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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 16 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 21,390 times.
You know that dating a roommate/co-worker/classmate probably isn’t a good idea, but six months ago you wouldn’t have wanted to listen to logic. Romance can get you excited; But if you have to see your partner every day after the breakup, you need a strategy to manage this dilemma. A successful strategy will focus on getting out of the situation, developing an active lifestyle, and moving on with your life.
Steps
Escape from the Present Situation
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Acknowledge the loss. Relationships are so important and they allow us to experience emotional ups and downs, understand ourselves better, and learn to love and receive love. [1] X Sources of Research These are vital elements for a fulfilling life. Whether you’re the one who initiated the breakup or not, you’ve had to go through a period of sadness.
- Tell the person, “I just want to admit that ending this relationship is uncomfortable. I know it will be difficult and embarrassing when we have to see each other for a while. I will do my best to respect your boundaries and I would be grateful if you did too.” That can lead to discussions later when you can reinforce your expectations.
- It is important that you acknowledge that relationships are important to your personal growth, no matter how short or deep.
- If you deny your feelings after the breakup and pretend it doesn’t matter, you won’t learn any lessons from the experience. [2] X Research Source
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Mourning the loss. Most of us have learned to receive, but few have learned to let go. Whether this loss is a relationship, a loved one, a job, a physical ability, or a trust in someone, this trauma must be understood and cared for. Sadness is a complex emotion that can be expressed in many different ways.
- There are several stages of grief that can serve as a guide to understanding your unique experience with grief: denial, apathy, and shock; negotiate; depression; angry; accept. [3] X Research Sources
- Start a grief journal and record the emotions you experience in each stage.
- Sadness is a unique journey. Everyone experiences it in a unique way. [4] X Research Sources
- You may spend more time at one stage than in another.
- Don’t push yourself and don’t allow anyone else to push you through your sadness. This is the time for you to feel the pain and it is necessary for the healing process.
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Raise yourself up. Breaking up is like an emotional step back. It requires absolute focus and effort on your part to take yourself all the way. Find a way to give yourself a starting distance to meet the challenges ahead. Feeling broken to some extent is a normal reaction, and every time you pick yourself up, you’ll strengthen your confidence. [5] X Research Sources
- Tell yourself, “I can do it. I can work near him because I’m strong and I’ll be fine.”
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Anticipate possible situations. Visualize many possible scenarios or interactions, or discuss them with a trusted friend. Choose someone you trust that you won’t tell others. You don’t want to add fuel to the fire. Rehearsing a verbal or physical response will reduce your anxiety and allow you to use your practiced skills when needed. [6] X Research Sources
- Ask yourself: “What would I do if I had to run into him in an elevator?”. A reasonable response would be to tell him, “Hi. It’s embarrassing to ride the elevator like this, isn’t it?”
- You can always wait for another elevator. No one is forcing you to do something you don’t want to do.
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Do not rush the process. Your emotions will not be good when pushed or dismissed. Recovery from the loss of a relationship takes time, and you may feel tired or impatient. Turn that energy into an activity that helps you get rid of your thoughts.
- Participating in an activity you enjoy will help you pass the time and balance out the intense emotions you’re going through. [7] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- Temporarily shake off anxiety by watching movies or continuously watching TV series. Stay away from romantic comedies or love stories that can make it harder for you.
- Try board games or join a book club to divert your time and attention.
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Create change with action. The most obvious and straightforward course of action to deal with this is to change jobs, apartments, or school schedules. This is probably the most realistic action. However, there are people who still have to keep their jobs, stay in their assigned place, or follow their current class. Simulate yourself on a “far trip” to create distance for yourself.
- Choose another route when you go to work.
- Do your thing and at the same time avoid the other person’s routine so you don’t run into each other.
- Sit at the other end of the room or out of sight in the classroom.
- Do what you need to do to create distance between you and the other person. This action will help you to be aware of your progress in adjusting to your current situation.
- Don’t wait for him to get away from you. You need to separate yourself from him, so do so as soon as possible.
Positive Lifestyle Development
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Make the most of your situation. Change can be a good thing. [8] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to the source Perhaps this relationship is emotionally draining and brings more stress than it deserves. Realize the freedom that you now possess, it will bring many new opportunities for you.
- Feel the relief of not having to worry about your partner or the tragedies they bring into your life.
- Take time outside of work to develop healthy relationships with friends, and potential lovers.
