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Title: Navigating the Path of Post-Breakup Healing: A Guide to Handling the Urge for Revenge on Your Ex-Boyfriend
Introduction:
Breaking up with someone you once shared a deep connection with can be an emotionally turbulent experience. It is not unusual to experience a myriad of emotions, ranging from anger and betrayal to frustration and even sadness. During this chaotic time, it’s common for revenge fantasies to creep into our minds – the idea of getting back at your ex-boyfriend, making him feel the same pain he inflicted upon you. While revenge may seem momentarily satisfying, it rarely offers any real solace or closure. Nonetheless, it’s natural to want to regain a sense of control or challenge the imbalance. In this guide, we will explore alternative approaches to revenge, focusing on personal growth and healing, ensuring that you can gracefully move forward and find peace in your life after a breakup.
This article was co-written by Julia Yacoob, PhD. Julia Yacoob is a practicing clinical psychologist in New York City. She specializes in providing cognitive behavioral therapy to adults experiencing stress in their lives. Yacoob holds a master’s and a doctorate in clinical psychology from Rutgers University, has studied intensively at Weill Cornell Medical College, and trained at New York Church Hospital, Memorial Sloan Cancer Center- Kettering, Institute of Behavioral Therapy and Bellevue Hospital Cancer Center. Yacoob is a member of the American Psychological Association, the Women’s Mental Health League, the NYC Cognitive Behavior Therapy Association, and the Cognitive and Behavioral Therapy Association.
There are 8 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 5,201 times.
Breakups always leave pain, especially when the ex has caused you a lot of pain. If you have thoughts of taking revenge on your ex after breaking up, it is understandable. While revenge may sound like a good thing, oftentimes you feel even worse. If you still want to get back at him, you can use a few simple tactics that won’t get you in trouble. However, remember, the best revenge is to show your ex that you don’t need him. Besides, you will probably feel more relieved if you can handle the urge to get revenge, because wanting revenge is still suffering.
Steps
Retaliation for ex-lover
- You can text “Thank you for taking me out last night. I’ll see you next time.” Then text “Sorry, wrong number. Will delete contact immediately.”
- For example, you could use a photo of your ex doing something stupid or having ugly hair.
- Don’t post pictures of your ex wearing no clothes or half naked for any reason.
Warning: Be aware that your actions can turn into bullying if you keep posting pictures of him. If you decide to use this trick, you should only post once.
- Don’t take anything from your ex, because that’s theft.
- Be careful not to damage the item while hiding it. For example, tucking the TV remote in the center of the sofa is fine, but don’t leave it behind the bathroom toilet or it gets wet.
- Hide the item somewhere he eventually finds it. For example, you can put the bottle opener in another drawer in the kitchen, but don’t put it in the air conditioner vent.
- Create a fake social media profile or disposable email address. If you want to send messages, try using an app that allows you to send messages from a fake phone book.
- You can text “I heard you are dating Liem. I think you need to know that when he meets you, he already has a girlfriend. He cheated on his ex and lied over and over again. If it were you, I would be wary of him.”
- For example, right now your ex might be smitten with a new lover for whom he dumped you. However, people will realize that he is a traitor, and that will damage his reputation. In addition, the relationship between the two of them had a bad start, so there would be trust issues between him and the newcomer. Think of those consequences every time you feel resentment for what happened.
Prove to your ex that you don’t need him
- For example, you can go skateboarding with friends, go bowling, play mini gpf, audition for a community theater team, organize a game night, go to a bar, or sing karaoke.
- You can say things like “You are so funny!” or “The shirt you are wearing is beautiful.”
Tip: Post pictures of you and other boys on your social media accounts if you think your ex has seen it. Even if the other guys are just friends, he might still get jealous and realize you don’t need him.
- You can post online, “I am so glad I have the opportunity to display my artwork at the Good Beans Coffeehouse!” or “I’m so lucky to have good friends in my life, a puppy by my side, and a job I love.”
- Don’t bother about changing yourself or revamping your beauty. You are already great!
- For example, you could try going to a new restaurant, learn to paint, learn to play the guitar, or join a sports team for fun.
- If you still need to vent, confide in a close friend. But remember, don’t tell anyone.
Coping with the urge to get revenge
- You can tell yourself. “I was angry because he broke up with me when it was almost Valentine’s Day. But before, I thought he really cared about me. I want him to suffer as much as I do.”
Advice: You may feel a little guilty for wanting revenge, but there’s nothing to worry about. Fantasizing about revenge is completely normal.
- For example, let’s say your ex betrayed you. You can picture yourself coming to spray the words “traitor” on his car. Then, picture in your mind a scene of your ex driving around and embarrassed by being laughed at. Next, think about the consequences of that action if you do it. For example, his mother gets angry when she finds out and you could be arrested for vandalism.
- For example, you could go to a yoga class, buy an adult coloring book, go outside for a walk, ask your best friend to browse the store, or play with your dog.
- Sentences with the subject “I” will give the impression that you are focusing on yourself without blaming the other person. For example, say “I feel you don’t respect me”, don’t say “I don’t respect you at all”.
- You can say, “I feel you betrayed my trust. I feel very sad.”
Alternative: If you don’t want to talk, send him a text or email expressing how you feel.
- You might say to yourself, “He’s so pitiful that he’s not mature enough to break up with someone before someone new.” or “He must be lonely to need two girlfriends like that. I feel sorry for him.”
Advice
- Remember the adage “The sweetest revenge is to live a happy life.”
Warning
- Physically venting or reacting to your ex with illegal actions may give you a moment’s gloom, but can end up getting you in trouble.
- Don’t share your ex’s nudity or sexiness for revenge. This action is not only rude but also offensive and wrong, even illegal.
- Revenge can make you feel even more hurt. Maybe it’s best to focus on doing things that make you happy instead of making him miserable.
This article was co-written by Julia Yacoob, PhD. Julia Yacoob is a practicing clinical psychologist in New York City. She specializes in providing cognitive behavioral therapy to adults experiencing stress in their lives. Yacoob holds a master’s and a doctorate in clinical psychology from Rutgers University, has studied intensively at Weill Cornell Medical College, and trained at New York Church Hospital, Memorial Sloan Cancer Center- Kettering, Institute of Behavioral Therapy and Bellevue Hospital Cancer Center. Yacoob is a member of the American Psychological Association, the Women’s Mental Health League, the NYC Cognitive Behavior Therapy Association, and the Cognitive and Behavioral Therapy Association.
There are 8 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 5,201 times.
Breakups always leave pain, especially when the ex has caused you a lot of pain. If you have thoughts of taking revenge on your ex after breaking up, it is understandable. While revenge may sound like a good thing, oftentimes you feel even worse. If you still want to get back at him, you can use a few simple tactics that won’t get you in trouble. However, remember, the best revenge is to show your ex that you don’t need him. Besides, you will probably feel more relieved if you can handle the urge to get revenge, because wanting revenge is still suffering.
In conclusion, seeking revenge on an ex-boyfriend may appear tempting in the heat of the moment, fuelled by feelings of hurt, betrayal, and anger. However, it is crucial to remember that revenge rarely leads to true satisfaction or closure. Instead, it often prolongs the pain and inhibits personal growth. It is more prudent to focus on healing and moving forward from the breakup, investing in self-care, and surrounding oneself with supportive friends and family. Adopting a positive mindset, forgiving the past, and channeling energy into personal development will ultimately prove more fruitful than seeking revenge.
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