How to get to know others better

Relationships are an important part of our lives. From friends to people you have a crush on, from coworkers to people you just met for the first time, you can feel a connection with someone and want to get to know them better. But how to deepen the relationship without seeming too clingy or imposing is sometimes not easy. You can get to know the person better by attracting attention, keeping an open mind, and strengthening the relationship between the two of you.

Table of Contents

Attract attention

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Actively chat. Chatting is one of the best ways to learn more about a person. Getting someone’s attention through conversation is a signal to that person that you want to get to know them better. ^{[1] X Research Source}

Use different means to strike up a conversation. You can meet the person in person or send a text or email. Find a way to gently start a conversation and ask a question for them to answer. For example, you could step up and say, “Hi Suong, I really enjoyed your presentation, especially the graph. How you do that?” If sending a text or email, you can write “Your presentation was great today Dew! I really like your charts. Can you tell me more about your charting?” ^{[2] X Research Source}
Remember to keep the conversation natural and not bring up personal topics. Private things are only appropriate when the two of you are closer, but they can also mislead many people into thinking that you are flirting with them.

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Show your best self. Usually people will want to get to know you better if you have an upbeat attitude and a decent appearance. This shows that you respect yourself and your friendships. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

Take care of your appearance but don’t overdo it. Wear clean clothes, comb your hair neatly, and avoid wearing heavy makeup or wearing strong perfume. That way you’re showing that you’re approachable and ready to get closer to them.
Stay positive and encouraging. Everyone has a bad day from time to time, but no friend likes to be around people who are always pessimistic and sad. If you’ve just had an unlucky day, tell your friends and say, “But now that I can go out with you guys, I’m happy again.”

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Be friendly. Everyone likes to be around people who are confident and comfortable. An upbeat, kind, friendly, and open attitude towards the person you want to know more about will help you draw them closer.

Maintain eye contact with the person and use open body language to show interest and friendliness ^{[4] X Research Source} Smile, turn to the person you’re talking to, and tilt your head toward them . ^{[5] X Research Sources}
Avoid saying negative things about others, as this can upset the person you are trying to get closer to. Negative comments can make people think, “I wonder what this person will say behind my back?” ^{[6] X Research Sources}

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Please be patient. Getting to know a person can take a long time. The increasing interaction between the two shows mutual respect and concern. It also allows each person to fully express their personality and true self, thereby cultivating a closer relationship.

Interact with that friend

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Talk about the things that each party is interested in. In conversations, talk about things that interest the other person. When you know what your friend likes and dislikes, you will learn more about their personality. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

Notice the comments about the person’s interests and bring them into the conversation. This can make the conversation more exciting and help you get to know the person better. It can also lead to activities that both parties can do together. For example, you could say, “Did you say you like Thai food? I have never tried. What kind of food do you like?” ^{[8] X Research Sources}
Ask about the person’s interests. For example, if you want to get closer to the person sitting next to you, ask, “The picture on your desk is so beautiful. Where did you shoot?”
Talk about your hobbies. This can help the other friend get to know you better and show that you enjoy talking to them. You might consider using the other person’s interests to talk about yours. For example, when chatting about food, you might say, “I love learning about new cuisines, but I don’t know much about Thai food. Tell me more about your favorite foods!”

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Pay close attention to that person. To get to know the person’s interests and personality, you need to listen and observe what they say and do. This shows your interest and provides a topic for you to talk about or invite them to join an activity. ^{[9] X Research Source}

Alternate serious topics and jokes to learn more about your friend’s personality. You can talk about fun topics like pets, for example, “What kind of dog do you have/like to have?” With more serious topics, you should choose non-controversial things at first so as not to upset the person. You might say, “Do you believe the presidential race is going so badly right now?”
Ask about the person’s opinion to show them that you want to get to know them better.
Find something in your friend to compliment. This is a great way to keep the conversation going and show your interest in them. ^{[10] X Research Source} For example, you might say “You’re really good at dealing with problems! How did you do it so gently?”
Notice the person’s habits. Does your friend always keep the door open for everyone? This shows that they are polite and caring people.

