How to Get Over the Death of Someone You Love

Death, whether predictable or sudden, is always unfair. It is not fair to the deceased and all the living. If you are recovering from the death of someone you love, it will probably be the most difficult experience of your life. While you will always remember the person you love, there are a few ways you can move on so you can both remember that person and live your life to the fullest.

Table of Contents

Overcoming Grief

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Tell yourself that grieving is normal. This is an extremely painful process. However, overcoming this pain is essential to healing and moving on after a great loss. ^{[1] X Research Resources} Try to resist the urge to give up, freeze, or pretend your loved one is still alive. Don’t deny that something bad happened to you and that you are suffering. Grief is a good thing: It’s not a sign of weakness. ^{[2] X Research Source}

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Understand that you will probably go through five stages of grief. Everyone will grieve in different ways, but there are usually a few steps in common. Although not all psychologists agree with the stage of grief hypothesis, recent studies have shown that it does portray the experience of most people who are grieving. ^{[3] X Research Resources} If you learn about these stages of grief, you will be prepared for strong emotions when they arise. Knowing these stages in advance won’t make your pain go away, but it can help you be more prepared to face the pain.

Note that you probably won’t go through these stages in the usual order. You can go through a certain phase many times or for a long time, go through several steps at once, or go through the stages in a completely different sequence. There are also times when people who lose someone they love can get over it very quickly without going through any stages. ^{[4] X Research Sources} Remember that everyone has a different way of grieving. But identifying the stages of grief can still help you make sense of your own experience. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

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Be prepared for denial and skepticism. Immediately after a loved one passes away, you may feel dumbfounded. You probably won’t believe that the person you love is really no longer in this world. ^{[6] X Research Sources} These emotions are more common for people who are grieving the loss of someone suddenly. ^{[7] X Research Sources} Because of this, you may not be able to cry or express much emotion. This isn’t a signal that you don’t care: in fact, it’s a signal that you really care about it. Denial can help you get through the first few days of a grieving process by allowing you to plan a funeral, communicate with a loved one, or deal with a financial problem. ^{[8] X Research Sources} Often, memorials and funerals can help you become more aware of someone’s death. ^{[9] X Research Source}

If you’ve been mentally prepared for the death of someone you love for a long time, you’ll probably no longer deny or doubt it. For example, if someone you love has a terminal illness, you may experience a phase of denial before that person dies. ^{[10] X Research Source}

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Understand that you may feel angry. After the painful reality begins, you will feel anger. You can direct your anger toward anyone: yourself, family, friends, people who have never experienced loss, doctors, funeral home administrators, or even the deceased. . ^{[11] X Research Source} Don’t feel guilty about it. This is completely normal and healthy.

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Understand that you may feel guilty. If you’ve recently lost someone you love, you’ll probably fantasize about everything you can do to prevent it from happening. ^{[12] X Research Source} You will probably regret it and try to come up with a deal to bring your loved one back to life. If you’re thinking, “If only I could have done something different,” or “I swear I’d be a better person if the person I love comes back to life,” then you’re probably going through a period of grief. This. Remember that the death of someone you love is not your punishment: you didn’t do anything to deserve this pain. Death can happen to anyone, at any time, and without any common sense.

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Be prepared that you will feel sad and hopeless. This stage is likely to be the longest in the grieving process. It can be accompanied by a number of symptoms such as loss of appetite, insomnia, and incessant crying. You may feel the need to isolate yourself whenever you cry or struggle with sadness. ^{[13] X Research Source} Sadness and despair are normal, but if you find yourself engaging in self-harming or dysfunctional behaviors, you’ll need to talk to your doctor. or psychologist. ^{[14] X Research Source}

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Learn to accept the death of someone you love. This is often the final stage in the grieving process and it means you have learned to live without the person you love by your side. Although you will always feel empty, you will still be able to establish a “new normal” life without the presence of the person you love. At times, people will feel guilty about being able to re-establish a normal life after the death of someone they love and assume that in some way moving on means betrayal. ^{[15] X Research Sources} , however, remember that the person you love doesn’t want you to live in despair. It’s important that you live your own life and that’s how you show respect for the memories and gifts your loved one gave you before they passed away.

