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This article was co-written by Allison Broennimann, PhD. Allison Broennimann is a private practice clinical psychologist in the San Francisco Bay Area who specializes in psychotherapy and neuropsychology services. With over a decade of experience, Dr. Broennimann specializes in providing psychotherapeutic solutions to treat anxiety, depression, emotional problems, grief, behavioral problems, stress Trauma and life transitions. As part of her psychotherapy service, she integrates intensive psychotherapy with cognitive rehabilitation for people recovering from traumatic brain injury. Broennimann holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz, and a master of science and doctorate in clinical psychology from the University of Palo Alto. She is licensed by the California Psychological Board and is a member of the American Psychological Association.
There are 15 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 3,429 times.
It seems hard to forget some sad experiences. They can take up a lot of time, affect daily life, relationships, even hope for the future. Using mindfulness or exposure therapy can help reduce the anxiety that sad memories cause. Ultimately, the best way to get rid of the trouble that sad memories bring to your life is to seek the help of a therapist.
Steps
Consider the place of sad memories in your daily life
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Find out how memories impact your everyday life. Sometimes sad memories overwhelm our thoughts, making it difficult to focus on what is happening in the present. How much time do you spend thinking about sad memories? Do they pop into your head when you’re trying to focus on other things?
- Focusing on or reflecting on sad memories can affect your problem-solving skills. [1] X Research Source For example, you may feel hopeless when faced with a problem at work instead of thinking about what to do first.
- Reflection can also lead to unhealthy behaviors such as alcohol abuse or other forms of self-medication to stop negative thoughts. [2] X Research Source
- Indulging in sad memories leads to negative thinking associated with depression and anxiety. [3] X Research Sources
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Consider how indulging in memories will affect your relationships. If the memory is attached to someone, you will find it difficult to be with that person without thinking about what happened in the past. Sad memories can also affect your other relationships. Eating into the past will make you feel isolated. [4] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
- Thinking about bad memories can also limit your ability to create new relationships with people. For example, if you are flooded with sad memories of breaking up with your lover, you may not want to open up to meet someone new. [5] X Research Sources
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Determine if thinking about the past will affect your ability to think about the future. Everyone thinks about the past to some degree, but wallowing in it too often limits feelings of hope for the future. If you take the time to forget about past experiences, you will have less energy to think about what is and will happen.
- Repeated sad memories, especially traumatic ones, can create feelings of hopelessness and make it difficult to feel optimistic. Since that bad thing happened, you feel certain it will happen again. [6] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source
- This can affect your ability to take care of yourself and plan for your future. [7] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source
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Practice mindfulness to remove anxiety caused by sad memories. Mindfulness is a practice used to focus on the present, and research shows it helps to deal with depression. [8] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to the source With mindfulness, you recognize sad memories as they come, and calmly choose to focus on the present. That way, you interrupt the negative thought process.
- To practice mindfulness, try focusing on the bodily sensations you notice in the present moment. Notice the air temperature or the pressure of your feet on the ground. Focus on the physical sensations until you can stop thinking about the sad memory.
- You can also practice mindfulness by repeating positive affirmations to yourself. Try saying to yourself, “I don’t have to think about it now”.
Try exposure therapy
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Consider exposure therapy (self-exposure). Experiencing traumatic and/or frightening events can cause you to try to forget them. However, letting yourself feel those events can help you move forward. This exercise is called self-exposure therapy, where you control your symptoms or fears about an event that bothers you by thinking about it. Studies show that this therapy can ease the fear and anxiety associated with sad memories, but it is best done under the supervision of a therapist or psychologist. The therapist will help you determine your willingness to participate in therapy and the length of treatment sessions. They also know how to bring you back from the memories after the session is over. [9] X Research Sources[10] X Credible Sources International OCD Foundation Go to Source
- If you want to do self-exposure therapy, be cautious as it can make things worse. If possible, talk to a therapist about the process before trying it on yourself.
- If you try and still find the sad memories do not stop coming, seek help from others.
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Remember in detail about a traumatic past. Set a date and time to try self-exposure therapy. When you’re ready, sit down and think about the event or situation. Try to remember every detail of them from start to finish. Think about the clothes you wear, the sounds you hear, the smells in the air, etc. Continue thinking about the memory for as long as you can.
