you need to understand your audience and know when it’s okay to joke around and when it’s important and necessary to be serious. There are different levels of maturity, so being able to tailor your actions to the circumstances is a good thing for you. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

Try to take time to relax every day. You need time to relax and rest. Give yourself a little time each day (such as after school) to enjoy.
Understand that joking is often inappropriate in serious places such as schools, churches, and offices, especially funerals. You need to focus, avoid making people laugh. Lack of seriousness in these situations is often a sign of immaturity.
However, everyday moments like hanging out with friends or even family gatherings are great times to let loose. It even helps you connect with people more.
Set up a few parameters to determine when it’s appropriate and when it’s not to joke around or behave childishly. Do not play selfish or malicious jokes.

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Respect others. No one can live alone in this world. If you intentionally annoy or intentionally do whatever you want without caring about other people’s feelings, people may think you’re immature. Trying to be mindful of the needs and desires of those around you helps you to become mature and worthy of respect.

Respecting others does not mean allowing them to bully you. Respecting others is listening and treating them the way you want to be treated. If someone is rude to you, don’t retaliate. Let it pass to see that you are a bigger human being than they are.

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Make friends with mature people. Friends will influence your behavior. Make sure you’re getting to know people for whom you’ll become a better person, not the other way around.

Nurturing Emotional Maturity

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Don’t bully others. This behavior is often the result of feelings of insecurity or low self-esteem. It was a way used to impose one’s power over others. This behavior is bad for both the person being bullied and the bully. ^{[8] X Trusted Source StopBullying.gov Go to Source} If you find yourself with this tendency, talk to someone you trust, like a parent or school counselor, and ask for their help. put an end to the above.

There are three basic types of bullying: Verbal, social, and physical. ^{[9] X Trusted Source StopBullying.gov Go to Source}
Verbal bullying involves naming, intimidation, or malicious comments. Although they do not cause physical pain, they can cause serious emotional harm. Pay attention to every word you say, never tell others things that you yourself do not want to hear.
Social bullying involves damaging someone’s reputation or social relationships. Condescending, gossiping, humiliating or gossiping are all acts of social bullying.
Physical bullying involves injuring (or destroying property) another person. Any act of violence, appropriation or destruction of others’ things as well as rude gestures are all forms of this type of bullying.
Also don’t let bullying take place in your presence. Even if you’re not physically strong enough to deal with bullying – which may in fact be unsafe – there are many ways you can help build a healthy, presence-free environment. of bullying. Try: ^{[10] X Trusted Source StopBullying.gov Go to Source}
- Set an example by not bullying others.
- Let the bully know their behavior is not imposing or amusing.
- Be kind to the person being bullied.
- Notify responsible adults of the above behaviour.
If you feel you have a problem with bullying, consider talking to a counselor or therapist. Maybe you have bigger problems that make you feel the need to put someone down or suppress. Mentors can show you ways to establish more positive relationships.

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Avoid putting things, rumors and gossip behind others’ backs. That can hurt them like a punch in the face – sometimes even more. ^{[11] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source} Even though it’s not intentional, it can still hurt. Mature people care about other people’s needs and feelings and won’t do things that might hurt them.

Gossip won’t make you famous or admirable. Research shows that this can make you more attractive if you’re in fifth grade, but once you’re in ninth grade (which is when you’d hopefully be more mature), overall will make you hated and less popular. ^{[12] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source}
Don’t recommend this either. If, when you’re around, someone tries to start a rumor, say, “Hey, I don’t like talking nonsense about other people.” Research shows that even one person protesting can make a difference. ^{[13] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source}
Sometimes, you can say something nice about someone and through someone else’s mouth, it ends up turning into gossip. For example, you could share with a friend, “I love hanging out with Ziyi. She’s so funny!” and someone tells others that you slandered Ziyi. You cannot control how others interpret or react to what you say. The only thing you can do is control your words. Make sure your words are good. ^{[14] X Research Source}
A good test of whether something could become a rumor or gossip is to ask yourself: Do I want others to hear or know this about me? If the answer is no, then don’t share it with others. ^{[15] X Research Source}

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Be a bigger person if someone is not nice to you. If you can let it go, don’t react. Your silence will show that what the other person is saying is not okay. If it can’t be ignored, simply let them know the comment is rude. If they apologize, accept it; If not, simply walk away.