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Don’t force a time frame for yourself. Many grieving processes will last more than a year. However, grief can still appear at some point many years after the death of someone you love: on holidays, anniversaries, or even on particularly sad days. ^{[16] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to the Source} Always remember that you can’t get through the grieving process on a set schedule. Each person experiences grief differently, and you will probably carry that sadness with you for the rest of your life.

While it’s perfectly normal to feel heartbroken and sad years after someone you love has passed away, these feelings shouldn’t stop you from living your life. If you can’t do anything because of your grief – after many years – you may want to consider seeing a counselor or therapist. This sadness will always be a part of your life but it should not overwhelm your life. ^{[17] X Research Source}

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Reach out to people who share your grief for help. Many stages of grief leave you wanting to be isolated or alone. Although this is a lonely process, you will still be able to find solace in being around people who miss your loved one just as much as you do. Share with them painful feelings as well as good memories of the deceased. ^{[18] X Research Source} They can understand your pain in a way no one else can. Sharing sadness together will help everyone get on with the next step.

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Ask for the help of people who don’t grieve over it. People who share your grief will be able to help you share your pain. But people who don’t grieve for it will be able to help you get back to normal life. Don’t hesitate to reach out to them if you need help with taking care of your children, your home or making you forget your troubles. ^{[19] X Research Source}

Feel free to talk about what you need specifically. If your fridge is empty, ask a friend to bring some over. If you can’t get your kids to school, ask a neighbor. You will be amazed at how many people are always ready to help you.
Don’t be ashamed of your own sadness. You may find yourself bursting into tears, telling the same stories over and over, or throwing tantrums in front of others. Don’t feel embarrassed about it: they are completely normal and those who love you will understand. ^{[20] X Research Source}

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Seek help from professionals. Although most people are able to get through the grieving process on their own with the help of friends and family, about 15-20% of them still turn to other help. ^{[21] X Research Sources} If you feel lonely, if you live far from family and friends, or you find it too difficult to do anything, you may need the help of others. expertise. ^{[22] X Resources} Ask your doctor to recommend a counselor, support group or therapist who can help you through the grieving process.

If you are religious or believe in spirituality, consider contacting a religious organization for guidance. Many experienced spiritual leaders advise those who have lost loved ones, and you can take comfort from them.

Adjusting to Life without the One You Love by your side

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Take care of yourself. In the days and weeks immediately following the death of someone you love, your health care will likely be disrupted. You will have problems with eating, sleeping, and exercising. After a while, you will need to re-establish healthy habits to get your life back on track.

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Eat three meals a day. Even if you don’t feel hungry, try to eat enough meals on a regular schedule. ^{[23] X Research Source} Eating nutritious food regularly can help improve your mood and restore normalcy after a traumatic event.

Resist the urge to self-soothe with alcohol and drugs. While they can make you feel good, in the long run, they’ll make it harder for you to recover. Healthy habits will be much more effective in helping you move on with your life. ^{[24] X Research Source}

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Exercise regularly. Exercise can help you temporarily forget about sadness. By focusing on your body, your mind will need to rest longer – even if it’s just for a few minutes. ^{[25] X Research Source} Exercise can also improve your mood, especially if you exercise outside on sunny days. ^{[26] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source}

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Sleep 7 to 8 hours a night. While it may be difficult to fall asleep during a grieving period, there are a few ways you can help you get a good night’s sleep and re-establish a healthy sleep pattern. ^{[27] X Research Source}

Try to sleep in a cool, dark place.
Avoid looking at bright screens before bedtime.
Establish a bedtime routine like reading a book or listening to soft music.
Avoid coffee and alcohol in the evening.
If your crush sleeps in the same bed as you, consider sleeping on their side for a while. You’ll feel connected to them and won’t be startled when you realize the side of the bed where they lie is empty. ^{[28] X Research Sources}

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Establish new habits. If your old habits make it harder for you to get on with your life, find a few new habits for a while. This does not mean that you are abandoning the person you love. Instead, it means you are planning your future. ^{[29] X Research Sources}

If you feel you can’t move on because everything in your home reminds you of the deceased, consider rearranging your furniture.
If you ever watch a TV show with someone you love, try to find a friend to watch it with you.
If a particular street corner always reminds you of someone you love, find another way.
Always remember that you can return to your old activities once your sadness has subsided. You are not forgetting the person you love. Instead, you’re just allowing yourself to move on. This will make the memories of your loved one bring you joy instead of nagging sadness.