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Stay positive if you have to interact with each other. Keep things “light and airy,” that is: avoid deep thoughts, arguments, troubles or complaints. Show a calm and positive spirit that cannot be diminished by the negativity or awkwardness of the current situation.
- Focusing on staying positive will protect you from getting dragged into negative arguments. [9] X Research Source
- No one can take your power away if you keep a positive attitude. Reacting to a provocative statement will cause you to lose control in the hands of others. You are in control and responsible for your emotions. That’s an important thing.
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Avoid judgment. [10] X Research Source Accept yourself. If you feel guilty or regretful about having a relationship with someone at work, at school, or with a roommate, you need to forgive yourself. This does not mean that you forgive and “forget” the things you did, and then repeat them. Forgive only with the intention of learning from the mistake and preventing any future self-destruction.
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Pretend until you succeed. [11] X Research Source Actors are paid to pretend. You may not be an actor, but there comes a time when you need to pretend you’re okay when it’s not. That’s how you protect yourself from further harm. Get yourself through awkward situations in any way you can.
- Talking to a trusted friend or family member can help you deal with your upsetting emotions.
- Letting your emotions out is a sensible way to process your emotions and can even make you feel more at ease.
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Use silence to your advantage. There are many people who are uncomfortable with silence. [12] X Research Source They feel they have to say something to relieve stress. Build a comfort level with silence. When you don’t know what to say in a situation, don’t say anything. Choose to be comfortable with silence, and you will feel less awkward in situations that arise.
- Silence is not rude.
- Remember, a lot of people are uncomfortable with silence so they will probably talk or ask you a lot of things. Answer them in the way you think is appropriate.
Go On With Your Life
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Learn from mistakes. If you feel you made a traumatic mistake in starting this relationship, let that pain stop you from making the same mistake again. Each law of life has its own reason. Following those rules will help you move towards happiness and away from suffering. [13] X Research Source Follow this simple yet profound principle for a bright future.
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Rely on yourself when implementing a coping strategy. Depending on yourself will help you deal with the lost relationship. [14] X Research Source You know what makes you happy, so engage in activities that increase positive emotions.
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Seek professional help to identify the behaviors you want to change, if you find it difficult to deal with on your own. In the United States, Psychologists as well as Psychiatrists will usually be located locally, and you can locate them through the American Psychological Association [15] X Research and American Psychiatric Association. [16] X Research Source
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Fight for yourself and the life you want. You are here to live and enjoy life. Fighting for yourself will remind you that you deserve to be happy, and the world will recognize it. Once you have reached a certain threshold in the healing process after a bad experience, others will notice a positive change in you. You have sent out the fire that signals that you are ready for good things.
- People will probably say things like, “Didn’t you do something different? You look great.” You might respond with, “Thank you. That’s right, I’ve decided that I’m going to live happily and that’s working out well.”
Advice
- Human behavior is sometimes difficult to understand. You make mistakes, but you don’t have to repeat them.
- If you see him with someone else, don’t be jealous even if you really feel that way.
- Show your ex that you’re happy and okay without him.
- Don’t rush into a new relationship.
- Don’t try to make him jealous by dating someone you don’t really like. Be careful with other people’s feelings.
- He may try to seduce you back into your old relationship. Make a wise, thoughtful decision by weighing all the options.
- Find something to do. A new hobby or activity will make you stop thinking about him.
- Have your supportive friends only refer to him as a friend instead of an ex.
- Live strong and confident to help you attract healthy relationships.
- Sympathy for your ex’s relationship.
Warning
- If you’ve tried being friendly with a person and he still avoids you, let him do it. You don’t have to be friends with everyone. You will not allow your friends to treat you like that.
- Don’t be too nice and don’t flirt for fun because he might think this is a sign that you want the two of you back together. Do not lead others with bad intentions.
- Remember that alcohol lowers your self-control and increases your chances of making bad decisions that you will regret.
- You will probably fail and make mistakes. People will gradually no longer tolerate your behavior.
- If you constantly instigate dating in the company, you will gradually create a bad reputation, get yourself fired or convicted of sexual harassment.
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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 16 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 21,390 times.
You know that dating a roommate/co-worker/classmate probably isn’t a good idea, but six months ago you wouldn’t have wanted to listen to logic. Romance can get you excited; But if you have to see your partner every day after the breakup, you need a strategy to manage this dilemma. A successful strategy will focus on getting out of the situation, developing an active lifestyle, and moving on with your life.
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