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Breaking up with someone can be a devastating experience, leaving you with a whirlwind of emotions and a deep sense of loss. The thought of permanently losing someone you once loved dearly can be hard to bear, leading you to contemplate ways to get your ex back. While the path to reconciliation is not guaranteed, there are proven strategies and techniques that can increase your chances of rekindling the flame with your former partner. This guide will delve into the art of winning back your ex, exploring both psychological and practical approaches to help you navigate this often complex and delicate process. Whether you’re seeking closure, reigniting lost love, or simply want to explore the possibility of a second chance, let us embark on this journey together and discover the steps necessary to get your ex back.
This article was co-written by Sarah Schewitz, PsyD. Sarah Schewitz, PsyD is a psychologist with over 10 years of experience helping couples and individuals improve and change love and relationship habits. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology clinic.
There are 16 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 31,546 times.
For the first month after a breakup, you shouldn’t contact your ex, and instead focus on yourself. Find out if they’re still interested in you, then meet them as friends. If all goes well, you can invite the person to chat with you directly. Apologize and discuss getting back together.
Steps
Review the breakup
- According to research, the leading cause of broken relationships is communication failure. [1] X Source of Research If your relationship is fairly happy, this problem is often corrected by setting clear expectations and openly discussing the frustration before it turns into a fight. Other issues can be quite difficult to overcome, like betrayal or jealousy; but with effort and advice, even this kind of problem can be solved.
- You need to understand who is in control of the breakup and why it happened in the first place. If it’s because of you, and your ex is against the breakup, getting back together may be easier than it was if it was initiated by your ex in the first place.
- Try to answer the following questions. Do you miss your ex, or do you miss the feeling of having a lover? Does that person make you feel better about yourself, more secure about the world, and happier? Can you picture yourself with this person for a long time, even when the excitement in love has died down and you are stuck with the daily routine of life? If you only remember feeling secure with someone by your side and the excitement of a dramatic relationship, you can find these elements in other people in a healthier, more stable relationship. .
- It’s important for you to take time after a breakup and before trying to get your ex back to determine your feelings, and decide if you really should be with that person. Healed relationships often lack trust and are likely to become “sunshine and rain” with repeated breakups. If you’re not 100% sure you want to be with this person in the long run, you need to avoid causing yourself more pain by doing your best to get over your ex instead of pursuing them again. . [3] X Research Sources
Spend time alone
- Avoiding contact is not a passive-aggressive method to make your partner miss you. It gives you the time to do what you need to prepare yourself for a new relationship (whether with an ex or a new one!). You should take time this month to get to know yourself and to improve on areas that you may have overlooked during your relationship with your ex. If you contributed to the breakup, now is the time to identify the weakness in your relationship and do your best to improve it.
- The time apart will also help you determine between the normal pain of a breakup and the true passion of getting back together with your partner. Almost everyone will feel sad after a breakup, even if their ex was a jerk and completely unsuitable for them. Time alone will help you deal with these feelings. [4] X Research Sources
- Research has shown that people who are able to regain a healthy sense of self after a breakup recover more quickly from emotional pain. [5] X Research Sources
- While it’s important not to chase your ex for a month or so, it’s entirely possible to reciprocate if he or she pursues you. In other words, if they call you, don’t hang up or refuse to chat. You don’t have to try to play mind games or act like you’re not easygoing, this can cause them to become more and more distant from you, and it’s the complete opposite of your goal. your destination in the moment. [7] X Research Sources
- If you happen to hear rumors that your ex is dating someone new, you should not jump to conclusions or allow jealousy to overwhelm you. You must not take any action to try to stop the new relationship. Allow the person time to determine if you are the right person; You don’t have to force someone to be with you when they really want to be with someone else.
- You don’t have to make an immediate determination, and you shouldn’t ask your friend to do the investigation for you. Don’t pursue your partner for at least a month after the breakup; Instead, look for subtle hints when you run into your crush at school, work, a social media post, or a voluntary comment from a friend you both know.
