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This article was co-written by Lena Dicken, Psy.D. Lena Dicken is a clinical psychologist in Santa Monica, California. With over eight years of experience, Dr. Dicken specializes in therapy for anxiety, depression, life transition disorders and relationship difficulties. She uses a combination of psychodynamic, cognitive behavioral, and mindfulness-based therapies. Dicken holds a bachelor’s degree in integrative medicine from the University of Hawaii at Manoa, a master’s degree in counseling psychology from Argosy University Los Angeles, and a doctorate in clinical psychology from the School of Professional Psychology. Chicago at Westwood. Dicken’s work has been featured in GOOP, Chalkboard Magazine, as well as countless other articles and podcasts. She is a licensed psychologist in the state of California.
There are 7 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 5,752 times.
If someone tells you that they need their own space, you will be sad and afraid of losing that person. However, the only way to help you maintain the relationship right now is to fulfill their wishes. Take a step back, give the person the space you want, but tell them you’re doing it to improve your relationship. While giving the person space, try to regulate your emotions, then find a way to reconnect with them.
Steps
Respect other people’s desire to have their own space
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If possible, ask the person to what extent they need their own space. Try to set a specific time when you will be apart, even if it’s only for a day and then meet again. Also, ask specifically what they want you to do, such as limiting communication or avoiding each other in public. Doing so will help you understand your partner’s needs and avoid misunderstandings that could damage your relationship. [1] X Research Source
- You could say, “I’ll try to give you some space. Can you tell me how much private space you want?”
- For example, they may want you to stop all communication for a few days, including texting, social media, and face-to-face meetings, but they may also want you to text from time to time as long as you can. alone time.
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Let your partner know that you give them space because you care. One of the difficulties with giving others space is that they may start to think that you don’t care about them anymore. At this time, you will be very awkward because if you contact them, they will think that they are annoying and unhappy. To make sure the person doesn’t misunderstand you, explain that you’ll step back and wait until they feel ready to be around you again. [2] X Research Source
- Say, “You are really important to me. I’ll give you space if that’s what you want right now. I hope this will make our relationship better.”
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Stop texting and calling your partner while giving them space. Usually you’ll need to leave them alone for a few days or even a few weeks, depending on what happened between the two of you. During this time, don’t call or text them more than you previously agreed to. Otherwise, you will make them sadder because you feel that your wishes are not respected. [3] X Research Sources
- If possible, ask, “Do you want me to stop texting and calling until you contact me first?”
- Giving others space doesn’t mean you’re just away from them. If you’re constantly texting, you can’t call them space.
Tip: How long you can’t text or call your ex will depend on what happens between the two of you and their wishes.
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Don’t follow the person’s social media accounts. You’ll probably want to know what that person is up to, which is easy to understand. However, if you are constantly stalking them on social media, it will not be good for both of you. Doing so will not only make you more anxious, but it will also make them feel like they’re in control. Please keep a safe distance and don’t look at their profile. [4] X Research Sources
- Do not like or comment on anything they post online. Also, don’t ask other people what they’re doing.
Tip: Don’t post with a hint of that person. They might be upset if they read it and think you’re trying to use social media to contact them.
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Avoid places you know they go to so they don’t run into each other. You won’t be able to avoid them completely, especially if you live together or go to the same school. However, try to avoid places where they are most likely to appear, such as their workplace or their favorite restaurant. Doing so will help you avoid awkward situations where you accidentally run into them and make them uncomfortable. [5] X Research Sources
- For example, you know that person comes to buy coffee at a familiar shop every day. If you meet there by accident, they may think that you did it on purpose.
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Don’t ask what they’re doing or monitor their activities. When others ask to be alone, they need time to discover their independence and decide what they want out of a relationship with you. If you demand to know everything they’re doing, you’re not letting them be independent. Let the person do what they want without having to report it to anyone. [6] X Research Sources
- You’ll want to ask questions like, “Who are you going to meet?”. Questions like this will make them feel like you don’t take their privacy needs seriously.
- Don’t set rules, like who they can see or do when they’re not together.
Focus on yourself
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Allow yourself to accept all emotions, but don’t react to them. Being away from someone you care about is a very difficult thing to do. You will feel sad, resentful, depressed, and anxious. Name those feelings and express them in a healthy way, such as in journaling and art. However, don’t let those emotions dictate your actions to avoid making things worse. [7] X Research Sources
- For example, you might say to yourself, “I’m really sad right now because An is my best friend and I’m afraid I’ll lose her.” Saying this will help the feelings in your heart quickly calm down.
- On the contrary, do not call An and cry and complain to her.
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Distract yourself with fun activities and social events with friends. Instead of worrying about what your partner is doing, spend time engaging in activities that are important to you. Spend time with friends, hobbies, discover new things to keep yourself busy in your free time. [8] X Research Sources
- For example, you could go to the movies on Monday, have a video night on Tuesday, painting Wednesday, card Thursday, and football Friday.