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Maintain independence. When you want to get to know someone and make friends, you may want to spend a lot of time with them, but it’s important to keep your independence. This shows your respect for the person and yourself, and can help you get to know them better. ^{[11] X Research Source}

Continue to assert your opinion. This can lead to more meaningful conversations. Show that friend that you have an opinion. Conversations and exchanges will help keep friendships fresh. ^{[12] X Research Source}
Avoid always present. This shows that you are not clingy, and that you can maintain other relationships.

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Spend time with that friend. One of the best ways to learn more about a person is to do activities with them. This can help you see other aspects of their life or personality, and also show that you want the relationship to deepen. ^{[13] X Research Source}

Consider starting by asking them to do something together that you both enjoy. For example, you could suggest going out to dinner at a restaurant you both wanted to try or cooking together.
The time you spend with that person should be commensurate with the level of intimacy between the two of you. For example, you shouldn’t book a vacation with that friend if you’ve only known them for a few months. Instead, you can organize a day out to enjoy things you both enjoy.

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Accept the positive as well as the negative. We humans are not one-dimensional. When getting to know someone, you should understand that everyone has a good side and a bad side. Accepting the other person’s strengths and weaknesses gently can help you understand the seller better and strengthen your relationship. ^{[14] X Research Source}

Keep interactions between the two parties as positive as possible. Start the story with good news or something positive happened to you. This can relax the mind and allow you or the other person to start talking about negative issues, and this will help you understand more about their personality.
Express empathy when your friend seems to be having a bad day. No one is immune to negativity, and observing how that person handles problems can help you get to know them better. If you want, you can discuss their problems and offer to help.

Strengthen relationships

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Express your interest in that person. It doesn’t hurt if you tell a person that you want to get to know and get closer to them as a friend or have romantic feelings for them. When the two of you are talking comfortably, you can say, “I enjoyed talking to you and I hope our friendship will grow closer in the future.” Remember to emphasize pure friendship by mentioning “friendship” to avoid misunderstandings. If you have feelings for that person, let them know. “You know, we’ve spent a lot of time together, and my feelings for you are more than just friendship. I hope you have feelings for me too, but if you don’t, I understand.” These statements express your feelings but do not put pressure on the other person.

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Share information and feelings. Once you have had the opportunity to get to know the other person more deeply, you can start talking about feelings and personal information. This will show the other person that you want to get to know them better and help you create a bond of trust between the two of you.

Avoid sharing information and feelings that are too personal. Based on the level of closeness between the two parties to consider what you confide in them. For example, don’t talk about your sex life or ask them about their “thing”. Things like this should only be talked about with close friends, not with someone you’re trying to find out more about. ^{[15] X Research Sources} Instead, you could share something like “I’m going to have surgery on my knee” or “My husband just got a promotion, but his company wants us to move out.” other places.”

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Invite that person to gatherings. Many times, your friends may have an interesting view of the person you are trying to get to know better. Inviting the person to participate in activities with other friends can help you see how they interact with different people, and even other aspects of their personality. ^{[16] X Research Source}

Remember to take into account how close you are to the person when you invite them to group activities. For example, you should avoid asking a new acquaintance out for evening cocktails. Instead, you might consider inviting them over to dinner with some friends, where everyone gets to talk and get to know each other.

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Spend more time together. As you and that person get closer, you might consider spending more time with that person. Regular meetings or vacation trips will help the two sides get to know each other better. ^{[17] X Research Source}

You can arrange regular “dates” with dinners or cocktails. That way you can confide in each other more or discuss problems that occur in each other’s lives.
Plan group outings for the day or travel. Spending time with that person on relaxing trips can help you get to know them better. Remember, this is also acceptable if you want some pampering time during your vacation.

Steps

Attract attention

Interact with that friend

Strengthen relationships

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