How to Get Your Boyfriend Back After a Breakup

When your boyfriend decides to break up, perhaps the first thing that comes to your mind is to call him to confess your feelings and hope that he comes back. Maybe you just want to beg in your heart to be with him again, but first you should consider whether this is really good for both of you. If you really want to mend your boyfriend, you should make space for him, work on improving yourself, and finally contact him in a friendly manner.

Table of Contents

Think about why he broke up with you

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Try to figure out why the relationship ended. Did the two of you have an argument, cheat, or do you sense that he’s slowly losing interest? Once you figure out why he left you, you can use that to consider whether you should try to bring him back. ^{[1] X Research Source}

Recall your boyfriend’s behavior in the weeks before you broke up. This will help you determine if the relationship is salvageable.
If the two sides suddenly cut off because of some kind of conflict, maybe he just needs time to calm down.
If your relationship hasn’t worked out for months, you should consider whether your efforts to reconnect with him are worth it.

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Assess the cause of the conflict. If the two of you broke up because of an argument, it’s easier to find a way to heal when you understand why the conflict happened. Was it the first time the two sides argued, or did the quarrels continue to happen? It’s normal for people to argue, break up, and make up again, but if it’s the norm over and over again, there must be a bigger problem in the relationship. ^{[2] X Research Source}

If physical violence occurs, you should understand that physical abuse is unacceptable. Going back to someone who used violence against you is not a good idea.
On the other hand, the use of violence against the opponent is also never acceptable. Seek support from family, friends, or even a doctor if you are or have had thoughts of harming the other person.

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Consider whether you can get over it if there’s been an affair between the two of you. If the two of you broke up because one of you had a crush on the other, you should think about whether the relationship between the two of you can return to good. Often relationships that end due to a third person’s intervention will be difficult to get back. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

If the cheater is him, think about whether you can truly forgive. Perhaps you’re reacting emotionally if you’ve just broken up.
If it’s you who cheated, think about whether it’s fair to him to try to get him back. Most of us have a hard time overcoming emotional betrayal.
Adultery can have a deeper cause. Maybe people don’t feel happy with the person next to them.

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Understand why he lost interest. If the relationship between the two of you continues to fade because of a lack of emotions, try to find out the reason. Maybe this isn’t the right time, maybe you’re going through a tough time, maybe you’re just not the right guy for him. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

Maybe he’s no longer interested because one of you has changed. Perhaps you are going through a period of temporary change because of difficult circumstances or a change for the better. Sometimes that’s why people naturally drift away from each other.
If your relationship ended because you both changed, it’s probably best for each person to go their separate ways.

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Admit mistakes. If you find yourself making a mistake, accept it and be ready to admit that you did. Understand that he may feel hurt by your actions. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

Make sure you do your best not to repeat the mistake. If he agrees to come back, it’s important that you avoid making the same mistakes again.

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Understand your own intentions. Think about it, do you really want him back, or are you just doing it because he broke up with you? Maybe you just want to prove to yourself that you’re attractive enough to bring your lover back when your confidence is damaged by your partner’s abandonment. Maybe the breakup helped you realize how much you still have a crush on him. ^{[6] X Research Sources}

Don’t try to get him back if you don’t mean it sincerely, because doing so will only cause more pain for both of you.

Make space for him

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Please be patient. Maybe he’ll get back to you quickly, but it’s also possible that it will take a long time for him to succeed. Either way, you need to give him some space. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

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Specify the time to stop communication. Maybe you want to stop communicating for a week, a month, or even a few months. The length of time that a break in communication will take will depend on the circumstances surrounding the relationship and the breakup. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

Try cutting off contact for a week if you think a short break is best.
If you’ve been through a painful breakup, avoid contacting him for at least a month.
During this time, you should try not to reply to texts or call back if he contacts you. You may decide to contact your ex-boyfriend later on, but the time you spend being quiet will spark interest in him.

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Stop calling or texting. It’s time to stop constantly calling and texting your ex. When you stop communicating, you’re giving him space to calm down. This is also an opportunity for him to reflect on whether he has made any mistakes. ^{[9] X Research Source}

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Avoid social media communication. You might want to unfriend him on social media, but it’s not necessary. It’s important to avoid commenting or liking anything your ex-boyfriend posts. Don’t text him either. ^{[10] X Research Source}

Unfriending is only necessary if you feel the temptation to contact and see your ex’s posts. If not, it’s best to leave this channel of communication open for future use.
Don’t look at what he posts on social media. The happy images of your ex when you are not with you will make you even more heartbroken.

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Try to avoid confronting your ex. You should avoid going to the places he likes to go or going with mutual friends for a while. Don’t let your life affect too much, but try to avoid seeing him. ^{[11] X Research Source}

Stay polite and friendly if you both work at the same place or go to the same school, but don’t talk to him unless absolutely necessary.