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Get back to your favorite activities. After the initial pain and loss, try to bring normal routines and activities back into your life. These will take your pain away and allow you to enter a “normal” life in a new way. These activities are especially important if they can bring you new friends and companions.

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Back to work. After a while, you’ll probably want to get back to your work. Maybe you want to go back to work because you love it or maybe for financial reasons. Although things will be difficult at first, going back to work also allows you to think about the future instead of the past.

Ask your boss if you can have a light schedule at first. It’s likely that you won’t have to take on the entire workload at once. Perhaps you will be able to work half a day or reduce your workload for a while. Talk to the company so they can facilitate. ^{[30] X Research Source}
Talk to coworkers about your needs. If you don’t want to talk about your crush at work, you can ask your co-workers to avoid the topic. If you want to talk about your loved one, a grief counselor can guide your colleague in the right way to discuss such a sensitive issue. ^{[31] X Research Source}

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Don’t make immediate, life-changing life-changing decisions. You may want to sell your home or move to another city after the loss. However, these are not things that can be decided on a whim, especially if you are in an emotional turmoil. Before making an important long-term decision, take the time to carefully consider the consequences of those decisions. Also, think about discussing them with your therapist.

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Try new experiences. If there’s a place you’ve always wanted to go or a hobby you’ve wanted to try for a long time, now is a great time to start something new. These experiences won’t erase your pain, but they do allow you to meet new friends and find new paths to happiness. ^{[32] X Resources} You might also consider doing some activities with people who are in similar situations, so you can get through it together.

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Forgive yourself. After a loss, you may find yourself gradually distracted, making many mistakes at work, or dropping things around the house. Forgive yourself for those mistakes. They are completely normal and understandable. You won’t be able to pretend like nothing happened and it can take a long time to feel normal again after the loss. Give yourself time to recover. ^{[33] X Research Sources}

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Understand that sadness will not go away completely. Even after you’ve re-established your life after the loss, your sadness can still return at times when you didn’t expect it. ^{[34] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to the source} See sadness as a wave, sometimes it goes away, sometimes it comes back. ^{[35] X Research Source} To let yourself feel those feelings as they arise, reach out to your friends when you need them.

Commemorating the Memories of the Lost

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Attend joint memorial services. It is not only to commemorate the deceased but also to allow those who are still alive to accept that loss. Many memorials take place during funerals or memorials. For example, wearing clothes of a certain color or reciting a prayer can allow everyone to express sadness together. No matter what your culture or the person you love, a memorial service can help start the healing process.

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Establish your own memorial routine. Research has shown that maintaining memorial habits can help the bereaved family move on with their lives, especially when these habits are implemented after the funeral. ^{[36] X Sources of Research} These actions are often different for each person, but they can be a very important way to both commemorate the memories of the deceased and comfort the living. ^{[37] X Research Sources} You may want to consider some specific rituals such as:

Touch an object of your loved one every time you are sad.
Sit on your loved one’s favorite bench in the park once a week.
Listen to your loved one’s favorite album while you cook.
Say goodnight to the one you love every night before going to bed.

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Preserve the memory of your loved one. As you move on with your life, you’ll probably think of the person you love and feel happy instead of sad or miserable. Keep in mind the feeling of happiness and joy, and think about all the gifts that person has given you. To help make your memories happy instead of sad, consider figuring out how to preserve the life memories of someone you love. You can then review them and share them with others.

Advice

Getting over the death of someone you love doesn’t mean you abandon them. Rather, it means you keep their life instead of death.
Even if you feel as if you have accepted their death, grief can return at any time, at times when you cannot predict. This is a completely normal thing.
Reach out to friends, loved ones, your church or faith community, and your therapist during a particularly difficult time.

Warning

If you constantly have thoughts of hurting yourself or others, contact emergency services or a doctor immediately. During grief, it is perfectly normal to feel sad, but thoughts of suicide or violence require immediate treatment.

Steps

Overcoming Grief

Adjusting to Life without the One You Love by your side

Commemorating the Memories of the Lost

Advice

Warning

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