Tip: Keeping yourself busy will make it easier for you to lose control and call your partner. Give them space by enjoying their own lives.
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Keep your mind busy so you don’t think about them. You may be really worried about losing that person, but thinking too much will do nothing but make yourself miserable and want to contact them sooner. Find ways to keep your mind busy, such as reading a book, playing a video game, or watching a documentary. These activities will make you no longer have your mind to wander. [9] X Research Source
- For example, you can read a book at lunchtime so you don’t think too much about the person.
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Talk to someone close to you to release your feelings. At this time, you will probably be very depressed, finding someone reliable to confide in may be more comforting. Let them know if you just want to talk a little or want them to give you some advice. [10] X Research Source
- You might say, “I’m really upset, let me tell you about it. My boyfriend came and said he needed his own space, I’m afraid we’ll break up at this rate. I miss him so much.”
Another option: If you don’t want to let others know how you feel, you can pour your feelings into a diary.
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Take care of yourself to live your best life. Taking good care of yourself will help you feel better and also show others that you can live independently too. Remember to eat healthy, exercise regularly and shower every day. Besides, do yourself a favor, such as enjoying a cup of your favorite coffee, relaxing in the hot tub or going out for a walk. [11] X Research Source
- If you are in this situation, make a specific timetable to make taking care of yourself easier.
Heal the relationship
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Find out why your partner wants some space. Think about what happened before the person said they needed some space and what they said when they suggested it. Then ask yourself if you could go back in time, what would you change and how can things be better in the future? [12] X Research Source
- For example, it could be because the two of you had an argument before or they think you’re too clingy to them.
- If the person is ready, talk to them about why they need space. You can ask, “Can you tell me what I did wrong to make you need this alone time?”
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Sorry for the past. It’s possible that both of you are at fault and hurt each other, but you can only control what you do. So tell the person that you understand what happened and are really sorry. Then explain that you will try not to let something like this happen again. [13] X Research Source
- You could say, “I know I disrespected your need to spend time with friends and made you feel controlled. I’m sorry, I promise I won’t interfere in your other relationships from now on.”
- You can also say, “I’m sorry I talked to your ex at the party the other day. I know it hurts you, I promise to cherish our feelings more.”
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Arrange a fun activity on the day you meet again. The two of you might feel awkward at first and you’ll want to talk about your feelings. However, the best way to get your feelings back on track is to do something fun together. Pick an activity that you both enjoy and invite your partner to join you. [14] X Research Source
- Find an activity that you don’t need to experience with each other. For example, you can go bowling, play gpf, go hiking or see a concert.
- Choose an activity you both enjoy to remember why you two got together.
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Make sure you both have time to yourself. A healthy relationship will allow both people to grow together, pursue their own passions, and have other healthy relationships. Talk to understand what each of you needs to feel satisfied with your relationship. Then, change old habits so that you can both live independently and happily. [15] X Research Source
- In love, it is possible that each week both of you will need a few private evenings to pursue personal interests or hang out with private friends.
- In friendship, both of you need to respect the fact that your friend has other friends besides you and not dating your ex.
- If it’s a family relationship, such as a sibling, you need to respect each other’s personal space, give each other alone time each day, and always ask before using the other’s things.
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Communicate daily via text, phone or live chat. Without communication, any relationship cannot exist, so try to find ways to connect. You can send stickers, ask how you are doing at school or work, or schedule a time to chat every night. You can exchange to find the best communication for both of you. [16] X Research Source
- For example, you can chat more face-to-face if you live together, if you don’t have a lot of time together, you may text several times a day.
- If they want to communicate less often, you should respect that too.
Advice
- Giving others space is also a way to make your relationship stronger, so don’t worry too much.
Warning
- It’s also possible that the person will decide that they don’t want to stay in a relationship with you anymore. You will be very sad but always remember that everything will be okay.
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This article was co-written by Lena Dicken, Psy.D. Lena Dicken is a clinical psychologist in Santa Monica, California. With over eight years of experience, Dr. Dicken specializes in therapy for anxiety, depression, life transition disorders and relationship difficulties. She uses a combination of psychodynamic, cognitive behavioral, and mindfulness-based therapies. Dicken holds a bachelor’s degree in integrative medicine from the University of Hawaii at Manoa, a master’s degree in counseling psychology from Argosy University Los Angeles, and a doctorate in clinical psychology from the School of Professional Psychology. Chicago at Westwood. Dicken’s work has been featured in GOOP, Chalkboard Magazine, as well as countless other articles and podcasts. She is a licensed psychologist in the state of California.
There are 7 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 5,752 times.
If someone tells you that they need their own space, you will be sad and afraid of losing that person. However, the only way to help you maintain the relationship right now is to fulfill their wishes. Take a step back, give the person the space you want, but tell them you’re doing it to improve your relationship. While giving the person space, try to regulate your emotions, then find a way to reconnect with them.
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