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Ready to accept new things. Adults are always generous. Just because you don’t know or haven’t tried something doesn’t mean you should object or dismiss its feasibility. Instead, see it as an opportunity for you to learn something (know someone) new and different. ^{[16] X Research Source}^{[17] X Research Source}

If someone has different beliefs or habits than you do, don’t rush to judge. Ask open-ended questions, such as “Can you tell me more about this?” or “Why did you do that?”
Try to listen more than you talk, at least initially. Don’t interrupt or say “But I think—”. Let others do the talking. You will be surprised at what you learn from them.
Request clarification. If someone says something that doesn’t seem right, before jumping into judgment, ask for clarification. For example, if you think someone has offended your faith, take a deep breath and then ask something like, “I see what you mean _______. Is that true?” If the person replied that they didn’t mean it, then accept their explanation.
Don’t have a negative view of others. In all situations, think that everyone is human, just like you. Maybe they don’t want to be mean or hurt, it’s just a mistake. Learning to accept others as they are will help you become more mature.
Sometimes, you may disagree with someone. This is normal. Part of being an adult is being able to consider and decide whether or not to agree to something.

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Be confident . Don’t apologize for your weirdness or difference, even if others disagree with it. As long as your behavior is not against social morality and will not harm anyone, you have the freedom to express your personality. Mature people don’t doubt themselves or try to be someone else.

Developing interests and aptitudes is a great way to build confidence. You will find that with determination, you can achieve anything you want, and that you have skills to be proud of to share with others.
Be careful with self-criticism. If you have negative thoughts about yourself, consider for yourself whether you would criticize your friends in such a way. If you don’t do that to your friends, why are you hurting yourself? Try to rearrange those negative thoughts so that they become more useful. ^{[18] X Research Sources}
For example, you might sometimes say to yourself, “I’m a failure! I’m terrible at math and won’t get any better.” This is unhealthy thinking, and obviously you would never say that to a friend.
Rearrange to see what you can do: “I’m not good at math, but I can study hard. Even if I don’t get an 8, I’ve done my best.”

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Be real. Being true to yourself is a mark of maturity. Be confident without being cocky or ostentatious. A mature person does not need to put others down or pretend to be good at things he is not good at. ^{[19] X Research Source}

Talk about the things you really enjoy. When you care about something, that interest will manifest itself.
Sometimes, when you have negative thoughts about yourself, you may react to the point of denying them. For example, if the thought “I’m really nervous about my test tomorrow” comes up, your first reaction might be to pretend like, “I’m not afraid at all!” This is not being honest with yourself. Acknowledging your insecurities or weaknesses will make you more mature. Everyone has moments of lack of confidence. This is completely normal.
Express your feelings clearly. Hiding or being negatively aggressive is an immature and dishonest way of dealing with emotions. Be polite and respectful, but don’t hesitate to express how you really feel. ^{[20] X Research Source}
Do what you think is right. Sometimes, you may be mocked or criticized for it. However, if you stick to your principles, you will know that you are already you. If other people don’t respect you, you don’t need to care about their opinion. ^{[21] X Research Source}

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In charge of. Perhaps the most important part of growing up is taking responsibility for your own words and actions. Remember that things don’t simply come to you. You are the representative of your own life, and your every word and deed affects both you and others. Take responsibility for mistakes. Realize that you cannot control what others do, but you can control yourself. ^{[22] X Research Sources}^{[23] X Research Sources}

Take responsibility when things go wrong. For example, if you don’t do well on your essay, don’t blame the teacher. Think about what you did. What can you do to improve next time?
Pay less attention to whether things are fair or not. Life is not always fair. Sometimes, you may not get what you deserve. Mature people will not allow injustice to stand in their way.
Take control of your abilities. Sometimes, you feel completely out of control in your own life. This may be true in some cases. You can’t decide whether the restaurant manager will hire you, or whether the person you like will agree to go on a date with you. However, some things are completely under control. Such as:
- For jobs: You can check and refine your resume. You can prepare for the interview as much as you can. You can dress professionally for a job interview. You can arrive on time. Maybe, in the end, you still didn’t get the position, but you did everything in your power.
- In relationships: You can be respectful, funny, and kind. You can be yourself when you’re with other people. You can come off as weak and share with your partner that you want a formal relationship. These things are in your control. Even if things don’t go as planned, you can rest easy knowing that you’ve been true to yourself and doing what’s best for you.
Don’t accept defeat. In most cases, people give up just because it’s easier than keep trying. It’s much easier to admit “I’m a failure” than “Ah, that’s not working, let’s see what else I can do!” Take responsibility for your choices and stick with your efforts, no matter what.