- Self-administered self-exposure therapy is most effective if divided into several sessions. You can sit and think about the memory for just 5 minutes the first time, seeing if you are still safe from recalling painful thoughts. You can increase the amount of time you think about them each day until you find yourself not reacting as strongly as before. Over time, sad memories will affect you less.
- If it’s hard for you to do this exercise in your head, grab a pen and paper and detail the event from start to finish. Drafting during the first session is sufficient. Next time you have treatment, read out loud what you write down. If you have to stop crying, start over where you left off. If things work out, you will feel stronger, needing less time to rest after reading about the event.
- Don’t suppress the feelings associated with those memories. Shout, stomp or cry out loud if you have to. Let the emotions creep into your sober mind. Immerse yourself in the memory, letting the fear and sadness soak into you. [11] X Research Source
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Try to let go. After you sit down and think about those memories, gather your strength and shout out loud, “This is the feeling that scares me. I’ve felt it and faced it. Now I need to let go and not fight back. it again”. Then sighed. Take a few deep breaths, let the fear and anxiety about what happened for a long time be released to heal the wound. [12] X Research Source
- Another way to let go is to perform a ritual. If your recurring memories involve a deceased loved one, rituals such as lighting candles for that person or releasing balloons can be symbolic ways to release grief. If the painful memory is related to a sad event, you can break the pain down into parts after you have faced it. Each year, choose a day to actively feel all the emotions about that event. Over time, you will experience less grief. [13] X Research Source
- Letting go is a process, you can’t forget sad memories quickly. If they persist, it’s best to seek professional help.
Find help
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See a mental health professional. Repeated sad memories can be a sign of post-traumatic stress disorder. It is a chronic condition that contains invasive thoughts or memories of the traumatic event; avoid things that make you think about the event; unreasonably persistent negative beliefs about the event; and other symptoms such as infant reaction or insomnia. If any of the above symptoms describe how you feel, see a therapist or psychologist with experience in patients with traumatic shock. [14] X Research Source
- Treatments for post-traumatic stress disorder include: Cognitive-behavioral therapy, self-exposure therapy, stress-prevention training, and medication. If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, a mental health professional will discuss possible treatment options with you.
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Join a help group. Reach out to friends or family members to talk about painful memories, maybe they will help you. However, it is more effective and helpful to join a support group related to trauma, grief or anxiety.
- Such groups will help you to expose yourself to others who have been through and to manage stressful situations. You can learn practical coping mechanisms for dealing with anxiety or stress. You can also make lifelong friends with them.
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Live among people with a positive attitude. If you really want to move on and overcome your fear and anxiety about what has happened to you, make a change in your social relationships. Research shows that happiness can be a chain reaction. If the people around you are happy and optimistic, that will affect you. [15] X Research Source
- Life is short! Surround yourself with people whose company makes you happy and happy about yourself and your life.
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Feel the spiritual side of you. How you connect with higher power or the universe is up to you. Even so, mental exercises such as meditation, prayer, and worship can be extremely effective in alleviating symptoms of anxiety and depression associated with traumatic memories. [16] X Research Source[17] X Research Source
- Having faith in the future and working to understand your life purpose can be life-changing during times of depression. Consider spirituality as a helpful resource to help you manage painful memories and thoughts in the future.
Advice
- Lean on good friends and loved ones during life’s painful times. It is a source of joy that helps you forget painful memories, even recover from a stressful state.
Warning
- Exposure therapy (self-exposure) should be performed under the guidance of a therapist.
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This article was co-written by Allison Broennimann, PhD. Allison Broennimann is a private practice clinical psychologist in the San Francisco Bay Area who specializes in psychotherapy and neuropsychology services. With over a decade of experience, Dr. Broennimann specializes in providing psychotherapeutic solutions to treat anxiety, depression, emotional problems, grief, behavioral problems, stress Trauma and life transitions. As part of her psychotherapy service, she integrates intensive psychotherapy with cognitive rehabilitation for people recovering from traumatic brain injury. Broennimann holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz, and a master of science and doctorate in clinical psychology from the University of Palo Alto. She is licensed by the California Psychological Board and is a member of the American Psychological Association.
There are 15 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 3,429 times.
It seems hard to forget some sad experiences. They can take up a lot of time, affect daily life, relationships, even hope for the future. Using mindfulness or exposure therapy can help reduce the anxiety that sad memories cause. Ultimately, the best way to get rid of the trouble that sad memories bring to your life is to seek the help of a therapist.
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