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This article was co-written by Lisa Shield. Lisa Shield is a Los Angeles-based marriage and love expert. She holds a master’s degree in psychiatry and is a life-relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times and Cosmoppitan have written about Lisa.
There are 8 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 5,253 times.
Have you and your lover just broken up, but in your heart you know that you still have a chance to heal? Try using the no-contact rule to get the person back. The idea of the no-contact rule is that, if you temporarily stop talking to your ex after the breakup, there’s a good chance they’ll miss you and want you back. It also gives you space to heal, so it doesn’t hurt if you want to give it a try! We’ll walk you through the steps to increase your chances of success.
Steps
The beginning of the no-contact period
- You can say to your ex, “I don’t think we should talk for a while,” or “You need some alone time.”
- Do not specify how long you will be silent. The uncertainty will make your ex decide if they want to save the relationship.
- Don’t tell your lover that you’re applying a no-contact rule. This method works best if the other person doesn’t know that this is only temporary.
- It’s up to you to determine the exact end date or not, but you should have a plan in mind so you don’t have to wait forever.
- This time can also change, depending on whether your ex gets back in touch or your feelings change.
- Avoid starting a conversation with your ex. If they speak first, be brief and polite.
- For example, if the person asks you how you’re doing, respond with, “I’m fine, thanks for asking. Nice to meet you!”
- If you act angry or cold, they may think “that’s it,” and most likely won’t want to get back together.
- You can apply this rule if you’re using the no-contact rule but bump into the person unexpectedly.
Maintain a no-contact period
- Try not to answer your ex’s calls or texts that aren’t serious about your relationship.
- If you respond immediately when they contact, the person may think that you will interfere in their life even when you are not together.
- Spend time with family and friends, focus on developing your career and pursuing hobbies or setting new personal goals for yourself.
- Remember that the no-contact rule also helps you heal in the event your ex doesn’t come back.
- Find your own source of joy to get rid of the gloomy mood after a breakup and regain your confidence.
- Try posting fun activities you participate in online so that your ex misses the old days, when they were a part of your vibrant life.
- Try to stay in touch with mutual friends so they can tell your story about you.
- You don’t have to praise your ex. Try to keep a calm or positive attitude about the person.
- For example, if someone asks if you’re friends with your ex, just say, “We don’t really talk right now, but maybe someday!”
End of no-contact period
- First, acknowledge your silence with something like, “Sorry I’ve been quiet lately. I just want to be alone for a while.”
- Then, bring up a fond memory like “I just passed our favorite restaurant the other day” or “I just finished the TV show we watched the first episode together.”
- Then, try switching to an informal conversation with something like, “I miss you. How are you these days?”
- You can start by saying, “It’s been a pleasure talking to you again. Do you want us to go out for coffee or eat sometime?”
- When you two meet and talk a few sentences, you can bring up the recent breakup with a question like “Where do you think our relationship went wrong?”
- Listen and respond to your ex’s opinions in a gentle way. Continuing to argue won’t fix anything!
- For example, if your ex says they feel unsupported by you, say, “I’m sorry. I’m trying to fix it.”
- If you want to suggest getting back together, say it tactfully, and remember that your ex has the right to say no.
- If you want your ex to speak first, let them decide when.
- Remember that a couple getting back together is a new beginning. Don’t repeat what once caused you two to break up!
Warning
- Think twice about whether you really want to get back into the relationship. If the two of you have broken up before, there must have been serious problems. Many couples get back together without fixing the underlying relationship problems and fail again!
This article was co-written by Lisa Shield. Lisa Shield is a Los Angeles-based marriage and love expert. She holds a master’s degree in psychiatry and is a life-relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times and Cosmoppitan have written about Lisa.
There are 8 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 5,253 times.
Have you and your lover just broken up, but in your heart you know that you still have a chance to heal? Try using the no-contact rule to get the person back. The idea of the no-contact rule is that, if you temporarily stop talking to your ex after the breakup, there’s a good chance they’ll miss you and want you back. It also gives you space to heal, so it doesn’t hurt if you want to give it a try! We’ll walk you through the steps to increase your chances of success.
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