Communicate Like an Adult

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Control emotions . Anger is a powerful emotion, but it can also be tamed. Don’t overreact to small, unimportant things. When you feel depressed, stop and take 10 seconds to think before you say or do anything. It will help you avoid regrets and become more mature in your communication. ^{[24] X Research Source}

After stopping, ask yourself what is really going on. What is the problem here? Why are you not satisfied? Maybe you’ll find that you’re upset about what happened two days ago, and it doesn’t matter anymore.
Think of potential solutions to problems. Consider a few reactions you can do before you do. What will solve the problem?
Consider the consequences. A lot of people make mistakes at this step. Usually the most popular choice, but does “Do what you want” solve the problem? Or will it make matters worse? Think about the actual consequences of each choice.
Choose a solution. After weighing the possible consequences, choose the solution that seems best to you. Note that doing so may not be the easiest or most enjoyable! This is part of growing up.
If you have to say something, say it calmly and offer some reasonable arguments to clarify how you feel. If the other person doesn’t want to argue or even listen, just ignore it. It’s totally not worth going on.
When you’re angry or tend to get too excited, take a deep breath and count to 10. You mustn’t lose self-control and allow your rage to control you.
If you are short-tempered, others may enjoy provoking you. When you can control your emotions, they no longer want to tease you and will leave you alone.

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Learn assertive communication skills. When it comes to speaking maturely, adults often use skill and assertiveness. Assertive does not mean conceited, arrogant or aggressive. An assertive person expresses their thoughts and requests clearly and listens when others do. ^{[25] X Source of Research} Arrogant and selfish individuals are unconcerned with the needs of others and only focus on getting what they want, when they want it – no matter how much it hurts. others or not. Learn how to protect yourself without becoming arrogant or aggressive, and you will certainly feel more mature. Here are a few ways you can communicate assertively: ^{[26] X Research Resources}^{[27] X Research Resources}

Use the “I” statement. Saying “You” makes others feel blamed and prevented from voicing their opinion. Focus on your feelings and experiences, and be open to having mature and productive conversations.
- For example, instead of asking “Parents, listen to me!” try using “I” statements like “I feel like my views are not being respected”. When you say that you “feel” something, other people will often want to know why.
At the same time, you also need to be aware of the desires of others. Not everything revolves around you. Expressing your feelings and desires clearly is great in communication, but remember to also ask others about their feelings and desires. Being able to put others first is a real sign of maturity.
Don’t jump to hasty conclusions. If you’re not sure what’s going on between you and someone, ask! Don’t judge – remember, you don’t have all the information.
- For example, if a friend forgets to go shopping with you, don’t assume she’s not interested or that she’s a terrible person.
- Instead, use an “I” statement and encourage her to say, “I’m really disappointed that you can’t go shopping. What’s up?”
Make collaborative proposals. Instead of saying, “I want to skateboard,” let everyone have an opinion: “What do you guys want to do?”

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Avoid swearing . With many people and cultures, mature communication will not include cursing and swearing. Swearing can shock people, or even make them feel disrespected. Swearing can also cause you to be perceived as defective or bad in communication. ^{[28] X Research Resources} Instead of swearing, try to expand your vocabulary. As you learn new words, you can use them to help you express yourself.

If you often swear when angry or hurt, try turning it into a creative play with sound. When stumbling, instead of swearing, say something funny like “Dammit!”

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Be polite and try not to raise your voice. If you raise your voice, especially when angry, it’s easy to make others uncomfortable. They may even decide to take action to make you stop talking. ^{[29] X Research Source} Screaming is the business of children, not adults.

