How to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back

Your love affair with the other has come and gone, but now you want to get back with him. It’s not uncommon for a couple to get back together after a long breakup, so don’t give up hope. But make sure you think hard about your reasons for getting back together, as this will probably help your relationship work again.

Read When Should You Do This? to learn more about when to get back with your ex.

Table of Contents

Make sure you’re on the right track

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Reflect on why you two broke up. The first thing you need to do is take a hard look at the reasons for the breakup. Consider whether similar difficulties could cause additional problems if the two of you try to get back together, or whether the two of you can get over them. ^{[1] X Research Source}

It’s important that you think about what you did that caused you to break up. Putting all the blame on your ex is not an effective way to get him back to you!

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Think about why you want to get back with him. Breaking up is never easy, even if the relationship is not very good. So it’s important to think about what motivates you to want to get back with your ex. If you want to get back together because you feel sad or lonely or don’t like the single life, maybe you should reconsider. Just because you miss your ex doesn’t mean you should get back together with him. Although it will take a long time, these feelings will pass. If you want the two of you back together because you genuinely care about the other and you can see a future for both of you, then go ahead and try to win him back! ^{[2] X Research Source}

If your boyfriend is physically, emotionally, or verbally abusive to you in any way, you shouldn’t try to get back together with him. It’s completely normal for you to miss him even when it was a bad relationship, but it’s important to remind yourself that you can do better.

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Spending time. The end of a relationship can often be quite intense, so it’s always better to give yourself and your partner some time apart before you try to mend things. Both of you need to work through the pain of the breakup and think about what you really want. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

This doesn’t mean you need to avoid him altogether if you go to the same school or have a group of friends in common, but avoid calling or hanging out with him for a while so you both have a chance to recover. and focused thinking.
If your ex contacts you often, let him know that you’ll give him time so he doesn’t think you don’t want to do anything with him. This will be especially important if the person you love is a bit timid or unsteady.
Maybe he needs some time to realize how much he misses you too!

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Accept that it may not work out. When trying to get your ex back, you need to be aware that it may or may not work. No matter how successful you may be, there is no guarantee that your relationship will last. Be prepared for this in advance to avoid being hurt by a second heartbreak.

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Build self-esteem. Use this opportunity to really invest in yourself and learn to love yourself. The higher your self-esteem, the better prepared you will be for a good and lasting relationship. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

If you suffer from depression or anxiety, seek help from a mental health professional. You will probably be surprised at the effect that treatment has on your self-esteem.
Remind yourself of your own strengths and talents every day. Celebrate every accomplishment you make, no matter how small.
If you’re having trouble recognizing your strengths, talk to your friends and loved ones. You can ask them to share with you what they consider to be your most positive traits.
Try to be grateful for all that you have.
Meditation can help you reduce stress and live each moment more fully.

Get a second chance

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Talk to his friends. If the two of you have mutual friends or if his friends are willing to talk to you without telling him about it, consider asking them what they think about the possibility that your ex will return. back with you. They’ll usually know better than you if he’s got a new girlfriend or if he really wants to get back together. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

This is not easy at all. Maybe he still wants to get back with you even if he doesn’t show it to his friends

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Initiate contact. When you’re ready to spend time with your ex again, ask him if he’d like to do something as a friend, like go out for coffee, attend an event. sports event, play a game you both enjoy, watch a movie or go shopping. Behave like a friend, not a lover. ^{[6] X Research Source}

Don’t take this as an opportunity to beg him to come back to you. Instead, try to enjoy a good time with him and make sure he feels comfortable around you, too.
Don’t talk about your relationship the first time you see him, unless he’s the one who brings it up first. Otherwise, wait until the two of you have met a few times and have had a chance to make a good impression on him as a friend.

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Be the person he once loved. While spending time with your ex as friends, give him a reason to remember all the things he loves about you. Emphasize traits that you know he likes, like your sense of humor or empathy. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

Stay positive and have fun around him. During the process, you can subtly suggest to him that you still like him. For example, you could say, “It’s nice to hang out with you. I really miss spending time with you.”
Even if you don’t directly mention your past relationship, you can remind him of the good times you both shared in clever ways. If he ever complimented a particular piece of clothing, wear it again. You can also share sweet memories with him. If you get a chance to meet him, make an appointment at a familiar place where you two used to have fun together.

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Show him that you’ve changed. Use the time you spend with him as friends to prove to him that you’re working on improving yourself. For example, if you’ve made him mad by always being late, score points by arriving a few minutes before your appointment time. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

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Talk openly. Unfortunately, there’s no surefire way to find out if your ex wants to get back together without asking him. When you feel you’ve had enough time to show him the new and better you, talk to him honestly, letting him know that you still have feelings for him.