- You should remember that a third of cohabiting couples and a quarter of married couples experience a breakup at some point, so if your partner is still interested, this is a good opportunity. Show that you can win that person back. [8] X Research Sources
Get your ex back
- Self-esteem is believing that you are valuable and worthy. When it comes to romantic relationships, it’s more important to feel complete and complete with yourself than looking for someone who can complement you or make your life worthwhile. [9] X Research Source
- To improve your self-esteem, you should focus on your strengths in all areas: emotional, social, talents, skills, looks, and any other factors that are important to you. For example, maybe you possess an empathetic nature, the ability to make others feel understood, a talent for baking, and beautiful hair. Focusing on the positive and ignoring the negative will help you feel relevant and worthwhile, especially when you connect the best part of yourself to helping others. [10] X Research Resources If you feel useless, make yourself useful! Take advantage of your empathetic nature and baking skills and bake some delicious cookies for the elderly neighbors.
- Your partner is attracted to you because they feel good around you and you satisfy their emotional needs. How have you changed (if any)? Correct bad habits and mistakes, if any. Be positive around them. Smile and laugh. Always remember to stay positive to feel better about yourself and make yourself attractive in the eyes of others.
- While you shouldn’t change yourself to get the person back (because eventually, they’ll keep leaving you, because your true nature will come back at some point), it’s best if you should be the best possible version of yourself. The person is already attracted to you and you can regain that attraction.
- If you don’t want to date other people or confuse them, you should go to the movies with a group of friends or spend time with a friend of the opposite sex. Just being around other singles is enough to make them jealous. [11] X Research Source
- Every relationship needs to be built on a solid foundation of friendship, so it’s important to make sure your friendship is intact before attempting to enter love territory. have a cold. [12] X Research Source
- If your ex has entered the “friend zone” (for example, if he or she says “I no longer love you”), you need to be able to recreate the experience of love. by building intimacy with that person. In one study, researchers had two people stare into each other’s eyes and then answered personal questions (such as “What’s your biggest fear?” and “Your best memory of the past year?” What is childhood?”). They are capable of establishing intimate bonds between strangers, forming attraction and even feelings of love. Try to take the time to look your partner in the eye, and ask insightful questions to see if it helps you bring your relationship back to closeness. [13] X Research Source
Discussing the relationship
- While texting and computer chat are common methods of communicating in an established relationship, this kind of informal discussion should take place face-to-face. You should invite your ex to dinner or to your favorite coffee shop.
- If your crush buys you any special jewelry, you can wear it when you need to meet him in person to talk. This will send a clear message that you still have feelings for them.
- There are many ways you can approach this conversation, but the safest bet is to say something like “I wanted to talk to you about our relationship and ask if you /how are you?” Express your regret that things didn’t go well between the two of you, and ask if you can talk now that you have some clear ideas about it.
- Let the story progress naturally. If your partner is doing pretty well and says they’re seeing someone else, don’t waste your time trying to convince them to come back to you. But if the person still seems to have feelings for you, you can slowly talk about the possibility of giving things a second chance.
- Avoid using the word “but”. “I’m sorry, but…”, because it means “I’m not sorry”. Also, don’t say “I’m sorry for making you feel this way” or “I’m sorry if you were offended”. This will look like you are blaming the person, and not a real apology. [15] X Research Source
- A sincere apology should have the following structure: regret, responsibility, and remedy. The first step shows that you are sorry for the action you have taken. The second step would be to accept responsibility for yourself without making excuses or blaming others. The final step is an offer to correct things or change behavior in the future. [16] X Research Source Example: “I just wanted to apologize for not being there when you wanted to spend time with me. You must have felt like you were abandoned. From now on, I’ll do my best. strength to do more activities with you so you don’t feel that way anymore. I’m glad you gave me the perspective that helped me realize this.”
Build healthy relationships
- Establish a plan to deal with unmet expectations. For example, if you broke up with your ex because he or she was spending too much time with friends, you should talk openly about the right amount of time and how you would negotiate if you needed more time. Spend more time with your friends. [17] X Research Source
- Gently ignore the area in which you have disagreed. Whatever the issue that caused the breakup, it may still be a sensitive aspect for both of you. If you are struggling with jealousy, family problems, control problems, or other specific aspects, you should be well aware that they will still be present when the newness of the relationship is renewed. setting passed.