Even when frustrated, use a calm, even voice. ^{[30] X Research Source}

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Pay attention to your body language. Like words, the body can also express many things. For example, crossing your arms over your chest can show that you’re not interested in what you’re hearing. Standing weary during a conversation shows that you’re not really “there” or that you want to be somewhere else. Pay attention to what your body is saying, and make sure it’s what you want it to be. ^{[31] X Research Sources}^{[32] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source}

Relax your arms at your sides instead of crossing your arms in front of your chest.
Stand up straight, chest up and head parallel to the floor.
Remember that facial expressions are also part of communication. Don’t roll your eyes or stare down.

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Discuss adult topics. For example, school, news, life experiences and life lessons that you accumulate. Of course, you can still spend some time getting comfortable with your friends. The problem is in the chat object. You probably won’t tell your best friend what you discuss with your math teacher.

Make a question. One manifestation of maturity is intelligent curiosity. If all you do is talk to someone, you don’t seem like a grown-up. Let others have input. If something interests you, suggest “Tell me more about it!”
Don’t pretend to know what you don’t know. Admitting ignorance may not be easy. After all, you really want to appear mature and knowledgeable. However, pretending only makes you look (and feel) stupid when it comes out. Better yet, admit it frankly, like, “I’m not very good at it. I will definitely have to learn more about it!”

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Say good things. Be quiet if you can’t say anything positive. Immature people often criticize, point out the mistakes of others, and they do not hesitate to say offensive and hurtful things. Sometimes, they make excuses that they’re just being “honest”. Mature people choose their words carefully, and they don’t hurt others to see themselves as “honest”. So be careful with your words and don’t say anything that might hurt others. Treat them the way you want to be treated.

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Learn how to sincerely apologize when you make a mistake. No matter how careful you are, you will time and time again say the wrong thing or accidentally hurt others. Because no one in this world is perfect, we all do stupid things at some point. Learn to bow and say “Sorry.” A sincere apology when making a mistake is a sign of real maturity.

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Tell the truth tactfully. This is a really hard skill to master, but considering whether you want to hear something from someone else will help you choose your words. Buddhism has a saying: “Before speaking, ask yourself: is it right, is it necessary, is it kind”. Think before you speak. The people around you will appreciate your honesty, and your understanding will show that you really care about them. ^{[33] X Research Sources}

For example, if a person asks you if the dress makes her look fat, consider what would work best for her. The perception of beauty is always very subjective, so giving an opinion on appearance won’t help. Instead, say you love her, she will always be herself. That will probably give her the confidence she needs.
If you really think the outfit doesn’t look good, there are strategies for saying this “if” you think it would help. For example, “You know, I prefer the red dress over this one” doesn’t judge her body – no one needs that – and answers the question of whether she looks best in this outfit.
Behaviorists point out that some forms of deception are “socially good,” small lies to keep others from being embarrassed or hurt. Whether this is something you want to do or not is up to you to decide. Whatever you decide to do, do it kindly. ^{[34] X Research Source}

Polite

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Behave properly when interacting with people. Shake hands firmly, firmly, and look the other person in the eye. If your culture has a different way of greeting, use it politely and appropriately. When meeting new people, try to remember their names and repeat: “Hi, Wendy.” Behaving properly shows your respect and is the behavior of a mature human being. ^{[35] X Research Source}

During every conversation, listen and maintain eye contact. Don’t stare at the person you’re talking to, though. Follow the 50/70 rule: make eye contact 50% of the time you speak, and 70% while the other person speaks. ^{[36] X Trusted Source Michigan State University Extension Go to Source}
Avoid touching or moving objects randomly. It is a sign of your lack of confidence. Open your hand and relax.
Don’t sit there and think about the places you’d rather be. Most people are very aware when you are not paying attention to the conversation, and it will hurt their feelings.
While you need to focus on the other person, don’t talk on the phone or text anyone else. That is a lack of respect in communication.
When you’re in a situation or joining a new community, quietly observe how people behave for a while. Telling others what they should or shouldn’t do is none of your business. Instead, be observant and respectful.