Ask him if he still has feelings for you before you start confessing your desire to get back together. If he doesn’t love you anymore, then there’s almost nothing you can change.
Don’t cry or beg.
Don’t let this conversation turn into an argument about why you two broke up. It’s important that you show him that you’ve made it through.
Talk in a quiet place where you won’t be interrupted.

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Commit to building a better relationship. If your ex gets back together, you both need to take steps to make sure that the same issues that caused you two to break up don’t get in the way of your relationship again. Talk about conflicts you both have had in the past and how the two of you can deal with them more appropriately in the future. ^{[9] X Research Source}

Depending on how serious you and the other are, you’ll probably want to attend couples counseling sessions to improve your skills in relationships.

Deal with the issues that caused you two to break up

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Fix bad habits. Now is the time to look at your behaviors that led to the breakup and try to improve yourself. For example, if you feel that you and your ex broke up because you were jealous or overly argumentative, try to be more aware of these behaviors and stop them. ^{[10] X Research Source}

Depending on what bad habit you’re trying to break, perhaps help from a mental health professional will help.
Always remember that this doesn’t mean you should change who you are. If your personalities don’t match, you’re probably better off finding a new boyfriend who appreciates you for who you are. However, if you have a few bad habits that you can fix, start working on them.
You don’t have to change for anyone else! All of those changes should be made because they benefit you to some extent.

When should you do this?

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Make sure you want to get back with your ex for a good reason. Do you still love him? If so, maybe it’s worth it for you to try and win him back, by showing him that you still care and believe that things will turn out for the better this time. Sometimes, breaking up gives both of them time to realize that, more than anything, they want to be together again. However, if you have any other reason to get back together with your ex, carefully re-evaluate whether it’s a good idea to try to mend a relationship.

For example, if you want to get back together with him because you feel lonely without him, that’s not a strong enough reason to get back together. The feeling of loneliness will gradually fade over time.
If you want to get back with him because you feel jealous at the thought of him being with someone else, think again before trying to get back together. Jealousy after a breakup is completely normal, and that feeling will pass.

Lisa Shield

Marriage and Love Expert

Lisa Shield is a Los Angeles-based marriage and love expert. She holds a master’s degree in psychiatry and is a life-relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times and Cosmoppitan have written about Lisa.

Lisa Shield
Marriage and Love Expert

Use the time apart to get to know the relationship better. Often people feel anxious entering another relationship after a breakup because they don’t know what caused the damage in the past. Reflect on your relationship so you can move on and create new and more positive relationships!

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Think twice if he has already started another relationship. If your ex-boyfriend has started dating someone else, see him as a restricted audience. Don’t be the girl who won’t let go of her ex once he’s moved on. If he’s happy with the other person, you might end up hurting him, his new girlfriend, and yourself by trying to get in their way.

Advice

Don’t try too hard if you know he’s not interested in you, you’ll just waste your time, and worse, you’ll probably make a fool of yourself.
Smile every time you two bump into each other, letting him know that you still like him and that you’re happy to see him.
If you want to say something, say it honestly because it will make a lot more sense to him. But never become too cocky or demanding.
Don’t cling to him. Don’t call or text him all the time. This will make you seem too desperate. Give him space so he can do what he wants.
Don’t do anything that you know he doesn’t like just to get his attention. This will only push him further.
Never try to make him jealous. This will backfire on you. It’s like showing him that you’re over it and if he’s the one who broke up with you, he’ll be glad you moved on.
It’s better to admit your mistakes. You’ll need to forgive yourself for part of the reason for the breakup, then move on to seek his forgiveness. If you lose your temper and say something you didn’t mean, calm down as quickly as possible and sincerely apologize. Apologizing is not inferior or demeaning. On the contrary, it represents strength and good character. But when you do apologize, make sure you really mean it. An insincere apology is much worse than no apology at all.
When you talk, talk about the things he likes as well as the things you like. It shows that you like him enough to care about his likes and dislikes. And that you trust him enough to confide in him.
If he’s trying to cheat on his current girlfriend to get back together with you, “DOWN” him forcefully and seriously. This will show him that you respect yourself, and he’ll probably respect you more than ever.
If you focus your attention on spending time with friends or pursuing a new hobby, you’ll have less time to miss your ex, which can help you avoid the unexpected difficulties of getting back together just because you feel lonely. ^{[16] X Research Source}

Steps

Make sure you’re on the right track

Get a second chance

Deal with the issues that caused you two to break up

When should you do this?

Advice

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