- Be slow. Don’t assume you need to move on at the end of the previous relationship, for example, don’t sleep together and say, “I love you” until you’ve built trust. [18] X Research Sources
- Get to know each other. Especially if it’s been a while since you’ve been together, your natures may have changed by this time. Don’t assume that you know everything about the person. Take the time to get to know each other again.
- It should be remembered that salvaged relationships (those who have broken up and got back together) tend to have higher rates of dissatisfaction, lack of trust, and ultimately failure, so, you need to be prepared to put more effort into your new relationship. [19] X Research Source
Decide to move forward
- violence of any kind. If your ex has assaulted you, or forced you to have sex or do something you don’t feel comfortable with, this person is abusive and you should not try to get them back. [20] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source
- disrespect on both sides. If you or your ex calls each other bad names, belittles each other’s accomplishments, or says things that disparage each other in front of family or friends, the relationship is not respectful. These are all characteristics of an emotionally abusive relationship. [21] X Research Source Find someone who gives you the respect you deserve, and commit to treating that person with the same respect.
- was unfaithful. While some relationships can overcome betrayal, broken trust is very difficult to restore and even if you can rebuild it, it can be easily destroyed again. . A relationship that has experienced betrayal needs more support in the form of counseling to repair damaged trust. [22] X Research Source
- If you know a friend or loved one who doesn’t like your ex, you should ask them to sit down and discuss why. Find out if it’s based on the person’s treatment of you or others, consult information your friend knows but you don’t, or other evidence that might make sense.
- According to research, you need to focus on the best parts of your relationships, especially how they help you grow, and allow yourself to let go of the negative experience. One strategy to help you do this is to spend 15 to 30 minutes a day for three consecutive days writing about the positive aspects of the breakup. [23] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source
- After three days, you should try to forget about the relationship. Allow yourself time to be alone, spend time with family and friends, and do what you love. When you are in a healthy state, you can start looking for love again.
Advice
- It’s definitely hard to get your ex back to you. You should keep in mind that it may not work and won’t go the way you want to maintain your control and dignity.
- Be yourself! Don’t be someone else just to entice that person again; in the first place, your ex loves you for who you are, don’t change yourself just for someone else.
- Some relationships should not continue. Don’t try to maintain it if the person is clearly not interested.
- Remember that it will take time, don’t lose faith.
- Getting back together is a risk. You may have come into the process of growing and feeling independent when you are apart, but the person you love can bring you back to the way you were if you agree to come back.
- Bring up an old memory or joke that you both know to make the other person feel like it used to be.
- Let the person know that you are completely fine without them. It’ll help make it clear that you’re not the obsessive lover, but also let them know you’re having fun without them, and in turn, make them miss you even more.
Warning
- Stay away from any behavior that could be viewed as harassing, stalking, illegal or immoral. In many parts of the world, a restraining order can be issued to you, or even to prison if your behavior crosses the line of emotional pursuit and becomes stalking.
This article was co-written by Sarah Schewitz, PsyD. Sarah Schewitz, PsyD is a psychologist with over 10 years of experience helping couples and individuals improve and change love and relationship habits. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology clinic.
There are 16 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 31,546 times.
For the first month after a breakup, you shouldn’t contact your ex, and instead focus on yourself. Find out if they’re still interested in you, then meet them as friends. If all goes well, you can invite the person to chat with you directly. Apologize and discuss getting back together.
In conclusion, getting your ex back is a complex and delicate process that requires careful consideration and introspection. It is vital to explore the reasons why the relationship ended and determine if both individuals are willing to work on resolving those issues. While it may be tempting to use manipulative tactics or play mind games, it is crucial to approach the situation with honesty, respect, and empathy. Communication is key in expressing your feelings, listening to your ex’s perspective, and finding common ground to rebuild trust and intimacy. However, it is essential to recognize that not all relationships are meant to be reconciled, and sometimes it is healthier and more beneficial to move on. Ultimately, the decision to reignite a romantic connection with an ex should be made with careful consideration and thoughtfulness, with the aim of creating a healthier and happier relationship for both parties involved.
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