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Rest and relax. You don’t have to do your best to avoid your ex-boyfriend. Focus on the things you enjoy. Maybe he’ll realize your worth if you don’t appear desperate or clingy. ^{[12] X Research Source}

Focus on yourself

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Allow yourself to be sad for a while. Grief after a breakup is a natural feeling. Don’t suppress your sadness, then you will find a way to reconnect with him when your mind is clear because you have released your emotions. ^{[13] X Research Source}

Sadness comes when people break up is normal. However, you should seek help if sadness overwhelms all aspects of your life and time cannot bring you relief. ^{[14] X Research Source}
Seek support if it’s been more than two weeks and sadness still haunts you during meals, sleep, and makes it hard to concentrate. This is even more important if you have thoughts of harming yourself or committing suicide.
Don’t let feelings of self-pity weigh heavily on your heart. You can allow yourself to be sad for a while, but don’t forget your positive sides.

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Release emotions in a creative way . Try writing down your thoughts in a journal, drawing pictures, even composing songs. Writing and art are remedies to help you process thoughts and feelings. ^{[15] X Research Source}

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Make time for friends and family. Breakups often leave people feeling lonely, and you may lose touch with some of your friends while you’re still in love. Now take this time to reconnect with family and friends. Being around the people you love is a positive way to build confidence and heal wounds. ^{[16] X Research Source}

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Make a positive change in your appearance. The way you look right now is not bad, but changing your appearance will be the fastest way to regain confidence. Maybe it’s as small as a change like freshly polished white teeth, or as dramatic as a hair dye a new color.

Shop for new clothes. New outfits can show off your excitement, charm or strong personality. ^{[17] X Research Source}
Start exercising your body. A healthy lifestyle change will be good for you, and your ex may notice the change, too.

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Try out new activities. This is a great time to experiment with things you’ve always wanted to do. New activities will take your mind off the thought of breaking up and help you avoid contacting your ex too soon.

Sign up for a yoga class
Visit a new place.
Take a cooking class.
Volunteer at a homeless shelter.

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Remember what kind of person you are. Even if your lover leaves you, it doesn’t make you any less valuable. Take this time to recall your strengths that made him fall in love with you in the first place. ^{[18] X Research Sources}

Consider your strengths and weaknesses, but don’t dwell on your weaknesses. Instead, think of ways to improve them.

Contact him with a friendly attitude

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Get back in touch when you’re really ready. Try to stick to the time period that you have decided to be silent about. Don’t convince yourself to contact him after a short while just because you can’t resist the temptation. Communicating with your ex with sobriety and conviction is good for you and for him. ^{[19] X Research Source}

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Start small. Start by liking what he posts on social media. If you’re not online friends, send him a brief message. ^{[20] X Research Source}

If texting, don’t open up a long conversation. Tell him you hope he’s okay, or that you’ve come across something that reminds him of him. ^{[21] X Research Source}

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Send Message. Start by sending your ex-boyfriend a polite greeting, or asking how he’s been doing. Try to have a light conversation.

Don’t be so quick to say that you miss him, love him, or expect him to come back.
Don’t keep texting if he doesn’t respond. Wait at least a few days or a week before trying again. If he absolutely does not respond, do not continue to contact him.

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Call. Once he starts replying to texts, you can try calling. Your voice may evoke his nostalgia for the days when you were around. ^{[22] X Research Source}

Let’s not talk about the relationship between the two of you. Tell him about your new life and ask how he’s doing.
Don’t get emotional or angry if your ex doesn’t respond the way you expected.

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Invite him out. You don’t have to ask him out on a date yet. Try asking him out or meet him for an activity. ^{[23] X Research Sources}

Invite him out for coffee.
Suggest going for a hike or a walk with him.
Ask him out to the movies or to an event you think he’ll enjoy.

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Be leisurely. Don’t expect things to instantly go back to the way they were. Understand that your ex may still be hurt or confused. Be friendly and fun together, but don’t push anything. ^{[24] X Research Source}

Tell him about new things you’ve experienced while you’ve been apart.
Use the confidence you found during the breakup to remind him how interesting and friendly you are.

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Gradually hinting at resuming an old love. Tell him you’re happy to be with him and make him understand that you want the two of you back together. Don’t beg your ex to come back as soon as he’s getting comfortable with you again. ^{[25] X Research Sources}

Don’t offer to resume the relationship right away. Tell him that you feel like you two are going back to the good old days.
Suggest to him that you want the two of you back together, saying that you feel the time apart is enough for a new beginning.

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Make everything clear. You may want to start over as if nothing happened, but understand that it will be difficult for the two of you to go back without talking about the past. Listen to your boyfriend’s feelings and concerns. Calmly talk to him about your feelings. ^{[26] X Research Sources}

Discuss the differences between the two sides and come to a consensus. Don’t rush to get back together without resolving the issues that led to your breakup.

Advice

Take pictures of your adventures and post them on social media. Show your ex that you’re still happy without him. ^{[29] X Research Sources}
Don’t rush to contact him after calls, texts, or outings. You should not rush to speed up the process.
Be yourself. Don’t try to change yourself just because you think he likes it.
Understand that it is unlikely that the two of you will be together after contacting again. There are many predestined relationships without debt. Even if you two get back together after a breakup, there’s no guarantee that you’ll be together.

Warning

Don’t threaten your ex-boyfriend with violence or self-harm.
Respect your ex’s decision if he doesn’t want to contact you. Constantly annoying someone you don’t want to be in contact with is not healthy behavior.
Don’t rush to contact your ex-boyfriend. You may feel like you can’t live without him, but understand that this is not good for both you and him.

Steps