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Use proper online communication. Using proper online etiquette shows your respect to friends, family, and acquaintances online. That is a sign of maturity. Remember that everything you post online can be read by people like potential employers, teachers, etc. So don’t write anything that would humiliate or harm yourself. ^{[37] X Research Sources}^{[38] X Research Sources}

Avoid using extreme or offensive language. Don’t overuse exclamations. Remember that you are not there to make your point, so don’t stun your listeners.
Use the shift key. Capitalize necessary nouns and at the beginning of sentences instead of all letters in lowercase. Avoid unusual “capitalization”. That will make what you write a lot harder to read.
Avoid CAPITAL LEAF. On the internet, this is tantamount to yelling. It may be fine if you use it to post a tweet about how your team won the championship, but this is not a good idea for daily emails and social media posts. ^{[39] X Research Sources}
Greeting when sending an email (“Hello” in “Hello An”). It’s rude not to start your letter with a salutation, especially if you’re sending it to someone you’re not close to or someone like your teacher. Also, end your letter with words like “Thank you” or “Sincerely.”
Double-check before emailing or posting on social media, making sure you don’t make a mistake. Use complete sentences and remember to break sentences properly.
Limit the use of acronyms, slang, and emoticons. You can use them when writing casually to friends, however, don’t use them when writing to teachers or in situations where you want to appear mature.
Remember the golden rule online, as well as the golden rule in real life. Treat others the way you want to be treated . If you want to be treated kindly by others, be kind to them as well. If you have nothing nice to say, then be quiet.

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Become useful. Hold the door, pick up things, help people when they need it. Also, consider being helpful in the community, like mentoring young students, tutoring, or working at an animal shelter. When you bring happiness to others, you will also feel happy yourself. Helping others instead of yourself is a very mature behavior.

Useful deeds will also increase your self-esteem. Research shows that when we help others, we gain a sense of accomplishment and pride in what we have done. ^{[40] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source}
Help is not always reciprocated. In many cases, when you help others, they don’t say “thank you” or offer to help you in return. That’s their job. Remember that you are useful for yourself , not for the benefit of others.

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Avoid trying to be the center of attention all the time. Continually taking a word and talking about yourself all the time instead of giving the other person the opportunity to speak out is disrespectful and mature. Showing a genuine interest in other people’s interests and experiences can help you appear more mature and less inclined to want to be the center of things. You may also want to learn more about new things or gain a different perspective on someone from what you hear.

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Accept both praise and criticism maturely. If someone compliments you, say “thank you” and that’s it. If someone criticizes you, be polite and reply “Okay, I’ll definitely reconsider this”. Criticism may be inappropriate, but handling it politely will make you look more mature. ^{[41] X Research Source}

Try not to be cocky when taking criticism. Sometimes people may just want your best without knowing how to express it. If you think you find yourself in a similar situation, ask clearly: “I heard you didn’t like my essay. Can you give me more feedback so I can improve next time?”
Sometimes, criticism says more about the speaker than about you. Remember that when someone criticizes you unfairly or maliciously, they may just be trying to make themselves feel better by putting you down. Don’t let that affect you.
Accepting criticism graciously doesn’t mean you can’t defend yourself. If someone has hurt you, tell them calmly and politely: “I’m sure you don’t mean it, but your criticism of my outfit makes me really sad. Next time, don’t comment on how you look, okay?”

Advice

Be kind, understanding and a friend to everyone! Don’t be kind for just one day, but all the time.
It’s hard to get to maturity. However, don’t change who you are for that. Instead, appreciate and promote who you are. Age is no longer an issue. If you want to be taken seriously, think and act the way you want to be seen. Make sure that once you act, you are sure of what you do, and have a basis for your choice. If things don’t go as planned – do your best to stay calm and think about what to do next, don’t blame others. You acted and you are responsible for what you do. Be mature and responsible.
When there is a conflict, avoid arguing and instead, try to resolve it rationally and calmly. If an argument does arise, end it as quickly as possible.
Treat others as you would like to be treated. Basically, this is the definition of maturity.
Set goals to grow up and make a plan to achieve them. For example, you might decide that you’ll be quieter instead of talking about yourself all the time. Do it for a week and then look back at what you did. Even though things may not be perfect at first, keep trying.
Be tolerant. Even if someone doesn’t deserve it, give them a second chance. That makes you a bigger and more mature person.
Be aware of what you look like in different styles. Blonde hair can show off your personality, but if you have a serious job, even if it’s not, people may think you’re not mature enough.
Try to care about other people’s problems. This will make you look more mature.
Punctuality is virtue!

Steps

Developing a Mature Behavior

Nurturing Emotional Maturity

Communicate Like an Adult

Polite

Advice

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